Inritia has been quiet ever since she got ‘attached’ and Gax hesitates to ask her about her husband. Soon she has been married for two weeks. “I like the Attached quarters,” she says when he asks her one morning. “The space is light and quiet, we can’t really hear the couple next to us. They got attached a few weeks before us, and are hardly ever there. My…” she hesitates, swallows and continues, “my husband works quite long hours, as he’s only just upgraded from being a Mansit, so he has quite a lot of courses to attend. It’s going alright, I suppose.” She looks away, but Gax had already seen the glimpse of sadness in her eyes.
Reicii meets up twice a week early in the morning, his eyes bright, restless as soon as it’s time to leave. He is desperate to be allowed back into society, doing all he can to avoid suspicion. “I have started a new evening class,” he tells Gax one morning, shivering. The mornings are a lot cooler and today the light is not as bright as the other mornings.
Gax tilts his head, so Reicii continues, “It’s special classes to reintegrate. They teach you what has happened, changes that might have been made whilst…whilst away, that sort of thing.” Reicii shrugs, “It’s not a very large group, even though quite a few of us will be moving back to the city in just a few moons, so not sure how that will work out for the others. If you don’t get assigned classes you don’t collect the right credits, making it much harder to get back into the swing of things. My time at the shop has been good; I’m grateful for that position, as working with the public gives you more credits, more than working in a warehouse or something like that.”
Sleym is starting to look more and more frail, but he is still keeping up with his citizen duties, he tells Gax. “It’s getting harder though, especially early mornings, when it feels cold. My joints ache and my back. I can’t always move fast enough and the overseer has started making comments lately.” He stares off into the distance and says, “I don’t think it will be long before I will get my papers. To move Downstream, I mean. Yesterday I was so tired, my hands were shaking too much to finish sweeping the courtyard at the City hall. I saw my overseer looking at me, so I pretended that I needed the facilities, you know, just to have a rest.”
He blinks, his eyes fearful, then he smiles a little bit, “I feel different though. Yes, I’m afraid, afraid of the unknown, but then, it’s not really unknown, is it? It’s just that I don’t like change. I struggled when I was given my retirement papers, even though my job had been very hard at the end. It was just knowing my days would change, a different manager or overseer, different places. Going Downstream is even worse, it’s terrifying…” He stops, his hands wringing together. Sleym had worked in a warehouse, managing a large group of Mansits.
Gax smiles, deciding to change the subject, hopefully cheering Sleym up a bit. “How’s your son, Brutus?” Sleym’s face turns sad once more and he sighs. Gax hesitates, then says, “Is he alright?”
Sleym shakes his head and his voice shakes a little. “No, their baby son Palam, well, he is so loud, he cries all the time. Brutus and Clariso are actually thinking of taking him to the sanatorium. They don’t want to, of course, but if the neighbours mention it, it will be worse. We’re not sure what to do. They want to wait, really, but we’re not sure what will happen. I love little Palam,” he adds, his voice sounding choked. He swallows, taking a few deep breaths, Gax feeling his own throat restricting in sympathy. “You see, I felt very…pragmatic at first, when Palam was born, several moons ago. You know how all families look at their newborn,” and Gax nods, smiling at sweet memories. Sleym looks at him, hesitates, then says, “I mean, like families look to see whether the baby should stay or…or go Downstream, you know, seeing if there is a defect, a weakness that will reduce the family’s status.”
Gax stares in shock at the old man. “They do?” he finally manages to ask, his voice sounding squeaky, his heart plummeting down. He has to force his breathing to slow down, shock making him feel odd. Sleym nods, and explains that the family looked at Palam and he seemed alright when he was born. He was their first one as well, Brutus and Clariso had just moved into the family home. Sleym’s wife had already gone Downstream, he had just retired, so it made sense. They decided to keep the baby, but now that he is so loud and cries so much, Brutus is getting upset.
