Tainted Lives

by Mandasue Heller

  She was seriously contemplating ending the misery once and for all when ten-year-old Harry Shaw arrived at Starlight and inadvertently saved her life.

  With his carrot-orange hair, wire-thin limbs, invisible eyelashes and freckle-peppered skin, Harry had suffered an endless round of rejection and abuse. And his own pretty mother had started the cycle.

  Repelled by the sight of him as he slithered from her loins, Amy Shaw greatly exaggerated a mild case of post-natal depression and begged the authorities to take him into care – just until she was better. Well-meaning social workers made many attempts at reuniting them, and Amy always agreed to give it a try – rather that than face their disapproval if she refused. But it was never more than a week before she sent him back, claiming she was still too depressed to take proper care of him.

  Harry was six the last time Amy had him and, in a last-ditch attempt to make him more presentable, she plastered liquid foundation over his freckles and dyed his hair blond. He suffered an allergic reaction to the chemicals.

  When the social worker called a week later to check on Harry’s progress, she was appalled to discover him locked in a cupboard, his mother nowhere in sight. His hair had fallen out in clumps, his face was raw and swollen, he hadn’t eaten for days, and he hadn’t been allowed out to use the toilet. Phoning the police, the social worker had him removed – for good.

  Harry adored his mother and would have endured any amount of abuse to stay with her. But he was never allowed to go back, and he had to learn to deal with it.

  He was ten-going-on-forty when he arrived at Starlight after the latest in a long line of unsuccessful foster placements. Knowing now that he would always be judged on his unattractive appearance, and that bullies would always target him, he avoided close contact – with other kids, especially. But it rarely worked out the way he planned and, having found himself up against the wall more times than he could count, he had developed a self-deprecating humour. It usually worked, but he soon found out that it wasn’t going to at Starlight.

  In the vain hope that the polite, much bigger twelve-year-old would take Harry under his wing and give him a running start, Dandi roomed Harry with Ollie Ford. Unfortunately, she had no idea that Ollie’s manners only extended as far as the staff. To the other kids, he was a nightmarish Vinnie wannabe. From the first night, he joined in gleefully as Vinnie punished the new boy for daring to be so ugly.

  By the end of the first week, Harry had learned that his brand of humour flew straight over the bullies’ heads and intensified their desire to hurt him, so he stopped that. And struggling spurred them on, too, so he stopped that as well, hoping that his lack of response would deprive them of whatever perverse pleasure they were getting. It didn’t.

  Most of the kids knew what was going on, but none was prepared to lay their head on the line and tell, because the repercussions of grassing someone like Vinnie Walker were far worse than the actual bullying.

  Only Sarah had no idea. In fact, she was completely unaware of Harry’s existence until a few weeks after his arrival when she happened to spot Vinnie, Pete, Ollie and Rob ambushing him as he made his way to the bathroom.

  If Sarah hadn’t been in such a foul temper, she might have gone about her business and left them to it. But she was, so she didn’t. And it didn’t matter that she didn’t know Harry, because this was no act of heroism. It was simply as good an excuse as any to start an argument – with someone who actually deserved it, for a change.

  Vinnie had left her alone since her birthday, but she knew he still harboured ill feeling towards her – it was obvious in the way he looked at her. Not that she gave him the satisfaction of looking back, but she could feel the skin-crawling sensation of his stare on her body, nonetheless.

  Interfering in his business now was guaranteed to spark a violent reaction from him, but Sarah truly didn’t care. She was in exactly the right mood to take him on – to pay him back for the misery his ego-fuelled attack had caused her. And if he tried to get heavy he’d get the shock of his life, for she wasn’t the same girl he’d chased out of the house that day. These days, she carried a small, sharp penknife around with her. And if anyone deserved a taste of it, Vinnie did.

  Slipping silently along the landing, Sarah pushed past Rob before he could close the bathroom door and warned him to stay quiet with a finger to her lips. With their backs to the door, the others didn’t even notice her standing there.

  Thrusting Harry up against the tiled wall, Vinnie held him by the throat while Ollie unbuttoned his trousers and yanked them down to his ankles, taking his underpants with them. Laughing nastily, Ollie took a piece of string from his pocket and wrapped it around the boy’s tiny genitals.

