by M. Malone
Lulu.
That voice was going to haunt her until she figured it out. There were so many different explanations for what she’d heard. Maybe it was someone she’d known as a child. Her nickname had been used more then. Although she couldn’t imagine someone holding a grudge that long. Why come back and hurt her now? It could have been the result of all this stress, causing her to imagine things. But then why had the guy tensed when she’d said Rafe’s name?
She hadn’t imagined that part, she was sure of it.
The futility of it all was maddening. But this wasn’t going to paralyze her. She was determined to do something productive.
After pulling on a tank top and shorts, she walked out to the main area. Oskar sat on the couch watching TV, the sling on his arm not detracting from his incredibly ripped bare chest.
Sweet Lord.
These guys were enough to give a woman a heart attack. She’d always been Noah’s through and through, but she wasn’t dead. Any woman with a pulse would take a second look at a man who looked like Oskar when he was shirtless. She giggled. Even Nonna would probably take a second look, although she’d no doubt say a Hail Mary afterward.
“Morning, Oskar. Have you seen Noah?”
He inclined his head toward the hallway. “He’s been in there with Matthias for a while. You need something?”
Her heart flipped over as warmth spread through her body. She really was the luckiest girl in the world. These guys would do anything for her, including give their lives to protect her. She walked closer and put a gentle hand on his shoulder right above where the sling started.
“I should be asking you that. How is your arm?”
He shrugged. “It’s still attached. What more can I ask for?”
Lucia couldn’t resist a grin. He really was too much sometimes. Big, brutal and aggressive, but then he’d turn around and do something sweet out of the blue. Whatever girl caught his eye was going to have her hands full not falling head over heels for the big lug.
“Do you want breakfast? Although I just realized we probably don’t have any food here.”
“You’re cooking? Oh thank you, thank you. I’ll be a good boy Mommy if you just make me pancakes.” Oskar leaned his head against her arm and softened his gorgeous face into a pitiful mask. It was all the more amusing since he was such a huge, aggressive-looking guy.
“Pancakes? I’m thinking we’ll be lucky to find cold cereal in this place.”
“Noah had a huge order of groceries delivered earlier. So there’s hopefully something decent in there. I’m ready to eat cardboard at this point.”
Lucia stroked his hair affectionately, unable to resist a little tenderness. “That won’t be necessary. I’ll find something.”
She walked into the kitchen and discovered that Oskar hadn’t exaggerated when he said the order was huge. The pantry was filled until there was almost no space left and the refrigerator looked just as packed. Since all the guys were hanging around it made sense though. This food would no doubt be gone in just a few days.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she answered it absently while sifting through the contents in the pantry.
“Lucia! Thank God. I just heard what happened. Are you okay?” JJ’s voice was just shy of hysterical.
When she finally found the pancake mix, she put it on the counter and then started looking through the refrigerator for milk and eggs. It took a while since she had to shift stuff around to see what was in the back.
“Sorry, I was going to call you today. Things have just been so crazy. Wait, how did you find out?”
“Adriana told us that your boyfriend called in for you. Said your apartment had been vandalized and you’d need a few days off.”
“Noah called. Of course he did. That’s not exactly what happened though.”
As she filled JJ in on everything that had happened, she mixed the pancakes and started frying them in a pan she found in one of the lower cabinets. She ended with, “So Noah showed up just in time before the guy could get me out the window. I think that thing he put around my waist was some kind of harness. Otherwise, I’m not sure how he planned to get down the side of the building carrying me but I guess kidnappers aren’t that smart.”
JJ huffed out a laugh. “Either that or he was planning to tie you to his back first. Maybe he’s not used to stealing people. He’s probably used to snatching laptops or something.”
Lucia thought back to how the man in black had held off Oskar, Jonas and Matthias simultaneously. She shivered. This was no garden-variety purse snatcher. He was more like Superman. Just her luck to attract a near-invincible psycho stalker.
Once she had a nice stack of pancakes, she made a plate for Oskar and brought it to him in the main area along with an unopened container of pancake syrup and a fork. The look of adulation on his face made her laugh all over again.
“The moment Noah fucks up, I’m taking his place. I don’t need much. Just keep feeding me like this.” Oskar speared a huge hunk of pancake with the fork and took an obnoxiously large bite.
“Be a good boy and I’ll make you some bacon, too.”
“I love you. Please leave Noah’s cranky ass and marry me. I may not be as pretty but baby I’ve got everything else you need.”
“Whose sexy voice is that?” JJ demanded. “And why do you have all the hotties breathing on you lately? Share the love, please!”
Lucia laughed. “It’s just Oskar being silly.” She turned to Oskar. “Don’t let Noah hear you say that or he’ll dislocate the other arm.”
Oskar rolled his eyes but then turned his concentration to working the fork left-handed. She left him with his exaggerated moans and groans of enjoyment and went back to the counter to eat her own food.
“Well, I’m glad that you’re okay.”
Lucia was quiet, unsure if she wanted to tell JJ the whole truth. But as usual her best friend could sense when she was holding out.
