Ella nodded and then decided Ryan had spent far too long out of sight. As he was supposed to be hanging on to her every word, this was unacceptable. He obviously needed a reminder.
She found him out in the front hall, sending a text message, while in the living room the adults chattered and the younger cousins could be heard laughing over the sound of the television from the den. They must have come back in; it had gotten freezing outside.
“Hey, baby,” he said when he looked up. He finished the text and dropped the phone in his pocket.
“Who are you texting?” Ella asked.
“That gravy smells awesome,” Ryan said instead of answering. He closed the distance between them and ran his hands down Ella’s arms. “I like your sister and your cousin. But I wish we were alone.”
“Are you deliberately not answering my question?” Ella asked, looking up at him.
“What?” He tried that smile on her. “I’m talking about maybe sneaking away for a little while. Just you and me.”
Ella gazed up at him, and that sly smirk of his. His eyes were clear and bright and she knew every move he was making. If she wanted to, she could probably figure out who he was texting, too.
But the truth was, she didn’t care.
He was acting like a tool. And Ella was kind of embarrassed that the first time she’d brought a guy home for Thanksgiving, it was this one.
“This is a mistake,” she said. The crazy part was, she wasn’t even mad. She just absolutely knew that she wasn’t the same person anymore.
“I’m not so good with family stuff,” Ryan said with a rueful grin. “But I make up for it in other ways.”
Ella shook her head at him. “I can read every single move you’re making, you know.” It used to be fun to play off of each other. But Ella was getting very tired of all Ryan’s hackneyed lines, his stale come-ons, his lifeless flirty banter. He just sounded…gross. And, in a sudden swoop, Ella felt incredibly grateful that she hadn’t gone all the way with Ryan. They’d come close, so close, just last week, but at the last minute, she’d pulled back. Put on the brakes. As if she’d known.
“I know you can,” Ryan said. “That’s what makes you so much fun.”
The thought made Ella shiver. She wasn’t like Ryan, at least not since last summer. That was the old Ella. This Ella was so much different.
“Maybe that’s what made me so much fun,” she said. “But I’m not there anymore.”
Ella felt her confidence rushing back. She felt like she did that morning of the assembly, when all the other girls were primping in the mirror. She was beyond this moment. Jeremy or not, she was better than this.
The common wavelength between Ryan and Ella had shifted. He searched her eyes as though he was looking for something he could recognize, trying to pin a flirty subtext to her words. “Wait,” he said, amazed. “Are you mad?”
“I’m not mad,” she said. “I’m just over—you.”
“Over me?” he shook his head. “Impossible. We’re practically the same person.”
Ella felt so far removed from him it was as if they’d never been together at all.
“Not anymore,” she told him. Then she cocked her hip, set her jaw, and pointed to the door.
“Is there a medical reason you have to sit in that chair and watch?” Kelsi asked Ella some time later. “Because you could help me, you know. We told Mom she should relax and we’d do all this. You were there, remember?”
“By we I pretty much meant you,” Ella drawled, twirling a lock of blonde hair around one finger. She was glad Kelsi was home. She’d missed her.
But that didn’t mean she was going to subject herself to domestic labor out of some misplaced sense of sisterly devotion. Especially when she was feeling so depressed about Mr. Sketch-Man. God.
“Don’t make me force you, Ella,” Kelsi warned her.
“I don’t cook,” she reminded her sister. “I don’t really do kitchens, either, but in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I decided to keep you company today.”
“You’re always giving, El,” Kelsi replied, rolling her eyes. But she was grinning. “That’s what I love about you.”
“You love everything about me,” Ella retorted with a sniff. “And who can blame you?” But there was a part of Ella that didn’t believe it. A crack in her armor.
“Get up and chop onions,” Kelsi ordered her.
And then Ella was saved, literally, by the bell.
The doorbell, to be precise.
“I’ll get it!” she said, shuffling her feet. A tiny part of her wondered if it was Ryan, begging for forgiveness. Then she pushed that thought aside. Assuming it was Beth who had finally arrived, Ella hurled open the door, letting in the cold November wind and the rain that had started earlier that morning, and was starting to look like snow.
