This Time, Forever

by Peters, Heather

  I have to know. Today. Now. Before I walk down the aisle, I need to know the truth.

  Discreetly, he placed his car keys on the corner of Shana's desk then led Thea out the door to the elevator and down to the car.

  Jared hid the shock and anger that stirred within him as he helped Thea in the passenger side of the unlocked convertible, then felt his pockets. "Damn I must have left my keys in the office. Be right back." He knew he was acting out of character, but he had to see Shana one more time. Make sure they were really over.

  When are you going to learn, asshole? It's been over for a long time. Go back to Thea, marry her and forget Shana ever existed.

  He'd sooner forget to breathe.

  Thea unknowingly intruded on his silent tirade. "Jared, you should be more careful about your personal things, darling. You need to work on that, you know."

  Jared frowned in answer, slammed the car door, and ran back to the building before Shana had a chance to leave.

  Instead of using the elevator, Jared jogged the three flights of stairs. It felt good to run again. Since he'd been involved with Thea, he really hadn't had a chance to do any of the things he'd enjoyed. He used to run five miles each morning, but Thea didn't like to run; made her sweat, she pointed out.

  He used to play on a softball league with a bunch of friends every Sunday in the local park. Shana never missed a game, and cheered him on loudly, throwing him kisses and calling out to him and the team when they scored. Jared's friends adored her, but these days, he seldom saw his friends.

  That, too, had stopped with Thea.

  Sunday mornings were for brunch with Thea's parents. Then golf at the country club and dinner with Thea's friends.

  He and Shana shared much, it seemed. They had rarely fought, arguments were few and far between, and always settled by a session of wild, passionate lovemaking.

  In fact, Jared thought as he opened the door to re-enter her office, they'd been perfect together.

  He had loved Shana with every breath in his body, gave her everything, though she never asked for anything other than his love. So why was he marrying Thea? Was he tired of being lonely? Would Thea help him forget Shana?

  If he had to ask himself the questions, he supposed he was in big trouble.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Shana heaved an exhausted sigh. "Thank goodness that's over," she whispered. But was it really over for her? Her legs couldn’t support her weight. She wobbled and her hands shook. Weary and heartbroken, she dropped down in her chair, covered her eyes, and wept. The shock of seeing Jared after all these years brought back a flood of memories.

  Tears slid down her cheeks as she mourned the loss of her one true love. "Jared, I'm so sorry." She cried into her hands, needing to say his name. Her attempts to keep her eyes from him had failed, and even now, she missed his presence in the chair across from her. He'd grown more handsome with time, more muscular, no doubt due to the work he did for a living. Yet sadness shadowed his blue gaze, and spoke volumes about the heartbreak he'd endured, and she was to blame. How could she ever make amends for the pain she'd brought down on him?

  Shana could still feel her fingers tunneling through Jared's thick, short-cropped, dark hair. She'd loved stealing glances at his handsome face. Blue eyes the color of sapphires, a masculine nose, straight and a little wide at the bottom. Jared's sensual lower lip was full and perfect for kissing, along with his squared chin strong and dimpled.

  "Sorry about what? Why are you crying?"

  Jared's booming voice made Shana jump from her chair, startled when she spied him leaning against the doorjamb at her office door. She swiped her eyes with a slash of her palm and made a vain attempt to clear her tear-choked throat.

  "Jared, what are you doing here?"

  Shana had always loved the sound of his name. Loved crying out when they made love. She'd scream it over and over as she came in Jared's arms. Then he'd bury himself deep inside her wet channel and she'd fall apart in his arms.

  His mouth was a slash of angry indignation. As he stepped closer, she could see his nostrils flare, his eyes darken with tension. "Don’t answer my question with a question."

  Now what are you going to do? Do whatever you have to do, just get him out of here, before you do something you'll regret. Her heart pounded out a rhythm of something she hadn't felt in years. She couldn't help stare at him, yet no answer came forth.

  Shana couldn't tell him the truth. He wasn't hers any longer. He belonged to Thea now. Shana had no hold over him.