“Are you really okay, Lucia? Things have been pretty intense lately. Anybody would be freaked out.”
“I am freaked out. Especially since the guy who was here … JJ he had my brother’s voice. I swear, it sounded just like Rafe.”
JJ didn’t respond and she could practically feel her friend’s concern coming through the phone. “Lucia …”
“I know what you’re going to say. It sounds crazy, believe me I know. But when I said his name he froze, like he wasn’t sure what to do. And he called me Lulu. No one calls me that anymore, not even Nonna.”
“That’s … okay I’m not going to pretend I can explain it, but that doesn’t mean it’s Rafe. People don’t just disappear for years with no trace. Why would he even want to do that?”
“People fake their deaths,” Lucia protested.
“Yeah, in the movies. Or people with shitty lives they want to escape. Or tax evaders. None of which applies to Rafe. Your brother would have never left you and Nonna to fend for yourselves. He adored you.”
Lucia hung her head. It made her feel disloyal to have even thought it when she knew that JJ was right. Her brother would have never just disappeared with no word no matter how bad things were in his life. Rafe had been many things but never a coward. He would have faced bullets head on before leaving her and Nonna alone in the world. But that voice… She couldn't just let this go when the sound of her brother’s voice was still echoing in her ear.
“It sounded just like him. Don’t I owe it to him to at least investigate?”
“How? There really isn’t anything you can do. I hate to point out the obvious sweetie but we have no resources to handle something like this.”
Lucia smiled. “Actually that’s not true. I have the best resource of all. My memories. I know Rafe. What he liked, what was important to him. If he really is alive, then he’s still the same person and as much as he might try to disguise himself, there are some things you can’t change.”
JJ sighed. Lucia knew that her friend was trying to be supportive but didn’t
really believe her.
“Just say it. I know you think this is crazy.”
“I think you’re distraught and grasping onto anything that can bring you comfort. I understand that. What worries me is that you seem convinced already that he’s alive. I don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.”
“You’re worried about me, I know. But I’ll be careful, I promise.”
After talking about a few random things happening in the office, they hung up with Lucia promising to keep JJ in the loop about what was going on. The whole time in the back of her mind she was turning over ideas. How did you smoke out a person who was hiding from everyone?
By the time she finished cleaning the kitchen, she had a plan.
Lucia didn’t have the opportunity to put her plan into action until the next week. It had taken her that long to figure out how to get Noah’s help. She couldn’t just ask him for it straight out because he’d think it was weird and probably just keep pushing her to talk to a shrink. It was so irritating the way he assumed he always knew best.
Lucia rolled her eyes. She’d long ago learned that the best way to handle these alpha-male types of guys was to let them think everything was their idea. Rafe had been the same way and she’d been a master at handling him before she even hit her teen years.
Thinking about Rafe brought her mind back to what she was doing. She looked out the window at the scenery flashing by as they raced over the highway.
It was a beautiful day for an adventure. At least that was how Lucia had posed the idea of visiting the clock tower at the state library in Connecticut. It had been her mother’s favorite place in the world, and she’d taken Rafe and Lucia there often before she died.
After their mother’s death, Rafe would bring her there whenever she was sad or lonely. When the girls at school picked on her for wearing secondhand clothes or for her wild bushy hair, he’d pick her up from school early and they’d go sit in the courtyard behind the library and look up at the clock tower. She used to pretend that if she stared hard enough she could make the hands of the clock turn faster or even go backward. That she was in control of all the bad things that happened and could fix them whenever she wanted. Even after she was old enough to recognize just how powerless she was in the world, it had brought her comfort to see it.
Rafe had never had much imagination, so he’d sit and eat sunflower seeds while she hummed to herself, lost in her daydreams. He’d been patient that way, not needing to say or do anything, content to just let her dream. She’d often wondered how he could do that, just sit and wait without moving a muscle, but he’d never rushed her or made her feel like he’d rather be somewhere else.
Her brother had always made her feel like she was the most important person in his life. Maybe that was why none of her boyfriends had ever had a chance, even if they’d been able to get past Noah. Rafe had taught her early how she should be treated by a man and Lucia wasn't willing to settle for less. Even in death, her brother’s shoes were hard to fill. She’d always known it would take a hell of a man to even come close.
And I did come pretty close, she thought as she looked over at Noah. His fingers were sure on the steering wheel and his profile was tight with tension but he hadn’t tried to talk her out of coming here. When she’d explained that she needed to go somewhere familiar, somewhere she could remember the good times with her family, he just nodded and got to work making it happen.
Was it any wonder she loved him so completely? Even when he made her crazy, she couldn’t deny he did it all because he thought it was for her own good.
They pulled off the highway and Noah finally spoke. “Ryan is following us and will observe from a distance. I’d like to keep our visit to less than an hour if possible. I want you to have your time, you know that, but I can’t put you at risk.” He glanced at her warily as if worried she’d be pissed about the restrictions.
“I understand. Thanks for making this happen for me. I’m sure you’d rather keep me at home under lock and key.”
