The night of Lady Evesham’s dinner party was of course an exception and so the Danby family was there in its apparent entirety. Charles was placed to the left of his hostess and acted out his shy and diffident part to perfection, leading Daisy later privately to conclude that he was a sweet and charming man who seemed unable to believe in the luck which had befallen his daughter and therefore was hardly any more likely than his overly humble wife to object to her marrying into such a highly eminent family.
As for the other guests, they were all members of the Marlborough House set which had long surrounded the Prince of Wales. They were typical examples of the current upper class, philistines to a man – and mostly to a woman, too – who despised any show of intelligence and intellect, preferring to spend their time hunting, gambling and seducing each other’s wives. They were boorish and unmannerly, self-satisfied and aggressively masculine, seeing women purely as objects to be chased and bedded. They tolerated Daisy well enough, however, not only because she had been one of the prince’s favourites but because she was a prime mover in Society intrigues, helping both to suggest possible liaisons and then to organize them. At the table they were as noxious as they were in the field, hedonists who revelled in being what they delighted to describe as rough, choosing either to insult those who were not within their charmed circle and whom they therefore did not know or want to know, or simply to ignore them.
Because they were guests of Daisy Evesham’s that night they were on slightly better behaviour, managing to address a few almost polite remarks to Captain Charles Danby and his wife as well as acknowledging the existence of their daughter May. This they of course only did in deference to their hostess since they understood her son, whom they all of them tolerated simply because of the vast amounts of money he bequeathed to them at the gaming tables, was proposing to marry this particular girl who although of no consequence whatsoever was at least blessed with, it had to be said, remarkable good looks. This was why Daisy thought the evening was so successful, because she could hardly remember the last occasion when having to entertain her son’s so-called closest friends in the Marlborough House set they had all behaved with such near civility.
For her part May thought them all appalling, but none quite so appalling as the young man who wished to marry her. Since even his friends could not decide which side of Harry Lanford was less beastly, Harry sober or Harry drunk, it was all but impossible for May to make up her mind on the strength of one full evening in his company. Not that she only saw one side of his character, far from it. Once he decided he was through with conversing with his intended he then set about quite deliberately getting drunk, and ignoring May while he did so. Why he should think he might behave in such a manner was beyond May’s understanding, and had she been a free agent she would either have roasted him with her tongue or simply hit him over the head with the nearest solid object for his appalling manners. For Harry Lanford didn’t wait until the ladies had retired to get drunk. He talked to May for two courses of the six-course dinner and got drunk during the remainder, much to the delight of two of the younger Marlborough House cronies who decided to join him until Daisy suggested they might prefer to behave otherwise.
She suggested no such thing to her son, however, because as everyone in Society knew Harry Lanford could do no wrong in his mother’s eyes. Daisy treated him throughout dinner as if he was behaving with the most perfect manners, laughing delightedly at his incoherences and teasing him out of his moments of darkness. May too pretended to find him amusing and interesting and gave such an effective performance that by the time the last course was being served Harry reopened their conversation. By this time, unfortunately, he was so inebriated May could make no sense of anything he said.
Before the Danbys finally left Daisy let it be known that she would be greatly honoured if the three of them would be guests of her husband and her once again at the dinner she was hosting before the Duke of Sherborne’s ball. On behalf of his family Captain Danby informed his hostess they would deem it an honour and would look forward greatly to the event. They then took their leave, the three of them only just managing to stifle their laughter until they were well out of sight and earshot.
‘I must confess, Mamma,’ May said as they sat together talking before retiring to bed, ‘that there was a moment when I first met Lord Lanford when I thought I might feel sorry for him. Had I done so, I think we would have been undone, but happily he has turned out to be such a complete and utter monster that I am happy to think that both he and his mother deserve everything that is coming to them.’
‘I can only agree, darling,’ Alice replied. ‘I have never met two more contemptible people in my entire life. Fortunately they consider themselves home and dry so we shall not have to suffer their intolerable company for very much longer.’
