by Tia Siren
I stomped toward the house, carrying my son as I went. The kid was getting too big for me to carry, but I couldn’t let him go.
“Ashley,” Brock started.
I spun around. “Stay away from me! I can’t believe you did this. I turn you down and you kidnap my son!”
“MOM!” Jasper yelled.
I blinked and looked at him before setting him down on the bottom step of the porch. “What?” I asked with a great deal of frustration.
“Dad didn’t kidnap me! I ran away!”
I stared at my five-year-old son in shock. “You did what?”
“I ran away. I went to Dad’s house and he brought me back here,” he said, wincing as he said the words.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You ran away, Jasper? Why would you run away?”
“Because I wanted to see my dad and you told Grandpa we couldn’t see him anymore,” he said.
I took a deep breath. “Jasper Tanner Parks, get your butt inside and plant it on the couch. We are going to talk about this. Don’t you move. Don’t you play with anything. You sit there and think about what you did,” I ordered.
He turned and walked up the steps. I watched his little shoulders droop as he went inside the house. I took a few seconds to compose myself before turning to face Brock. It was time to eat crow.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I couldn’t find him and then you showed up here and I assumed you were mad at me and took him.”
He shook his head. “You’re unbelievable, Ashley. That is something you would do—you know, take a kid from his parent to punish the parent.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated.
“You’re damn lucky I came home when I did. He was sitting on my front steps. I gave him water and then brought him straight home. I didn’t encourage him. I told him what he did was wrong.”
I nodded. I couldn’t speak. All the adrenaline that had been racing through my system evaporated. I felt weak and drained. All the emotions hit me at once. Tears ran down my face. Brock took several long strides toward me and wrapped me in his arms. He held me as I wept without saying a word.
When I could speak, I apologized once again. “I’m sorry. I can’t believe he did that. Did he say why he ran away?”
I felt his chest inflate with a deep breath before relaxing. “He overheard you talking to your dad, I guess. He thought you weren’t going to let him see me because you didn’t want to be friends. He panicked and ran.”
I had to laugh. He was his mother’s child. I panicked and I ran. We were going to have to work on that. I knew Brock recognized the irony but was kind enough not to point it out.
“Why, Ash? Why can’t we be friends?”
I stepped back and looked into those blue eyes that always made me feel all gooey inside. “Look, what we went through the first time, Brock—I know you think I ran away and life was all grand for me, but it wasn’t. It took me a long time to get over you. I don’t want to go through that same heartache again.”
“We could have worked through it, Ashley. That’s how relationships work. You come up against hard times and you have to fight to stay together. You lean on each other. You figure out how to move on—together. You don’t run away.”
“I know. I mean, I know that now. I don’t want to hurt you, Brock. I really don’t. I didn’t set out to come back into your life and hurt you,” I said, a fresh wave of tears coming over me.
He pulled me back into his arms and held me while I cried. Once again, I composed myself and stepped away.
“Why would you want me anyway?” I asked. “I’m a mess.”
He laughed. “One hot mess. Just the way I like you.”
I shook my head. “I can’t believe you think this is a good thing. I’m a total wreck. I want you, I don’t want you; I attack you and then I push you away. I was thinking Anna was the one who was a bit crazy, but now I wonder if I’m the crazy one.”
I looked at him, expecting him to assure me that wasn’t the case at all, but he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. I had been stomping all over the man for the past half decade. I had been awful to him. I didn’t deserve his patience or forgiveness.
“Ashley, you are the only one who can decide what you want,” he said. “But I will say this: I’m not a yo-yo. I will not keep playing these games with you. I am too old and too tired to keep doing this back and forth.”
I nodded. “I know. You’re right, which is why I said I couldn’t go out with you tonight.”
“You need to figure it out, not just for my sake, but for Jasper’s as well. He’s confused. Your mixed signals gave him false hope that he was going to have a big happy family. Then you yanked that away from him. It isn’t me that is wavering, Ashley. It’s you. You say you don’t want to put Jasper through the on-and-off-again bullshit. Then don’t. It’s your choice. I’m here and I am willing to try, but I won’t be used. I won’t wait forever, and I won’t go down this road again.”
I looked into his eyes and knew he meant every word. He had just laid down an ultimatum.
“Brock, I—”
He held up his hand. “I have to get to work. You call me when you figure it out.”
I watched as he got into his truck and drove away. I made it to the front porch before I collapsed in one of the chairs and bawled my eyes out. I couldn’t seem to stop making these horrible choices. Brock was a good man. He was good looking, kind, and responsible. He was everything a woman looked for in a man. He was a good dad, too.
Though I had no idea what I was doing, I knew he was right. I had to get my shit together. I was going to end up scarring Jasper for life if I continued this push-and-pull thing with Brock. Jasper needed his father in his life, and I needed to figure out how that relationship was going to work between the three of us before Brock took matters into his own hands.
He had been patient long enough. That lawyer was ready and waiting to spring. Billable hours were billable hours. He would likely be pressuring Brock to go after me for joint custody. I couldn’t choose to be with Brock to avoid a custody battle, but I could choose Brock because I wanted to be with him.
