by Vella, Wendy
“Stretched?” Luke questioned.
“I lie on the floor and Sally pushes my leg into various torturous positions, and this allows me the movement I now have. She then digs her fingers into the abused muscles and rubs a smelly ointment into them.”
She laughed as Will and Luke grimaced.
“Sounds most unpleasant.”
“Unpleasant? Yes, it is that, Will, but it does not make me cry as it first did when I arrived here.”
“Good God, I’ll have Moses turn this carriage around at once and thrash the entire staff for inflicting such punishment on you.”
Of course Will was joking, but only partially. He and Finn did not just go through the motions of family life like many of their peers; they participated in it fully. They were loud when required, opinionated and loving. It had taken Bella a while to understand what it meant to have two strong-willed brother-in-laws in her life. For so long, it had been just her, Livvy and Phoebe, but now it was rather like learning to live in a paddock. You were fine if you kept out of trouble and walked in a straight line, but if you veered off course and collected the railings, then either Finn or Will would step in and solve the problem, or gently guide you back into the middle of the paddock.
“I have to walk every day, even in the winter,” Bella said again, making sure to get this point across early in her conversations with them. Both Will and Luke were just as likely to stop her walking if there was a spit of rain or dash of snow in the air. “And I like to walk briskly with Sally, so there is no need for either of you to have an army of servants follow me about.”
Will’s smile said ‘of course we wouldn’t do that’. Bella, however, knew better.
“However, it’s icy underfoot at the moment so you will need someone to walk with you.”
“Will,” Bella sighed. “I understand and love that you care about my welfare, but really, I can take care of myself and have been doing so for a few months now.”
“You’ve only been gone half a year and I can already see the change in you. In fact, I think I see rather more of your middle sister in you now than is healthy.”
Luke snorted at that, but said nothing further, and even though he did not offer much to the conversation, she was aware of him. Aware of the tension in him that matched her own. She had told him she loved him before entering the clinic, and added that she knew he loved her. The words hung in the air between them, like an invisible bridge that one day soon they both must cross.
“Pain tends to make you go inwards, but now that I am no longer continually suffering, my natural sweet, sunny and assertive nature is making a reappearance.”
“I’m sorry for what you suffered, sweetheart,” Will reached across and took her hand.
“But I’m glad that now we have three bossy women to keep us in line,” he added.
“I’m thinking of borrowing Livvy’s cloak and riding out at night, just to experience what she and Phoebe did, now that I can ride again.” Bella burst into peals of laughter as both men paled at her joke.
“You’re sense of humor has not improved, I see.” This was muttered from beside her.
“Lord, Bella, don’t even say such a thing in jest,” Will shuddered.
In desperation, her sisters had taken to stealing from carriages, dressed as
Highwaymen, to survive after their father died and left them penniless. It had been a terrifying time for Bella, who, because of her leg, had stayed at home to wait for their return, never certain that they would arrive uninjured, or return at all.
“So tell us of your daily life now,” Will said, settling back on his seat.
They talked during the journey and she answered questions about her stay in the clinic, and Will kept the conversation moving, with only a few words thrown in from Luke. The tension between them slowly built until both were tense and on edge, and Bella had never been more relieved than when, finally, the carriage pulled up at the posting house they would stay at for the night.
She rocked backwards and forwards on her toes and heels when she stepped down from the carriage, like she had been taught to do to ease the stiffness in her leg. There was still enough light for her walk before their evening meal.
“I will just walk for a bit, and join you inside shortly.”
“It’s frigid out here, Bella, and the ground is most likely still icy,” Will said, moving to her side. “You’re not walking down that road on your own.”
Bella saw the determined look in his eye. She would have to remember that she was not in the clinic anymore and therefore had to consider others when she decided to do something, or be very cunning about it so they were unaware she had gone.
“I know you told us you will walk with Sally, and that is fine in a place that is safe, but here, we know not who may come down that road.” He pointed back along the route they had just followed.
Bella sighed; she’d known one of them would stop her, of course. She’d just hoped to have got out of range before they tried. It was going to take some adjustment on all their parts now she was back with her family. They had protected the lame and wounded Bella, but she was no longer that person. It had taken hard work and pain, and her leg was slowly starting to heal. In that clinic she, along with the help of the staff, had worked on being a stronger and more positive person. She had worked at putting the woman who had constantly stood in the shadows aside, and was determined to continue with her change until she stood alongside her sisters as their equal.
“I just need a little walk, Will. A brief stroll, nothing more.” And she needed time alone, time to think about what she would say to Luke if and when he brought up her words.
Finn looked around him briefly before he yelled. “Luke! Can you accompany Bella on her walk please?”
Dear God.
“No! I mean, that’s all right, Sally will come with me,” Bella said quickly. She wasn’t ready to be alone with him yet.
