by C. Y. Croc
Mimette takes a seat opposite me. “Is it?” Something in the way she’s looking at me makes me shiver. “I think it’s time to talk about that promise.”
I inhale deeply. Part of me knows this is going to be tough to hear. That part of me wants to run away with my hands covering my ears. The other part of me knows that Mimette is about to reveal something significant that I need to hear, and yet that part of me also wants to run away too.
“You know that you are not a pure Kimanka, don’t you?”
This is something that I do know, but something that I’ve never dwelled on. I’ve thought about it only a few times in the last fifteen or so yanas, and those times I’ve surmised that a great, great grandviad had mated with a Calyyhort, a species very similar to the Kimanka on the next planet to ours in the Perinqual Galaxy.
“Yes. I know there’s other blood somewhere in the line.”
Mimette shakes her head. “No, not somewhere, a place in the line very close to you.” She draws in a breath. “You too have blocked out memories, Saaxxatee. Memories you had fifteen yanas ago, and most of the niphood memories preceding that.”
I furrow my brow and shake my head slowly, dismissing what she is telling me. “No... No, I haven’t.”
“Tell me what your mother looked like!” Screwing my eyes tightly shut I will an image to conjure up. “You can’t see her can you Saaxxatee?”
“Yes, I can. Just give me a moment.”
“It’s no use, my dear. You blanked her and your father out the day it happened.”
My heart starts to race. “I know what you’re going to say and I don’t want to talk about it. I know something bad happened at the sooq when I was young.”
“But the bad thing that you won’t acknowledge is what’s stopping you from remembering your parents my dear.”
Mimette looks at Kerty exasperated.
He plants himself down heavily in a seat, giving Mimette a stern look. She shakes her head with her eyes wide, warning him not to talk.
His voice is slow and even. “The clan that just came here murdered your parents fifteen yanas ago at the sooq!” My heartbeat instantly becomes erratically. “They killed her because she was a different species. They wanted to kill you too but your father pleaded for them to take his life and spare yours. Niddoo who was a lead councillor at the time made the other councillors of our clan take oath that you would be allowed to continue to live within the community unharmed.”
I feel wetness on my cheeks.
Mimette reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “Your mother was a Human, Saaxxatee, she made you promise that you would live life to the full, never regret your heritage, to be proud of being a halfbreed.” Liquid is dripping onto the top of Bupple’s head from my face. “Of course you were too young to look after yourself properly, but you refused to leave your family dwelling. Kerty and I helped around the property for yanas without you even knowing, making sure there was enough sustenance. I came by whenever I could to buy things from you to make sure you had credos. Suggested you start raising livestock and grow food foliage for seasoning.” Flashes of memories confirming what Mimette is telling me come and go in my mind’s eye. “I pried you for information about the attack and about your parents over the yanas as we talked, but it was as if that young nipseak from the sooq never existed. You’d shut down that part of your mind to protect yourself.”
A huge gut-wrenching sob escapes my mouth. And then another. My body crumples over and my body heaves.
Mimette jumps out of her seat and envelopes me with her arms. Kerty wraps us both in his.
I fight through my sobs to speak. “I-I remember... I remember my parent’s faces!”
Tex
IT WAS WHEN THEY STRUCK Saaxx. That was when an explosion happened inside my head. I don’t know how or why it happened but I changed into a form that I knew used to be mine before I went to Earth.
At that moment I saw it all. From the beginning, when I first found out the terrible decision my father had to make, to enacting it out in the neighbouring clan’s township.
My father was the leader of the clan. It had taken him yanas to reach that position, but he was the male in the top position of our council, the one who had the ultimate decision on everything—including wanting to get rid of a Human female in the neighbouring clan who’d only just been brought to our attention, eleven yanas after having a halfbreed nip.
It churned up my father inside. He didn’t want to harm the female or her family, but Ulsis the second in command had pushed and pushed until the whole of the council stood against my father. Wanting to keep the peace of his clan, he’d relented.
The next moment I knew I was on my first raid because I was of age. Fifteen yanas old. I was a mere nipseak.
I remember the terror I felt. The look of shame in my father’s eyes. But worst of all, I remember the slaying of an innocent Kimanka male and Human female, right in front of their daughter—and me.
There was so much blood!
I wandered in shock for doons, until I came to a different township. I wanted to get away, run away from the images that were imprinted in my mind.
Taraquets were at the township resupplying for a journey to a place called Earth. I paid them for passage on their ship to their next destination to a planet called Earth by giving them my precious family emblem. I don’t know how long it took to get there but I was made to sleep in the cages with the livestock.
I think I slept most of the way, but when they finally threw me out of their ship, I was dehydrated and starving.
I hid away behind a strange dwelling for wids. Surviving on what sustenance I could find out of a large container next to the dwelling, watching the strange species that inhabited the planet walk past. That was until males in uniforms spotted me and handed me a square white crinkly material with weird symbols on it. I asked what it was and they told me if I was hungry and needed work, I needed to enrol in the army.
