Tied Together

by Z. B Heller

  With that unpleasant tidbit burned into my brain, I sped off to find a parking spot. I was lucky when I found one close to the elevator. I got out, making sure I had my phone so I could snap a lot of pictures. I approached the elevator to see an old man escorting an older woman using a walker to the same elevator. We met there at the same time, and the little old woman stretched up from her hunched-over position to look at me.

  “Well, aren’t you a nice-looking boy.” Her hands wobbled on the walker.

  I was very flattered that Grandma had time to notice me, especially after the day I’d had. “Thank you, ma’am, that’s very kind of you to say.” The elevator dinged, and without thinking, I headed into it first.

  “What the hell is the matter with you, you ingrate?” The soft-spoken old lady turned into something fierce. She hurtled toward me into the elevator with deliberate speed. Once she got on, she took the foot of the walker and slammed it onto my foot.

  “Jesus Christ!” I roared, wincing and hopping on one foot.

  “Do not use the Lord Savior’s name in vain. What’s the matter with you? Weren’t you taught any manners?” Grandma Nazi said, hunching back over.

  At that point, I was better off keeping my mouth shut until I got to Moxie’s room. The elevator stopped, and I made sure to hold the Door Open button down until Grandma Stalin was out and moving on her merry way. Can this day get any more fucked up?

  Northwestern was one of the best hospitals in the city. The atrium was bright and welcoming—for a hospital, I supposed. I found the main reception desk and made a beeline for it. A woman with a headset sat there talking to what seemed like thin air. I opened my mouth to ask which room Moxie was in, and she held up one bony finger with a long fingernail. She kept speaking into the headset for five more minutes as I looked around for anyone else who could assist me. Damn hospitals. Finally, she pushed a button on the handset and looked at me.

  “How can I help you, sir?”

  “I’m looking for my friend Moxie Summers,” I said, resting my arms on the counter. I was starting to feel the stress of the day catching up to me.

  “Um, sir, Ms. Summers was taken into surgery three hours ago.”

  “What!” My voice was loud enough to carry throughout the atrium.

  “She was on the cardiovascular ward and is in surgery now.”

  “ ‘Cardiovascular’? That’s not where you go to deliver babies!” I threw my hands in the air.

  “Sir, calm down and let me check again.” Her ridiculously long nails clacked on the keyboard. “You said Margret Summers, correct?”

  I slapped my hands to my face. “Moxie Summers.” I huffed through my fingers.

  “Oh, sorry about that, sir. Maternity is on the fifth floor. You want to go down the left hallway until you get to elevator bank A.”

  “Thanks.” I managed to say and jogged to the elevator. When I got there, I was horrified to meet up with my elderly nemesis. “So we meet again.”

  She once again wrenched up to look at who was speaking and presented me with a snarl.

  “She likes you,” the man, who I assumed was her husband, said. “She only snarls at her most favorite people. You should see what happens with people who piss her off.”

  I looked at him, impressed. All I got in return was a small giggle. The elevator dinged, and I seriously contemplated waiting for the next car, but I didn’t want to wait any longer to see Moxie. I did, however, wait until Grandma Scary Spice boarded.

  “Which floor?” the older man asked.

  “Five, please,” I answered, leaning back onto the wall and closing my eyes.

  “Ah, going to meet your wife in labor and delivery?” The man scanned the numbers on the control board.

  Dear God, if I have to play twenty questions with anyone else today, I just might go postal. “No, I’m seeing my best friend.”

  “Wonderful. We’re going to see our great granddaughter, who was just born.” The man was beamed with pride. The corner of my mouth lifted, and I felt genuine happiness for them. It lightened my heart to see a couple still together, sharing something as special as adding more generations to their family.

  “That’s truly amazing, congratulations.” I offered my hand to shake his, and he returned it with a firm grip. The bell rang, and I stepped aside for the kind man and Helga the Horrible before I dashed toward the nurse’s station.

  A young nurse, feverishly typing something into her computer, looked up at with a kind but tired smile. I was about to ask about Moxie’s room when curses flew from down the hall. The nurse cringed.