“And so will Luke, as I need to sort things for tomorrow and our lodgings,” Will said reasonably. She then watched as he unwound the scarf from his neck and wrapped it around hers, muffling her up to her ears.
“Let’s go, then. I don’t have all day and I have things to sort out before we retire for the evening.”
Bella bristled at Luke’s clipped words; she had not asked him to walk with her, and after the strain of the carriage journey, she was in no mood to be spoken to that way. “Don’t be so bloody rude, Luke Fletcher.”
The surprise on his face made Will laugh and pat her shoulder. “It seems more than your leg has changed in the past few months, little sister.” He kissed her cheek briefly before he left to go into the inn. “And I, for one, will enjoy watching the transformation continue,” he threw over his shoulder before disappearing inside.
“What do you mean by speaking in that manner?” Luke glared at her. “You sound like a…a—”
“A London street vendor?” Bella asked calmly.
“You’re a lady, and as such should not speak that way.”
Bella ignored Luke’s words and struck out, with Sally, down the road. He could come if he wanted, but she would not wait to find out.
“Since when do you blaspheme?”
He fell in beside her, and Bella did not look his way, instead concentrating on walking correctly as Doctor Abernathy had taught her to. Carry your weight evenly, Isabella, walk slowly, and keep your strides small so you do not over extended your leg. Take big, deep breaths every few steps and this will help you to focus. Of course, each breath meant she inhaled a lungful of frigid air, but still, it felt good to be outside walking again. Pushing her face into Will’s scarf, she warmed her icy cheeks.
“I apologize, it was rude of me to speak that way. However, I need to walk every day and you have no need in the future to concern yourself with accompanying me, as Sally is a more than adequate companion, I assure you.”
She heard his hiss of breath and Bella swallowed her small smile. He did that when he was displeased.
> “Shouldn’t you be resting after such a long carriage journey?” The words were snapped out and Bella couldn’t remember when he had last spoken to her like that. It seemed more than she had changed in the past few months.
She’d only heard snatches of conversation about his years away with Will, but she had come to realize that in India, Luke had been more Will’s equal than servant. There, he’d learned the value of money and business, and how to lead men. He’d arrived back in England a different man, but upon his return, had chosen to slip back into his old ways, much to Will’s disappointment. However, now it seemed he had decided to fill the vacancy left by Freddy’s departure as Will’s man of affairs. She wondered why.
“I am not the invalid I once was, Luke, and you need to understand that. I want to now lead a full life.”
“And this includes entering society.” His words were flat and emotionless.
She’d thought about that, thought about the dreams she’d had that included pretty dresses and attending balls. She had once believed it out of her reach, but now…now she still wanted it, if only for one season.
“I would like one season, yes.” Bella kept her words calm, even though inside she was a mass of nerves. She’d known this day would come, when she had to put into practice what she had planned while in the clinic, yet it was still hard. She loved this man and wanted a life with him, but she also wanted to enter society. Did that make her shallow, or just another young woman wanting to fulfill a long sought-after dream, and one she had thought out of her reach for so long?
“I see.”
“No, you don’t. You see my words as an end to my love for you, but they are not, they are merely a postponement.” There she’d said it out loud. She loved him, and he could make what he wanted from that statement.
Looking down the road, she inhaled a small, sharp breath of air. There was a small bush standing on its own just before the bend. She would walk to there and back, and pray she would keep her composure until she returned to her room. But before she reached the bush, a hand grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. Blue eyes looked down at her, intent and focused.
“Explain that to me.”
Stay calm, Bella.
“Do you believe it wrong of me to want to enter society when you cannot?”
His sigh was tired and dredged from the soles of his feet. “I do not, and after what you have endured, I even understand why you want it. But I also know what you will see and who you will meet. I know that I may lose your love and never reclaim it.”
He put two fingers on her lips as she started to speak. “But I also know that I would never stand in your way, if that is your wish.”
The anger that rose inside Bella nearly made her breathe flames. How dared he doubt her. “Do you believe my love is so fickle that a few months spent amongst strangers, dancing and being a lady, will banish it? Am I such a shallow person then, Luke Fletcher, that the love that has burned in my heart for many years can be extinguished in a matter of days? Will my head be turned so easily by a handsome, rich man?”
“Bella—”
“You’ve never reciprocated my love. Not once have you promised a future, or talked as if we could ever have one. Yet you stand there judging me. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps someone will sweep me off my feet and I will forget about the surly man who has occupied my heart for far too long!”
Bella pulled her arm free and continued slowly down the road with Sally. She kept her back straight and her arms swinging, just as Doctor Abernathy had told her to.
“You know my feelings, Bella.” He took her arm once more.
“I have no further wish to discuss this, Luke. I will enter society, and we will see what happens, and after…if I have not fallen madly in love several times, fickle female that I am, then we shall see how you feel.”