* * *
As planned Harry Lanford proposed to May at the Duke of Sherborne’s ball. Fortunately Alice Danby, all too cognizant of the hurried departure of Lady Emily Persse from the social scene, had carefully schooled May not to allow Lanford to take her into the conservatory to put the question lest he might take umbrage at her refusal – however temporary – and try to compromise her.
‘He is not a man to be trusted,’ Alice had advised May. ‘I know of far too many instances when spoiled monsters such as Lord Lanford, stung by thinking they are not going to get their way, would rather ruin a girl’s reputation than have her refuse him. We do not want such a thing happening to you, May, my dear, and certainly not at this stage of the proceedings, not when we have come so far so successfully.’
By now everyone had heard what had happened to the madcap Irish girl, although no-one who knew her believed one word of the story. Nor did anyone think that Captain Pilkington was party to it, while everyone was aware who the real villain of the piece was. None the less, the incident served as a salutary warning for that year’s presentees and as a consequence everyone was on their guard lest they too should find themselves unfairly compromised.
So after they had danced a quadrille and as Harry Lanford tried to lead May into the huge conservatory which led off the duke’s ballroom, she politely refused his invitation unless she was chaperoned by her mother.
‘But I have something intimate to ask you, Miss Danby,’ Harry protested. ‘Something I would far rather put to you in private.’
‘Forgive me, dear Lord Lanford,’ May sighed. ‘But I have been most strictly brought up, and know that I must never find myself alone under any circumstances with a gentleman, until I am married. One has heard some perfectly shocking stories concerning the compromising of altogether innocent young ladies.’ With this she looked at Harry Lanford with such an innocent air that she all but gave the game away by making herself laugh, particularly seeing the look of vacuous shock her remark had brought to Lanford’s face. ‘Perhaps we could find a quiet corner somewhere,’ she continued, ‘where we may talk together and my mother may sit and simply observe. I am sure that would be quite proper.’
In line with his intended’s wishes, and to his open chagrin, Lanford found one of the quieter areas in the saloon outside the ballroom and directed May and her mother to a duenna’s sofa where they all duly sat down, May and Harry close together on two seats and Mrs Danby on the opposing seat, her back to them.
‘Now what is this to do with, dear Lord Lanford?’ May wondered, flicking open her fan.
‘Dash it, now that I come to it I think I’m tongue-tied,’ Lanford replied, turning the colour of a beetroot. ‘I hardly know where to begin.’
‘I wonder whether it might be concerning the same subject that Lord Rawley of Ewell informed me he wished to broach?’
‘Lord Rawley of Ewell?’ Lanford spluttered and pulled at his collar. ‘Lord Rawley has no place to call on you!’
‘He has not yet done so, Lord Lanford,’ May returned, enjoying Lanford’s discomfort. ‘But I am beginning to think I might have to listen to him should you not get to your point a little more quic
kly, for quite apart from anything else I have promised him the dance after next. So what is it you wish to say to me?’
‘Oh – oh, very well then!’ Lanford spluttered again, a long lock of errant hair falling as always over his beady eyes, to be flicked away with a toss of his head. ‘Very well – the point is this, Miss Danby. I would be very pleased if you were to become my wife. There. That is it. It is out!’
‘This is a proposal of marriage, is it, Lord Lanford?’ May enquired carefully, as if he had just spoken to her in a foreign language.
‘Of course it is. What else?’
‘Please forgive me. I always understood that a proposal of marriage was offered to a lady by a gentleman on his knees.’
‘Then you understood wrong, Miss Danby.’
May nodded thoughtfully, then fanned herself.
‘May I put it another way perhaps, Lord Lanford? If this is a proposal of marriage then I would rather receive it from you on your knees.’
‘Miss Danby,’ Harry Lanford answered carefully, with another tug at his obviously over-tight collar. ‘Is it not enough for you that I am palpably smitten with you? And that I would like you as my wife? Or would you really rather I begged for it?’
