by Alina Jacobs
“I know he’s a dipwad,” Mika said. “But Imogen’s flying off the handle.”
“Then I guess I’m extra glad I was fired,” I said, scooping a few spoonfuls of salmon onto a plate as Fergus meowed and pawed at the rickety cabinet.
“You’re my only hope!” Mika begged. “I’ve been stress eating so much. The only way I’m going to fit into my bridesmaid’s dress is three layers of Spanx and duct tape. We’ll pay you three times what’s in the original contract with Weddings in the City.”
“We might be able to rent some office space,” Amy said hopefully from her nest of blankets.
If we rented an office, maybe Fergus and I could sleep there.
“Seeing as how I apparently have no morals and will throw my convictions out the window for money, I will see you in an hour. We have a wedding to put on!”
“That’s the spirit!” Mika cheered through the receiver. “I can’t believe Evan let you go. You are two peas in a capitalist pod.”
“Urgh.”
“It’s wedding day! It’s wedding day!” Amy cheered and jumped out of bed. She was already fully dressed.
“How? Why?”
She shrugged. “You know me. I love a wedding, even if it is for the world’s worst bridezilla!”
We arrived at the venue at five a.m. sharp. The wedding was already falling to pieces. I felt the familiar rush that I always felt on a wedding day. I clapped my hands to command the attention of the workers milling around in the ceremony space.
“I have printouts of the layout plans here,” I announced. “I need the chairs in a concave pattern, those ribbons on the pavilion, and once the flowers arrive, Amy will walk you through the setup.”
Window washers were outside the windows, giving them a cleaning for the photos, and I smiled and waved at them on my way to talk to the hotel manager.
“Do you have the latest plan for the reception layout?” I asked him and handed him a printout. “We will need the groom’s table in that back corner with the cake table over by the windows, please.”
“Just a reminder,” he warned me, “we don’t have our liquor license. Any guest brings alcohol, we have to shut the whole thing down.”
“Yep, no alcohol. That’s why we don’t have a bar. We’re just serving craft mocktails,” I assured him.
Satisfied that setup was going according to schedule, I steeled myself and took the elevator up to the bridal suite.
It was chaos.
“I’m missing a puppy!” my mother yelled, rushing around. Her hair was still in curlers, and she was only wearing her bra and undies. She had two fat, wriggling corgi puppies in her arms and was shuffling around, trying to catch another.
“I’ve got one!” Mika announced. A puppy ran up to me, sniffed my shoe, smelled Fergus, then peed all over my foot.
“No!” Mika barked at it.
The hotel staff member assigned to assist the wedding party looked on, horrified.
“We’ve paid a deposit,” I assured her weakly as Mika scooped up the puppy and put him in a cardboard box that his littermates had already half chewed.
“At least we only have five of them,” she said faintly as she handed me a towel to clean up.
“I’m just going to have to toss this shoe,” I said in disgust.
“Imogen is in a state,” Mika whispered. “She’s mad we only have five puppies.”
“Oh, Ivy! My darling daughter!” my mother exclaimed, dropping her puppies into the box.
“I have your things,” I told her flatly.
“Oh, wonderful! Did you find a new place for us to stay?”
“I found me a new place to stay.”
“Is it with Evan?” she asked hopefully.
“No, it isn’t with Evan!” I exploded at her.
“Why did you screw it up?” Tiffanie chastised. “I had it all set up for you.”
“You lied to him and told him I was cheating on him!”
“To help you and to help us!”
“No, to help you, because you are not a good mom and have never been a good mom. My entire childhood consisted of you trying to find a man to take care of us instead of you actually trying to better your own situation.”
“I was doing the best I could,” Tiffanie whined.
“And sometimes your best just isn’t good enough,” I told her, “and you have to be better.”
“I’m your mother. I sacrificed everything for you!”
“I never asked you to,” I told her, eyes narrowed. “And as far as I’m concerned, whatever debt there might be has been paid multiple times over.”
“You should have gotten pregnant! Instead, Camilla did, and she’s going to steal Evan from you. If you had listened to me, you’d have Evan in the bag. All I wanted for you was to be better than me,” Tiffanie said, crying loudly.
“And I am,” I said firmly. “I will not screw over a good man because I refuse to take responsibility for my own life.”
“Fine! I’m done helping you!” my mother raged at me as she threw on her clothes. “You need my help to put on this wedding. But you’re not going to get it.” She tore the curlers out of her hair. “I can’t believe I raised such a self-serving, heartless daughter who doesn’t even love or respect her own mother.”
The guilt trip that would usually have me begging for forgiveness and managing her emotions didn’t work this time. All I could think about was how hurt and betrayed Evan must have felt when my mother had lied and told him I was cheating on him.
In the fresh light of morning, I was starting to feel more and more sympathetic toward Evan. After all, I knew how persuasive and manipulative my mother could be. And he’d had a previous bad experience. His reaction was understandable.
Don’t let him off the hook. He should have just talked to you.
My mother flounced out.
“Was she supposed to have hair and makeup?” the stylist asked me, dodging my mother’s suitcase as she hauled her whole mobile workstation behind her.