  “You fucking shit-eating, motherfucking asshole. Get me the motherfucking drugs.”

  I didn’t even have to ask which room. “I found who I’m looking for.” The nurse gave me a weary grimace and went back to typing. I jogged toward the obscenities and found the right room, opened the door, and moved the curtain side.

  “Where are my niece and nephew?” I panted, looking at Moxie spread-eagle in the stirrups. Machines beeped around the room and wires were hooked up in all sorts of directions on Moxie’s body. A loud whooshing sound beat in time with the babies heart monitor.

  “Holy fuck! Not what I was hoping to walk into.” I went to shield my precious eyes when the doctor looked over his shoulder at me, and my arms fell numbly at my sides.

  Brandon stood in a pair of green scrubs three feet away from me. He’d looked over his shoulder at my intrusion. So much of him had changed since I saw him last, but I would recognize those chocolate lava eyes behind his glasses anywhere. He was bulkier than I remembered. His scrubs showed the outline of a very different, but hard, body. There were muscles. A lot of muscles. I blinked in rapid succession, not believing he was standing so close to me after so long. We stared at each other for a heartbeat that felt like a lifetime. Clearing his throat, Brandon turned away. I quickly bowed my head, afraid that if I looked at him too long, my eyes would burn—like staring at the sun. Brandon was here, in this room, and he was… Moxie’s doctor. Well, fuck me.

  “Hey, fucker. I’m over here,” Moxie said through her teeth.

  “Hey.” Snapping out of my Brandon spell, I slid between Renee and the bed to go give Moxie a kiss on the head. “How are you doing?”

  “Seriously, Ryan? I have two watermelons trying to squeeze their way out of something the size of a lemon. How about we put a giant butt plug up your ass and you squeeze it through your piss hole!” She clutched the side of the bed and screamed as a contraction rocked her body. I looked over at Miles and couldn’t believe how calm he was remaining through this.

  “Hey, just think of it this way; your vag will be all stretched out now, so Miles can finally use that T. rex-sized dildo I bought you guys as a wedding shower gift,” I said to her, trying to take her mind off the pain.

  “Typical, Ryan,” Brandon said under his breath as he sat down in front of Moxie’s spread legs. My lips turned downward, and I narrowed my eyes at him. Where did he get off being an asshole after all this time?

  “Okay, Moxie, are you ready to push?” Brandon asked.

  “What? Are you fucking kidding me? Where are the goddamned drugs? This hospital is a joke! Miles, I want to change hospitals.”

  “Sorry, sweetness, they’re ready to enter the world.”

  I turned away, letting Moxie and Miles share a moment in private before the big show began. A nurse came over to Renee and me and asked if we would be able to hold Moxie’s legs in proper position for pushing. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be that close to Brandon, but then I looked at him, and he nodded his head toward Moxie’s legs, indicating he wanted my help. I went over to Moxie’s right side and pulled her leg up as Renee did the same with the other side. Miles stayed by Moxie’s head, whispering words of encouragement to help bring their babies into the world.

  But the person I focused on most was Brandon, and how he worked at delivering these babies with ease and grace. I got a quick glimpse of the boy I used to know. The boy, who over the years ha
d turned into one hell of a man.

  I sat in the break room in stunned silence. Two nurses were chatting about something that had happened on the latest episode of a favorite TV show. I looked out the window at the midnight blue sky, reliving the past few hours. I’d placed myself in front of Moxie, waiting for her to begin pushing and deliver the twins. I was laughing at Moxie’s ongoing commentary about wanting to rip Miles’s dick off, shove it up his asshole, and have it come out of his nose. And in a split second, my life twisted in a whole different direction. Ryan, the person I’d walked away from long ago, had come running back into my life.

  Well, he wasn’t really in my life; he just happened to be in the same room as me, right? I sighed and rubbed a hand over my tired face. I was still on call for another few hours, so there was no point running back to my apartment only to get called in again. Plus, I wanted to make sure Moxie’s twins were doing okay. Or am I hoping to see Ryan again?