Thinking about it now, I must have changed forms to that of a Human sometime while I was in hiding, shedding the Kimanka form to adorn the Human one.
Planet Prushad, the horrendous murder incident, my parents...all I’d known disappeared from my mind.
The yanas passed quickly on Earth and I made a new family, my comrades in the army. Fully matured into a male I went to war and saw new horrors. Memories of those new horrors once again became intolerable. My mind was on the brink of collapse. I had to leave the army and find solace eleswhere. With my terrible debilitating mental condition, long-distance driving became the only thing I could do.
That’s when I went full circle and found myself in the hands of the Taraquets again.
I look across at my father. He hasn’t taken his eyes off me this whole time. I remember everything about him now. I know every ridge of his bone crescent, the way he sucks on his fangs when he’s deep in thought, how much he adores my mother.
My mother’s face finally comes into my mind. Now I see her. Wide almond silvery eyes, the kindest smile. My heart feels like it might pop open inside my chest because it's swelling so much with love.
Thinking of love, Saaxxatee comes into my mind’s eye. The look of disbelief and betrayal on her face cut me deep. Didn’t she realise I didn’t know I’d shifted into a Human form?
What the fuck was I anyway? Wasn’t I a Kimanka? Or was this a guise too? My father had never mentioned us being shapeshifters when I was young.
Was I to be killed like that poor innocent couple all those yanas ago? Would they kill my parents too?
Rage heats the blood in my veins and I look across to my father. He sees my internal battle and subtly shakes his head warning me to keep my head and my calm.
I suck in air and close my eyes. One thing I know, I will not let them lay a hand on my parents. They could do whatever they wanted to me, but I’d kill every one of them if they tried to harm them.
As we crest the top of a hill, I look down at the township that was once my home for the first
fifteen yanas of my life. It hasn’t changed at all, it just looks smaller.
We ride into the courtyard with the huge communal building in the centre of it and stop. A male pulls me down from the ewit and I see them roughly handling my father too. I growl a warning at them and I see a trace of fear behind their eyes. We’re pulled into the main council chamber and pushed down into seats by the enormous table that takes up nearly the whole of the chamber’s floor space.
The male who had done all of the talking at Kerty and Mimette’s residence sits opposite us in the leader’s chair, then moments later other males start ushering in and taking residence in the other chairs around the table.
I recognise many of the faces, only time hadn’t been as kind to them as it had my father. Their eyes flick from my father to me and then to Ulsis sitting in my father’s seat.
When they are all seated, Ulsis stands and begins to walk the perimeter of the table. “As you can see we are back. But the Human we hoped to bring back with us turned out to be a shapeshifter instead. And not only a shapeshifter, but the missing son of our leader Gataro!”
Gasps echo out around the room.
“Now, we have ourselves a dilemma. If the son of our leader is a shapeshifter what’s to say that he and his wife are not shifters as well?”
More gasps, but louder this time.
The main door slams open and everyone’s heads turn to see who’d dared to interrupt a council meeting. Quick footsteps ring out on the hard floor and a female appears—my mother. She runs over and flings her arms around me.
“Texxari! Oh, Texxari! Where have you been all these yanas? We were so worried!”
Ulsis slams his hand down on the table. “Silence! Bind the female and sit her next to the other prisoners!”
My mother’s mouth drops open in shock. “Wha-What's happening?”
I shoot to my feet. “My parents have nothing to do with this. I did not even know I was a shifter until a hinc ago. How would they have even known?”
My mother looks from me to my father and shakes her head in disbelief. My father closes his eyes.
Ulsis face contorts into an ugly scowl. “How could they not have known? And how could they not be shifters themselves when you were born from them? In fact, only one of them might be a shifter. You could be a halfbreed.” He spits on the floor in disgust.
My father jumps to his feet. “He is not a halfbreed he is a pure species!”
Ulsis points his finger accusingly at my father. “So you admit it! You know he is a shifter because you two are also shifters. You’ve duped us all Gataro for all these yanas ruling over a Kimanka clan when you weren’t even a Kimanka yourself!”
“I am a Kimanka! A pure Kimanka, and my wife is too!”
Ulsis spits his words out with malevolence, spittle spraying over the heads unfortunate to be near him. “What! You are denouncing your own flesh and blood to save your own skin?”
“No, I don’t denounce him. Ivona and I love Texxari as if he were born of our own flesh, and I truly wished he were, but we acquired him when he was a newborn nip from Taraquets selling him at a sooq. He didn’t know he was a shapeshifter until we all saw him change.” He turns to me, eyes full of regret. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner Texxari, but we wanted to protect you from these bigoted fools.” He turns back to the males around the table. “For that reason, I offer my life to spare my wife and my innocent son.”
The males around the table begin to nod in agreement. Ulsis eyeballs them wildly. He slams both hands down onto the table. “No! All lives will be taken!” The males around the table begin to murmur. “Gataro has forfeited his leadership by lying to us all this time, as second in command that makes me the leader. I have the final say and I say that all will die today!”
I look to the male and female I thought were my parents all my life and my feelings for them are still as strong.
