And then it hit her, what Bennett had said: I’d imagine it’s an awesome bonus. Meaning…what?
“Wait,” Ella said, clearly on the same wavelength as Kelsi. She whirled around to Bennett. “Are you saying you’re…a virgin?”
Kelsi tensed up at the word, but Bennett, looking chill, only shrugged. “Uh-huh. Not that I haven’t wanted to—duh—but I guess I’m an idealist. I want it to be…right. And so far there just hasn’t been, well, the right opportunity. Or the right girl.” He was looking down as he spoke, but Kelsi could feel a deep connection to him. Her heart was pounding.
“I know what you mean.” The words were out before she could stop them. “I’m—I’m one, too. I mean, I haven’t ever, you know, done it with a boy. And even though I have a boyfriend, I…”
“Just don’t feel ready,” Bennett offered, his eyes understanding. “That’s totally cool.”
Kelsi nodded, feeling her throat close with emotion. So there were guys out there who understood. Guys who were in the same place as her, and who wouldn’t feel the need to prove otherwise in front of their buddies. She wanted to leap up and fling her arms around Bennett, but held back.
“Anyway, I should go,” Bennett said, getting to his feet. “Tell Taryn to call me, ’kay? Our mom’s harassing me about Thanksgiving plans.” Then, with a lingering smile, he was gone.
“So,” Ella said, turning to Kelsi the minute the door closed. “Call me crazy, but if that guy plans to lose his virginity any time soon, I think I know who his prime candidate would be.”
“Shut up,” Kelsi said, jumping up and heading for her closet. But inexplicably, Ella’s words made her heart jump and she felt herself smiling.
Ella, meanwhile, stared out into the courtyard through the small window. “He kind of reminded me of Jeremy,” she added, looking melancholy. But then she gave her head a little shake, as if brushing the thought away. “Let’s go party.”
15
It was the final swim meet of the year, and Beth was ready.
The fact was, she loved to compete. The thrill of pitting your mind and body against the clock and your competitors—she loved it. She loved the rush of adrenaline when the starting gun went off and the clench of her toes against the racing block right before she dove in.
It was exhilarating.
It was also a great way to avoid thinking about the troubles in her own life. After the Halloween fiasco, things between her and George had been stilted and awkward. But Beth had been so busy practicing for the big meet, she’d managed to somehow avoid George—and avoid talking about what had happened. But it nagged away at her—in the shower, doing homework, IMing with Jamie—all the time.
But sitting in the locker room just moments after Coach Katy had finished her go kick some butt speech, Beth felt her stress begin to melt away and turn into adrenaline. She tucked her hair into her swim cap and grabbed her goggles and her towel. Then she took a deep breath.
“This is going to be fun,” Katy said, falling into step beside Beth. “The other coach is this totally sexist old guy, and we’re going to hand him his ass.”
“Hell yeah, we are,” Beth replied.
“Excellent,” Katy said, and grinned at Beth as they stepped from the chilly corridor into the wet, humid heat of the pool room.
There was already a crowd, and pennants waving merrily at the ends of the lanes. Beth scanned the bleachers, and spotted George next to her parents. Her stomach clenched just a little. He gave her two big thumbs-up, and cheered. Despite any recent issues, she was so glad to have him there.
Beth grinned quickly in his direction, and then she focused on the water.
Don’t think, she told herself. Just do.
Beth loved to swim. To race. She loved the ritual of the words.
Swimmers, take your mark.
Beth climbed onto her racing block.
Get set.
Poised and still for that breath, anything was possible, and Beth imagined herself reaching out so far she touched the other end of the pool in one long, elegant dive—
And then the gun.
Beth launched herself into the air. The flex of muscle and the sweet slice into the water. Then the pull against her hands, her side, her face. She sensed the right moment to glide forward and flip, then pushed off again with another huge push. More reaching. More pulling. Until she smacked the wall with her hand, and won her race.
By a long shot.
Beth climbed from the pool, beaming at the shouted congratulations and wet hugs from her teammates. Lance gave her an approving pat on the shoulder. And Katy looked at her with that measuring look she had, and then smiled.
“Good job,” was all she said, but Beth knew that, from Katy, those words truly meant something.
The rest of the meet went by like clockwork. Starting guns, splashes, cries of Martin victory again and again. With each race, the crowd became more and more vocal, their cheers and fight songs reverberating off every wall. It was so loud that during the very last heat, the swimmers almost missed the pop of the starting gun. Almost.
Martin won, blowing the other team out of the proverbial water. Beth and the rest of her team leaped into the pool with wild victory cries. It had been such a long, hard season, but to Beth, so unbelievably worth it.
After she had changed, Beth made her way over to the stands, and found George.
“You were amazing!” he cried. “Congratulations!”
“Thanks,” she said, and smiled at him, willing everything to stop being so weird between them.
Beth kissed and hugged her parents, who then busied themselves arguing about car keys.
“We should go out for a celebratory dinner,” George announced. “Steak! Lobster! Steak and lobster!”
Beth smiled again, and looked away.
“That’s really sweet of you,” she said. She wished things didn’t feel so stilted. Even the words coming out of her mouth. “But the team is going to hang out. There’s a party.”
