“Girl, I can't imagine going through what you're going through now, and I know it's not easy for you. I admire your strength. You are one strong, black woman." She reached over and rubbed my hand. I squeezed her hand in return. Tears welled up in my eyes. I saw the tears rolling down her face.
"We had so many plans. Retirement, traveling. Lying on the beach in Jamaica, drinking red wine. This nigga deserves to die," she cried. I got up and sat closer to her.
"You're my friend, and no matter what, please know that I love you. I hope I am here ‘til we are old and gray, but the reality is, God has the final say. All I can do is take my medicines, eat healthy, and pray. I just need you to promise me that if anything happens to me, you will help my mama raise my baby girl.” I looked into her eyes.
“Des, stop talking like that. You ain’t going nowhere.”
“I’m serious, Amiya. Promise me.”
“I promise you; I will be there for my godchild. I love you, chic," she managed to say in between sobs.
"Good! Cause I love your crazy ass too. Now dry them tears, and let's order some food. I'm starved."
After waiting on our food, we ate, laughed, and cried some more. It was definitely a mini break from all of the drama that was unfolding in my life lately.
HASSAN
Everything was cool for the next few days. I ate good, shitted, and fucked whenever I wanted to. That shit wasn’t what I wanted though. The bitch wanted to cuff my ass, but she had the right idea for the wrong nigga. The only thing on my mind was to get the fuck on. I had some important business to handle, and lying up all damn day wasn’t gonna get me anywhere.
I waited until she was up, getting ready for work. I sat up in the bed and tried to come up with the perfect lie. I didn’t want to crush her feelings because that bitch has done a lot for a nigga.
“Aye love, I’ma go to the city today. Want to go visit my mama and the rest of the fam, you know.”
“Oh.” She turned around to face me. “What time you coming back? I told you, you need to lay low because we can’t risk anyone finding out about our relationship.”
“I understand all that, but I’ve been locked up in this house for days. It ain’t like my mama can come here to visit. I really want to see my family.”
“Okay, then. Stewart can take you to wherever you need to be. He can sit and wait, so he can bring you back here. There is a cell phone on the dresser. It’s prepaid, and here are a few dollars for you to spend.”
I was gonna respond, but instead, I cracked a fake ass smile. “Alright, babe. I’ve got to go; see you later.”
“See you,” I said sarcastically.
I sat on the bed until I heard the garage door going up. Then, I got up and walked over to the window. I watched as her 2015 Lexus ES pulled out and drove away before closing the door behind her.
I jumped in the shower and did a quick wash off. I got dressed in no time and grabbed the envelope that had all of my letters that I’d received while I was incarcerated. I flipped through the letters until I found one with the address that I was searching for. Before I left, I went into her drawer and grabbed the gun that I saw in there a few days ago. I will definitely need this, I thought as I walked down the stairs.
“Aye, Stew. Did the lady of the house tell you that I need you to take me to the city?”
“She mentioned it.”
“Good, so let’s go, nigga.”
He looked at me like I disrespected him or something. “Nigga, I said let’s go. I got things to do.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he just got up and snatched his keys up off the table. I walked out of the door with him in pursuit, humming some old bullshit.
“Where in the city are we heading?”
I looked down at the envelope and gave him the address.
I looked out of the window and took in the scenery. It was funny how I hadn’t been gone that long, but it seemed like it had been forever. The street of the Bronx seemed the same. Niggas were still lined up on the blocks, either selling dope or gambling. I sure missed my home on some real shit.
He stopped in front of an apartment building. “Here you go, sir. The lady told me that I need to sit and wait on you. So, I’m goin’ park over on the other side.”
“Yo, I don’t care what she told you. Get yo old ass outta here. I’m a grown ass nigga; I ‘ont need no babysitter.” I stepped out of the car and slammed the door.
I heard him pull off, and then he yelled some shit, but I was too far gone to really understand him.
