“You said Daddy was out of prison. Did you ever hear from him? It’s a surprise that he hasn’t tried to see me.”
I started coughing uncontrollably.
“You alright, Mama? I didn’t mean to choke you.”
“I’m fine; give me that water. No, I haven’t heard from him. Knowing your daddy, he might be laid up somewhere with some woman. I’m pretty sure that when he’s ready, he will try to see you.”
“Yeah, I know everything he did to you, but he’s still my daddy. Anyways, get some rest. Love you, Mama.”
“Love you too, baby girl.”
I felt like shit, lying to my child. I just couldn’t tell her that her mama had killed her daddy. I hoped she’d never bring it back up because there was no way that I was going to tell her. I would have to take that to my grave.
***
My big day was steadily approaching. However, I wasn’t feeling too good. I’d been taking my medicines, but somehow, they seemed to not be working. That damn cough had gotten to the point where it kept me up at night. I was scared to go back to the hospital because they always admitted me, and God knows, I hated it there.
“Baby, you know we can put the wedding off until you’re feel better. I ain’t going anywhere, you ain’t going anywhere, so a piece of paper doesn’t validate shit.”
“I know, babe, but I want to be your wife. I want to wear your last name proudly,” I said in between coughs.
“Well, if this fever continues, I am calling off the wedding, and I’m taking you to the emergency room. I can’t lose you.” He looked at me with the most sincere eyes.
“Babe, I told you that I’m good. I’m just a little tired, so I’m going to call it a night.”
“Okay, great. I’m going to go down to the studio. Trying to get some work done because our honeymoon’s coming up, and neither of us will be doing any work. It’s just gonna be me and my baby.”
I looked at him and smiled. I wished every woman could have a man like Spencer in her life. I pulled the cover up and dozed off.
***
Amiya wanted to have a bachelorette party for me, but I declined. After getting raped and going through mental and physical pain, I wasn’t in the mood to see a bunch of niggas running around in their drawers and women throwing money at them. Instead, we decided to have a dinner at Mama’s house. Mama was fine with it because she got to show off her cooking skills.
I finally got a chance to meet Spencer’s family. I tell you, his sister was very classy, nothing like the piece of shit sister that Hassan had. We clicked right away. I learned that she was also a registered nurse, so most of the night, she, Amiya, and I kept gossiping about hospitals and doctors. It was definitely a good feeling to see both families come together in the name of love.
The rest of the people danced the night away. I was tired, so I said goodnight to everyone and went to bed. I remembered back in the day when I could hang all of the time. These days, my energy level was too low.
I got up early the next morning. Spencer was already up, and I heard Mama and everybody downstairs, laughing and having a good time. “I guess they didn’t make it to bed as of yet,” I mumbled to myself and laughed.
Today was my day. The day that every little girl dreamed of. I’d been down that road before, but this time was different. I could feel the love deep in my soul. I got up out of the bed and got on my knees.
“Dear God, I know I don’t come to you as much as I need to, but today, I’m coming to you as a sinner. Please, forgive me for all of my sins. God, you know my heart, and you know I’m tired. I try to put out the best, but I’m tired. God, I put my baby girl into your hands, so protect her from this wicked world and lead her way. Also, I pray for my mama, give her strength. Wrap your wings around her for comfort. Last, but not least, the man that makes me smile, Spencer. God, please give him strength and courage to go on. Thank you for bringing us together and for allowing me to feel what real love is. I love you, God.”
I got up and wiped my tears. As I looked in the mirror, I noticed that my eyes were sunken in, and you could see my collarbone. I looked a hot mess, but my soul was at peace.
“Baby, you look so beautiful in that gown. I know I’ve told you before, but I’m going to say it again. I love you with everything in me. Now, let’s not keep that man waiting much longer. You know these heifers might try to snatch him up.” Mama and I burst out laughing.
She walked out, and I followed close behind her. The music was blasting, and the church was packed. I could see Spencer all the way up at the front, standing. I was ready to go to my king.
“What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind?
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me,” John Legend’s song blasted through the speakers. Spencer requested that song, and I concurred. It was beautiful, especially because, regardless of my flaws, he chose me to be his wife. I’m not going to cry, I kept telling myself. I was too beautiful to smear my MAC make-up.
I looked over at my mama, who walked beside me with her head held high. She was so proud, and so was I. I was almost there when my legs started buckling under me. I slowed down a little, but I realized that I could no longer see my Spencer. The music seemed like it was far way, and everything around me was spinning.
“Come on, baby girl. You can make it,” I silently coached myself. But that didn’t work. I felt my nose running, so I used my hand to touch it. Bright red blood soiled my glove. In a split second, I went down in slow motion.
“Help us!” I heard Mama scream.
“Destinyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,” Spencer’s voiced echoed.
Spencer grabbed me up from the floor and started running with me.
“I can’t lose you. Hang on, baby. I’ve got you.” Those were the last words I heard before I lost total consciousness!
I tried to remain conscious, but I was slowly diminishing. My thoughts were confused, and I couldn’t understand anything that was going on anymore. A flick of light flashed in front of me. I smiled as the pain I felt left my body!
EPILOGUE
Destiny Monae Clarke was rushed to White Plains Hospital but was soon pronounced dead. Although she had the AIDS virus, the cause of death was determined as Pneumocystis Pneumonia.
She is survived by her beautiful daughter, Amaiya, her mother, and her doting boyfriend, Spencer. After her death, Amaiya, Spencer, and her mother all moved in together so they could support each other. Amaiya finally graduated from high school and is scheduled to leave for college in the fall.
Hassan Clarke’s body was never discovered, and cause of the fire that burned the house down was considered some kind of electrical malfunction. Spencer received a big insurance check.
Judge Morales later found out that she was HIV Positive. She was also charged with judicial misconduct, and she was stripped of her duties and could no longer practice law.
The bodies of Tanya and her boyfriend were later discovered, and the bullets that were used to kill them were traced back to the judge. However, she was off the hook because the gun was reported stolen. Their murders were never solved.
After waiting on the boy’s mother to return, Hassan’s mother took him to DFACS and left him there. She eventually reported her son missing after she hadn’t heard from him for a week.
In the end, no one really won. It’s okay to have a little, as long as you are true to yourself.
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