She looked at Lane and Matt. “I want to go home.”
On pretense of putting her phone on the charger, Lane slipped into the sitting room and listened as Matt tried to comfort her sister. “Patience, I know you miss your mom, and I don’t blame you. I don’t know her nearly as well as you do, and I miss her too. But here’s the thing. Lane is in there feeling really bad because she brought you so far from your mom—”
“But I wanted to come. I wanted to see you!”
He tucked a stray hair behind her head and smiled. “I know, honey. I’m so glad you did. Now your mom is coming in just a couple of days, but I need you to be brave for Lane so she doesn’t feel bad anymore. Can you do that?”
Lane listened amazed at the transformation Matt encouraged in her little sister. How could someone who had known them for such a short time know how to comfort and help her Patience? How could she let a guy like that slip away?
“Lane?” Patience’s voice called from her bed.
Minutes later, Matt and Lane sat talking in the sitting room occasionally hearing the soft snore of Patience as she slept peaceably. They’d discussed what to do the next day, where they’d eat, and the conversation turned to more serious subjects when Lane’s cell phone rang again. “It’s Daddy. Can you go find a vending machine? I’m really thirsty and water just isn’t cutting it.”
By the time Matt returned, Lane was curled back on the loveseat in lightweight knit pants and a baggy t-shirt. She’d removed the scarf and her curls now tumbled willy-nilly around her face. She smiled up at Matt as he passed her a bottle of Dr. Pepper. “Thanks! I’ve got great and awkward news.”
“Which first?”
“It’s the same news. Dad couldn’t get Mom a Wednesday to Thursday flight, so she’s coming in Tuesday and leaving on Wednesday.”
Confused, Matt shrugged. “This is awkward why?”
“I know it sounds selfish, but I don’t want Patience to leave without seeing little India, but how do you call your friend and say, ‘It’s now or never?’”
“Is that all? Hope will be glad to go. I’ll call tomorrow. You’ll see.”
An awkward silence grew between them. Lane knew that Matt had something to say and didn’t know how to say it. She wanted to encourage him, but something ominous in his demeanor prevented her. Finally, Matt kicked off his own shoes and sat cross-legged on the couch facing her.
“Alright, if you’re going to stay, you need to know more about me than you do.”
“Like what?
“Lane, I didn’t grow up in a Christian home. I grew up in inner city schools full of gang bangers, drug addicts, and troublemakers. One of the first headline school shootings was the year after I graduated.”
Lane nodded. “I know this Matt. You’ve told me about where you live. I’ve been there and I’ve seen it.”
He took a deep breath and tried again. “No I’m just beating around bushes trying to justify my mistakes.”
The word mistakes hung over them like a cloud. Finally, Lane took a deep breath and said, “Are you trying to tell me you have a criminal record?”
Relief washed over Matt’s face. “No. No. I got hauled into the police station for making a disturbance at a football game my junior year, but they let me go when Dad picked me up.
“Maybe I should tell you about how I became a Christian.”
“Your parents aren’t, are they?”
The pain in Matt’s eyes answered her immediately. “No. We never went to church, even when I was little. My aunt goes sometimes, but she never took me with her. I didn’t go until I was twenty-four.”
“Five years ago, “Lane said absently. “How ironic.”
Matt gave her a wry smile. “It is, isn’t it? I went to that same church we went to today because there was a girl I wanted to date, and she wouldn’t go out with me unless I went to church with her first. I found out later that she didn’t actually go herself very often. She used it as a way to get out of going with me because she wasn’t very good at saying no.”
“She wanted to say no!” Lane’s voice was indignant.
“I like that protective air. Just remember it in a few minutes; okay?
“Anyway, I went a few times with her, and then she quit showing up, but by then, I was interested. I kept going every week for four months. Each week I grew hungrier to know more until finally, I understood.”
A light clicked on in Lane’s eyes. “Oh, I understand. You’re telling me about how important Christianity is to you, and you want it to be important to me too?”
“No—well yes that too, but no that’s the second thing we needed to discuss. Maybe it should have been the first, and since it’s out there on the table—”
“I’m not ready to deal with that right now. What were you getting at?” Lane brushed the topic of religion off the table before it had a chance to quit wobbling.
Unable to find a palatable way to tell Lane what he was trying to say, Matt blurted out, “Lane, I lived a very immoral life before that.”
“Immoral how?” She suddenly realized where he was going with the conversation and wanted to shift gears before she had to acknowledge it.
“I wasn’t a criminal, but I was, to use a phrase the Brethren probably love, worldly. I had girlfriends and several of them I never saw more than a few times, but Lane I—” He took a deep breath. “Lane, I used the women I dated. If someone treated you the way I treated those girls I don’t know what I’d do to them, but it wouldn’t be legal.”
In spite of herself, Lane giggled. “That’s sweet, Matt. Not the—well—but the not legal part.”
“Can you deal with that?”
It seemed like the night of awkward silences as another settled over their conversation. Matt had finally come to terms with the probability that Lane would kick him out and go home with her mother and Patience when she looked up at him and asked, “So that stopped— I mean at some point…”
“Lane, since I became a Christian, I haven’t even dated. I just didn’t know if I’d be able to handle it yet, so I didn’t. When I met you, one of the most amazing things about you was how much I wanted to protect you from that side of me that I didn’t trust.”