“Nope. She is no longer involved with this wedding.”
“Thank you,” Mika said, pouring me champagne. “She just fed Imogen’s delusions, to be honest.”
I took the glass from her.
“Can you please remind everyone that we can only have alcohol in these private hotel suites and not in the venue itself?”
She nodded. “I even sent Evan to the groom’s side to make sure he polices them. Can you imagine if we were kicked out of yet another venue?”
We both shuddered.
“So where are the rest of the bridesmaids?” the stylist asked me as she set up.
“There’s just the three of us,” I told her.
She shrugged. “We’ll do the bride last. We could have come later.”
“We were supposed to have more bridesmaids,” Imogen said haughtily.
“Imogen, mind your face,” her mother said, chasing after her. “No strong emotions—you’ll develop wrinkles. Come lie down.”
Grace knocked on the suite door then entered with her camera equipment.
“Just here to take some getting-ready photos!”
The puppies, having chewed through the box, scrambled over to her.
“Are these the famous corgis?” Grace asked.
“Since they’re here,” I told her, “we should take some pictures of them with Imogen.”
Mika went to have her hair and makeup done first while I helped Grace set up the photos.
“Did you and Evan make up?” Grace asked as I tried to corral the puppies.
“As if!”
“But you’re back planning his sister’s wedding?”
“Did Amy tell you how much they’re paying us?”
“Oh, are we going to get an office?”
“Maybe a tiny one, like one of those rooms that are in someone’s attic space or something,” I told her.
“Boo. Well, are you going to give Evan another chance?” she cajoled as she directed me to rearrange the curtains.
“Doubtful. I threw a bag of marshmallows at him and told him I hated him,” I admitted.
“But if he apologizes…”
“He’s got baby momma drama.”
“I was at that wedding,” Grace reminded me, scooting one of the puppies back onto its pillow. “That baby could be anyone’s.”
“Including Evan’s.”
“You don’t want to throw him out before you even know. You’d basically be doing the same thing you accused him of doing, which was overreacting without having all the facts.”
“He evicted me from my home,” I protested.
Grace gave me a look that said “tough love incoming.” “The only reason that was able to happen was because you, against everyone’s advice—including Elsie, who used to be an accountant—decided to take out a second mortgage. That condo was a ticking time bomb.”
“Why are you so invested in this?” I shot at her then felt bad. Grace was just trying to be a good friend.
Grace lowered her camera. “Ever since I’ve known you, and that has been since freshman year of college, when you let me crash in your room while my slutty roommate was having a foursome in my dorm room, you’ve always been stressed out, worried, and uptight. Ever since you started dating Evan, you’ve been relaxed and happy and fun.”
“I’ve always been fun!” I countered.
“You’ve tried to have fun,” Grace said, “but you actually seemed happy around Evan.”
“He made me miserable,” I said. Grace raised an eyebrow. “And he and I were just hooking up.”
“Didn’t he take you urban picnicking and hang out with you and bring you dinner? That’s not hooking up; hooking up is insert tab A in slot B then GTFO. You were dating.”
“Ugh.” I laced my fingers in my hair and pulled, squeezing my eyes shut. I knew Grace was right. I did like Evan. But should I really give him another chance?
You should at least hear his side.
“Fine, I’ll think about maybe talking to him. But first I need to survive this wedding,” I said, quickly counting the puppies. “One, two, three, four… where’s number five?”
“Oh no.”
The chubby little puppy came over with one of Imogen’s pricy bridal earrings in his mouth.
“No, no, no, come here, puppy! That’s a good boy,” I coaxed in a high-pitched voice, slowly approaching him. The puppy backed away, tail wagging, shaking the earring playfully.
“No, please, puppy, please be a good boy!”
The puppy tossed his head then swallowed the earring in one gulp.
“Crap crap crap!”
“Don’t forget pictures of the bridal jewelry,” Imogen’s mother said, hurrying over to us. “I want some pictures of her gazing at the pieces with Teddy’s picture in the background. Obviously, we had to Photoshop him. He’s been in his beer a bit much lately.”
We gave her a wide-eyed look.
“Where are my earrings?” Imogen shrieked.
“I think that’s the most expensive dog in New York City right now,” Grace remarked as the puppy rolled over on his back, begging for pats.
“What happened to it? One of the maids in this hotel stole it, I bet,” Imogen raged. “I want you to call the police, Ivy. Someone call the police.”
“It was the dogs,” I said, wincing.
“My party favors?” Imogen was shocked.
“He ate at least one earring,” I said. The puppy burped. “Probably two.”
“You should have been keeping a better eye on them,” the bride scolded.
“I told you the dogs were a bad idea.”
“I pay you to agree with me,” Imogen hissed.
“No,” I countered, “you paid me to put on a flawless wedding, which I can’t do if there are puppies running around peeing on things and eating the bridal jewelry.” I braced, waiting for her to fire me. Her breathing increased.
“She’s like a dragon ready to flame the villagers,” Grace muttered under her breath. I elbowed her.
“Mika!” Imogen screeched.
Mika, hair and makeup done, hurried over.
“Give me your earrings,” Imogen demanded. “Those dogs you bought ate my bridal jewelry, so you have to give me yours.”