“Surely babies cry a lot though,” Gax is still stunned about what he learned. “Maybe it’s the milk or something,” he adds, feeling out of his depth, but wanting to help. Sleym nods and says that is why they are thinking of going to the sanatorium with Palam, but they’re scared it might be more serious, which would result in Palam being sent Downstream. Gax dips his head, mostly to hide the horrified look in his eyes. He thinks back to Macia’s story that Caecilia told him, how her little brother had to go Downstream.
Sleym sighs, “Maybe when I go, I should take Palam with me, maybe they can see a doctor just before I go,” and his shoulders bend down even more than usual, making him look older. Gax nods slowly. He walks home, feeling sad for Sleym’s son and daughter-in-law. Fear is everywhere; fear a doctor will send the baby Downstream, fear that neighbours will report you and ultimately fear for their own life. He sighs, praying for the family, reminding himself to share it with Caecilia, without disclosing names or details. Can he trust her? What if she feels it’s her duty to report the family? He doesn’t think she would, but then, how can he be sure?
Caecilia is appalled when he tells her that night. “How sad for them!” she exclaims, “They must feel so alone and…and trapped!” She swallows, is quiet for some time, then says, “You know, only a few moons ago I would have felt it my duty to report a family like that. I would feel they were living against Elabi principles, putting our society at risk. I would see them as pollutants, a family that would cause degeneration in our city. Now it has all changed in me. I feel for them, I’m so sorry for them and for their little baby. I wonder if there is something we can do?” She looks at Gax who shrugs slowly, admitting that he knows absolutely nothing about babies at all.
“The only thing I know is that they always cry when I pick them up,” he says, trying to smile, but feeling embarrassed. Caecilia giggles, then her face turns serious again. “I agree though,” Gax says, “I wished we could help them.” Caecilia nods, thinking hard. She wonders out loud if there is somebody in the sanatorium she should ask, like, in general terms. Gax nods, “That might work! Also, we should pray for that family. The uhm…the man I know says that the baby’s mother is very loud too, so it obviously runs in the family a bit,” he grins, thinking of poor quiet Sleym, living in a house, his own house, with a loud baby as well as a loud daughter-in-law.
Caecilia smiles and promises to look into it as much as she can, especially as she has access to some of the medical books. Gax frowns, “Of course! Medical books! I should look in the shop tomorrow!” He feels relieved, glad he will be able to do something useful as well. Caecilia stares at him, then shakes her head, saying that there are no medical books available to the public. Gax’s mouth drops, “None? Surely there’ll be self-help books, like herbal stuff, or home remedies?” Caecilia shakes her head and says again that there are no books like that available to the public as people would get too emotional about their health.
“People started self diagnosing, hiding ailments and diseases, even genetic conditions,” she explains. Gax dips his head, of course, he hadn’t thought of that. “People were trying to hide pain or physical problems,” Caecilia continues, “so those books are no longer available. Now, if you are in pain or whatever, you will have to apply to the sanatorium, they will give you something for the pain each day.” Gax cringes a bit, thinking about his tiny stash of painkillers and his horrible headache not too long ago. “You see, if someone is in too much pain for too long it will affect their work and their service to the community. They will have to go Downstream,” Caecilia says.
Gax swallows and says that surely somebody could sprain an ankle or something? Caecilia laughs, “Of course, that is fine. T
hey will get painkillers to you every day, but if it’s done through carelessness you will also need to attend classes.” Gax pulls a face, wondering if there is actually a medical black market in Elabi. Caecilia shrugs, “No idea, I wouldn’t think so, after all, it would get found out quite quickly!”
They talk a bit longer about baby Palam and his parents. Soon the time comes to get back and Gax yawns. With the shorter days he feels even more tired. He feels cold and not just because the outside temperature has significantly dropped, but cold to his bones, his legs heavy when quietly tiptoeing up the stairs.
