Vinnie realized that his opportunity to say what he’d meant to say was almost gone. ‘Just wait a few minutes,’ he said. ‘I wanted to ask you something.’
‘I can’t.’ Sarah edged her way around the table. ‘I’ve got to get on, or I’ll get nothing done.’
‘Please,’ he urged, grabbing her hand. ‘Just two minutes . . . One! One minute, an’ I swear I’ll leave the mong alone for good!’
Sighing, she slid her hand from his grasp and sat back down. ‘All right, but hurry up. I’ve got loads to do.’
Vinnie shifted in his seat, unable for a moment to meet her impatient gaze. ‘Um, I, er, wanted to know if we could kick it sometime?’ he managed at last. ‘When you’re set up, and that. We could go for a burger, or something?’
Sarah groaned internally. How was she supposed to get out of this? If she refused outright he’d get annoyed and Harry would cop for it when she was gone. But if she said yes, he’d expect her to come through, and Harry would cop for it when she didn’t. And she couldn’t, because Vinnie was too much of a snapper.
‘Will you?’ he asked, taking her hesitance as a positive sign. ‘I swear I’ll lay off him if you say yeah. Sarah . . . ?’
‘I – I can’t, Vinnie.’ She smiled regretfully. ‘Not ’cos I don’t like you. I do – honest. But you’re – well, you’re younger than me.’
‘Only a year,’ he countered. ‘Anyhow, I look older. No one would know.’
‘I would.’
‘Yeah, but that don’t count.’ He flapped his hand dismissively.
Sarah drew her head back. So her opinion didn’t count, and he thought it was perfectly reasonable to say so. Was there no end to his ignorance?
‘Look, I’ll think about it.’ She stood up. ‘But I’ve got to go now.’
‘Promise?’ Standing himself, Vinnie looked down at her hopefully. ‘’Cos I’ll keep to my side if you keep to yours.’
But not if I don’t, she thought.
‘I will, but it might take a while. I’ll have a lot to do before I even think about going out. You’re not gonna get narky and do something stupid if you’ve got to wait, are you?’
Vinnie gave her a disarmingly handsome smile. ‘Look, as long as I know you’re not gonna try and blag your way out of it, I’ll wait. You get to be good at that in these places.’
Sarah felt a sudden tug of sympathy for him. He wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t known pain and rejection in his life. Nodding, she said, ‘Yeah, I know. I’ll see you later.’
‘The sooner the better,’ he said. Then, holding his hands up at her look of alarm: ‘Chill! I can be very patient when I need to be.’
Sarah ran to her bedroom and checked her stash. She was relieved – and more than a little surprised – to find that it hadn’t been touched. Making her way back down to the office, she wondered if she hadn’t misjudged Vinnie. All right, so he was an aggressive lout who was more than capable of causing a fight in a convent. And he’d made poor Harry’s life an absolute misery – although that should stop now, if he were true to his word; which she imagined he would be given how desperately he seemed to want to get into her good books. But surely he wasn’t all bad? He was good-looking, and he did look a lot older than he actually was, which would help if they did go for that burger – not that she’d decided, but she might have no choice if she wanted to ensure Harry’s safety.
An idea began to form in Sarah’s mind.
Vinnie fancied her, had said he’d lay off Harry if she went out with him. If she played him right, she might actually be able to persuade him to protect Harry. It’d be a twist, but if she kept him sweet enough he might just go for it.
But how could she keep him sweet without getting involved with him? He wasn’t the type to play platonic. He’d want to go all the way, and she didn’t think she could do that – not even for Harry.
No! Vinnie could smile as charmingly as he liked, it wasn’t going to get him anywhere. She had more sense than to go weak at the knees over a bad boy like some stupid little tart.
The kind of stupid little tart that Mark Chambers had obviously mistaken her for.
Which reminded her . . . That was probably one of the things Dandi wanted to discuss: the results of the inquiry.
With any luck, there’d be nothing to discuss because the Board would have done the right thing and sacked the bastard.
Dandi smiled when Sarah entered the office. But it was not a happy smile and Sarah sensed the things they were about to discuss were not going to be to her liking.