  After the babies had been born and I finished up with Moxie, all I could manage was to give Ryan a nod and a smile good-bye. I didn’t know what to say to the man who’d crushed my heart, my soul, my whole being. Yes, I was the one who walked away for good, but Ryan had made no effort to look for me. However, I didn’t know if it would’ve done any good at the time. I’d been so angry, hurt, and confused with who I was and how I wanted to proceed with my life.

  I got up from my thoughtful haze and walked over to the coffee maker.

  “It’s not working, Dr. Ford,” one of the nurses said. I groaned, desperately needing a caffeine lift.

  “Thanks, I’ll head down to the cafeteria.” I swung my lab coat off from the back of the chair, put it on, and headed out of the break room. I ran my hand through my hair giving up the hope of taming them, and straightened the glasses on my nose. I let myself think back to when I first got the glasses in high school.

  “The glasses make you look hot,” Ryan had said as we got into his car.

  “Right. Glasses are all I need to make myself look like a bigger nerd than I already am.” I’d sunk low in the seat.

  “Yeah, but nerds are hot. Girls go for the nerds.”

  “Girls go for the dickheads with no career aspirations.” I’d glared at him and folded my arms over my chest.

  “Maybe now they do, but when we’re older, the girls are going to be crawling all over you because you’re going to be the one with all the money from working your ass off. Plus, you’ll know all the best sex moves because everyone knows nerds watch the most porn.”

  If only Ryan had known at the time that all I fantasized about was him, that I didn’t want any girls, and that I wanted to be his special nerd.

  I took the elevator down to the hospital cafeteria. It was late, and I knew it would be closed, but there were vending machines that spat out gross sludge some considered coffee. I went up to the machine, put my money in, and made my selection. Staring at the machine, I thought of another memory from when Ryan and I first started college and had a study cram session in my dorm room.

  “Knock, Knock,” a voice had said from the other side of the door.

  “Hey, the door’s open,” I’d called.

  “You know it’s not exactly safe to leave your door unlocked. Particularly in this part of town.” Ryan had come into my room, carrying a tray with drinks and his backpack.

  “Ryan it’s a dorm room; we have security downstairs. And the area isn’t bad.” I’d rolled my eyes.

  “Excuse me? I just saw a mugging on my way here.” He’d dropped his backpack on my bed and put the tray down on the desk.

  “What? Where? You didn’t get involved did you?” I’d gone up to him, making sure he wasn’t hurt.

  He’d thrown his hands up in front of himself. “Okay, so maybe it was a couple hugging. But it could have been a mugging, in which case you need to be careful.”

  “Noted. What do you have there?” I’d tilted my chin toward the tray.

  “Liquid fuel; we’re going to need it if we’re cramming all night.”

  “Coffee? Nasty.”

  “Excuse me. Don’t dis the nectar of the gods. Here, I brought you lots of cream and sugar, so stop being a baby and get it down your throat.”

  I smiled at the memory. Now I took my coffee black and drank it like it was going out of style. My head was filled with memories of Ryan and me, memories that I’d buried so deep inside because pulling them to the forefront hurt too much. Keeping them in the forefront meant I’d remember the way he smelled or the way his lips tasted when we finally kissed. The kiss had made me feel like our tongues were dancing together in a sultry tango. I’d think about the way he held me when we lay in bed together or the butterfly feeling I had when he put his mouth on my cock for the first time.

  I’d been unsure of myself back then. All I knew is that even though I’d been scared, I wanted to dominate Ryan. I wanted to make him mine, but the fear that my father had bestowed on me took over, and at the time, I couldn’t be what Ryan wanted.

  Closing my eyes, I let my head fall to the vending machine and lightly hit my curled fist on the surface.

  “Did they not have enough cream for your coffee?”

  The voice I dreamt about washed over me, and nerves started to take hold of my limbs. I lifted my head and turned around to see Ryan in a tux, his tie loose around his neck. He looked like my living fantasy. My mouth started to water as I got my first full look at him since leaving Moxie’s hospital room. He looked the same despite being older. His biceps were a little more defined, and now he wore a short beard that looked more like a constant five o’clock shadow. He stood with his hands in his pockets, waiting for me to respond.