“Oh.”
She could have invited him. A few months ago, she wouldn’t have thought twice. Beth wondered what was wrong with her, and blinked, then opened her mouth to issue the invite.
“Well, that’s okay,” George said. “It doesn’t matter, right? The point is, now that swimming is over for the season, we can spend all our time together again.” His eyes lit up. “I mean, sure, things haven’t been ideal, and I’d like to officially apologize for being a bonehead as of late. But I think everything is going to go back to normal now.” His relief was palpable.
Beth looked back across the stands at her teammates, then back at George.
“You think swimming was the problem?” she asked softly. How could he think such a thing, when swimming had been like a refuge for her over the past months? Didn’t he know that?
“Well, yeah,” George said with his trademark grin, but Beth could tell it was mostly bravado. “What else could it be?”
He was clearly as nervous as she was to find out. And Beth tried to hold on to the idea that maybe things between George and her would go back to normal, staring tomorrow. There’d be no more practice, no more distractions, no place for her to hide. But instead of feeling relief, all she felt was the water dripping off her fingers.
“I’ll call you later when I get home. Maybe, if it’s not too late, we can go catch a movie or something.”
“Okay, Bethy,” George said. He took her hand in his, gave it a little squeeze, and let it go just as quickly.
16
There were so many reasons to like Ryan, Ella thought with a happy sigh, reclining in the passenger seat of his shiny red car. He was so different from Jeremy.
Ella liked that Ryan noticed, even while he was driving, that her long legs were stretched out in front of her. He grinned, and then reached over to give her thigh a quick squeeze. Ella liked sitting in the fast little red car and having the people in all the other cars stare at them in wonder.
Not that they needed the car
to get attention. That was just a bonus. There had been all kinds of staring going on in the movie theater, too. Ella had pretended not to notice the way a trio of hot boys had been eyeing her. And she’d loved the way Ryan seemed to attract the attention of every female in the place. Together, they practically glowed.
All in all, it was the perfect Friday night, Ella thought. And it was about to get even better.
“Where to?” Ryan asked when they arrived at the crucial intersection. A right turn would lead to Ella’s house and the end of the evening, because Ella’s mom didn’t allow boys in the house. Left would take them to Ryan’s, where, he’d made sure to mention, his parents had left him on his own all weekend while they visited old friends up in Waterbury.
Ella, naturally, had decided where the evening would end hours before Ryan had even picked her up.
“Oh,” she said, biting her glossy bottom lip as if she couldn’t decide. “My house, I guess.”
“Really?” Ryan looked at her.
Ella pretended to consider. Then she pretended to waver when Ryan leaned over and kissed her lips slowly, sensuously, his hands in her hair.
“My house,” she murmured again regretfully, when the car behind them honked impatiently.
“I don’t want to take you home,” Ryan said, but he turned right anyway. “I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”
Which was all the more reason to make him wait for it, Ella thought. The physical came almost too easy to them. Amazingly, they hadn’t had sex yet. Not even once. It was hard as hell, but Ella knew it was the smart thing to do.
“I know,” she said breathlessly, twisting in the seat so she could look at him.
“What about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow should work,” Ella said carefully. “I hope so.”
“Me, too,” he murmured, squeezing her thigh again.
When he pulled into the driveway, he turned off the car. Then he reached over to haul Ella into his arms for a hot, almost frustrated kiss.
She knew she totally had him.
So she relaxed into it, and kissed him back, their tongues meeting, their hands everywhere. It was almost perfect.
But the fact was, Ella wanted the more that Jeremy had taught her could exist in relationships. She wanted the emotional connection Kelsi always talked about. She wanted it in addition to lots of fun, incredible sex, but she still wanted it.
But then again, what good was the more if it was hundreds of miles away? Jeremy was a good guy—no, a great guy. That wasn’t in question. She’d always think the best of him, maybe even see him as the one that got away. The reason for their breakup was purely a location issue. And Ryan was here, now. Simple as that.
And she didn’t see any reason whatsoever that Ryan shouldn’t give her exactly what she wanted. After all, they were totally in sync with each other. Right?
She stopped him when his hand was getting a little too far up her skirt, and wriggled out of his hold, laughing.
“Tomorrow,” she whispered, like she was making a promise.
“Yeah.” He could barely speak.
“Oh,” she said, pretending to be casual. “By the way…what does your family do for Thanksgiving?”
Ryan stretched, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Not much. It’s pretty low-key. My relatives are all in South Dakota, and we don’t go out there or anything.”
“Oh yeah?” Ella considered. “Well, my cousins are coming here this year. I thought I’d, you know, show you off.”
She expected him to grin and maybe preen a little bit. Instead, he shifted in his seat.
“Like, to your family?” He looked at her. “Why?”
“Because you’re my boyfriend and you’re hot,” Ella said. Duh. And because she liked him and wanted to move things to a new level—which she knew better than to say.
“You’re the one who’s hot,” Ryan told her, leaning in to her neck and starting to nibble on it. Ella pulled away.
“It’s a big deal that I’m even allowed to invite you,” she told him. “The only person who’s ever brought a guy around before is my cousin Beth, and only because her boyfriend is like a member of the family.”