Then she froze in place, staring, because the person at the door was Jeremy.
“Hi,” he said. His dark eyes were warm, as if he hadn’t broken her heart at all. Which she wasn’t even sure he had until just that moment, when she could really look at him. Ella loved the way his shaggy hair almost fell into his eyes, and the shy, crooked smile he aimed at her.
She thought maybe she was dreaming.
But then Jeremy thrust a quilted bag at her. Whatever was inside it was heavy and warm and smelled like butter. Ella was pretty sure that she would not dream about green-bean casseroles. She stared down at it, and then back up at Jeremy.
“I love you,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving her. “I’m an idiot. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make you love me again.”
Ella swallowed hard. Seeing Jeremy again made everything click suddenly into place. When Jeremy wasn’t there with her, she simply didn’t have the skills to deal with her emotions. With her missing him. She didn’t know what to do with the longing.
Or that fear that takes over when you feel yourself changing.
“It’s okay,” Jeremy whispered.
“How can it be okay?” she asked. “You dumped me. I dated someone else, but then I dumped him. Nobody dumps me.”
He stepped inside at that moment, and closed the door behind him. “We’ll talk about it. We’ll work it out. Just trust me,” Jeremy said, like he could read her mind. He leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers. His dark eyes were so close. “Can you do that?”
“I can try,” she said. She pulled back to look at him. “I want to try.”
“Okay, then,” Jeremy said, and he smiled as if they’d never spent a moment apart. “And I’m going to trust you, too.”
“Okay,” Ella echoed. And she didn’t feel wild or free or any of those things.
She felt like herself. At last.
She felt like she was home.
20
Hours later, stuffed and dazed from too much food, Beth staggered into the den, where Jamie was already stretched out on the couch, looking about to burst. The family company had been wonderful, with everyone passing warm plates and clinking wine glasses and laughing over Thanksgivings past. But now, as the turkey-comas were setting in, and the grown-ups drowsed over coffee, the girls were happy to just be with one another.
“I’m so glad you made it here in time for that turkey,” Jamie said, smiling up at Beth as Beth dropped onto the sofa next to her. “Otherwise I might have had to eat even more of it.”
“You could have had a veggie burger,” Kelsi said, coming into the room. “No one forced you to eat all that turkey.”
Jamie and Beth rolled their eyes at each other. Kelsi went over to the stereo and stuck a CD into the player. She pressed a button, and a mellow alternative ballad began to play. Beth watched Kelsi smile almost to herself as she sat down on the loveseat.
The three girls sat there, enjoying the stillness and the music, until Ella sauntered in a few moments later, a smile across her face.
“It was nice seeing Jeremy again,” Beth said. She’d been so surprised when she finally arrived, out of breath and wound up, to find Je
remy sitting at the dining room table. She’d been expecting the new guy. Jeremy had been his usual shy-funny self before taking off to make it home.
“I know I don’t need to say it, but he’s so right for you, El. Unlike Ryan,” Kelsi said.
“Who was totally hitting on me,” Jamie told Beth in a low voice.
“I told you guys last summer that I wanted a real boyfriend,” Ella said, as if she hadn’t heard any of their murmurs. “I guess it just took a little while to figure out how to be a real girlfriend.” She wandered over and settled next to Beth on the couch. “Like you, Bethy.”
Beth hadn’t told anyone that she and George had broken up. She’d claimed he had to work, and left it at that. For one thing, she knew that as soon as she said it out loud, it would be true. She wasn’t ready to really accept that yet. And more so, her cousins loved George. They would be so sad, and Beth didn’t want to do that to them on Thanksgiving. They didn’t get to see one another enough during the year and she hated to ruin what little time together they had.
So she just smiled at Ella and scooted over to make room for her.
“Are you sad about Tim?” Jamie asked Kelsi. “I feel weird that I never met him.”