There were a few niggas hanging on the side of the building. I nodded my head at them as I walked past them with my head hang down. Lucky for me, a boy ran out of the door, and I ran in before the door closed. I took the stairs instead of the elevator to apartment 4G. My blood pressure was rising the closer I got to the last steps. My steps were slowing down as if something was holding me back.
I used the doorknocker to bang on the door.
As I waited, I heard voices coming from inside. I knocked again.
“Who the hell is banging on my door like that?” Tanya popped the door opened.
She stared at me like she’d seen a ghost. Her eyes seemed like they would come out of her head.
“Don’t just stand there and stare. You not goin’ welcome your nigga home?”
“I-I-, when did you get out, and what are you doing here?” She stepped outside and closed the door behind her.
“What the hell you doing? Let’s go inside,” I said as I pushed her to the side and stepped in the door.
“You can’t go in there.”
“Why not? My motherfucking son and my bitch live here, so that means I can. Why are you acting funny?”
“Nigga, you heard what the lady said. Get the fuck outta her shit.”
I looked at that fuck nigga and sized him up real quick. His eyes seemed glossy, and he kept on scratching, like he had bugs.
“Fuck nigga. Who the fuck are you?” I inched closer to him.
“Hassan, you have no right coming up in here like this.“
Blap! Blap! Blap!
I open hand slapped that bitch, over and over, until she fell to the ground, screaming.
“What the fuck you do that for?” that nigga said and lunged toward me.
I two pieced that old, frail nigga, knocking his ass into the wall.
I then walked over and snatched that bitch up. “Where is my motherfucking son, bitch?”
“Get off me. He’s not your motherfucking son. He is Randy’s son.”
Lights flicked in front of me as I had flashbacks at what Imani once told my ass years ago.
“What the fuck did you just say to me, bitch? He is my motherfucking son. Now, where the fuck is he?” I was spitting fire.
“Say what the hell you want to say. My son only knows Randy as his daddy. He don’t fucking know you. Now, you can get the fuck out of my life for good. I thought yo ass would’ve got the memo. I don’t fucking want yo ass anymore. See, you thought I was stupid because I’m fucking white, but boo, I’m far from stupid. Actually, your black bitches were the stupid ones. They were fighting over yo’ HIV infested ass. Haha. You didn’t think I knew about that, huh? Well, boo, I‘ve been HIV positive for over twenty years, and yes, I fucked and sucked you every day. I bet you, your black bitches’ pussy is on fire now. See y’all thought, y’all had me fooled. Hell nah, I had y’all fooled.” She smirked.
I blacked out, pulling out the gun that I had took from the judge’s drawer earlier and firing three shots in that bitch’s head. Her brain splattered all over the dingy ass carpet they had on the floor.
“Noooooo! Noooo!” That nigga finally came to and ran over to her.
I turned to him and fired two shots in his chest. He fell on top of the dead bitch.
I tucked the gun in my waist and was about to leave, but I heard someone moving around in the back. I snatched the gun out and tiptoed to the back. I leaned against the wall and then peeped my head in the room. I
saw the little bastard stooping down between the loads of clothing.
“Haha. Little man it’s your daddy. Come here.”
My first instinct was to kill the bastard. After all, I didn’t want to leave a witness behind. He walked over to me, and I held his hand. I raised the gun and pointed it at his little head, but I couldn’t pull the trigger. Instead, I grabbed him up and ran to the door. I peeped out, and there was nobody outside of the door. I quickly ran out, pulling the door closed behind me.
I snuck out of the apartment building, through the back door, without incident. I walked away in the opposite direction of the building. I wasn’t sure if anyone had heard the gunshots. The boy started crying. I threw him over my shoulder and kept patting his back so he could shut the fuck up. I was tempted to turn around and leave his ass on the steps, but truthfully I felt like he was my seed. Shit, I thought he looked like me when I was younger. I had a hundred dollars that the judge had put on the table for me earlier. I decided to walk further up the block and then jump into a cab.