He made a sound that spoke of his anger, but she ignored him. Turning at the little bush, she started back towards the posting house. It was so quite out here. Beyond the fences on both sides of the road she could see fields and hills. She’d come to love the small part of Scotland that she’d lived in briefly. Loved the thick brogues of those she met and became friends with at the clinic. She would miss them dearly, but was also longing to see her sisters and her home.
“You will see the difference once you enter society, Isabella. The things you will have to give up to be with me. I cannot ask that of you. You will be shunned and set aside. Invitations will stop arriving.”
“Well, that is a decision I will be informed to make after I have entered society. So, like I have already stated, we will talk on the matter no further.” You foolish, bloody man! How could he think her love for him could ever be lost?
She shot a quick look at his face and saw the anger and confusion. Luke was not a man who liked to discuss his feelings or emotions and Bella almost felt sorry for him…almost. He had doubted her love, and that hurt.
“Yes, I think that is an excellent plan. After all, I may wish to marry another,” Bella said.
“You will not!”
She gave him an innocent look. “But you have just stated that it will be hard for me to give up the luxury of life in society to share yours.”
“You are already talking like every other empty-headed debutante whose sole purpose is to flaunt themselves in the London ballrooms in the hope of catching an eligible, rich peer.”
The disgust in his tone cut through Bella but she did not show it. How dare he judge her when he had made the choice to put the distance between them? More than just her leg had changed in the last few months. She had lived without him, and had realized that to do so she needed to be strong, even if inside she was hurting. Before, pain had ripped away her strength and left her weak and needy, but now she was stronger she could hide her emotions.
“Isn’t that the difference between us then, Mr. Fletcher? Haven’t you always highlighted our birth as the reason we are not equal in your eyes? Surely my entering the ranks of the debutantes—I shall not say empty-headed, as that was uncalled for—is what you expect of me?”
He was silent, and she could feel the anger and frustration coming off him in waves. She had always been able to feel his moods, and she hated that she still could. Although this time it was different; she would take no steps to lighten it as she once would have.
“I had no right to say what I did. Forgive me. I hope you know that I have only ever wanted your happiness, and it was never my intention to hurt you.” He said the words from behind her, which was just as well because she felt the sting of tears and blinked furiously to hold them at bay.
She slowed her steps briefly but did not look behind her as she spoke. “Please, there is no need to discuss the matter further. The past is forgotten. There is only the future to embrace now. I shall enter society and time will tell what it holds.”
CHAPTER TWO
The journey was long and tiring for Bella. Will was entertaining and Luke spoke upon occasion, but the tension between them filled the carriage. She was hurt and angered by the fact that he believed her so fickle, and that he had not spoken of the love she knew he felt for her only made it worse.
After the first night, Will or Sally had accompanied her on her daily walks and she was grateful the weather had allowed her to exercise, as being cooped up in the carriage was hard on the muscles in her leg and usually by the time they stopped, they had stiffened and begun to ache.
“I’m thinking Rufus, but Livvy won’t hear of it.”
Bella dragged her eyes from the darkening sky to look at Will and Luke, who had for the past few miles been debating names of Will’s future offspring.
“Dudley is a fine name, or Cedric,” Luke said, and Bella squinted in the rapidly darkening carriage to see if he was serious.
“I think Edith for a girl?” Will added.
“You will have no say in the matter of naming your child and you know it.”
They both looked across the carriage to where she sat.
�
�My wife understands who the master of our household is.”
She found a tired laugh as Will finished speaking. “You don’t honestly believe that, do you?”
“It’s good to hear you laugh, Bella. You’ve been very serious today.”
“It was not my intent, Will. Forgive me if I have been poor company.”
“Care to tell us what the problem is?” Will questioned, his eyes going from hers to Luke’s.
“I have been away from you all for so long and in that time much has changed for me, Will.” Bella looked back out the window as she tried to say what needed to be said.
“We see those changes, Bella, but there is something more bothering you?”
“She is tired, Will. Surely that is enough for now.” Luke’s words made her look at him, but his eyes were on his friend, and she was grateful for his interference. Will tended to be determined when he started questioning people, and not happy until he got the answer he sought.
“We shall be home to—”
Will never finished speaking as they heard the thunder of hooves. Hands gripped her waist, and seconds later she was wedged between him and Luke.
“Quiet now, Bella. We are about to be robbed.”
“What? How do you know?” Someone shouted then, asking for the carriage to stop.
“If I wasn’t so bloody angry, I’d laugh at the irony of it all,” Luke muttered. Running one gloved hand along the seam of the roof above him, he then opened a panel. Pulling out his money pouch from inside his jacket, he then withdrew a handful of coins, leaving a few inside. He stuffed them in the panel, along with the money and ring Will passed him.
“What jewelry are you wearing, Bella?” Luke said turning to her. Gone was the expressionless man of minutes before. He and Will were now focused, their eyes narrowed and angry.
“I-I just this.” She showed him her mother’s locket, which he quickly undid.