  Sarah couldn’t believe what she was seeing when Ollie began to pull on the string. Not only was the poor kid’s dick in danger of being sheared right off, it was obvious that he could barely breathe. His face was growing more scarlet by the second, and his hands were flapping like clumsy, hairless birds on the ends of his skinny wrists.

  ‘Get off him, you bastards!’ she yelled, marching towards them.

  Glancing around at the sound of her voice, Vinnie grinned. ‘Oh, look who’s here, lads. Come to join the party, have you?’

  Harry’s eyes bulged alarmingly as Vinnie increased the pressure of his grip.

  ‘Let go!’ Sarah demanded, pulling on Ollie’s arm. ‘You’re gonna kill him, you fucking morons!’

  ‘Belt up,’ Ollie snorted, pushing her away. ‘We’re only having a laugh!’

  ‘A laugh?’ she exclaimed scornfully. ‘God, you’re as thick as him!’

  ‘What you gonna do about it?’ Ollie leered at her breasts.

  ‘Don’t even look at me, you little shit!’ she spat disgustedly.

  ‘And I don’t know why the hell you’re going along with this.’ Sarah turned on Rob who was still hovering in the doorway. ‘Jimmy and Ade had the sense to sack this lot off. How come you’re still hanging about with them?’

  ‘They’re me mates,’ Rob muttered, blushing deeply as he stared unhappily down at his feet. In truth, he was just too scared to face the kind of beating that Jimmy and Ade had taken for daring to leave the gang.

  ‘Maybe I’ve got you all wrong, eh, Rob?’ Sarah went on mercilessly. ‘I thought you were all right, but maybe you like all this shit? Think it makes you look hard, hanging about with these brain-dead bastards, do you?’

  ‘Watch who you’re dissing, you!’ Ollie scowled.

  ‘Or what?’ she demanded. ‘You think I’m scared of you? Don’t make me laugh! Move!’ Shoving him aside, she wrenched the boy from Vinnie’s grip. He fell to the floor in a gasping heap.

  ‘Ah, look at her protecting the little mong,’ Vinnie sniggered, leaning casually back against the wall. ‘Love him, do you?’

  ‘Sick bastard!’ she snarled.

  ‘Nah, babe,’ he drawled, reaching out and stroking a finger down her cheek. ‘You can’t fool me. You might as well just admit it . . . You fancy me, don’t you?’

  Snatching at the finger, Sarah bent it right over onto the back of Vinnie’s hand. Staring icily into his eyes, she said, ‘Touch me again, and I’ll break it right off. Now fuck off before I get really mad!’ Pushing his hand aside, she pulled the knife from her pocket and thrust it towards him. ‘Know what I mean, babe?’

  Laughing, Vinnie jumped back, his painfully throbbing finger clutched protectively to his chest. ‘Come off it! What you gonna do with that . . . peel me?’

  Pete wasn’t so sure that it was a joke. In fact, Sarah looked decidedly serious. Backing out of the room, pulling Rob and Ollie with him, he said, ‘Yo, Vinnie . . . leave it, man. Come on.’

  Vinnie shook his head, still looking at Sarah. ‘Nah, man, it’s cool. She wouldn’t dare.’

  ‘Want to try me and see?’ Her voice was low and mean. ‘I mean, I’ve got nothing to lose, have I? It’s not like I haven’t done it before, is it?’

  Something in Sarah’s eyes gave Vinn
ie a jolt. It was the coldest, deadliest stare he’d ever seen in his life – and from a girl, of all things. But it was no girly look. It contained the pure essence of a woman – a truly dangerous woman.

  ‘Sack it,’ he sneered. ‘I ain’t gonna touch you. Even if you wasn’t just a bird, you ain’t worth it. Then, looking down at Harry still huddled on the floor, he cocked his finger like a loaded gun and swaggered out.

  When he’d gone, Sarah locked the door and took a towel from the cupboard. Her hands were shaking as she soaked it in cold water, but it wasn’t fear, it was the massive adrenalin rush that she’d experienced when confronting him with the knife. The fact that he’d backed down empowered her in a way she couldn’t yet define – a way that lifted her mood considerably.

  Taking the towel to Harry, she kneeled beside him and gently placed it on the welt encircling his neck.

  ‘Are you all right?’ she asked, gazing at him with concern.

  ‘Yeah,’ he croaked, too embarrassed to look her in the eye. ‘Just need to catch my breath.’