Chapter 40
Gax shivers under his blankets, listening to the rain beating against the windows. The weather has suddenly changed, autumn smells filling the air. He noticed it when walking home in the dark, only a few hours ago. The night air had been heavy, smelling damp. Now the rain is here, clattering all over the windows. Gax groans, quietly of course, as he thinks of having to walk to the city in sandals. He gets goosebumps already imagining the mud squishing between his toes. It will definitely be worse than the dust covering his toes in the summer. He reluctantly gets up, muttering, “Every day is a good day, even the rainy, cold, muddy and miserable days.” He looks towards the camera for a second, then averts his eyes. He doesn’t know if he is still being watched, after all these moons, but he can’t risk it either.
The wet roads feel worse than he even imagined. The splattering mud is cold, his sandals making squelching noises. He is thankful his dark blue woollen wrap keeps his body warm and dry, but groans at his filthy feet, mud all over them already. He wonders what other people do to clean themselves up before starting work. Once he arrives at the shop he gets his answer. They do nothing and work all day in muddy, dirty feet, making him cringe. He keeps staring at his feet during the day, his nose pulled up in disapproval. Gax is keen for the day to end, at least he was. He is supposed to meet up with Sleym, but can they still do that in the rain? Standing between the two houses, their standard meeting place, in this kind of weather doesn’t make Gax feel too happy. Of course, he would do anything to reach the people of Elabi with his message, but he isn’t sure that standing in the rain is included. Especially not with wet, muddy feet.
When it’s time to go the rain has finally stopped, but the streets are still wet and covered in red brown mud. Every time Gax steps in a puddle he groans, longing for his strong sturdy boots. He wonders what people will do when the snow arrives. He is hoping to be far away from Elabi by then. Sleym is waiting for him, shivering. Gax raises his chin, struggling to put on a genuine smile, curling his toes up. Sleym smiles back, his dull eyes brightening up for a moment. He grabs Gax’s hand, in a very unusual gesture and says, “Palam! He is so much better, praise God! I prayed and prayed, and well,” he coughs a bit, clearing his throat, “well, then yesterday he suddenly was quiet. He smiled a lot, he played and made the usual baby noises. Clariso and Brutus couldn’t believe it! They were so surprised. They had decided that they would take him to the sanatorium on Hexaday, as there are usually less doctors around. Occasionally something ends up off the records, you see.”
Gax nods, smiling, his first thought that he will need to tell Caecilia as she will be so happy! They had prayed every night for the little boy, and now it seems their prayers were answered. “So I watched him all day,” Sleym continues, “and it’s definitely true, he’s fine now. He was fine all day today as well. My son is so happy, and so is Clariso.” His smile slides a bit, and he looks away. Gax looks at Sleym, wondering what the bad news in the story is. “You see,” Sleym says after a pause, “you see, they suspect me. I don’t know what they suspect, whether they know I prayed or whether they think I did something to Palam.” Gax swallows, did Sleym tell them? What will their reaction be? Sleym sighs, “I didn’t tell them about the medicine, of course.” He looks at Gax, who dips his head. He believes Sleym. Caecilia had given him some medicine she had managed to get. “I gave him the medicine at night, when Clariso and Brutus were asleep and I was watching Palam,” Sleym explains, “and I didn’t tell them I prayed. Once or twice they walked in on me though, you know, when I was at Palam’s cot, praying for him.”
Sleym frowns, “I don’t know if they suspect anything. Clariso has said a few times that I have changed the last few moons. She doesn’t sound too impressed. Brutus keeps looking at me when we’re eating together. He doesn’t say anything, but he stares at me.” Gax dips his head, he can tell Sleym is getting worried about it all. “I…I try not to worry about it, I try to trust, to rely on God for the future, but it’s hard at the moment. Seeing Palam better has helped though, it’s been so wonderful.” He smiles again and Gax smiles as well. Then Sleym asks whether he should tell his son and daughter-in-law. Gax hesitates. Should he?
Gax turns it over in his head. “If they’re really happy about their baby son, maybe they will be more open to listening to you?” he asks.
Sleym shrugs, “Brutus isn’t the most thoughtful person and rather stubborn. Clariso is friendly, but loud and overbearing. We’ve never got on well.”
“I see,” Gax nods, “Would they betray you?”