“We just…grew apart,” Kelsi said. “I don’t think it was anyone’s fault, you know? Things just happen.”
The four girls sat there for a moment, reveling in being together. Then Ella got back on her feet.
“I thought we were watching a movie,” she complained. “Not listening to this emo crap.”
“I like this emo crap,” Kelsi retorted.
“If we’re watching a movie, I think we need pie,” Jamie chimed in. “And there better be vanilla ice cream this year, that’s all I’m saying.”
“Vanilla is boring,” Ella said haughtily, and then let out her snort of a laugh when Jamie threw a pillow at her. “Duh. Of course we have your ice cream, Jamie.”
Beth sank back against the couch, and basked in it all.
Kelsi talked about growing apart as if it were inevitable. No blame. No fault. Just what happened, like autumn after summer.
Maybe that was true. Maybe that was why, underneath her sadness, Beth knew she’d be okay.
Beth kind of felt the way she did just before she dove into the pool. Everything in her body felt tense and ready to fly, knowing that the water waited below. Her unknown life without George stretched before her like the lanes in the pool, calm and smooth, waiting.
Outside, the first few snowflakes of the season began to fall against the windows, but inside in the den it was warm and cozy. She had her cousins all around her and more food than any of them were likely to finish.
The future waited, with George, without George—who knew?
All she had to do was jump.
Preview
Read all the books in the sizzling
SUMMER BOYS series
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It’s the Tuttle girls’ last summer at Pebble Beach. In between sunning, surfing, and kissing boys, will they be able to make the most important decisions about their futures?
Spring Break in South Beach.
Could it get any hotter?
Turn the page for a sneak peek at
SOUTH BEACH,
the New York Times bestselling novel
by Aimee Friedman
“Hello?” she asked cautiously.
“Holly!” A girl’s voice bubbled over the line, warm and fizzy. “It’s me. Alexa!”
Holly’s stomach tightened. Alexa St. Laurent? How random was that? She and Alexa hadn’t spoken in years. Holly had deleted Alexa’s number from her phone in the ninth grade, marking the final break from her former best friend.
“Holly? Are you there?” Alexa asked, after Holly had been silent for several long seconds.
Holly chewed on a thumbnail, now officially nervous. “Yeah. I’m here. Hi.” What could she say? Why was Alexa even calling her?
“It’s kind of weird to hear your voice.” Alexa paused. “It’s been forever, huh?”
“Tell me about it,” Holly managed. Her tongue felt clumsy in her mouth. Was Alexa delusional or something? Did she think they were still friends?
“What have you been up to?” Alexa went on. “Still running track?”
“Yup.” Holly thought about telling Alexa that she’d just been named co-captain, but she resisted. Would Alexa even care about something that didn’t involve male models or designer labels?
“I always admired that about you,” Alexa said. “I’m so lazy. Trying on Mavi jeans is my only form of aerobic workout.”
Holly gave a hesitant chuckle. She was thrown by Alexa’s sudden friendliness, but she also couldn’t help feeling flattered by her words. Alexa had always been disarmingly charming.
“Well, you don’t need to worry,” Holly replied bashfully. “You’re skinny, anyway.”
Whenever Holly thought of Alexa, she first pictured the Alexa she’d known best—the short, slender, flaxen-haired girl in plaid skirts and knee socks, who spoke with a hint of a French accent and could make Holly burst into hysterical laughter just by crossing her enormous blue eyes. Then, Holly had to remind herself to replace the picture with the way Alexa looked now—tall and gorgeous, decked out in fur-trimmed tweed blazers and spike-heeled Jimmy Choos, striding through the Oakridge halls with her ever-present Starbucks latte and a boy at her side. Holly couldn’t imagine the present-day Alexa ever crossing her eyes. Or trying to make Holly laugh at all.
“Thanks,” Alexa said. “But lying around the house and stuffing my face with chips every day next week isn’t going to help much.”
Next week? Holly thought, confused. “Don’t you have plans for spring break?” she blurted, regretting her words an instant later. Of course, Alexa had plans for spring break. She was probably flying to Aruba or something. What a dumb thing to even ask.