I finally got to 214th and White Plains Road. I jumped in a cab and told the driver the address. I was going home. I paid the driver and got out of the cab.
I walked to the door and rang the doorbell. This little nigga had fallen asleep and was weighing down on my shoulder.
“Who the hell is it? Ringing my damn bell like that.” My mama yelled as usual.
“It’s me, Mama. Open the door.”
Damn, that lady hadn’t changed a bit. She’d been yelling like that since I was a kid. She opened the door. When she saw that it was me, she quickly opened the screen door.
“Boy, what the hell you doing here? Did they finally come to their senses and let my baby come home? And who the hell is this little boy?”
“Damn, Ma. You’re killing me already. Gimme a chance to sit down and tell you.”
“Alright, alright. You know yo’ mama just happy to see her baby boy. You hungry?”
“Nah, I ain’t hungry, Ma. Yeah, they granted me an appeal and ordered a new trial. So yeah, I’m free for now, and this is your grandson.”
“Grandson. Where in the hell did this little motherfucka come from? The last time you brought one of these little strays around here, it turned out that you weren’t the father. Boy, stop letting these bitches put these babies on you ‘cause they know you’re a good catch. How you the daddy and he looks like a mutt?”
“His mama’s white, and it wasn’t my fault that Imani lied.”
“Yeah, that’s why that wicked bitch is dead. I’m just mad that you got pinned down for her murder. By the way, that son of hers got killed by your ex-wife’s man.”
I looked at her, hoping that I didn’t hear her right.
“Don’t look at me like that. I was shocked too. It was all over the news. I recognized that child and that evil bitch. You know the news ain’t goin’ tell everything, but they saying he went up in the house and tried to kill them.”
See, Mama thought I was shocked because that the nigga was dead. Hell nah, I was shocked because she said that Destiny had a man. So that bitch had moved on. The mention of her name stirred up anger inside of me. I tried my best to not let it show, but I wasn’t that lucky. I also remembered what Josiah had said when he visited me.
“Boy, you aiight. I know you were close to that boy. I’m sorry I had to break the news to you like that. It’s sad that he and his mama both died a violent death like that. But when you do wrong, trust me, you will get what’s coming to you. I’m happy you’re home. You need to get on the case soon and find out how that bitch Destiny framed you. She needs to be locked up and rot in prison. That bitch done got away with too damn much.”
“I agree, Ma. Anyway, where’s everybody?”
“Your daddy’s at the track as usual, and Charmaine should be here any minute now. She’ll be happy to see you.”
“Mama, you know I don’t deal with her like that.”
“Y’all need to stop that foolishness. She was there with you every step of the way. She really loves you, Hassan.”
“I love her too, Ma, but certain shit you just don’t do. Period. Anyway Mama, I need a favor.”
“You just got here. What’s the favor?”
“I need to get some things together. Do you have the money that I told you not to touch no matter what?”
“Yes, I put the package under my mattress. I did use a few hundred dollars to pay for my medicine. I had to hide it from your daddy ‘cause he’d gamble away every cent.”
She walked off into her room. I sat there with my mind racing a mile a minute. I swear, killing that bitch was the last thing on my mind, but how could she stand there, telling me that she gave me this shit? All along, I thought I got the shit from Imani, but it was from this dirty white bitch who had told me she was a virgin when I met her. How could I have been so fucking stupid to believe that I was the only nigga she was fucking?
“Here you go, son.” She handed me a big manila envelope.
I took it and ripped it open. It was five stacks, minus the few hundred she used. I put the money to my nose and smelled it. Then, I rubbed my hand over it. It felt so good to be able to hold money in my hands once again.
“Where am I? Where is my mama?”
I turned around to face him. I wish his ass had remained asleep.
“Yes, Hassan, where is this little boy’s mama?”
“Mama, I have no idea. I went by the house, and he was there alone. I snatched him up and came directly over here.”
“So, why the hell didn’t you call the police? Yo ass ain’t learned. What if that bitch claims you kidnapped the boy? What you goin’ do then?”
