Caecilia is glad to see him, raising her chin with a smile. Gax smiles back, trying to stay professional in his mind. They decide to go into the stone tower and sit down on the narrow bench. Caecilia plucks at her cotton dress, rearranging the material draped over her knees. Then she looks up and asks, “So what does unconditional love look like, feel like,” she corrects, her tongue struggling a little with the word unconditional. Gax dips his head, it’s a good question and he feels his excitement growing as he starts explaining the concept to her. For the next few hours he explains and teaches, reading parts from his Book to Caecilia, who just drinks in his words, her cheeks flushed, her dark eyes animated in the tiny sprinkle of moonlight that manages to invade the dark tower. Gax waves one hand, Caecilia nods, the light moving up ever so slightly. It is Gax that notices this time. He gives a tiny gasp, suddenly aware that the moonlight has moved along a bit. “It’s time,” he says, feeling regret, wishing they had longer. How do you explain and teach unconditional love in such a short time? Will she have understood?
Caecilia nods, and reluctantly gets up. “It’s so amazing, I have never heard or read anything like it,” she says, “and I wish we could stay longer, I still have so many questions. Here we’re taught the mother has to feed the baby, as it’s what the baby needs, but that doesn’t mean to say she has to be emotionally involved. Just like children are not attached in that sense to their parents, just because they raised them. Surely they’re their own person, not beholden to their parents?” Gax swallows, missing his parents dreadfully at this moment, and sighs.
“That’s another huge topic,” he says, trying to smile. “God places us in families, with all the privileges and responsibilities that entails. We’re not an island, totally unconnected to anyone.” Caecilia nods, of course, Elabi is all about society and people’s places in that society, but surely everyone is just an individual, regardless of who you grew up with? Gax shakes his head, cringing a little inside, what a horrific idea, so totally devoid of love and belonging! “I don’t agree,” he says, trying to take deep breaths to stay very calm and smiling, even though he would love to argue this one rather vehemently. “God created the family and He blesses it, it’s the cornerstone of a healthy society.”
Caecilia agrees with that. “That’s why there is a Nuptialem List, as well as the requirement to have three children,” she agrees. “Once those children go to school, they become their own person though, able to move up or down a status level based on their lives. You see, a Mansit child could move up a level by working hard and staying separate from whatever made his parents into Mansits.” Gax purses his lips. “Of course, if the children are in agreement with whatever made their parents Mansits, then they stay Mansit as well,” Caecilia continues, “but they could make it clear that they distance themselves from their parents, especially if they prove that by, well, by telling about their parents’ activities for example.” Her voice trails off, as if she suddenly realises what she is saying.
“So you’re saying that if children spy on their parents and betray them, they can then redeem themselves?” Gax is shocked. Caecilia nods, frowning, so Gax smiles at her softly, “There should be love in a family. Like the Book says, God loves us like a father loves and pities his children. He really is the perfect father, no matter how badly a job our earthly father did. He is a perfect, loving father, who never fails us or betrays us.” Caecilia dips her head, then nods towards the moon, and they reluctantly say goodbye.
Gax walks home deep in thought. How can a society carry on when they destroy love and trust within families? He supposes that society becomes a family substitute. But does that kind of love run as deep? It has been tried before, but never successfully in the long run. It never made a happy society. Gax sighs, feeling the weight of his calling to this place. Where to even start? How do you even begin to unravel a mindset like that?
He sleeps fitfully that night and his head is still heavy when he wakes up. He drinks more water than usual, hoping it will wash away the remnants of his headache. He leaves the house in a rush, needing time to read his Book somewhere safe. He knows the meeting with the old man later in the day will be important and Gax feels unsure of what to talk about with him. Caecilia always asks a question, eager to know about the Book. The conversations of the weekend are still weighing him down. Macia’s tragic family background and what seems the lack of natural love between mothers and their children is pushing down on him. Gax feels he needs to hear the real truth for himself, rather than risk blending his experience with truth again.