“You make it sound like something bad, Matt. It’s only bad if you misuse it.”
“Yeah, well, I did. That’s the problem. For many years, I did.” The defeat in his voice was heartbreaking.
“Matt, this is none of my business, and I will understand if you don’t want to answer, but it’s not just idle curiosity. I am really trying to understand some things.”
Matt knew the question without her asking it. He took a deep breath and said, “I don’t know the answer, Lane. I tried to count once.” The look on her face spurred him to continue quickly. “It’s not that I can count so many, Lane. It’s that I have no idea if at parties or whatever…”
A new thought crossed her mind. “Did you ever take any blood tests or anything to see…”
Matt absently twirled a tendril of her hair around his finger. She wondered if he realized how often he did that. “Yes. Five years ago. I went into the clinic at work—they come around every six months—and got tested for everything. I was clean.” He gave her an awkward glance. “When I knew you were coming I knew we’d have this discussion so I went to one of those places that has an in house lab. I should have the results any day.”
“But if you already knew you were—”
He shook his head. “Some things, things like HIV… some things take longer to show up.”
Her eyes widened. “Do you mean that you got tested because…”
Dismayed, Matt protested a bit too adamantly. “Oh, no! No! I just knew I’d have to tell you about it, and I wanted to make sure you had all the facts. I would never—well, not if we weren’t married. I mean, it’s not like I wouldn’t want—” He groaned. “Let me try that again.”
“No, let me try it. No matter how attracted you might be to me, you are determined not to repeat the mis
takes of your past?”
“Exactly! Thank you.”
“You’re most welcome. And, Matt?”
He twirled more of the strand of her hair around his finger. “Hmm?” he murmured absently.
“I’m glad you told me. It doesn’t really bother me, I guess, but I think it would have if you hadn’t told me when you did.
He tugged her closer and kissed her gently. “Thank you. It was so hard to share that part of me that I wish I could forget,” he whispered. “I recommend we table further discussion until the morning.”
Eleven
Patience wandered through Little India as though in a trance. Matt, feeling foolishly indulgent, purchased almost anything either of the girls mentioned that they liked. Hope Brown, after years of watching Matt and wondering if he’d ever find someone who saw the gold beneath the ore, watched the entire proceeding with great delight.
In one store, Hope shooed Matt and Patience out for a few minute while she took Lane into the dressing rooms and wrapped her in a sari. Hope’s mother-in-law clapped in delight as Lane stepped from the room. “Oh, my! If your skin was just a little bit darker, you could pass for Indian!”
Hope giggled. “You should have seen Jay the first time I stepped out of that dressing room. I thought he was mad!”
“Mad? Why?” Lane twirled in front of a mirror enjoying the swish of fabric around her ankles. She beckoned Matt inside the store as she saw him peer through the window.
“What do you think? Isn’t it beautiful?”
Hope and Amala Brown elbowed one another and smirked. “Yep, that’s the look! Right there. No clothing in the world can move a man like his woman in a sari.”
Matt and Lane both blushed. Lane hurried back into the dressing room to change while Matt developed an immediate interest in a jade chess set. Clueless to the teasing around her, Patience wandered around the store pointing to things and trying to imitate the Tamil word for each as the shop clerk identified each one.
At lunchtime, Amala led them to her favorite restaurant and treated the group to a genuine Indian meal. After Matt, Lane, and Patience said goodbye to their tour guides, they sat in the Argosy car and discussed options for how to spend the afternoon. Though Matt and Lane both just wanted to go back to the hotel, rest, and talk, they knew that Patience didn’t have much more time to spend in the city.
“So there is miniature golf, the malls, Storyland, the children’s science museum…” Matt named a dozen activities they could choose to fill the afternoon hours.
Eventually, they decided on bowling and the mall. They’d eat dinner in the mall, do some last minute shopping, and then return to the Towers for another game of Life. Matt was exhausted before he put the car in gear.
~*~*~*~
“Are you ready to discuss the God thing?” Matt tried to keep his tone of voice light.
In contrast, Lane dropped her answer like an anvil, effectively squashing the conversation. “No.”
“Will you answer one semi-related question?” Matt’s finger was already twirling around a strand of hair.
She eyed him sharply. “What is the question?”
“Will you ever agree to discuss it?”
She hesitated—hesitated for so long that his shoulders slumped. He sighed deeply and uncoiled her hair from his finger, but before he could stand, she caught his hand in hers and nodded. Once. “But I don’t want to.”
“I know you don’t. I do understand. Really. I just know that this will be a big something between us until it is discussed.”
“Do you love me?” He knew he looked panicked, but before he could say something, Lane shook her head and continued hurriedly. “No, no. I don’t mean, ‘Do-you-love-me-enough-to-spend-the-rest-of-your-life-with-me-let’s-run-off-to-Vegas-right-now?’ love me. I mean, am I emotionally important to you?”
“You read—”
“That’s not an answer, Matt.” The edge to her voice warned him that she wasn’t in the mood for evasion.