Mika touched the jewelry dangling from her ears. “But these were my mother’s earrings,” she said in a small voice.
“She’s dead, so she doesn’t care if you wear them,” Imogen said curtly. “Give them to me. I have to take photos.”
“Mika, you don’t have to,” I told her.
Mika silently and sadly slowly removed the sparkly pearl-and-diamond drop earrings from her ears. “You’re next, Ivy,” she said dejectedly.
My hair and makeup took longer than it should have, because Imogen constantly interrupted me, inquiring about the flowers, the food, or the reception decor, and I would then have to stop, pull up the schedule, text someone, or make a call. When the stylist finally swiped the last bit of lipstick onto me, I asked Mika the question I’d been dreading all morning.
“Where is Camilla? She’s the best girl on the groom’s side, but these ladies have to do her makeup before they do Imogen’s.”
“She was supposed to be here,” Mika said. “I’ve texted her. She’s not answering.”
“The father of the bride is not picking up either?” Grace said, snapping photos. “I want to get a few pictures of him and the bride before she gets dressed, then after. They make for a cute series.”
I did not want to search for either of them, but as Mika looked so dejected, I left her to play with the puppies while I ventured out into the hallway. The groom’s suite was the next floor up. Camilla was probably up there. I squared my shoulders and marched to the elevator. Surely, I wouldn’t run into Evan. He would probably just remain home until the last possible moment if he had any sense.
Camilla wasn’t in the groom’s suite, though. Teddy and his friends looked like they had been drinking since last night, and they cheered when they saw me.
“No alcohol in the venue,” I reminded them then left to find Camilla or Evan’s father.
“God, where is Camilla?” I muttered as I texted Mika. I was reading her reply when I ran into a muscular male chest.
53
Evan
I was in the groom’s suite before the ceremony, babysitting Teddy and his friends, when the text came in from Mika.
Mika: Ivy’s here!!!
Mika: Now’s your chance to apologize and grovel.
Mika: I talked you up.
Evan: I don’t know if I can get her back. I’m not even sure I should. Maybe she’s better off without me. I just really need to apologize and make it right without strings attached.
Mika: Tick tock. There are Svensson brothers coming to this wedding. If you think one of them isn’t going to try and snap up Ivy when they see her in her bombshell bridesmaid’s dress, think again.
While the Svensson brothers might have been competition, Teddy and his friends sure weren’t. They were singing Scottish folk songs and snapping each other with wet towels.
“We have another kilt here for you, Evan,” Teddy slurred, lurching into me.
“Remember,” I warned him, “don’t take any of this alcohol downstairs.”
Teddy flashed me a thumbs-up. “That’s why we’re drinking it all now.”
My phone buzzed constantly with messages from Mika, my stepmother, and, of course, Imogen. Who did I not receive a message from? Ivy.
I had an epic grand gesture planned, but I was under no illusions that it would be enough to win her back. Besides, I thought, looking around at the chaos of the groom’s suite, why would she want to hitch herself to this shit show?
Mika: Is Dad there with you? The photographer wants some shots of him and Imogen.
Evan: He was here doing shots with Teddy and giving him advice on how to be a good husband.
Mika: Did it include just giving in to whatever Imogen wanted?
Evan: You don’t have
to kowtow to her.
Mika: I can’t help it. She wanted Mom’s earrings and I just gave them to her. What is wrong with me?
Evan: Make her give them back.
Mika: I can’t! She’s already a hair trigger away from losing it. I just have to survive this wedding then I’m never seeing another person in our family again ever.
Evan: Not even me?
Mika: Not you if you let Ivy go without putting up a fight.
Mika: Now go find Dad.
Warning Teddy not to leave the room until I returned, I ventured out into the hall. The hotel was large and freshly renovated, with luxurious soft carpet and minimalist sconce lights. It was also huge. My father could be anywhere.
There’s probably a bar around here somewhere, I thought as I searched through my phone to try and find a map of the hotel. The image I found said there was a lounge area on every floor with complimentary refreshments. My father was probably there.
I turned a corner, and something ran into my chest.
“Oof!” I grabbed the woman who had run into me around the waist before she could topple over.
“Ivy?” I said softly and reached up to cup her face.
She looked up at me, her eyes wide. But when she saw it was me, they narrowed.
“Ivy,” I repeated. “I’m so sorry for everything. If you can just let me explain.”
“I can’t hear it right now,” she said, looking down. But she didn’t step away from me.
“Look, I know that—”
“I said I don’t want to hear it right now,” Ivy said sharply, then her face softened slightly. “We can talk after we survive the wedding.”
I nodded.
“Unfortunately, right now, I’m on a mission.”
“Me too. My father is missing,” I told her as I started heading toward the lounge.
“That’s funny. So is the best girl,” Ivy said, trotting to keep up with me. “Have you seen Camilla?”
“She popped into the room to take pictures with Teddy,” I told her, “but that was a couple hours ago.”
“She needs her makeup done.” Ivy sighed. “I just keep telling myself that it’s only one more hour then the ceremony and then the reception and it’s over. Sophie said she’d save me some cake.”