Inritia looks upset when he walks into the staff room. She looks up at him, then at the door just behind his back. “I…I will be attached next Enday,” she whispers. Gax stares at her, attached? Then he gets it, “You mean married?” Inritia looks at him, fear flickering in her eyes as she nods quickly. She licks her lips and hisses, “We never use that term, not for…for decades at least!” Gax dips his head, another thing connected with family gone, he thinks. “It will be a short ceremony at the City Hall,” she continues, “then we’re moving into the Attached quarters of the city. At least that’s an improvement,” she sounds bitter, then quickly adds, “Of course, my apartment is wonderful and it’s all I need. Our new place isn’t any better or anything like that. I didn’t mean to…” Her voice trails off and she rolls her eyes. “I know, you’re different, your weirdness means that you don’t think along those lines,” and she actually half smiles at him. Gax dips his head, nope, he has no intention of ever reporting Inritia, or anyone for that matter, simply because she openly admitted that one flat is more comfortable than another!
“I really hope you’ll be happy together,” he says, trying to sound as sincere as he possibly can, “and I’m sure Attached quarters will be great, it should allow you more space, I presume? Also, starting off in a new space is always exciting,” he smiles, not even slowing down, in spite of the fact that Inritia has now narrowed her eyes at him. “Hanging up pictures, decorating the place the way you want to, making it your own.”
Inritia sighs. Gax grins and shrugs, hoping that his words will at least cheer her up, making her feel less upset. It seems to be working, as Inritia is now rolling her eyes at him. “You’ll have a busy day this Enday then,” Gax continues. “What time will the ceremony be?” Inritia tells him that they have been allotted the ten o’clock slot, which is actually quite a favourite one. Gax nods, “Not too early, and still a day ahead of you,” he agrees. “Will you celebrate afterwards, you know, have a…a party thing?” Inritia stares at him.
“Why would we?” she asks, looking behind him again, as if she expects the door to open any minute now, “Party for who? It’s just the signing of the contract, we get the keys for our new place and that’s it. Why would we party? And celebrate what? That we’ve done the right thing?” She is incredulous and Gax can feel his face warming up with embarrassment. Put like that, marriage is nothing to be happy about, he presumes. It sounds so sterile and cold, he thinks, feeling sad for Inritia and all the other young couples around. He hesitates, then asks that surely it’s a big step, a huge change in someone’s life and therefore a reason to celebrate, just to mark the special day? Inritia shrugs, “Of course it’s a big thing, that’s why the contract has to be signed at the city hall, but that’s just to make sure it’s all done legally, without breaking the law. Celebrating is only done by Mansits who don’t know any better and who think that anything they do or get needs to have special attention. I don’t see why, but of course, I’m not a Mansit, so I don’t feel the need to react in an emotional, volatile or public show of emotions.” Her voice is sharp and hard. Gax stares at her. He opens his mouth, ready to protest, ready to explain that celebrations with friends are fun, a time to laugh or cry together, a time to remember. He snaps his mouth shut though, as he lets her words sink in.
Of course, Inritia didn’t even want this marriage, it was all arranged. There is no such thing as friends here either, she has already explained that
. Gax has just learned about family relationships, so there’s not much to celebrate there as you really need a connection of some sort with people in order to celebrate with them. Gax dips his head, trying not to let it overwhelm or annoy him. “Well, I hope it all goes well,” he says, “and that you will love your new home, as well as be happy with your new husband,” he adds, banishing all memories of wedding services and parties he has attended in the past. He raises his chin, grabs a cloth, hurrying into the shop. Whether it is the headache remains or the whole weird conversation, his head is fuzzy, making Gax feel as if he is walking in a dream. “And they call me weird,” he mumbles, then raises his chin quickly at Grabus who just walks past. Grabus hardly raises his chin at all, just glares at Gax. “Whether you call it Onesday or not, people obviously still get Monday blues,” Gax mutters, in the hope of cheering himself up. What a start to his week, he sighs, tackling the first disarrayed shelf.