‘What did they say?’ Sitting down, she folded her arms defensively, preparing for the worst.
Frowning, Dandi scooped together the papers strewn across her desk and stacked them neatly together. Looking up at last, she shook her head.
‘I’m sorry, Sarah, you left it too long. I did warn you this would probably happen.’
‘Is he coming back?’ Sarah demanded icily.
Dandi shifted uncomfortably in her seat. ‘I can’t discuss that with you, Sarah. It’s an official decision. Nothing to do with you.’
‘It’s everything to do with me. It’s me he laid his filthy hands on.’
‘Sarah, please . . . you’re making this very difficult.’
‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize I was supposed to make it easy. Maybe I should’ve just got up this morning and pissed off without making a fuss?’
‘Don’t be silly.’
‘What, then?’ Sarah slammed her hand down on the desk. ‘Come on, Dandi. What am I supposed to do? Walk away and forget all about it?’
‘No, of course not.’
‘So you’re admitting I have got something to remember, then?’
‘I’m not saying that.’ Dandi felt as if she were being backed into a corner. Damned if she did – damned if she didn’t.
‘So you don’t believe me.’ Sneering, Sarah rose to her feet and stalked towards the door. ‘Thanks for nothing, Dandi!’
‘Sarah, wait. We’ve still got things to discuss.’
Turning, Sarah shook her head. ‘You’ve said more than enough already. I just want to get out of here and never come back.’
‘Well, I’m sorry you feel like that,’ Dandi murmured. ‘I understand you’re angry right now, but—’
‘I’m not angry,’ Sarah interrupted. ‘I’m mad! Really, really mad!’
‘Okay . . . but we still have things to sort out. We’ve got an appointment with the housing project later this morning, and the careers adviser this afternoon.’
‘I’m not going anywhere with you. I’ll sort myself out.’
‘I have to go with you. You have to have representation. The best you could hope for if you try to go it alone is a place in a homeless hostel, and even that might take a while.’
‘So? I’d rather sleep on the streets than let you help me. And you know me well enough to know that I won’t change my mind.’
Sick with regret at having to leave it like this, Dandi opened her drawer and took out an envelope. ‘You’ll need this, then.’
‘What is it?’ Sarah eyed it suspiciously. ‘If it’s money, you can stick it. You’re not buying me off. Or are you trying to set me up for counselling?’ she went on bitterly. ‘’Cos if you are, you can stick that as well. There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s him you should be worrying about.’
Dandi shook her head. ‘It’s details of the appointments – times, names and addresses. If you’re determined to go it alone, tell them to ring me for a recommendation. It might help.’
Still Sarah didn’t move. Dandi sighed heavily.
‘You definitely will need your bank account details. Your grant has already been paid in. Your card and PIN number are in here.’
‘I don’t want it.’
‘But it’s yours. Everyone gets it when they leave. It’s nothing to do with me. It’s direct from the government. Take it.’
After a stubborn pause, Sarah marched back to the desk. Snatching the envelope she gave the content
s a quick scan.
‘I’m only trying to help,’ Dandi murmured guiltily. ‘I do care about you, Sarah – whatever you might think.’
‘Just tell me one thing,’ Sarah demanded. ‘Did they even bother asking him about it?’
‘Of course they did,’ Dandi assured her. ‘But look at it from their point of view. You had no witnesses, no actual proof, and you waited a year before saying a word – a year, Sarah! And he denied it – adamantly, I might add.’
‘Like he was gonna admit it.’
‘Beside the point. Simply put, it was your word against his. And given that there’s absolutely no evidence to support your claim, the Board had no option but to close the matter.’
‘Well, that’s it, then,’ Sarah murmured, the fight draining from her.
Reaching into the drawer again, Dandi took out the small box she had placed there earlier. It was little compensation, she knew, but she refused to allow Sarah’s birthday to go by giftless. She slid it across the desk.
‘It isn’t much, but I want you to have it.’ She couldn’t bring herself to add ‘Happy birthday’, for there was nothing happy about this situation.
Sarah eyed it with contempt. ‘Is that supposed to make up for betraying me?’