  “I drink it black now,” I said, trying to hide any cracks in my voice.

  “Ah, playing with the big boys now. Med school must have corrupted you.”

  “Well, when you’re doing rotations and on call at all hours of the day and night, weak coffee won’t get the job done.”

  Ryan chuckled softly. “You look great, Brandon.”

  I couldn’t help the blush that consumed my cheeks. “Thank you, so do you. What are you doing here, anyway? It’s getting pretty late.”

  “Oh, I just went to Moxie’s room to drop off the bag she packed for the hospital. Since they were kind of in a rush to get here, Miles didn’t exactly have time to stop at their place to pick it up. So I made a stop on my way here for them.”

  “I got bits and pieces of the story. Her stepmom lied to Moxie about her father dying, so she got the wedding Martha always dreamed of.”

  “Yeah, Martha is a pretty manipulative bitch. And that’s putting it lightly. But Moxie and Miles don’t need a certificate to prove they are utterly devoted to each other.”

  Ryan looked straight at me when he said that, and it caused something to stir in my gut.

  “Mind if I join you for a cup or do you need to get back to your office?” Ryan asked, still standing in his spot.

  “Umm, sure. I’ve got my pager on me if anyone needs me.”

  What did I just do?

  “Great.” He looked behind me at the vending machine that I was blocking.

  “Oh, sorry. I suppose you need that to get coffee,” I said, pointing my thumb behind me. I moved to the side as Brandon came up to the machine and put a few coins into the slot. I kept my eyes forward but smelled his sweet scent, which hadn’t changed over the years. The cologne he wore hadn’t changed since college and mixed with the scent that was just naturally on him. I felt a bulge in my scrub pants that wasn’t there before. I knew I had to get myself under control, or someone would see my full boner. Ryan got his coffee while I found a table where we could talk. I figured we’d chat about small things and then both be on our merry ways. For a moment, we just looked at each other, studying the similarities and differences in our appearances since we last seen each other. I was the first one to break the silence.

  “So what are you doing with your life? Do you still live in Chicago, or are you just here f
or Moxie’s wedding?”

  Ryan took a sip of his coffee before answering. “I’m a TV producer for one of the news stations. I have a townhouse in Lincoln Park.”

  “Sounds like you did exactly what you had planned for yourself. And you must be doing it well since you have a townhouse in Lincoln Park.”

  Geez, do I sound like an asshole?

  Ryan looked at me and smirked. “Well, I’m no doctor, but I can’t complain. I love my job, and I got the townhouse with…” He looked down and his hands, which were wrapped around his cup.

  “With?”

  “My ex-boyfriend, Tom.”

  Even though he wasn’t looking at me, I nodded my head. “So you’re single?”

  That got his attention fast; his eyes shot back up to look at me.

  “Yes, I’m currently single. What about you? Are you seeing anyone? I’m sure you have ladies flocking to you since you’re an established doctor.”

  And there it was. The punch that Ryan had been holding back, waiting for the right moment to throw it. There was no malice in his voice, just pain. The same type of pain I’d been holding onto for all these years. Ryan had thrown the first punch, but I was not the frightened boy who would take it and run away. Ryan was about to find that out.

  “No, I’m not seeing anyone. But I’ve fucked a few guys lately, nothing worth a long term commitment.”

  Ryan’s mouth was in a straight line, and he narrowed his eyes at me. “And these guys you fucked were okay with you being in the closet?”

  “I got sick of the closet. I came out; then I fucked them.” I brought the cup of coffee to my mouth, blew on it, and took a sip.

  Ryan leaned in closer to me and dropped his volume. “When did you become so brazen?”

  “When I realized I wouldn’t be bullied by my father anymore. When I realized I needed counseling to help me navigate my way through the millions of feelings I was having. When I realized being gay was who I am. Anyone who didn’t like it could fuck off.” I paused and looked straight into Ryan’s eyes. “When my best friend showed me what love was and then betrayed me.”