The door swings open with force again and a howl of wind laps at it, slamming it over and over against the wall.
A councillor stands up and points to the door. The wind season is coming early, we don’t have long to get to our own dwellings before we are trapped in here for cycs without sustenance.
The whole of the room makes a move to get up.
Ulsis holds his hands above his head in a V. “Stop! First, we will deal with the traitors and the shifter!”
The door slams and vibrates and the wind groans and rattles it on its hinges.
Ulsis pulls a dagger from his belt and strides around the table to my mother. He comes up behind her and grabs her by the chin, yanking back her head.
I see stars dart in front of my eyes and then I’m able to use my mind to whip the dagger from Ulsis hands and send it soaring through the air to impale in the ceiling, ten meters above us.
Gasps ring out in unison.
Still using my mind I’m able to untie my bindings on my wrist. My bindings fall to the floor at my feet. I look at Ulsis and hover him in the air above my mother’s head.
The males in the room jump to their feet in fear.
“I think an apology is due.”
Ulsis shows no fear. “Never!” My mind power begins to pull his head away from his neck and he screams out in pain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
I fling him over to the opposite wall over the heads of the councillor males and knock him out unconscious, before releasing him with a blink of my eyes. His body falls into a crumpled mess onto the floor.
Wide frightened eyes from all around the room watch me intently.
I climb up onto the table and walk around it looking down at each and every face. “Now hear this! Gataro my father, tells the truth. Until a hour or so ago I had no idea I was a shifter. He has lead this clan fairly and without discrimination since he was forced to agree to that barbaric double murder in the neighbouring clan fifteen yanas ago. He will remain the leader and will continue to lead and support this clan, advising only on what is best for you all. There will be no more prejudice. As of today prejudgement of any species is banned.” The winds pummel the building. “I suggest you all get back to your loved ones and we will resume the council meeting to decide on Ulsis’s fate when the sinno wind season has passed!”
The males jump to their feet and scurry to the door in haste. I watch them through new eyes. I am once again no longer the male I thought I was.
When they are gone I look from my father to my mother. “I think we ought to head home. We have a lot to discuss!”
I put one arm around my father’s shoulders and hug him, he puts his around my waist. I put my other arm around my mother’s shoulders and kiss the top of her head. She slides her arm under my father's arm around my waist.
We walk out and back to our dwelling, leaving Ulsis in the communal meeting room unconscious.
8
Saaxxatee
Picking up Bupple I place him on a rug on the dray and then I climb up onto the seat.
Mimette can’t hide the worry that creases her entire face. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay a few nights, talk some more?”
I smile and shake my head. “No Mimette. I need to get back to make sure the livestock is okay. I’ve already stocked up their sustenance for the sinno season, but after that hyvinod attacked the pijjits, I just need to put my mind at ease that they are all okay... Plus, I want some time alone to walk around my home and remember the happy times now that I can see my parent’s faces again.”
Kerty passes me the harness with a small smile. “We understand.”
Taking the harness from Kerty I shake it. “Choo-choo, Piff! Let’s go home!” I look back at them both as Piff pulls away. Kerty goes over to stand next to Mimette, putting his arm around her shoulders. I hold my hand up. They do the same and I turn away before the liquid falls from my eyes again.
I’m an emotional mess. Image after image continuously flood my mind. Now the floodgates have been opened I’m being bombarded with a deluge of niphood memories that seem to be on a relentles
s loop.
But the niphood images are interrupted when the image of my Human Tex transforming into a Kimanka pop into my head. He did look shocked when he transformed, but was it because he’d had to transform to prove that he wasn’t a Human? I try to remember what had been said when it happened, but I was so shocked by what I was seeing the conversation is lost to me. If he was a shapeshifter, even the Kimanka male form would not have been his own. Was he even male? I don’t even know who he is; he lied to me all this time. Was he even abducted from Earth?
My stomach turns over and I feel nauseous. His deceit has sickened me to the core and as much as Kerty and Mimette think he too is suffering from some sort of mental breakdown and memory loss, I don’t know what to believe. I thought we had a special connection but if it was so special, why hadn’t he come clean about his true identity earlier? He’d had plenty of opportunities.
The wind is already starting to pick up as I pull up outside the pijjit’s byre and it wafts my pheromone smell into my nostril. I’d almost forgotten about it, it’s already beginning to smell normal to me. Bupple is sound asleep and I decide to leave him there. I look across the churned-up ground to where the fighting had occurred, and again I’m left with a feeling of uncertainty about Tex. He’d put my wellbeing and safety above his own, risked his life to help me.
Turning my back on the residual energy left by the image I go along the byres checking them all. With my mind at ease about the livestock, I appraise what is left to do with the repairs. Just a few more shingles to fix and all will be ready for the indiscriminate vicious sinno wind season.
I get back in the dray and head for my family dwelling with the one male I could always rely on being there for me—Bupple.
My family dwelling comes into view I see ghost images of the last time my parents and I climbed into the dray to head to the sooq, all of us full of smiles, happy and excited for the doon ahead.