Sleym nods back, “Yes, they probably would. They would have to. If it ever came out that I follow the Book and they hadn’t said anything, they would be implicated. By telling the council they can redeem themselves, distance themselves from my…errors. That way, I will get picked up, but they will be left alone. Maybe I should…” He stares off into the distance, then adds softly, “I feel I should be open about it. Keeping it secret feels wrong, especially as I know it’s what they need, everyone needs in fact. You never know how long you have…” He stops. Gax dips his head, agreeing. Sleym sounds defeated. “Maybe I should just wait until my Downstream papers arrive, then tell them just before I go.” He smiles sadly at Gax, the tears mixing with the fresh raindrops that have started coming down again.
Gax grasps Sleym’s hands, the old man’s hands colder than his own, “We need to pray about this.”
Walking home soon after, the rain is heavier than this morning; colder too, he decides, pulling at his coat. The hot bath makes him feel better, but he is still thinking about Sleym’s words. Gax knows he isn’t in a position to tell Sleym what to do, but Someone else can.
He discusses it with Caecilia that night, after telling her about the baby’s recovery and she agrees with him. They’re standing in the old stone tower, listening to the rain drumming on the stone roof above their heads. “I agree,” she says, her face thoughtful.
“Maybe we should trust God with the outcome?” he asks himself, more than Caecilia, but she nods. “On the other hand,” he says, “God doesn’t want us to be stupid about things either. Speaking out boldly could be pretty stupid. People might not listen. I do believe that we need to be wise as serpents, harmless as doves. Telling people the message when they are not ready or prepared to listen is like throwing pearls before swine.” Caecilia looks at him, questioningly. She has no idea what swines are, or pearls for that matter. Gax grins, and shrugs, “It’s a way of saying you’re wasting your effort.”
They stay quiet for a while, thinking about it. Gax reflects on his time in Elabi. Working in his own strength, failing miserably, then learning to rely more on the Writer of the Book. He thinks back to the people in the shops, on the streets, his manager. He is increasingly being led on where and when to speak. He could have been beyond the hills for a long time by now, probably not even alive anymore. He also knows many back home would think he should have confronted people here with their need of this message. They will feel that he hasn’t done all he could. He swallows, imagining their disapproving faces, telling him he should have been more bold, confrontational, forcing people to own up to their fears and beliefs or lack thereof. He chuckles, there is only One who knows the answer and he needs to cast his care on Him.
The air feels cold, the rain relentless. He chews the inside of his mouth, thoughtfully. Winter is definitely on its way. He needs to get ready to return
, leaving Elabi behind, leaving Caecilia behind. Not just yet, of course, but soon. He feels queasy just thinking about it, not able to put it off any longer though. He turns to her a little and softly says, “I need to pick some special branches and sticks, to build my coracle. Can I build it here, in the tower? I can’t build it in my house, as the cameras will pick up on it.” For a moment he wonders about the bathroom, but rejects that idea. No, it will have to be done in the tower. Caecilia nods, not looking at him, but in the faint light he can see her soft lips turned down, trembling just a little. Gax swallows, concerned at how pleased he is that she clearly doesn’t want to see him gone. “I will need to build my little boat,” he repeats softly, “as my mission ends when winter arrives. I will need to return to…” he stops. Return to what? His friends, family, his team. He will miss her though, miss their chats, her questions, their time together. He sighs and she sighs in response, then looks at him, her eyes full of tears.
“Of course,” she whispers, “I do understand, but how will you go and collect the wood?” Gax explains that he found a place where the right trees grow, near the water. When it is dark he will collect a little, a few times a week, drop it in his garden on the way home, then pick it up again on his way to the tower. When he has collected enough he will start building. Caecilia dips her head, still looking sad, but trying hard to smile. “It helps that it gets dark by the time the shops close,” she says and he nods. He just hopes he will have the coracle built before winter arrives properly. “How will you get it to the water from here,” she wonders. Gax explains that the coracle is only small and he will be able to carry it. It will be hard, he admits, not looking forward to the long walk, the only positive note being that he will be wearing his warm boots. “What if the snow arrives suddenly?”
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