Yet he hadn’t wanted to leave her. Walking out that door had felt like cutting his heart out with a spoon. The only reason he’d gone was the fear of stressing her out after what she’d already been through. He would never do anything to hurt Sam or his child.
Seven days had gone by. He could feel her slipping away from him and didn’t know how to stop it. He’d spent so much of his life watching out for Robbie and patching people up but he didn’t know how to fix himself.
“What is it, Mitch? You look like you lost your best friend.”
That wasn’t surprising since he’d lost Sam and she was his best friend.
Before he could answer, the waiter in white shirt and black vest arrived to take their orders. Throwing her cholesterol levels to the wind, Ellen ordered a filet mignon and he got the lamb, then selected a good bottle of wine. After the bread basket arrived, there was an awkward silence while his mother put her cop face back on and let the lack of conversation drag on to make him feel obligated to fill it.
So he did. Through their dinner he made small talk about his career, the weather, upcoming holidays. Anything and everything that wasn’t of a personal nature.
After the waiter cleared their plates and they decided to split a huge piece of chocolate cake, she gave him the narrow-eyed detective look again. “So are you ready to talk yet?”
“I thought that’s what I’ve been doing.”
She shook her head. “You threw me a bone, but it’s not what I’m really after.”
“And what would that be?”
“I want to know why we’re here. What’s this dinner all about?” She pointed her finger at him. “And I want the truth.”
He twirled the stem of his water glass. “There’s just something unnatural about a guy’s mom being a detective. This isn’t casual conversation, it’s witness interrogation.”
Instead of being intimidated, she grinned. “If you are what you eat, that lamb should have made you more accommodating.”
“Baa.”
“Better,” she said, then laughed. Their dessert arrived with two forks and she took a taste. “That is too good for words.”
“Good enough to stop twenty questions?”
“Not even for money.” Her expression turned serious. “Don’t get me wrong. This evening means more to me than you’ll probably ever know. And maybe I’m going about it all wrong. But I’m your mother and I know that something’s bothering you. If you want to talk, I’m happy to listen.”
That was when he felt the weight of everything he’d carried for so long. Robbie had been his brother and the burden was heavy. But not as much as the failure he’d lived with since losing him.
“I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I couldn’t save Robbie.”
Ellen looked like he whipped out a gun and aimed. “This is about Robbie?”
“Partly,” he admitted. “The thing is, it was my responsibility to take care of him. In school I included him with my friends. I made sure he didn’t flunk out. If anyone picked on him they had to deal with me. And then I went to college and medical school.”
“You’re entitled to a life,” Ellen said.
“But he changed.”
Her mouth thinned. “Robbie got in with a bad crowd.”
“I should have stayed,” Mitch said.
“No. After your father was shot, all you ever wanted was to be a doctor. It would have been wrong to put your life on hold for your brother. He needed to find his own way.”
“But he didn’t. That’s why I came back to Las Vegas for my residency. He needed me. And I tried to help him. I dropped everything if he called. I was there for him. I tried to get him into rehab—”
“You think it’s your fault, Mitch?”
“It is, Mom.” He met her gaze. “I finally told him he was on his own. My marriage was failing because I put it last. I had to try and salvage it.”
“You were right to try,” she said. “But, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re not with her. She was a manipulative, conniving, cunning schemer.”
He smiled at the fiercely maternal look on her face. “Don’t sugarcoat it, Mom. Tell me how you really feel.”
“I didn’t like her. Ever. And I’m not sorry she’s no longer in you life.”
Funny, Detective Tenney was right on the money about his ex and she didn’t even know the whole story. There was no point in bringing it up now, but it didn’t seem so much like a failure after hearing her opinion.
“Anyway, the night he overdosed, Robbie called me.” He stared out the window, not wanting to see the censure in her eyes. “I didn’t take the call. And I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry that I let you down.”
“I can’t believe you blame yourself for what happened to Robbie.” She sounded surprised.
Mitch looked at her then. “After Dad was killed, you always told me to watch out for my brother. That I was the responsible one. But I wasn’t. Not the last time.”
“Oh, Mitch.” She looked down and shook her head. “I’m the one who should apologize.”
“What for?”
“For making you feel as if you had to be a substitute father to your brother. I’m so sorry for anything I said or did to make you think he was your job. If anyone was to blame, it was me. With your father gone, I was the sole support of the family. I had to work and that meant there just wasn’t enough time to spend with my boys.” Tears welled in her eyes and she didn’t look like a tough detective anymore. She looked like a mom, sad for the child she’d lost. “Robbie’s weakness wasn’t your fault, son. He’s the only one who could have helped himself and for whatever reason he didn’t. Or couldn’t.”
“You really believe that?”
She nodded. “And after he died, there was a distance between you and me. It felt like I’d lost both my boys and I didn’t understand. Funny, I can get information from a suspect, but not from my own son.”