  Heaving a sigh of relief, Sarah sat back on her heels. ‘Shit! You had me scared for a minute there. You should’ve seen the colour of your face! I thought you were a goner.’

  ‘It’s not often I have colour,’ Harry flipped back.

  Frowning, she said, ‘Is that supposed to be a joke?’

  ‘Well, you’re not laughing,’ he murmured, ‘so I guess not.’

  ‘No!’ she snapped. ‘’Cos it’s not funny! Vinnie was throttling you, you stupid little prick!’

  Blushing beetroot as her words reminded him that his trousers were still around his ankles, Harry doubled over and dragged them up.

  ‘Oh, God!’ Sarah put her hand to her mouth. ‘I didn’t mean anything. I was just . . .’

  ‘’S all right.’

  ‘No, it’s not. I’m really sorry, and I swear I didn’t look. But you just don’t get it. Vinnie could have killed you!’

  Shrugging resignedly, Harry hugged his knees to his chest. ‘He’s been practising long enough.’

  ‘He’s done this before?’

  ‘And the rest.’ Sighing, he pushed himself to his feet and buttoned his trousers.

  Standing, Sarah looked down at him and felt the anger welling up in her breast. He looked so . . . unfinished. Like a waxwork waiting to have its features painted on. Vinnie was a whole lot taller and heavier. What pleasure could he get from torturing the boy? But that was Vinnie’s thing, wasn’t it? Seeking out the weak and vulnerable and making their lives miserable.

  ‘You’re Sarah, aren’t you?’ Harry asked her shyly. ‘I saw you when I first came. Dandi shouted to you to come and say hello, but you mustn’t have heard her.’

  ‘Oh?’ she murmured, not remembering. But then she wouldn’t. She’d been too wrapped up in herself to notice anyone else. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘It’s all right,’ he said. ‘Not many people want to meet me. Not exactly good to look at, am I?’

  Sarah knew he meant it despite the jocular tone, and she thought it was a shame that he had so little respect for himself. He was ugly, there was no use denying it. But he had something about him, all the same.

  ‘Know what?’ Folding her arms, she cocked her head to the side. ‘I don’t see what your problem is. I think you’re all right.’

  Harry Shaw fell in love.

  ‘Aw, you don’t have to say that,’ he murmured, pulling a face to cover his delight. ‘I know I look like a bumhole. That’s why my mum gave me up. But I’m glad, ’cos her cooking’s shit. Anyway, I used to scare her boyfriends. They probably thought they’d catch whatever disease she must’ve had to give birth to me.’

  ‘Quit with the shit,’ Sarah scolded, frowning deeply. ‘We’ve all had crap to deal with. Get over it! Who are you, anyhow?’

  ‘Harry Shaw,’ he said, blushing yet again as the next words escaped of their own accord: ‘You can call me Quasi, if you want.’

  ‘I don’t think so!’ she snorted. ‘He’s got a hump the size of Vinnie’s head. How old are you?’

  ‘Ten,’ he admitted, sighing heavily. ‘Bet you won’t want to talk to me now? No one your age ever wants to talk to little kids.’

  ‘I don’t talk to anyone – kid or not,’ she retorted. ‘Not unless I want to, anyway. But I reckon you and me will get on all right.’

  ‘Really?’ He squinted disbelievingly.

  ‘Yeah, really.’ Reaching out, Sarah gave his cheek a rough tweak.

  Harry couldn’t look at her for a full five seconds. He’d never been spoken to like this in his life before – not even by the adults in the various homes that he’d been in over the years – and they were supposed to make you feel good about yourself. Dandi was the best so far, but even she hadn’t made him feel that she really liked him and wasn’t just doing her job. Sarah actually sounded like she meant it. It was a nice experience, but potentially dangerous – for Sarah, at least.

  Deflating fast, he said, ‘Look, I, er, don’t think you should bother with me. People get picked on when they hang about with geeks.’

  ‘Bollocks!’ Sarah snorted. ‘I just told you I don’t talk to anyone. It isn’t exactly gonna make a difference if they all fall out with me over you, is it?’

  ‘Yeah, but you don’t know what it’s like being this geeky,’ he muttered, thinking that she was far too pretty to understand. ‘I’m not worth it – honest. I’d ignore me from now on, if I was you.’