  "It's nothing, just allergies."

  Jared stepped into her office, and faced her, his hands in his pockets, eyes squinted with what she guessed was skepticism. "After all these years, I think you can come up with something better than that."

  Shana lowered her eyes, trying not to meet his intrusive gaze. "It's true."

  He shook his head and his brows furrowed in a frown. "Liar," he whispered, his voice sending ribbons of chills down her spine.

  Don't come any closer, Jared, or I'll fall apart. The scent of sweat and man wrapped around her, pulling her in, yet she stepped back and almost fell over her chair.

  "Why did you come back? Did you forget something?"

  Shana followed his eyes to the keys on the desk, and her heart sank. He only returned for his keys.

  Funny thing was, he didn't retrieve the key chain. His gaze focused on nothing but her.

  "Yeah, I forgot something. And I'm going to hell for this, but…."

  Without warning, he grabbed her arms then pushed her against the desk. His warm and familiar touch drew a gasp from her. The fact he hadn't shaved drove her crazy. She'd always loved him scruffy, sweaty from a long day of working with his hands.

  Was she crazy?

  "Are you out of your mind? Jared, let me go."

  His palms caressed her cheeks and held Shana in place so she couldn't move. Her body softened and reacted to his touch as evidenced by the throbbing of her nipples against her clothes. Her heart raced, her eyes fixed on his and her sex swelled. There was no denying his touch still had the power to arouse her.

  Jared's mouth was so close to hers, Shana was able to smell coffee on his breath. He drank his coffee black with two sugars, something she'd never forgotten.

  "Out of my mind? Maybe. My fiancée is down in the car, waiting for me. I'm getting married in three months. I found a way to go on with my life, after you threw me away. I met someone who loves me, and I care about her, as much as I'm capable of. You tore me apart and left me with no answers." His thumb traced the path of her lower lip. "I hate you," he whispered.

  Shana shivered at his calloused touch, her heart pounded in her ears. She couldn’t stop him. Her voice betrayed her. "Yes, hate me. Leave, now, please."

  "Sending me away again, Shana? There's no restraining order separating us now."

  Her legs gave way, but Jared supported her weight easily. It felt so good to be in his arms again; she'd missed his touch, his strong embrace.

  That earlier rigid self-control of hers crumbled. She knew what she was about to do was wrong, yet she couldn’t help herself. Jared tore down her wall of resistance with a warm palm against her face. His voice was a choked whisper against her soft, warm cheek. "What the hell is it about you? Do you want me as much as I want you right now? And don't bother to lie. That act you put on a few minutes ago was pretty lame."

  ~*~

  Not waiting for her to answer him either way, his nose touched hers, the familiar feel of her soft curves, hardened him.

  "Fuck this."

  Without preamble, Jared slid papers and pens from her desk to the floor, then lifted Shana and placed her on the smooth surface, followed her down and kissed her like there was no tomorrow. Shana's mouth opened to his insistent tongue, and he delved into her warmth, loving her taste. This is what love should feel like, he thought. Knowing you'll die without the woman you love, holding her as if she's your other half. Having her kisses hold you prisoner from a place you nev
er want to be free of. This is what loving a woman is like.

  Jared still wanted Shana. He loved her. He'd never stopped loving her.

  No words were spoken. Haste was of the utmost importance. He knew what he was doing was wrong, so why didn't he stop? Why didn't his fingers stop unbuttoning her soft blouse that would reveal the soft skin beneath? Why didn't she slap him? Tell him to get out? He could see her dark pink nipples through the lace, pebble hard, waiting for his mouth to devour them like a tasty meal. He lifted the silky fabric over her head, exposing her full breasts. He proceeded to ravish her as if starved for weeks. No, starved for years . . . for her warmth.

  Hard as brick, his erection ruled his body as he reveled in her touch. Her hands were all over him, pulling the shirt from his pants, unbuckling his belt, and before he knew it, she released his throbbing, erect cock from its restraints.

  "Ah yes, touch me; that's it."