“He goin’ do what he always do, get his ass into some shit.” My loud ass mouth sister walked into the living room.
“Go ahead on, Charmaine, wit’ that bullshit.”
“Damn, brother. No hello or hug for the bitch that was at every court date and ready to beat bitches up over you?” She gave me a dirty look.
“Damn, B. I done said thanks a million times already. I mean, what the hell you want from me, blood?”
“Whatever and whose dirty ass white baby is this?”
“Watch yo mouth, Charmaine. Don’t be talkin’ like that ‘round that child. That’s your brother’s child.”
“Mama, don’t tell me you’re falling for this bullshit again. The last two children he claimed, he found out one wasn’t his, and other one, he still don’t know. You can buy this foolishness, but I’m not. This nigga love claiming people’s children as his own.”
Soon as those words left her mouth, I was standing there wishing she wasn’t my sister. I wanted to choke the life out of her ass. Ever since we were young, she never knew how to keep her mouth shut.
“Enough you two. Charmaine, go upstairs while I talk to your brother. He’s been through enough as it is. Don’t let him feel like a stranger. We’re all he’s got.”
“Okay, okay; I’m gone. But that’s the problem. You’re always babying his behind.” She then walked off pouting.
“Don’t mind your sister. She’s going through a rough time. She and that boy broke up, and she’s taking it really hard.”
I looked at my mama and almost said, ‘I don’t give a fuck,’ but instead, I just walked into the kitchen. Mama followed closely behind me.
I turned around to face her. “Listen, Mama. I need you to watch lil’ man ‘til his mama comes for him,” I lied.
“Hell no! I ain’t been feeling too well lately.”
I peeled off two grand and shoved it into her hand. Mama never ceased to amaze me. She’d always been money hungry.
“How long am I supposed to be keeping him?”
“Until his mama comes for him. She should be here in a few days.”
“Alright, so where you off to?
“Bout to find somewhere to stay, and then, I got some business to handle.”
“Be careful out there, baby.” She hugged me tight, and it lasted for a good two m
inutes. I was happy to see my mama, but I was also in my feelings because it may have been the last time I saw her.
“I love you, woman. Tell Daddy I love him too.”
I grabbed the plastic bag off the kitchen table and put the money inside. I walked out of the kitchen and back into the living room. I took one last look at lil man and then walked out of the door. I had no intention, of seeing him again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Destiny
“Hey, babe. You sleep?” Spencer entered the room and asked me.
“Nah, just lying down.”
“Turn around, babe,” he demanded.
I obeyed his demand and turned around to face him. He handed me a gift bag.
“What’s this?” I quizzed.
“Open it up, lady.” He smiled.
I opened the bag, and it was the prettiest gun I’d ever laid eyes on. I took it completely out of the wrapper and examined it. It was purple, but I had no idea what kind it was. I just knew that it was pretty as hell. I rubbed my hand all over it.
“Is this mine?”
“Of course. After what happened with Josiah, I need you to have this. Especially those nights when I’m working late or when I’m out of town.”
“Thank you, babe. She’s pretty too.”
“That’s a Ruger SR22P LADY Lilac 22. I knew you’d love it.”
“Well, you’re a man who knows what his woman wants.” I winked at him.
“I sure do.” He bent down and gave me a big, wet kiss on my cheek.
“Well, lemme jump in this shower. My damn back is killing me from sitting at the desk all day.”
“I can imagine. Well, go ahead and take your shower. I’ll give you a massage when you’re finished.”
“Shit, lemme go then. You know how much I love your massages.”
I heard the shower running and Spencer with his good ass singing. Boy, the sound of that man’s voice did something crazy to my soul. My eyes started to gather water at thoughts of me not being able to fully enjoy my man. Yes, we had sex, but we had careful sex. I yearned for closeness; I wanted to feel my man’s cock all up against my walls. But, the reality was, we couldn’t do that. Shit, I missed getting my pussy sucked on.
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