Noah snorted but at least there was a smile on his face now. “I’d bubble wrap you and put you behind glass if I could.”
Lucia didn’t doubt it. “Let’s pass on that. It’d be hard to cuddle if I was in bubble wrap. And other things.” She leaned over and cupped him between his legs, insanely turned on by his deep groan.
“Christ, are you trying to make me crash this car?” He gently removed her hand but kissed her fingers before releasing them. “What happened to my innocent little princess?”
“You corrupted her and she decided she liked being bad.”
She was teasing but even as she said it, Lucia realized it was true. Being with Noah had opened her up in so many ways and she loved feeling so confident and safe to explore with him.
She was quiet the rest of the way and didn’t even notice how much time had passed until Noah turned the car off. The parking lot was mainly empty since it was the middle of a weekday. Noah got out first, looking around the car with a shrewd eye and a harsh expression. Anyone who wanted to screw with them would be crazy to try anything while he looked like that. Later, she’d be sure to tell him just how arousing she found that harsh, unyielding expression. Maybe she’d whisper it while he was inside her just to drive him crazy.
She smiled at the thought.
When he opened her door, Lucia accepted his hand to get down and then followed as he led her toward the library. They walked inside and Lucia looked around, anxious to see if it looked different to her after so many years away. The far left wall had been converted to a row of computer stations which was new; it had previously been the periodical section. The carpet was a different color and she didn’t recognize the librarians behind the counter. Other than that, it looked much the same. Warmth flowed through her at the familiar sights that used to represent family and comfort.
Access to the courtyard and the clock tower was through the back door, so they walked across the main floor. Lucia grinned at a small group of toddlers huddled around a librarian reading in an animated voice. When she was younger, she’d imagined that one day when she grew up and got married she’d bring her own children here for story time. It had been so long since she’d thought of that. Of course, that was before everything in her life changed so dramatically. After Rafe’s death, she no longer dreamed of weddings and princes to sweep her off her feet.
Not when she’d gotten the most definitive proof of all that fairy tales were just that, tales. Real life was never so neat.
They stepped onto the back patio and followed the path leading to the clock tower. Lucia gazed up at it, still awed by how majestic it seemed. She turned in a slow circle, noting the neat landscaping of small shrubs and flowers around the base of the tower. The color of the red brick had faded slightly over the years, but it was obvious that it was clean and well cared for.
“It looks the same,” she whispered.
She wasn’t sure what she’d expected. For it to look as weathered and tired as she felt on the inside, perhaps? But no, it looked solid and strong, exactly as it had always been. The only thing that had changed was her. While her world had been shattered, the rest of the world had kept on spinning.
“You’re crying,” Noah stated, looking completely lost.
Lucia raised a hand to her face and was startled to see the moisture on her fingers. She was in fact crying.
“What’s wrong, Lulu?”
His use of her nickname just made it worse somehow, reminding her of days long gone and a time that she could never recapture. She’d never again be that girl who believed in the impossible and only had to look to her brother leaning against the tower to feel centered again.
What had she really hoped to accomplish coming here? Had she thought that Rafe would coincidentally be there and pop out saying ‘Surprise’ or something? It was ridiculous that she’d allowed herself to get excited about yet another fairy tale that couldn’t come true.
“Let’s go. I’ve seen enough.”
“Okay, whatever you want.” Noah watched her with a worried look on his face. No doubt he wanted to ask why she’d wanted him to drive her all the way out here only to cry and then leave after two minutes. She was glad he didn’t ask because she had no answers to give him.
She walked to the base of the tower and put one hand on the cool brick. The rough texture under her hands made it real somehow. This was the last time she’d ever come here. It was too painful to look back at the past knowing what she’d lost.
“Goodbye Rafe,” she whispered.
Then she saw it. At the base of the clock tower.
Sunflower seeds.
chapter four
Noah watched as Lucia moved to the base of the clock tower and leaned against it. He never should have brought her here. This was bringing up bad memories, obviously, since she was already crying. He moved closer, intending to pull her away when she suddenly smiled.
This was the first time Noah had seen Lucia smile in ages. Her real smile, not the strained version she’d had pasted on for the last week. What the hell was going on?
"You okay, sweetheart?"
She grinned up at him. "I'm perfect. Thank you for bringing me up here. I missed this. Missed that sense of home."
She shivered a little. The hot and sticky July had given way to an even hotter and stickier August for the most part. But from up here, the breeze coming in from over the ocean hit them just right, making it much cooler up here at the clock tower.
Lucia wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you, Noah."
Automatically, his arms wrapped around her, holding her in the shelter of his embrace. Jesus, he'd missed this. He’d missed her. Her smile, her laugh and even her shouting. "I love you too."
She rose on her tiptoes to press a soft kiss against his lips. But this was different from the brief, chaste kisses she'd been giving him for the last week or so. This kiss lingered. Just like in the car, he was taken off guard. Noah wanted her so badly, but he didn’t want to push her too fast or pressure her. He needed to let her drive.