‘I’m not betraying you. This isn’t how I wanted things to turn out, you know? I know I’ll never be your mother, but I hoped we’d at least be friends.’
‘It isn’t gonna happen.’
Dandi nodded sadly. She’d have liked to have been able to put things right, but she couldn’t give Sarah what she wanted and say that she believed her.
Nor could she tell her that, although the Board had directed that Mark should be reinstated, they had also ordered Dandi to keep an eye on him. They weren’t stupid, but neither was Sarah. Armed with the knowledge that they had doubts, she would demand that they should explain why they were putting the kids in danger by letting him stay – and she’d kick up a stink the size of Manchester when, inevitably, they refused. The publicity would be terrible, maybe even resulting in Starlight’s closure. And that was something Dandi couldn’t even contemplate.
‘If it’s any consolation,’ she said. ‘I want you to know that I won’t let anyone hurt the children in my care. If you think I’ve failed you, then I can’t apologize enough. But nothing is going to happen to anyone else – I promise you!’
‘Talk is cheap, Dandi.’
‘You have my word.’
Sarah looked at her for a long, silent moment before saying, ‘I know you’ll do your best.’
‘Yes, I will. Now, will you take this?’ Standing, Dandi picked up the box and carried it around the desk.
Reaching for it, Sarah looked into the eyes of the only woman who’d ever even tried being a mother to her. Seeing the tears swimming there, she felt the sting behind her own.
‘Thanks,’ she murmured, blinking rapidly as she gazed down at the box. Carefully removing the wrapping paper she lifted the lid. Inside was a tiny gold crucifix on a long, delicate chain.
‘I had the priest bless it,’ Dandi told her, blushing and shrugging at the same time. ‘I know you’re not religious, but . . . well, I still subscribe.’
Dipping her face to hide her tears, Sarah said, ‘Thanks, Dandi – for everything.’ Then, turning, she rushed from the room.
Sarah had composed herself by the time Harry crept into her room twenty minutes later. Sitting on the bed, he watched as she packed her rucksack, his face a picture of pure misery, his skinny chest rising and falling.
‘Something to say?’ she asked, moving him aside to get at a couple of Tshirts.
‘I want to come with you,’ he blurted out.
‘Well, you can’t. There’s no way they’d let you, so there’s no point getting your hopes up.’
‘We don’t have to tell them. I’ll slip out when no one’s watching. I wouldn’t be any bother. Please, Sarah . . . I don’t want to stay here without you. I’ll get hammered.’
‘No, you won’t.’ Smiling sadly, she ruffled his hair. ‘I’ve had a word with Vinnie and he’s promised to lay off you.’
‘Yeah, right!’ He snorted disbelievingly. ‘Why would he do that for you? He can’t stand you.’
‘Wrong.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘He’s just told me he fancies me, actually. And he said he’d leave you alone if I went out with him.’
‘Ugh!’
‘My sentiments exactly, but if it keeps him off your back . . .’ She shrugged.
‘You won’t, though, will you?’ Harry was horrified at the prospect. ‘It wouldn’t stop the others.’
‘He’s the one I’m most worried about,’ Sarah told him. ‘If any of the others start, just kick, bite, punch – anything! Just go for it like the little loony I know you can be! Right?’
Harry’s face was so pale when he looked up at her, wordlessly pleading with her not to leave him, that she felt a tug at her heart. The poor little sod had nothing going for him, and now she was abandoning him. Sitting down, she took his icy hand in hers.
‘Look, I’ll tell you what I’ll do. As soon as I’ve got myself sorted, I’ll send you my address and some money and you can come and see me. What d’y’ say?’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
Harry almost smiled. Then his face began to crumple. Putting an arm around his narrow shoulders, Sarah hugged him to her.
‘Aw, don’t,’ she moaned. ‘You’ll have me at it again if you start.’
‘Please let me come,’ he sobbed. ‘I hate it here. No one likes me. Everyone’s always taking the mick!’
‘Take no notice.’ Sarah gritted her teeth. ‘Not one of ’em’s as good-looking as you’re gonna be when you grow up. And that’s what’s up with them, you know – they’re jealous!’
‘No, they’re not!’ He grinned bashfully. ‘Who’d want to look like me?’