‘Sir – I am both deeply honoured and touched by your attentions,’ May replied. ‘But as I have said, it is really a question of upbringing. I have always been led to suspect that this, the most important moment of a young lady’s life, should be as decreed, and that is with the man proposing to his intended on his knees. So if you really do feel for me, sir, I am sure such a position will not prove inconvenient to you.’
For a moment as they confessed to each other afterwards both May and her mother thought they had lost as Harry Lanford gave every impression of either being about to berate May for her impudence or simply to walk away and leave her. But love, fortunately, conquers all, even the most vain, and Harry Lanford had only tugged the ass’s head halfway from his own before the weight of it once more became too profound and he was forced to allow it to fall back into place. The very next moment he was down on his knees before May, in full view of what was to become quite a sizeable and most interested audience.
‘Miss Danby,’ he began.
‘Yes, Lord Lanford?’ May prompted him out of the ensuing silence.
‘Miss Danby, will you marry me?’
‘Will I marry you, Lord Lanford?’
‘Yes, Miss Danby. That is what I asked.’
May gave herself one more small fan before replying.
‘Why do you want to marry me, Lord Lanford?’
‘Is that not obvious, Miss Danby?’
‘Not one bit, Lord Lanford. There are a variety of reasons why people wish to get married and I would like very much to hear yours.’
‘Is this not a rather public place for such a confession, Miss Danby?’
‘I do not find it so, Lord Lanford. After all, if you have good reason to want to marry me then you should not be ashamed to let anyone hear it. So what is your reason, pray?’
By now there were several small beads of perspiration on Harry Lanford’s shallow forehead which he quickly removed with his pocket handkerchief while glancing around at the seemingly disinterested crowd who were all affecting not to notice his extraordinary position.
‘My reason for wishing to marry you, Miss Danby,’ he continued, only to be interrupted by his intended.
‘Louder please, dear Lord Lanford, for with the music starting up again I cannot quite hear you.’
‘I said my reason for wishing to marry you, Miss Danby,’ Harry Lanford continued, raising his voice, ‘is obviously because I love you!’
‘It is?’
‘Of course it is! Most certainly! Why else do you think?’
‘I cannot say, Lord Lanford,’ May replied. ‘That is not my place. But I am very glad it is for that reason and that you have had the grace and courage to declare it, and because of that I no longer will answer as I was going to answer – which was to refuse you.’
Lanford’s vacuous eyes grew smaller and his low brow even lower. ‘You were going to refuse me?’ he said, sotto voce.
‘That was my inclination, Lord Lanford, I must confess,’ May said with a smile. ‘But now you have admitted that you love me—’ May then stopped and frowning herself leaned a little forward. ‘Exactly how much do you love me, Lord Lanford?’ she asked.
‘How much?’ Lanford’s mouth fell open as if he had just been presented with the bill for the ball they were attending. ‘How much?’
‘You must have some idea, dear Lord Lanford,’ May returned, with a little smile. ‘I mean do you love me an ocean? Or two perhaps? Do you love me a million times over – or do you love me to the end of time? Or perhaps of the universe? I would simply love it if your lordship could give me just the smallest indication, so that I might have some measure of your feelings.’
‘I haven’t the faintest idea how much I – um—’
‘How much you love me?’
‘No. Not the faintest. I couldn’t even begin to guess at it.’
‘You mean it is so great, your love? It is so big you cannot begin to measure it?’
‘No! No – I mean yes! No I don’t! I don’t know what you are talking about – not a word! Isn’t it enough that a chap loves you and wants to marry you? Rather than have him measure out his feelings like – I don’t know. As if he was in his tailor’s buying some new material for some suiting or something?’
‘Oh, please,’ May begged, tipping his chin up towards her with her closed fan. ‘Could you not give me just the tiniest of notions? Even if you were to say let us suppose – yes! That you love me as much as champagne! Say that you love me as much as a million bottles of champagne!’
