I fell to all fours on the other side and heard the great big bark from all three of Cerberus’ heads. The chorus sounded partial warning and partial greeting. Knowing Cerberus, he could be in any sort of mood to see me.
“Hey, Cerb,” I coughed.
Ignacio helped me up as I heard Kyle running to the “Puppy!”
Cerberus barked again, a wave of semi-rancid breath washing over me. I looked up at him and smiled uncertainly. Rocky and Todd were baring their teeth at me, but Huxley looked a little confused.
“I need to see Drake, Cerberus. Will you let me pass?”
All three heads cocked to the side and he plonked his great big butt on the ground.
“I know. I cocked up. I never should have left. That’s why I need to see him.”
Rocky snapped at me, his jaws closing inches from my face. But I was Lucifer’s daughter-in-law for Hell’s sake, and I wasn’t about to let Cerberus intimidate me from my husband.
I drew myself up to my tallest, which did nothing against the mammoth size of the hellhound. “I will see Drake, Cerberus. I do not need your permission.”
Rocky huffed, but I could see Todd and Huxley were on my side. Todd was even grinning as best as his doggy mouth allowed.
“Step aside, Cerberus,” I said in my most commanding tone. “I will enter Hell.”
I squared off with Rocky for a few more heartbeats, then the great big dog flopped down onto his tummy and made a happy little whining noise.
“Thanks, buddy,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief.
As I passed him, I gave each of his heads a scruffle and then headed further into Hell.
I paused at the tunnel leading from Cerberus’ domain. It was there that Drake first kissed me. It was there I opened myself to feeling more for him. If I wanted to find him now, I was going to have to try to open myself up to him again. Him and the place he, even unwillingly, called home.
The magic – or whatever it was really called – of Hell had been a part of Drake, and his father. I’d been able to feel it, like a hum. Something almost out of reach to a mere human like me. But if I was accepting a life as Drake’s wife, I was going to make it work for me. If I was a, for lack of a better word, princess of Hell now, Hell was going bend to my saved will.
I lay my hand over a patch of the wall, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and concentrated.
After a few more breaths, I was sure it was working. I could see Drake pacing in his father’s throne room. They were arguing about something–
“Ma’am?” Truman asked as Ignacio grunted, “What are you doing?”
“Shh,” I whispered. “I’m trying to find Drake.”
“And you think this will help…how?” Truman asked.
“I’m going to tap into the magic of Hell and…know things,” I answered, still whispering.
“Ma’am–”
“Don’t ruin it,” Kyle said wistfully.
“I wouldn’t,” Truman said. “If there was anything to ruin. Are you sure that will work, ma’am?”
“Yes. I can see him.”
“Of course, you can, ma’am.”
I turned to Truman. “Are you suggesting my brain’s making it up?”
“I wouldn’t dare, ma’am. Why don’t you lead the way then?”
I nodded. “Fine. I will.” I pointed down another tunnel. “We go that way.”
“After you, ma’am.”
I headed off, full of confidence. I knew where Drake was and I was fairly certain I knew how to navigate the illogical pathways of Hell to get to him.
The brown stone of the tunnel faded as we walked out into an open field. It was grey. The people wandering around it seemingly aimlessly were grey. The grass and the sparse trees were grey.
“Well, that’s a whole lot of…grey. Where are we?”
“The Asphodel Fields,” Ignacio answered, sounding almost awed.
I looked down at him and saw him standing slightly behind me. “What’s the matter?”
“The fields are full of the shades of the dead, ma’am,” Truman said reverently. “Those who’ve drunk of the Lethe and forgotten their worldly lives.”
A whispering on the wind teased my ears and I looked around for the source, my brain going pleasantly foggy. I felt my feet moving of their own accord as I trailed through the fields. Through the haze of fogginess in my head, I heard the boys calling me, I felt their claws trying gently to get my attention. But something stronger was calling me.
I felt something cold on my legs before I realised what was happening.
I blinked and looked down, seeing water coming up to my mid-calf.
“Serenity, get out!” Truman yelled at me.
I turned to look at him, but my foot caught on something in the murky water.
“Noooo!” I heard Kyle shout in slow-motion as I started falling.
But, before my head went under the water, a pair of strong arms grabbed me and hauled me up. I took a deep breath and realised I was on a long, narrow boat. I looked up and saw a tall figure in a hood.
“Charon, our lord will not be pleased you left your post.”
“Neither will he be pleased to find his son’s wife a shade.” His voice was little more than the whispering of leaves, rustling along a footpath in an Autumn breeze.
“Okay,” I said and they all turned to look at me. “I’m starting to feel like maybe I haven’t mastered the magic of Hell.”
“Whatever would have given you that idea, ma’am?”
I frowned at Truman and his thinly veiled sass. “Do you know the way to Drake?”
Truman bowed his head. “Charon can take us to the inner sanctum.”
“I ferry the dead, hellspawn,” Charon hissed. “And the stream of dead does not ebb.”
“I’m sure our lord will be eternally grateful for the detour,” Ignacio snapped with a snarl.