  Reason abandoned her. All she wanted was to feel. Jared's hands and mouth were a carnal assault on her all too ready body, and she welcomed his touch, while wanting to connect with him. He was hard and thick and ready, and Shana was helpless to resist his touch.

  The honk of the car horn broke the sounds of their passion, and brought them out of their sexual haze, and the realization of what they were about to do hit home like a sledge hammer.

  "Jared, we can't, we can't."

  Shana's head shot toward the window, her voice filled with shame and shock. "Oh my God. What have we done? You'd better go." Breathless and disheveled, her body burning like a wildfire, she was unable to look into his eyes. "Look at us. Look at what we're doing."

  "Is that all you have to say?" He straightened as Shana moved away from him. She knew from experience Jared was an insatiable lover. When they were together, what they just shared would have been only a prelude to hours of deep, explosive sex. Jared Stone was the sexiest she'd ever known.

  His fingers turned her cheek toward him. "Shana, look at me."

  She shook her head, and again, tears trailed down her face. "No, Jared. I'm sorry this happened. I've betrayed everything I believe in. "Oh my God." She cried, then shielded her face with her hands in shame. "Please leave before Thea follows you here. If she catches us, I'll die."

  Jared threw out his hands. "God damn it! You think I planned this?" Trembling hands shook as he adjusted his clothes. "I came back for answers, Shana, do you understand? I need to know why you let Wilding keep us apart."

  She pushed errant strands of hair over her shoulder and fought to regain her calm but failed miserably, and she hated the weakness in her voice. "I told you then, and I'm telling you now. I was too young to get married. It was the best choice for me. Now just leave me alone. I feel bad enough as it is. I'll hand your file over to an associate. Just tell Thea I was too busy to continue with your wedding plans."

  He tucked his shirt in his jeans, drew fingers through his hair, then looked at her. Without words, he shook his head, turned and left. Shana thought she'd be sick.

  How could you be so irresponsible? She chided herself as she mentally ordered her quivering hands to still as she hurriedly shoved papers in her bag.

  Shana's body had betrayed her. Her nipples throbbed and her sex pulsated with arousal. She drew quivering fingers through her wealth of hair, expelled a deep cleansing breath. "It was a moment of weakness." She whispered, shrugging into her jacket.

  Yet no matter how much she tried to convince herself that in a moment of weakness her body had betrayed her, Shana's heart shattered a little bit more with every step she took.

  She rushed from her office to her car, her keys falling to the ground twice before she calmed enough to climb into her vehicle. Shana took a deep breath, started the ignition and sped home, hoping she wasn’t stopped by a policeman, when all she wanted to do was go home, lock her doors, and have a good cry.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  He hated her now, and Shana couldn’t blame him. It was better this way. Let him think that she didn’t want him all those years ago, although the way she surrendered to him a few moments ago negated that fact. She'd take the blame for what happened and put it behind her. At least, that's what she told herself . . . but her body's reaction to Jared's touch would not allow her to forget so easily.

  Her breasts still tingled from the sensation of his mouth on her heated skin. Her sex still pulsed even though they'd been a beat away from coming together. Jared's touch still had the power to render her helpless, her body melting like ice in the sun.

  When she arrived home, Jared's scent still blanketed her body, and caused the tears to fall once more. She tossed her bag and binder on her bed, followed after them. She lay across her cool, soft comforter, willing her tears to stop, to no avail. They continued to descend until she allowed herself to think back to the night he'd proposed, a happier time…

  They sat in the restaurant, enjoying a dry red wine and laughing. Shana was feeling wonderfully warm and flushed at the way Jared was looking at her.

  "Can you tell what I'm thinking?" he teased, grabbed her hand across the table, and kissed each finger one by one.

  The flesh on Shana's arms rose with gooseflesh. Every time he touched her, she wanted to melt into a puddle of mush. She loved him so much, and wanted to be with him all the time. She tilted her head and smiled, happiness spread throughout her.

  "I can always tell what you're thinking."