The shop is quiet that day, which is just as well. Gax wants the day to finish, so he can meet up with the old man at the small gap between the houses. Finally it is time to close the shop. Inritia is helping the last customer and Gax goes to collect his rucksack. He raises his chin at Grabus and Inritia, then reminds himself to look normal, rather than hurried. He walks down the streets towards the city wall, excitement growing inside him. The headache is just a quiet knocking, like an overly polite visitor. Gax tries to walk calmly and soon the wall looms up and he turns to the right again, spotting the houses with the gap in between almost immediately. The gap is hard to see from a distance though, making it a great meeting place. He slows down even more, bends over to rearrange his dusty sandals, his head protesting against the sudden pressure. He has to lift his head a little, to ease the pain, but still manages to look behind him. There isn’t a single person in sight; the air is hot and a little oppressive. After a last glance he quickly gets up and takes the three steps to get to the gap. Sunlight almost instantly disappears and Gax narrows his eyes, trying to adjust to the shadows.
The old man is there, pushed back into the furthest corner, his wrinkled, bony fingers twisting around each other. He raises a wobbly chin, without the slightest hint of a smile, his watery eyes wide with fear. Gax raises his chin and tries to smile a warm, assuring smile, whatever that might look like. He joins the old man at the back of the alley and asks softly, “How have you been? Are you well?” The man blinks and nods, looking surprised. Gax continues, “I assume that we haven’t much time, so is there anything specific you want to ask, or want to know about? Last time you mentioned a friend who knew the Book, is your friend still around?” The old man swallows and shakes his head, his eyes more watery than before. In a very low, shaky voice he explains that his friend was sent beyond the hills, many moons ago. Gax dips his head as the man explains that he had heard a little bit about the Book before his friend was sent away, but never understood the point of choosing the Book over a good life in Elabi. Now that his time is about up, he understands it better.
“You see, now I realise how futile and empty my life was, is. I worked, had children, retired and soon I will go Downstream. Then what? Is that all there is to life? Just going through the motions? Why? What is the point? On the other hand, my friend left his wife behind and was never heard of again. Was that a better choice?” He looks at Gax, who vaguely registers that the old man’s eyes are no longer watery and that he has stopped wringing his hands. He looks less old as well, and Gax dips his head. He hesitates. Can he really prove to the man that loving God is worth losing your life as you know it? Especially as he only has a few minutes to do so.
Gax takes a deep breath, swallows, pulls the Book from his wide trouser pocket and opens it up. “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity…” he starts.
Chapter 37
In the cool shade of the quiet alley, Gax reads to the old man, who has forgotten to tremble. Every now and then he dips his head, agreeing with the words. Then Gax turns a few pages and reads how God made people upright, but that man has sought out many inventions, leaving God’s ways behind. He looks up at the man and explains how from the beginning of time it wasn’t meant to be like this. How things changed and not for the better either. The man dips his head again. He listens, drinking in Gax’s words. Then he sighs. “Yes, I remember, I remember a lot from my friend reading from the Book. It didn’t make sense then, but now it does.” He looks towards the road, measuring the shadows with his eyes and turns back to Gax. “I will need to go, we will need to go,” he corrects, “but I want to hear more. My time is short. I know that my notice to go Downstream will come in only a few weeks, maybe a few moons, so there is no time to waste. We need to be careful.” Gax nods, his heart feeling huge inside his chest. Being able to talk to someone eager to listen, someone who wants to know more and who sees the importance of what Gax is teaching, it’s like a precious gift.
“My name is Sleym, I…I won’t tell you where I live, as too much information can be dangerous. I am grateful to you, I can feel the power of those words and this Book, but I have to admit that I’m afraid. If I get sent beyond the hills, I won’t live long, you see. Can you meet me again on Thirday?” The man looks at Gax, then hesitates as soon as the words leave his mouth. “Maybe Quarday would be better,” Sleym says, “as it will raise suspicion if we both walk this way too often. People will keep track, you see and any change in someone’s behaviour or habits will get noted.” Gax nods, mindful of the watcher, if he is still there. Being seen going this way too often will definitely be a risk. They agree to meet Quarday afternoon. Then Gax slips out of the gap, having checked both ways carefully. He walks to his house quickly, his heart light, humming a song under his breath, grateful for this marvellous opportunity. Finally someone is interested. Gax can feel himself grow a thumb taller now that he has two people to disciple and teach. It makes him feel like his mission is going somewhere at last. Maybe soon he will have people to meet up with every day!