Charon’s hood bobbed as though he was looking the devilbums over. “Then we will leave now. Keep her away from the sides until we are clear of the Lethe.”
“I know how the rivers work, ferryman,” Ignacio spat as he jumped from the bank to the boat.
Kyle squealed in delight as he hopped over, needing a claw from Ignacio to stop him falling into the water. Truman traversed the gap as though it was nothing, with far more decorum than his little legs should have been capable of.
“You will want to sit, human,” Charon said to me as he took up his pole again at his post at the back of the boat.
I stumbled to sitting as he started to punt the boat through the water with more strength and speed than any human would ever be able to manage.
Truman and Ignacio took up position on either side of me and Kyle climbed into my lap as we sailed smoothly down the river. The tempting whisperings brushed up against my mind, but the boys distracted me until we’d joined a much larger waterway.
“How long will it take to get there this way?” I asked Charon.
“It will take as long as it takes.”
And it did. Which was not as long as the statement had made it sound. I was still dripping wet by the time we made landfall again, plus my clothes were ripped after a little sojourn through some rocks and some souls who got to spend all of eternity being drowned in the Styx.
So, I was tired and stressed and annoyed by the time I shoved open the double doors to Lucifer’s throne room. I lifted my head, both hands still braced on the doors, and saw Drake and Lucifer paused in conversation.
“Serenity?” Lucifer asked.
Drake
My father was getting on my last nerve. I was about ready to stage a coup and take over the whole place myself. Anything to avoid one more Grandad-saved musical number in the name of cheering me up.
“Now, I think we should stage it as a mourning concert,” Dad was saying.
I ran my hand over my face with a sigh. “Just get over it. She’s gone and she’s staying gone.”
“I
just don’t see–”
We both turned at the sudden opening of the door and the person glaring at us was the last person I expected to see in the bowels of Hell.
“Serenity?” Dad asked as though he couldn’t fathom that it was actually her.
And I was barely convinced myself. I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t just a figment created out of wishful thinking.
She was a mess. Her face was streaked and dirty. Her hair hung wet and limp. Her clothes were ripped and dripping. And, even through the exhaustion, she looked determined.
“Drake. We have to talk,” she said, pulling her weight off the doors as though it was an effort.
“I…” I looked at my dad.
“No. No. By all means.” Dad waved his hand towards Wren and nodded his head, then crossed his arms, his hand under his chin. “This whole thing is basically irrelevant now.”
I threw him a glare and he shrugged.
“What? I just assumed.”
“Why are you wet?” I asked her, so far from even trying to be sexy I surprised even myself.
“I…took a little dip in…a couple of rivers on the way here.” She blew a piece of stray hair out of her eyes.
“You what?” I looked around for Truman and the boys, feeling anger bubbling.
“She’s quite clearly fine, son. Why don’t you two take this to your room?”
“Fine? How is she fine? She was…” I turned to her. “How are you fine?”
Wren sighed and crossed her arms. “I dunno. Maybe I channelled the magic of Hell after all.” She stepped into the room fearlessly. “Can we do this, or what?”
I nodded. “Sure. Yeah.”
Before I could take a step, Dad put his hand on my shoulder and leant his lips to my ear. “I’ll organise a dinner, shall I?”
“Can you just…?” I sighed. I did not have the energy for two arguments. “Whatever makes you happy, old man.”
I strode towards Wren, resisting the urge to pull her to me and kiss her hard. For starters, I didn’t need my father breaking out the confetti and fireworks if I did. And secondly, I wasn’t sure what talk she wanted to have. She’d braved the depths of Hell to get here, so I had to hope it was all good. But I’d learnt young not to make assumptions.
As I looked back out the door, I saw Truman and the boys hovering in the tunnel.
“You call this looking after her?” I asked, sparing them each an enquiring look.
“Master Drake–” Truman started but I shook my head.
“I will deal with you three later,” I told them.
Kyle squeaked in panic and scurried to hide behind Ignacio, who’s face barely shifted out of its usual scowl.
“Do not take it out on them!” Wren snapped as she slid her eyes to my father.
He wasn’t even pretending not to listen.
“You’ve got an excuse,” I told her. “They should know better.”
“Excuse me?”
I paused before replying, wanting to steer this away from an argument if possible. “You’ve got an excuse for your hairbrained plan to get back into Hell. The three of them should have known better.”
“My hairbrained plan got me here, didn’t it?”
My eyes narrowed. “Exactly how did you get here relatively unscathed?”
She drew herself up defensively. “Now you care?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I snapped, caring very little for the demons passing the room who were, like my father, doing a piss-poor job of not listening to our conversation.
“Might I remind you that you’re the one who sent me back to Earth. I didn’t ask to go–”
“You didn’t ask to stay!” I growled, all devil.
She blanched, but stood her ground. Her jaw tightened as she glared at me furiously. There was no fear on her beautiful, dirt-streaked face. If she loved me, she would have made a truly perfect wife.
“You made it abundantly clear you didn’t want me to stay, Drake. And forgive me for being too week and human too stick it out under the assumption I wasn’t wanted!”