“I did, but they fell through,” Alexa replied with a sigh. “What about you?” she volleyed back casually.
“Um, not really,” Holly said. A deep blush warmed her cheeks. Couldn’t she have lied or something? Leave it to Alexa to make her feel like the biggest dork alive.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d be busy or not,” Alexa said. “But I had the craziest idea…”
Wait a minute, Holly thought, suddenly wary. Where was Alexa steering their little chat?
“I was sitting in my room, thinking about how I used to go to the Catskills with you and your family. Those long car rides…” There was a note of wistfulness to Alexa’s voice that Holly hardly recognized.
“I remember,” Holly replied. She thought back to sharing a bunk bed with Alexa in the cabin upstate—trading ghost stories while the tree branches tapped against their window, frightening them in a delicious way. Back then, Alexa had practically been like Holly’s sister. “That was a long time ago,” Holly added quietly. She wasn’t sure what purpose this trip down memory lane was serving.
“I know,” Alexa said. “That’s why I was wondering…wouldn’t it be cool to go somewhere together this year? You and me. Like old times. But without parents, of course. Just this total whirlwind getaway.” Alexa paused. “What do you think?”
Holly was speechless, but her mind was racing. So I’m your sloppy seconds, she longed to retort. Do I seem like that much of a sucker? Holly twisted the ring around her middle finger, silently stewing. It was so obvious. Alexa had called Holly, dripping kindness, only because all her other plans hadn’t worked out. Did Alexa honestly think that after what had happened between them—and all their years of not being friends—Holly was going to get all giddy at the thought of their spending spring break together? Holly took a deep breath, searching for a way to articulate her bubbling emotions. She’d never been very good at confrontations.
“I—I don’t think I’m up for that,” Holly spoke at last, her face burning. “I mean…we haven’t talked in so long. What made you even think to ask me?” God, this was awkward.
Alexa sighed drama
tically. “Oh, there was this boy drama, and then all my stupid friends left me adrift, and to be honest…” Alexa gave her small, tinkly laugh. “I’m kind of sick of them, anyway. At this point I would completely prefer to go away with you. If you’d want to.” Suddenly, Alexa sounded just the slightest bit vulnerable, and Holly could feel herself starting to soften. “Don’t you remember how much fun we used to have?” Alexa went on. “Like the time we played Truth or Dare, and I dared you to crank-call my cousin Pierre in Paris and pretend to be me?” Alexa asked with another laugh.
Holly smiled, despite herself. “How could I forget?” she asked. “My parents saw the phone bill afterward and grounded me for a month.” Holly remembered how she’d mimicked Alexa’s voice into the phone, dropping in random French words that Alexa whispered to her, thoroughly fooling Pierre. Afterward, she and Alexa had fallen into a heap of laughter on Holly’s bedroom floor. Alexa had often gotten Holly into scrapes that were wildly fun in the moment, but ultimately ended in some sort of parental trouble.
“But it was worth it,” Alexa mused aloud. “We had a good time.”
“That we did,” Holly had to admit. She’d always had trouble staying mad at Alexa—her boldness and energy could be irresistible. Holly glanced down at the beach umbrella she’d drawn in her notebook. She had been dreaming of an escape, hadn’t she? But there was still the teensy problem of her parents. Maybe Alexa would at least have some ideas for how Holly could get away.
“So your parents probably haven’t changed much, huh?” Alexa asked, as if she’d read Holly’s mind. Her voice was full of understanding.
Holly bit her lip. Alexa knew about Holly’s issues with her parents better than almost anyone, because she’d been there at the start. In the fourth grade, Holly’s parents decided that Holly shouldn’t go to sleepover parties. Alexa got to attend them all, and would always have some life-changing experience, like getting her ears pierced or seeing an R-rated movie. She’d fill Holly in on all the details the next day. It had been painful, but also sort of pleasant, to live life vicariously through Alexa.
Summer Boys #3: After Summer Page 11