“Uh-huh.” He was paying far more attention to her breasts than he was to what she was saying.
Once again, she pulled away.
“So, do you want to come or not?” she asked with the slightest edge in her tone.
Ryan sighed, and sat back. He actually rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he said. “Now can we stop talking?”
“Fine,” Ella snapped at him, annoyed that he was agreeing solely to shut her up. Did he think she couldn’t tell? But she smiled at him to take the sting out of her voice, and then climbed out of the car.
As she sauntered ever-so-slowly to the front door, knowing he was watching the way her hips swung back and forth, she congratulated herself.
Who cared why he’d agreed? He’d agreed. He would come to Thanksgiving dinner.
He would bond with her family, which would inevitably bring him closer to Ella.
They were perfect for each other, she reminded herself. The fact that Ryan was so much like her just meant she knew how to make sure he saw the light. She knew how to make him do whatever she wanted. No doubt about it.
17
The days were grim, cold, and almost sunless, which would have upset Kelsi if she had time to care.
Which she wished she did. Instead, she had midterms.
“Oh, my God,” Taryn moaned from her bed, where she’d spread out all of her books and notebooks so she wouldn’t be tempted to sleep. “I can’t believe how much I hate the entire world right now.”
“I finished my last two exams today,” Kelsi replied in the same miserable tone from her place at her desk, where she’d been sitting and staring at a blank Word document for hours. “Which I would be happy about, if it weren’t for the huge English paper I haven’t started yet. You know—the one due tomorrow?”
Taryn made a pfft noise and waved her hand dismissively. “English is easy. You can make shit up.”
“My theory exactly,” Kelsi agreed.
“Unlike history, which, um, what the hell was I thinking?” Taryn rubbed at her eyes. “I have to compile research before I can even begin my paper, also due tomorrow.”
“I’m flunking out,” Kelsi said with a sigh. “I knew this would happen.”
“Please, you’ve been studying so hard. I mean, when’s the last time you even saw Tim? Like weeks ago?”
Kelsi’s stomach dropped. It had been a while since they decided to meet for a study date. The coffee shop they chose had a strict No Talking During Finals Week policy, which Tim and Kelsi seemed all too happy to obey. They flipped pages and sipped java in stark silence, pausing every so often for a smile. But they didn’t need a textbook to tell them that things were different. They just were.
“I’ve been busy,” Kelsi stammered. “And Tim! You know, with all his frat stuff, he’s really fallen behind in his classes. We’re just, uh, taking an extended break for studying. Just to make sure we don’t end up cleaning windows for a living.”
Taryn shot Kelsi a wry smile.
The CD ended with a Bloc Party song and Kelsi hit play again, smiling when the music started. She’d been listening to the CD on repeat ever since Bennett had given it to her.
“So…” Taryn said.
Kelsi turned, and saw Taryn looking across the room at her with a curious expression on her face.
“What?” she asked.
“My brother wanted to make sure I told you he said hi,” Taryn said, studying Kelsi’s face, her eyebrows raised. “He made, like, a significant deal out of it.”
“Oh,” Kelsi said, keeping her face carefully blank. “That’s nice.”
“Yeah,” Taryn said. “Because that’s my brother. Randomly, insistently, aggressively nice.”
Kelsi shrugged, and hoped the heat she felt on her face was because of the clanking radiator in the room and not her own tend
ency to blush.
“How many times have we listened to this CD?” Taryn asked. “One hundred and fifty-seven? Or maybe we’re in the two hundreds by now, I’m not sure.”
Again, Kelsi just shrugged, and this time she was certain even her ears were crimson with embarrassment.
Tim, she told herself firmly. Think of Tim. But it didn’t work.
Since Halloween, it was as if Kelsi’s eyes had been opened in a certain way, and she just couldn’t close them again. It wasn’t that she was mad at Tim exactly—she just felt less consumed by him. More removed from him. It didn’t help that even though he never asked directly if she was ready, every time they fooled around, it was like she could feel him waiting. Like if she said one word, he would jump on it. On her.
It made her feel wary. And kind of sad. Like Tim was a different guy than that funny, irreverent one who’d won her heart by being such a wiseass last summer.
A sudden wave of panic got Kelsi into gear. She looked back at her laptop and began typing like mad about Chaucer and Shakespeare. She worked feverishly until a knock on the door broke her concentration.
It was Tim.
“I know you’re busy,” he said, looking around at the midterm madness that had overtaken the room. The place was a mess of notes, books cracked open, forgotten mugs, and bowls of dried-up ramen. He cleared his throat. “I just had to see you.”
“Break time!” Taryn cried, standing up. “I’m going to get some coffee and snacks.” Just like that, she cleared out.
Kelsi sort of wished she could, too.
“I’ve hardly seen you over the past couple of weeks,” Tim said, walking over to her desk chair and putting his hands on her shoulders.
“I have midterms,” Kelsi said, twisting toward him so he couldn’t keep his hands there.
“We all have midterms,” Tim replied at once. “You’re avoiding me.” His face looked hard.
Summer Boys #3: After Summer Page 9