Gax has his dinner, then leans back in his chair. He really doesn’t fancy going to the gymnasium tonight. He is tired, the headache still there, knocking softly, throbbing. Just the thought of jumping up and down makes his stomach protest. He knows he will have to go, so he sits there, trying to work up enough energy. It would get noticed if he didn’t go, as he didn’t go on the weekend either. Of course, he had an excuse those days but Onesday is the day when he usually goes. The last thing Gax wants to do is have more attention come his way. He drags himself to his feet, packs his bag for the gym, remembering to bring the food containers as well, as he needs more groceries. The gym isn’t very busy and Gax works hard to make sure he blends in. He doesn’t want to do too much work, nothing too energetic at least, but he doesn’t want the ever present cameras to pick up on that. He also knows he needs to maintain his physical fitness, especially his six-pack, as he noticed on the beach that he was definitely the least fit looking guy there. That in itself will bring unwanted attention!
He pushes himself as much as he can, focussing on his core strength, leaving his muscles fatigued. He is glad to get into the cooling room, avoiding eye contact with Caecilia without showing that he is avoiding her. He groans a bit, this whole secrecy stuff is making him feel on edge. It’s a fine line, as he knows her and went to the beach with her, so should he greet her? Will not acknowledging her look worse, or will they expect people who know each other to just do their own thing? Gax sighs, he wants to go back home. Then he remembers Sleym and he feels his spirits lift a bit now that he is having more interactions. He walks home slowly, the sun almost down into the water already. He looks at the smooth water for a moment, feeling a little surprised as he didn’t think he had stayed in the gymnasium much longer than usual. He speeds up a bit, he doesn’t want to find the shop closed.
Gax finds what he needs in the shop, and notices a different shop assistant. It’s a young man, with clear, bright eyes and restless hands. Gax raises his chin at him with a polite smile. The young man returns the gesture, looking a little war
y. “I haven’t seen you here before,” Gax says, “or do you work later in the evenings only?” The young man shakes his head, hesitates, then softly answers that he has just…returned. Gax dips his head, trying to look as if he knows what the young man is talking about. He’s obviously not doing a very good job, for the assistant continues, even quieter this time.
“It was never my fault, it wasn’t ever anything to do with me, so they allowed me to return to work here a few days a week. I’m only here Onesday to Quarday, then I have to go back, as the other Mansits will then have their turn to go to the city.” Gax nods, now he understands. “So I work in the shop, they were very gracious to take me on,” the man adds, a little louder, clearly hoping that his gratitude will get passed on somehow.
“Well, I hope it all works out for you,” Gax says, “just…just don’t focus too much on this life,” he adds, feeling the warmth spread across his cheeks. The young man stares at him, clearly confused. “You see,” Gax plunges on, bravely, “there is only so much to life here. Then time to go Downstream will come, but what then? You see, we’re not really made for this world, we have eternity planted in our hearts.” He stops, what is he doing? Great way to stay under the radar, he groans inside to himself. The young man stares at him, then after a very quick glance round he dips his head at Gax.
“I know,” he hisses, “I know, over yonder,” and he gestures with his head, “over yonder there is sometimes another one who mentions eter…eter-thingy, although they are never around for long.” His eyes grow darker than ever as he looks at Gax. His hand shakes as he wipes it across his forehead. “It does make one think though and just like them you seem different. I mean, I was so happy when they told me about reintegration and all that, but still, I’m a Mansit for a very long time to come, aren’t I? And even once I’m no longer a Mansit, will I be happy then? How many smiling people do you know, hey? How many?” He nods, as if Gax has agreed to his point already and continues in the same quiet hissing voice, “Those eter-thingy people and now you, well, there is a type of happiness about you. Not the grinning, wild kind of happy, but just there, it’s there.” Gax dips his head, his heart beating loudly whilst trying to differentiate between thrilled and scared. “You’re all a bit…weird, you know, all weird, but still, it’s that inside happiness I need, as I just realised that my happiness at being back in the city hasn’t really touched my heart, if you know what I mean. You saying that eter-thingy is in my heart, well, maybe that’s the bit that needs to be sorted then, isn’t it?” He looks at Gax, his eyes wide and questioning.
Walled City (The Elabi Chronicles Book 1) Page 22