It was truly up to me. I wiped my face and pulled myself together. I needed to go deal with my son. I had to get across the dangers of running away. I was so glad we lived where we did. If we had been in the city and he had gotten this wild, things could have ended up very differently.
“Jasper,” I called as I stepped into the house. “Come in the kitchen. We’re going to talk over some milk and cookies.”
He shuffled into the kitchen, his head hanging low in shame. I hugged him. The fear of never hugging him again had been crippling. I had decided I would hug him a lot more often as soon as I saw him again. I knew it wouldn’t be long before he was shrugging off my hugs. I had to take advantage of every opportunity I could before that day came. I was still bigger than him and would tackle him to the ground to hug him.
“I love you,” I told him.
“I love you too, Mom. I’m sorry I ran away.”
“I know you are, but we need to talk about what you’ll do the next time you’re mad at me. I’m sure it’s going to happen plenty often, and we need to find a better way to handle it.”
Chapter 34
Brock
It was a slow day at the office. The phone hadn’t rung once and I had nothing to do. I had reviewed the proposal several times. It was a sit-and-wait game to see if the seller would accept the terms of the offer I’d put in. I had already scanned the MLS and the foreclosure reports. Nothing. Nothing that sparked my interest. I doubted anything could excite me at this point. I was in a funk. I knew it was because of what had happened yesterday. I didn’t like waiting for Ashley to make a decision. I shouldn’t have given her that kind of power.
I doodled on a piece of paper before giving in. I wasn’t feeling it, and I could tell Anna was preoccupied as well. I had tried to make small talk with her earlier, but she had been distant, as if there were about a million
things on her mind and I wasn’t one of them. There was no point in both of us sitting in the office being miserable if there was nothing to do. I needed to break free and had a feeling it would do Anna some good as well.
I walked out to the desk where she was sitting and staring out the window. “Anna?”
“Hmm?” she asked without looking away from whatever had caught her eye.
“Want to get out of here?”
She blinked and turned to look at me. “What?”
“I don’t want to be here. It doesn’t look like you want to be here. There is nothing on the calendar. I say we close up and take the rest of the day off.”
“I can’t afford to miss the hours,” she replied. “What did you need me to do? I didn’t realize I was supposed to be doing something.”
“Nothing. That’s the point. There isn’t anything to do—nothing that can’t wait another day,” I said.
She eyed me with suspicion. “Are you planning to sneak off with my sister?”
“No,” I said vehemently. “Definitely not.”
“What if someone calls?”
“They’ll leave a message. I’ll check the messages throughout the day.”
She didn’t look convinced. I wasn’t sure why I was having to try so hard to convince her to take the day off.
“I’ll pay you for the day. I just want to get out of here. Let’s close up and go. We’ll play hooky, go shopping, sleep, watch a movie. We’ll do whatever it is you would do on a day off.”
She grinned. “I don’t think you can play hooky since you’re the boss, but I’ll be happy to go along with it if you’re going to pay me.”
Finally. “Good. Then I say we are taking a mental health day.”
“Works for me,” she said, turning off the computer.
I went back into my office, grabbed my laptop and phone, shut off the lights, and off we went.
“Have a good day,” she called out as she headed down the street. “I’ll see you tomorrow, unless you want to pay me for not working again.”
“Not a chance. Take it easy today,” I said before getting in my truck.
I sat in the front seat with the AC blowing and debated what I wanted to do. I wasn’t in the mood for a run. It was too hot and I didn’t have that kind of energy. I was battling a serious case of the doldrums. An idea sprang to mind. I grabbed my phone and called Helen. Her husband was at work and she was alone in her hotel room. I asked if I could visit and take her to lunch. She agreed.
I backed out and headed off to Morgantown. I didn’t realize how much I would miss Helen until she wasn’t there to talk to. She was more than my secretary. She was an excellent sounding board. I should pay her therapist wages. She was my personal counselor and always knew how to pull me out of these funks. I needed to see her to make sure she was okay with my own eyes. She had sounded a little down when I’d talked to her last Friday. She was dealing with far more serious problems than I was. I hoped I could be her shoulder to lean on.
The drive did me good. Hitting the open road was the best therapy. I pulled into Helen’s hotel and found her waiting in the lobby for me.
“Hi!” I said, wrapping her in my arms but being careful not to squeeze too tight. I knew she was still recovering from surgery.
“Hey, you. I’m so glad you called. I was going a little stir crazy in that room. I take it you were doing the same in the office?”
I grinned. She knew me too well. We had played hooky numerous times over the years. “I was. I needed to get out of there. What are you in the mood to eat?” I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders. “Anything. I start chemo next week. I figure I may as well eat now while I can hold it all in.”
“Mexican?”
Her eyes lit up. “You sure know your way to a girl’s heart.”
I laughed and escorted her out to my truck. I punched in a search on Google and found a restaurant.
“Fill me in on the latest gossip. I know Ashley saved the farm. Are you two still talking? Do you love her or hate her this week?” she teased.