‘I think you’re cute, and don’t you forget it!’ Giving him a last squeeze, she stood up. ‘Right! Let’s get this finished so I can get out of here. Pass us my box.’
Sniffing loudly, blinking back his tears, Harry slid his hand beneath the mattress and brought out the box only he had ever been trusted enough to see.
‘How about when I’m older?’ he asked, passing it across. ‘Or how about adopting me? Well, foster, anyhow. You could do that, couldn’t you?’
Sighing, Sarah slipped the box into the rucksack. ‘Don’t talk daft. There’s no way they’d let me take you on at my age. You know what they’re like round here for doing the right thing.’
Giggling at her spot-on impersonation of Dandi, Harry did a not so good one of his own. ‘You ain’t goin’ nowhere, Mongo! No one gets out of here alive, so get them trainers scrubbed, and give that toilet a licking so I can have a nice clean crap!’
Recognizing it as Vinnie – despite it sounding more like Fagin – Sarah didn’t laugh. Instead, frowning, she said quietly, ‘You won’t wind him up, will you, Harry? I’ll try to keep him dangling till he loses interest, but you’re gonna have to do your bit.’
Serious now, Harry nodded. ‘I’ll try, but you know what he’s like. He’ll find something to do me for if he feels like having a go.’
Sighing, Sarah fastened the clasp on the rucksack. Slipping her jacket on, she hoisted the bag onto her shoulder and looked around. ‘Well, that’s it.’
Fear flitted across Harry’s face like the shadow of an eclipse. ‘I don’t want you to go!’ he cried.
‘I’ve got no choice, kiddo.’ Leaning down, she gave him a quick hug. ‘I’m a big girl now.’
He stared up at her, his mouth flapping wordlessly, unable to say the words he longed to say: that he loved her, and couldn’t bear the thought of a single day going by without seeing her face. He was too scared of the revulsion that he was sure he would see in her eyes.
‘I’ll miss you, you snotty little slug!’ Sarah smiled as she backed towards the door, praying that she wouldn’t break down. ‘Don’t forget to look out for my letter.
Soon as I’ve got somewhere, you’ll be first to know. Here, by the way . . .’ Reaching into her pocket she pulled out her cigarettes and tossed them onto the bed.
Making a hasty escape, she ran all the way down the stairs and out of the door, only stopping when she reached the gates. Pausing to take one last look back at the house, she headed off down the road.
Harry stayed in Sarah’s room long after she had gone – lying on the bed, crying, her pillow clutched to his face so that he could breathe in the sweet scent of her hair.
What was he going to do without her? She was his rock, his salvation – his reason for living and breathing. All he had left was the promise of a letter. And much as he wanted to believe that she would fulfil it, he knew deep in his heart that the contact would soon fizzle out and he’d have nothing but memories.
He tensed when the door slowly opened.
‘She’s gone, then?’ It was Vinnie.
Sitting up, Harry looked at his long-time tormentor nervously, waiting for the scorn at the sorry state of his swollen, red-eyed, shiny-nosed face. It didn’t come.
Vinnie was looking around, his gaze lingering on all the empty places where Sarah’s belongings had been. He’d known this room so well when she’d been here, had sneaked in on numerous occasions when she’d been out and the coast had been clear. It had given him satisfaction to know that no matter how much she avoided him he could always be near her – touching her things, feeling her presence in her absence. Now she was gone, it would never be the same again.
Harry watched the emotions flitting across Vinnie’s face and it gave him a start. Vinnie really felt something for Sarah – he had to or he wouldn’t be standing here now, just feet away from Harry but making no move towards him.
‘When did she go?’ Vinnie asked suddenly, looking at Harry for the first time. ‘Did she say anything?’
Harry shook his head, his eyes betraying the fear twisting his guts that Vinnie would take it out on him because she had left without saying goodbye. But Vinnie wasn’t even thinking about laying into him. He just wanted to know if he would ever see Sarah again.
‘Didn’t she say if she was coming back to see Dandi?’ he asked, slipping his hands into his pockets, embarrassed to be exposing his heart by begging the kid for information.
Tainted Lives Page 13