  Sarah folded her arms and pursed her lips stubbornly. ‘Don’t tell me what to do. If I want to be your friend, I will be!’

  Harry grinned, but his face quickly fell when Sarah frowned.

  It had just occurred to her that flaunting any kind of friendship in front of Vinnie would be like waving a red rag at a bull after what had just happened. She wasn’t so much concerned about herself, but she doubted whether Harry needed any more shit.

  ‘Er, look, on second thoughts,’ she said. ‘It might be best if we did ignore each other.’

  ‘Yeah, sure, whatever,’ Harry murmured, dropping the wet towel into the washing basket and heading for the door.

  ‘Oi!’ She folded her arms. ‘Where you going, sulky?’

  ‘Places to hide, people to avoid,’ he quipped, shrugging morosely. ‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll be all right.’

  Shaking her head, Sarah smiled with amusement. ‘I only meant in front of the others – to keep Vinnie off your back.’

  ‘Oh, right.’

  ‘Yeah, so you can stop pulling your face now, can’t you?’

  There was a knock at the door.

  ‘Harry, are you in there?’ Dandi called through.

  ‘Er, yeah,’ he answered, grimacing. ‘Won’t be a minute.’

  ‘I’ll wait,’ Dandi said. ‘But don’t be long. I need to get you measured up for your uniform.’

  ‘Oh, great!’ Sarah giggled. ‘How am I supposed to explain being locked in here with you?’

  ‘Hide,’ Harry hissed, pointing towards the shower cubicle. ‘I’ll move her away so you can sneak out. I’ll, er, get her to go to my room, or something.’

  ‘Have fun getting measured,’ she teased, stepping into the cubicle and pulling the curtain across.

  Rolling his eyes, Harry flushed the toilet for effect then went to the door. Thinking of something, he ran back to Sarah.

  ‘When will I see you?’

  ‘I’ll catch up with you,’ she said. ‘Now, piss off before she kicks the door in. She probably thinks you’ve fallen down the loo!’

  Vinnie couldn’t stop thinking about Sarah. The psycho bitch had pulled a knife on him! What was that all about? And she would have used it, too. He could tell from the stare that she’d given him.

  Shit, that had been a bad-assed stare. But how sexy was it? It reminded him of those horror films where the demon turns into a gorgeous naked woman, and just when the main man thinks he’s going to get his rocks off she skins him with her teeth.

  He got a hard-on every time he
thought about it, but then Harry Shaw’s face would appear and Vinnie’s cock would droop. Not only had the ugly little mong caused Sarah to almost stab him, he’d also stopped Vinnie having a bit of fun in peace. Harry would have to be taught a lesson after lights out, to show him the error of his ways.

  Vinnie wasn’t sure what he was going to do with Sarah yet, but he didn’t think he wanted to hurt her. In fact, he was toying with the idea of trying to win her over instead. He hadn’t succeeded first time round, but they’d both grown up a lot since then. And he’d been working out a lot recently. She’d have to be impressed by his body. He was solid as fuck.

  Yeah, he’d do that – win her over. However long it took. He’d just have to bide his time – and he was good at that.

  In the meantime, Harry Shaw would suffer for getting in the way.

  Harry curled into a tight ball when Vinnie, Ollie and Pete approached his bed that night. He had been expecting it.

  In the pitch darkness it was impossible to see their faces, and their voices were indistinguishable. But it didn’t matter who was where, or who was saying what. Their intention was unanimous.

  ‘Think you’re well smart, getting a girl to save you, don’t you?’

  The quilt was yanked away.

  ‘Bet you thought you was off the hook. Well, guess what? You ain’t!’

  The first punch deadened Harry’s arm.

  ‘Yeah, we’re gonna do you!’

  The next punch sent him flying onto the floor.

  ‘You listening, you fucking mong?’

  The kicking and stamping took the wind right out of him.

  ‘Ugly twat! This is what you get for hiding behind a girl!’

  Harry stayed on the floor long after Vinnie and Pete had gone and Ollie had climbed into bed and fallen asleep. As the tears spilled silently down his cheeks, only one thought stopped him from going down to the kitchen, taking a knife from the drawer and slicing his own throat from ear to ear.

  Sarah was his friend.

  And he loved her – really loved her. If he could see her face and hear her voice for just five minutes a day, he would gladly endure whatever Vinnie threw at him.