More weight lifted from his shoulders and he smiled. “Food for thought.”
“No kidding.”
“We’ll have to do this more often,” he said.
“Are you buying?”
“Yeah.”
“Count me in.” She sipped from her water glass, then met his gaze. “Speaking of food, I had a good time at Sam’s on Thanksgiving. How is she?”
Just like that it was Interrogation Central again. For some reason he didn’t mind. “She’s okay.”
“Care to elaborate?”
It seemed to be the night for confessions and they said it was good for the soul. “She’s pregnant, Mom. It’s my baby.”
Ellen’s eyes went wide, then the news sank in and she smiled. “I’m going to be a grandmother?”
“Yes.” He braced himself for questions about his intentions. If they were getting married.
“That’s wonderful, Mitch. Sam’s a nice girl. I like her very much.”
“How does she rate on your detective radar? Conniving, cunning, deceitful or scheming?”
“None of the above. She’s a keeper and I just have to ask what she sees in you.”
“Thanks, Mom. I just got a warm fuzzy.”
He teased back, but her words struck a chord. What did Sam see in him?
From the very first she’d worked her tail off to salvage him because she felt he had something to offer. Of course it was her job. He knew that. But she went above and beyond the call of duty. He’d been crabby, grumpy and ungrateful. She’d been sunny, caring and brimming with optimism. Yet he’d managed to crush that out of her.
She’d told him he had too much baggage and there was nothing left over for her. The last thing he wanted was to make another mistake. His spirit was lighter, knowing his mother didn’t blame him for Robbie’s death. But he couldn’t stand it if he did anything to crush the light out of Sam any more than he already had.
Except it wasn’t that simple.
He’d missed her like crazy. She was all he could think about and being with her was the only time in his lif
e that he could remember being truly and completely happy.
Talking to his mother made him remember what Robbie had gone through. He’d had a weakness for crystal meth and cocaine and couldn’t shake it. Drugs were an addiction. Until Sam Mitch hadn’t really understood what it felt like to crave something you couldn’t get out of your system. He hadn’t been able to relate to the feeling of wanting something with every fiber of his being.
That’s the way he wanted Sam.
But she wanted love and a happy ending and his track record in that department was in the dumper. Her father was right about him. He was the wrong man and would only make her unhappy. So he was trying to do what was right for her.
It would be easier to be noble if he didn’t love her so much.
What did an unmarried, pregnant-and-fighting-nausea woman do on a Saturday night in Las Vegas?
If that woman was Sam, she would stay home and try to keep a stiff upper lip at the same time her life looked like a train wreck. She had to snap out of it because there were plans to make, another life to think about that was more important than being rejected by the man she’d fallen for. Getting over him wouldn’t be easy, but she’d do it. Or at least pretend.
Mitch hadn’t called and that hurt. She couldn’t pretend it didn’t. Her father wasn’t speaking to her. She’d hoped to hear from Connor and Fiona. The fact she hadn’t hurt, too.
Good grief, she was pathetic. Enough, already. It was time to snap out of it. No one liked a whiner.
There was a knock on the door and Sam’s heart took a flying leap. Mitch!
As she rose from the couch, her hand automatically went to her hair, which was falling out of the scrunchy on top of her head. There’d been no reason to put on makeup and she looked like something the cat yakked up. A phone call would have been nice, but who was she to complain?
After rounding the coffee table, she forced herself to slowly walk to the door. When she turned the dead bolt, she noticed her hand was shaking. That was nothing compared to what her insides were doing.
She opened the door and did a double take because she’d been expecting someone else. “Connor.”
He slid his hands into the pockets of his khakis. “Hi, Sam.”
“I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Probably I should have called, but—” He looked around her. “Do you have company?”
“No. I’m alone.” That sounded so pathetic. She was going to have to work on it harder.
“Can I come in?”
“Oh. Sure.” She stepped back and opened the door wider. “Sorry.”
“That’s my line.”
After turning the dead bolt, she looked at him. “What?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“Not being here for you.” He shoved his hand through his hair. “Dad just told me you’re pregnant.”
It never occurred to Sam that her father would keep the news to himself. By this time she figured Connor and Fiona knew and were simply avoiding her.
“Wow, I—”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” In his eyes, anger mixed with something that looked a lot like hurt.
“I figured news would spread. I’m still getting used to the idea. I didn’t think—”
“Damn right you didn’t,” he said heatedly. “The least you could do is let me know I’m going to be an uncle.”
“But I’m not really your sister.” She did her best to keep any hint of a whine from her tone.
“Says who?”
“Well, no one did in so many words. It’s just I don’t expect you to feel any obligation to me just because your father put a roof over my head. I was adopted.”
“Yeah. I got the memo. Even if I didn’t, you never forget about it.”
“It’s a fact.”
He nodded. “It’s also a fact that I love you. You’re my sister just as much as Fiona. You’re family, Sam. That means you don’t keep stuff like a baby to yourself.”