I rolled my eyes and threw my hands in the air. “I have no idea. The woman is hot and cold. I suppose you’ve heard about my son?”
She smiled. “I have. Congratulations. It’s a boy!”
I laughed. “I think that’s about five years too late, but thank you. He’s a great kid. Super smart, funny, and he calls me dad,” I gloated.
“Good. He should. Does that mean you and Ashley are getting along?”
“No. It means nothing of the sort. Like I said, hot and cold. One minute we’re happy, spending time together and enjoying each other’s company, and the next she is telling me to stay away and not to call.”
Helen tilted her head to the side. “I’m sorry, Brock. That’s tough. I know you love her.”
I groaned. “I do. I hate that I do. I don’t know why I can’t just forget about her and move on.”
“Because she’s the one. Everyone knew the two of you were destined to be together the moment you met in the third grade. You may have moved away, but when you came back, you caught her eye and she caught yours.”
“Well, I’ll close my eyes the next time she’s around. I’m done. I’m over it. I don’t want to play the on-off game anymore. Neither does she,” I said.
“You can’t say you’re done. You’re not. It’s fate for you to be together. Unfortunately, fate can be a real bitch sometimes.”
I nearly choked on the drink of water I had just taken. “Helen!”
“It’s true. Look at me. I’ve never smoked or drank. I lived a completely healthy lifestyle and I have cancer. You tell me fate isn’t a cold, mean-spirited bitch.”
“I’m sorry, Helen. It isn’t fair. How’ve you been feeling?”
“Good as can be I suppose. I’m not looking forward to the chemo, but the oncologist assures me I caught it early enough that I have a good chance of recovering. When he was in there chopping off my lady parts, he removed a few lymph nodes as well.”
I nodded, unsure what else to say. I hated that she had to go through all of this.
“How long do they think you need to stay here?”
“The doctor says he wants me close for the first couple treatments. If I tolerate it well enough, I can go home and drive back here every two weeks.”
“Good. It will be nice for you to be able to sleep in your own bed.”
“How’s Anna working out?” she asked.
“Good, actually, but don’t worry, the job is still yours. I will hold it for you forever. Don’t feel like you need to rush back, though. I want you to get well.”
There was a look of sadness in her eyes. “Brock, I don’t know if that time will come. It could be a few months or even longer.”
“That’s okay. I can wait. You are too good to let go. And Anna’s pregnant,” I blurted out.
“I hope you’re not going to tell me it’s yours.” She narrowed her eyes at me.
“No. God, no. That woman terrifies me. I meant she’s pregnant so she isn’t going to be there forever either. I’ll ask if she wants to move to full time while you are out. Hopefully you’ll be back by the time she has the baby.”
“I hope so, too. I certainly don’t want to be out of commission that long.”
The waiter took our order and we turned the discussion to lighter topics while we waited for our food. I could see she was tired. I imagined she must have been under a great deal of stress, and being here all alone had to be rough. Her husband had to go home to keep working.
After we ate, I took her back to the hotel. When I asked if she needed anything, she said she had all she needed and then I headed on home.
I was glad I’d gotten to see her and spend some time with her, but I hated seeing her so unwell. She had to get better. I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. The ride home wasn’t quite as enjoyable as the trip over. I couldn’t get what Helen had said out of my head.
Were Ashley and I destined to be togethe
r? What if the only way we could be together was the way were now? I couldn’t keep going like that. I needed stability. I needed to know we had a relationship and were going to be there for each other no matter what. I didn’t like the uncertainty. Hopefully fate wasn’t quite as cruel as Helen had indicated. I didn’t want to be on this hamster wheel Ashley and I had been stuck on any longer. What if that was what fate had in store for us?
I got home and walked through my empty house. I picked up a little, but it wasn’t like the place ever really got messy. I was the only one who lived here and I wasn’t exactly a slob. It didn’t take much to put a couple dishes in the dishwasher or run a load of laundry. I knew most people with busy households probably wouldn’t agree with me, but I actually kind of wished there was someone around to make a mess now and then. It would make the house feel lived in instead of just a place I slept at night.
After kicking around the house, I went to bed. As I lay there, listening to nothing, I wished like hell I had a family in the house. I wanted Ashley beside me and Jasper down the hall. I wanted to wake up in the morning to chaos as we all rushed to get ready for our day. I wanted to hear the sound of laughter and conversation in general.
I drifted off to sleep, thinking about the many what ifs and what could have been. Despite what Helen had said, I wasn’t sure Ashley and I were meant to be together. It was a youthful romance that had dissolved. There were still some lingering feelings on both sides, but deep down, I had to accept that it was likely for the best if we moved on. There was too much water under the bridge.
Chapter 35
Ashley
I felt a little guilty for dragging Jasper out at the crack of dawn, but it was necessary. This would be a good memory for him. I remembered going to the farmer’s market with my dad on many occasions. It was our time together, which was important to me. Being the youngest of four siblings in a single-parent household often left me feeling like I did not get enough of attention. I was the only one who wanted to get up early in the summer to go with dad, and I was secretly glad of that fact. It was my one chance to be alone with him.