He sighed and twirled her hair around his finger again. His new habit of using it as a fishing line, reeling her in for a kiss at tender moments unnerved him. “Okay, okay. Yes, I love you.”
“That’s very hard for you to say isn’t it?”
Mentally, Matt groaned and thought, you have no idea. “Lane, in my experience, I’ve only ever said I love you to my parents, my aunt, and any woman I wanted to jump in bed with. It isn’t a phrase I am comfortable with anymore.”
The words were partly true. He had used declarations of love for selfish purposes in the past, but it wasn’t what made him hesitate now. He was unwilling to risk angering Lane into racing home without discussing the one topic that could make or break their relationship. If he admitted that he felt professions of love were thoughtless when nothing may come of them, Lane would bolt.
Lane curled against his side tucking her head into his chest. “I understand. We’ll talk about your church, God, the Brethren and all that stuff once my family is gone, okay?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
How long they sat like that, neither knew. Matt woke up to the sound of the toilet flushing. Lane barely shifted against him as she continued to sleep, unbothered by Patience’s late-night bathroom breaks. He wasn’t sure what to do. If he left her there, she’d wake up stiff and miserable. Nobody as tall as Lane could sleep comfortably on such a small couch.
He slipped from the couch gently laying Lane down as he did, but her head lay at an awkward angle. He wondered what she weighed. Could he carry her? She looked comfortable enough in her stretchy pants and t-shirt.
He realized it wouldn’t hurt to try. He would either wake her up trying to lift her and failing, or he’d get her to the bed. Either way, she’d get a decent night’s sleep.
He started to lift her and then remembered the bed. He hurried into the other room and adjusted the covers and pillow before he returned and bent to pick her up. Getting her into his arms and standing wasn’t the difficult part. Each step was a nightmare. He was sure he’d drop her at any moment, but he was also determined to finish the job. Isn’t it strange how pride can manifest over the silliest things?
Amazed that he managed to get her into bed and covered without waking her, Matt checked on Patience and then turned to leave. “Night, Matt.”
He whirled around to see Patience’s sweet face smiling up at him. “What are you doing awake?” he hissed.
“I had to go to the bathroom. I was branding sheep when you brought Lane in. She’s out.”
“Branding sheep?” This was a new one.
“Sure. We’re ranchers. That’s how we count sheep, you know. Brand ‘em.”
Matt nodded as if Patience’s words made any sense to him. “She’s still asleep,” he said, jerking his thumb at Lane.
“You can’t wake her up. She says that she power sleeps. Doesn’t get very many hours, but she uses each one to the max.”
Matt caught sight of the time. Another cab ride. Great. “I have to get some sleep myself, so I’m going to go home now.”
“You can sleep on the bed in the sofa if you want.”
It tempted him—oh, how it tempted him. He was exhausted, the cab fare was going to be obscene, and he’d actually sleep better knowing that Patience couldn’t slip out of the room without someone knowing it. “I can’t. My mom would be scared if she woke up and I wasn’t there.”
“You could call her.”
“Sorry, honey, she’s asleep. I just need to go home, but thanks for the offer. I’ll see you first thing tomorrow though, okay?”
Patience nodded and yawned. “Okay. I’m tired now. I don’t think I have to brand any more sheep.”
“You stay in the room, though.”
“‘kay Matt. G’night.”
Twelve
Loudspeakers announced the arrival and departures of planes in bored monotones. Kiosks sent the scent of fresh coffee to every corner of the airport. Lane, finally able to tear Patience away from the absolutely riveting sight o
f automatically flushing toilets and running water in sinks, now chased her from window to window as the child pointed out each plane’s arrival.
“That’s Mom’s plane then!”
Nerves worn raw, Lane grit her teeth and said as calmly as possible, “No, that says British Airways. Mom is flying American.”
“Well, where is it then? Is it that one? No, that says United.” Patience’s disappointed voice washed away some of Lane’s annoyance.
Lane glanced at her watch once more. “I don’t know if we’ll see it come in. I think it’s probably already here and just has to drive up to the terminal. We’re a little late so why don’t we walk to where they disembark and see if she’s waiting there.”
“But you said we’d see the plane fly in—” On and on, Patience picked at her nerves like an over wound violin.
Matt hurried in from parking the car and found them. “Why are you over here? The gate’s this way—”
“Patience had other ideas like the bathroom, the gift shop, the viewing room… “
The sight of Martha wheeling a suitcase down the relieved him. He directed Patience to her mother. “Look Patience, over there!”
The next hour was a blur. Patience insisted on showing her mother the “magic” sinks and toilets, the coffee kiosks, the gift shop, and the arriving airplanes. She was quite confused as an American airlines jet taxied down the runway and disappeared around the corner.
Matt raced to bring the car around to the loading area and get them out of the busy airport. Martha watched the scenery fly by as they whizzed around the Rockland loop. Once on the surface streets, they all listened to Patience’s explanations of what everything was and where they’d been. Half of Patience’s information was incorrect, but to her young mind, she’d seen all of Rockland and therefore everything was filtered through that misunderstanding.
“I think that’s the street you go down to see the bookstore.”
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