“Wait. What?” I asked, frowning in confusion.
“Yes. I know. Stupid weak humans. We’re so insecure in our mortal fragility to just take what we want.” She stamped her foot and it surprised the Heaven out of me. “But damn it, I am Lucifer’s daughter-in-law and I will take what I bloody well want. And you’re just going to have to deal with it!”
For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was speechless. I was full of hope about what she was really saying, but I couldn’t seem to form the words to check. I was powerless in the face of her, this human goddess.
She rolled her eyes and stormed towards me. “For Lucifer’s sake, I’m telling you I love you, you stubborn idiot!” she huffed, then reached up and grabbed my face, pulling me down to kiss her.
It took me a moment to respond. Me. The son of the literal devil took a moment to respond to a gorgeous woman kissing him. I know. Not my finest moment by any stretch – and that was taking into account the centuries of torturing.
But once I had responded, I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her off the ground. When the kiss ended and she pulled back to look at me, I let her get her feet under her and put her down.
As I’d predicted, Dad let go the fireworks and more fucking glitter. He’d also pulled out some pom poms, but I wasn’t going to focus on that. There was a woman in front of me, my wife, and she was waiting for me to speak.
I still didn’t really know what to say. The words didn’t come easily to me. I felt a grating against my skin at the very thought of them. They weren’t in a hellspawn’s vocabulary. Strictly, it was unsure if we were even capable – most still thought it was just extreme lust.
“Seriously?” Wren asked, taking one more step back. “Nothing?”
My throat felt tight. “It’s not that I don’t…” My tongue felt fat in my mouth.
“I trekked through the wilderness to be freaked out by a gatekeeper! I faced off against Cerberus! I fell in the freaking river Lethe! I fought drowning souls! And that’s all I get?”
“It’s not like I don’t…”
“You either tell me you do or you don’t, Drake. Or so help me, you’ll never see me again.”
“I do, Wren. I do.”
She looked me over, finally breaking into a soft smile as she uncrossed her arms. “I’ll take it.”
I opened my arms and she ran into them. I lifted her up, actually feeling like the second round of fireworks and glitter was probably called for.
There was going to be a Heaven-load of shit to sort out if Wren was staying. But we had all the time in the world, and there was only one thing I wanted just then. And I could finally call her mine with absolutely no caveat and no deadline.
Dad was making up some kind of cheer routine in the background. So, I put my wife back down and turned to him. His cheerleading outfit was completed by pigtails. Wren’s hand found mine and I squeezed it tight.
“Now can I plan the dinner? Please?” Dad begged, his pom poms together under his chin almost like he was praying to Grandad.
Wren laughed. “He is just like Mum.”
Dad put a hand on his hip and the other under his chin as he struck a pose. “Does she also have legs for days?”
“Uh, no. But she is very keen on a celebration.”
“Really?” Dad asked, failing at even faking nonchalance. “I like celebrations. What sort of celebration?”
“Actually…she wanted me to promise we’d have a real wedding.”
Dad gasped, his cheerleading outfit being replaced with a prim, black tuxedo. “I love a wedding.”
“We’re already married,” I reminded him.
Dad shook his head. “No. Well, yes. But…a party, Drake! We have to have a proper wedding!”
“I think Mum would settle for just a family dinner,” Wren said, turning to me. “On Earth is probably better?”
I nodded. “I can do that. I’ll do a family dinner if that’ll make her happy.”
“It sounds like a wedding will make her happy,” Dad said grumpily and I knew he shared Mum’s sentiment.
“I…wouldn’t say no to a wedding…” Wren said quietly. “I mean, if you…?”
I’d have thought I’d panic on hearing those words from her mouth. But I didn’t. It was the opposite. Mostly.
I shrugged. “If it would make our parents happy…?”
“It’s not a terrible reason?”
A smile broke out on her face that was mirrored on mine. “I guess we start with family dinner?”
Wren nodded. “Okay. Good start.”
“We’ll all go!” Dad said and we both looked at him. “I’ve always wanted to plan a wedding.”
“You’re…going to Earth?” Wren asked.
“Why not? We’ll all have a great time!”
Good Cousin Jesus, the devil was going to walk the Earth.
“Announcement. Residents of Hell. This is your captain speaking. I will be absent for a few hundred years.” Dad’s voice boomed over the entirety of Hell. “We’re going to have a wedding!” the devil cried gleefully.
Even Esther looked slightly less dour than usual, and I hadn’t even realised she was in the room.
A slow, thundering clang boomed through my whole body, vibrating up through the soles of my boots and in every molecule around me.
The bells of Hell had rung only once in the time I’d been there. They’d signalled my arrival. Ringing in a new prince and a new epoch.
But there they went again, crashing through the whole of my father’s domain.
This time, they were signalling far more than a new epoch.
Hell had a new princess. A human no less. She was here entirely of her own free will.
And she was all mine.
…continue the story in Book 2.
Damned if I do
You can check out the playlist for this book on Spotify. Just click or scan the QR code.
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Damned if I do (the Damned Trilogy Book 1) Page 15