‘Oh – very well,’ Harry Lanford finally agreed through gritted teeth, having first glared round to see who was laughing at him in the small crowd now gathered around them. ‘Very well. I love you as much as a million bottles of champagne.’
‘More,’ May whispered. ‘Say you love me more than a million bottles of champagne.’
‘I love you more than a million bottles of champagne. There. Will that suffice?’
‘I am not altogether sure.’ May frowned, and then turned to her mother. ‘Mamma, do you consider if someone loves you more than a million bottles of champagne that it is sufficient reason to marry them?’
‘Not entirely, no,’ Alice answered firmly. ‘I would have thought a man should love you at the very least more than an ocean, which is considerably more than one million bottles of champagne.’
‘My mother considers the measure of your love insufficient, sir,’ May said, turning back to Harry Lanford. ‘Would it therefore be possible for you to improve on your original estimate?’
‘First I must be assured that you will marry me, Miss Danby,’ Harry Lanford replied through gritted teeth.
‘How can you be assured of that, sir, until I am assured of how much you love me?’ May replied. ‘However, to reassure you, pray remember that I told you that since you have had the courage to declare your love as a reason for wishing to marry me I no longer consider no to be my answer. So now, one more attempt at quantifying the love you say you have for me. Yes?’
‘Oh – very well!’ Lanford returned unhappily. Once more he gave a nervous look around him at the sea of people toing and froing and obviously riveted by the drama being enacted. Wishing for the whole hell of it to be over, he leaned forward as close as he dared towards May. ‘I love you more than a whole ocean made entirely of champagne,’ he hissed. ‘And now that is quite enough, Miss Danby, really it is!’
‘You love me more than a whole ocean made entirely of champagne?’ May exclaimed as loudly as she could. ‘Why, Mamma! Did you ever hear such a quantification! Lord Lanford has just told me he loves me more than a whole ocean made entirely of champagne! Is that not truly wonderful! For the whole world knows how very much Lord Lanford loves his champagne!’
‘I think that is altog
ether a better answer, daughter, and one which will now allow you to consider Lord Lanford’s proposal of marriage,’ Alice Danby replied, poker-faced.
‘To consider my proposal?’ Harry Lanford at last staggered to his feet, being forced to grab at his sore and cramping knees as he did so. ‘No, no, this cannot be right, madam! My understanding was that once I had fulfilled your daughter’s expectations in this matter—’
‘You mean of saying how much you loved me?’ May asked helpfully.
‘Precisely, Miss Danby!’ Lanford replied, again removing the perspiration from his forehead. ‘And now that I have done so, I expect an answer to my proposal!’
‘And you shall have one, dear Lord Lanford,’ May replied. ‘After such an effort as yours I think the very least you deserve is an answer. I will give you one as soon as I have considered most carefully your suggestion that we should be married, that I promise you. And now if you will excuse me, sir, I have a dance promised to another.’
‘No – but wait, Miss Danby!’ Harry flew after the retreating figure of May as fast as he could. ‘No – please! I was expecting an answer tonight! I was very much hoping that we could announce our engagement here at the ball tonight!’
‘Oh no, Lord Lanford, that would never do.’ May stopped before entering the ballroom and turned to face her pursuer. ‘No, I think that were I to say yes and you and I agreed to be married, then such a betrothal should not be announced at someone else’s event but at an event designed especially for that occasion. Do you not agree? After all a man of your social eminence, Lord Lanford, requires something special, an event which will be remembered for always by those lucky enough to be present. I think, sir, that is the very least you deserve.’
For the first time since he had begun to offer his proposal, Harry Lanford smiled. As he did his long lank lock of hair fell down once more over his eyes, only this time he put it back slowly and carefully with the second finger of his right hand, curling the lock back into place over his ear. ‘Yes, I see, Miss Danby,’ he said. ‘I get your drift, of course. It will be a very special occasion, will it not?’
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