“Your father did.”
“I’m not my father.” His eyes went dark. “I’m your big brother and that’s not going to change. Ever. Got it? I’ve only ever treated you like a sister. You’re the one who can’t get past the lack of a biological connection which is not a big deal to the rest of us. Including Dad, by the way. He’s just as hard on me and Fee in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Are you saying it’s my problem?”
“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “If you’re willing to throw away a perfectly good brother then that’s up to you, but I wouldn’t recommend it.”
That’s when she burst into tears.
The next thing she knew, Connor had pulled her into his arms. “Don’t cry, Sam.”
“I c-can’t help it. Hormones have taken over my body. And—” she struggled to control the sobs “—you’re too s-sweet for words.”
“Yeah. Be sure and spread the word to all your friends. The single ones. I like tall, but someone your height isn’t a deal breaker. Blonde, brunette. Redhead. I’m not fussy.”
She couldn’t help laughing. “You’re bad.”
“You just said I was sweet,” he reminded her.
“That was before you were hitting on all my friends.”
He rubbed his chin on the top of her head. “I’m not coming on to them. It’s better if you do the work.”
She stepped back and punched him playfully in the arm. “I’m not doing your dirty work for you. That’s not what sisters are for. I’d be happy to introduce my brother to someone smart, funny and reasonably attractive that I think would be good for him.”
“So I’m your brother now?”
She took his hand and led him over to the corner group, pulling him down beside her. “You’ve always been. I guess I’ve been afraid to let my guard down, afraid of losing anyone else I care about.”
“Like your mom.” He took her hand between both of his. “That was a tough break. But now you’re going to be a mother. Would you want this child to hold back and let life pass by without really living it?”
“Of course not.”
“Okay, then.”
She tipped her head to the side and studied him. “I bet you’re a really good attorney.”
“I am.” He grinned. “And speaking of that, Fiona said to tell you she would be here with me, but she’s got a client dinner. She’ll be over tomorrow.”
“I’ll look forward to that.”
“So I’m going to be an uncle?”
“Of course this baby is all about you.” She laughed, then turned serious.
“Of course.” His expression was protective as he scanned her face. “Are you really okay? Dad said you were in the E.R.”
“I’m fine. There was some spotting, but it stopped right away. The doctor says it happens sometimes and isn’t a cause for alarm. So I’m going to be a mom.”
He shook his head. “Just so you know, I plan to spoil my niece or nephew until he or she is the most obnoxious child on the planet.”
Tears welled in her eyes again. “I’m glad there will be a strong, kind man in his life.”
“What about Mitch?”
The name was like a knife to her heart. “You know?”
“Dad didn’t hold back.”
Why should he start now?
“I have no reason to believe that Mitch intends to be a part of this child’s life,” she explained, proud of herself for keeping her voice from breaking. The slight lip tremble was tougher to control.
Connor’s mouth tightened. “You have legal recourse, Sam. He needs to take some responsibility—”
“That’s the last thing I want to do,” she interrupted. “I don’t want to force anything on him.”
“This is his child, too. That should count for something.”
It should. But she didn’t want her baby to ever feel like she did, like a nuisance someone got stuck with. As sweet as Connor was being, he’d never understand what it felt like to lose your whole world and have no alternative but
to fit into someone else’s—someone who didn’t welcome you with open arms.
“Let’s be clear about something,” she said. “This is my child. I’ve informed Mitch that he’s going to be a father and the rest is up to him.”
“But, Sam—”
“No buts.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to be a duty to him. I don’t want the baby to be nothing more than a duty, either. I don’t want anything if it’s just about appearances.”
“Do you think he’s that type?”
“I don’t know what to think because he hasn’t said anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“I haven’t heard from him since he brought me home from the E.R.” And acted as if he cared.
Lack of contact spoke volumes about how he really felt. He hadn’t asked for this pregnancy to happen, but neither had she. And now bringing a new life into the world was the most important thing. His actions would suggest he didn’t agree. Now she knew what he’d been through had shattered his capacity for caring. She had the rest of her life to come to terms with it.
“He’s probably been busy,” Connor suggested.
“Don’t,” she said, holding up her hand. “I refuse to get my hopes up. The reality is that he can’t be there for me.”
“Then he’s a complete idiot.”
“I love you for that, big brother.” She smiled sadly. “But it’s best if I start getting over him.”
A stubborn, angry, determined look slid into Connor’s narrowed eyes. “Don’t write him off just yet, Sam.”
“Give me one good reason why not.”
“Because you’re in love with him,” Connor said with conviction. When she started to protest, he held up a hand. “I’m not asking for independent clarification or denial. I have an instinct for these things.”
She didn’t think anything could surprise or amuse her under the circumstances, but her brother did both. “You have an instinct for love?”
“I do. In some circles I’m known as Counselor Cupid.”
She laughed. “Now you’re pulling my leg.”
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