  He played with her fingers and feigned a pained look. "Ah I think I've stumped you this time, love."

  Shana loved the touch of his hands; big, long fingers, blunt cut fingernails, and hard, raised calluses on his palms, evidence of the hard work he did. He created buildings with those strong hands. He also loved her tenderly with them.

  "The suspense is killing me Jared. What are you up to?"

  His look turned intense, hot, and Shana knew he wanted her. "I'm crazy about you, baby, you know that don’t you?"

  Shana nodded, her eyes welling with tears. "Yes, Jared. I love you too," she whispered. "Very much."

  He cleared his throat and nodded. "Well then, I guess this is as good a time as any."

  She watched him dig into his inside jacket pocket and produce a small black box. Her heart soared with happiness and love.

  "I don't want to live another minute without you. Marry me, Shana, honey. Please."

  He opened the box and the most beautiful diamond she'd ever seen blinked up at her.

  Tears of joy filled her eyes. "It's exquisite."

  He took out the ring and slid it on her finger. "Is that a yes?"

  She stared at the sparkling diamond for a second, then took his hand and smiled. "Yes. I accept with all my heart."

  He kissed her finger with the ring, and they just sat in the quiet corner booth of the restaurant, silent, in love…

  Dusk had settled in when Shana stirred. Her heart hammered from the vivid dream. She sat up in bed, clutched her chest and slowly realized she'd been daydreaming, and had fallen asleep with thoughts of Jared on her mind, and in her heart.

  She left a trail of discarded clothes in her wake as she headed to the bathroom. She turned on the shower jets and stepped under the refreshing steamy spray. Shana rubbed the citrus scented body wash over her face and neck, down her breasts, still tender from Jared's eager mouth. She trailed her palms farther down to her stomach, and passed her bare mound where she and Jared had nearly passed the point of no return only hours before. No one could undo her like Jared. Nothing had changed. There had been no man before or after Jared Stone.

  She'd loved from the beginning.

  She loved him still.

  And she'd never have him.

  ~*~

  Jared followed Thea into her townhouse. For the past forty minutes, he'd wanted to tell her what had happened with Shana. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself until he confessed his near infidelity, and break off their engagement. It was the only option, and the right thing to do. He felt like shit in a dozen different ways. But he
couldn’t help it. The moment he laid eyes on Shana, all of those unfulfilled emotions came crashing down on him like a tidal wave.

  Jared had no more right to marry Thea than he had to kiss and touch Shana just hours before. Thea had proved to be a healing balm to Jared's loneliness when he was at a low point in his life.

  "Thea, I need to talk to you."

  She paused then looked at him. "You look so serious, Jared. If you're not happy about the wedding planner darling, we can always find another."

  Thea's solution to any problem was if it didn’t fit, you disposed it, and found something better. "No, I want to talk to you about us."

  The woman looked confused, but nodded good naturedly. "Let's go into the library, where we'll have some privacy."

  Seating themselves on the long charcoal grey leather sofa, Jared faced her, held her hands. "First of all, I want to tell you that you're a wonderful person, and I care about you, very much."

  Thea leaned in and kissed Jared lightly on the lips. "I care about you too, darling. Is something wrong?"

  Jared released her hands, then rose and paced the room. Just tell her and get it over with. Tell her you're a piece of shit that you almost cheated on her with your ex-fiancée.

  He turned, tunneled his fingers through his hair, and faced her. "There's no easy way to say this."

  Thea nodded slightly and tilted her head, resting her hands in her lap.

  Jared took a deep breath. "The wedding planner, Shana. Turns out I know her, very well in fact. We were engaged nearly five years ago."

  "You never told me about her, Jared." Her voice was clear and soft, but not at all angry or surprised. There was something odd about her behavior.

  Jared stopped pacing and knelt in front of her. "I'm sorry about that. I thought I'd put my life with Shana behind me. Seems I was wrong."

  "So then, you were going to marry Miss Wilding?"

  Still she exhibited no anger, rather a hint of curiosity. He nodded. "Yes, she ended our relationship."