“You wanted to play this game,” he said, and suddenly she knew he wasn’t talking about the Game of the Goose.
She sucked in a shaky breath and got to her knees, shuffling forward a little towards him. Gabriel never took his eyes from hers, and she wondered why she felt so much less courageous this time. Gabriel held perfectly still. Watching. He didn’t move an inch. Didn’t lean forward towards her or make it any easier. He was still sitting cross legged, and she moved until her knees bumped against him. She leaned forward then and pressed a brief kiss against his mouth before drawing back.
“Is that it?” he said, amusement glittering in those cool, dark eyes. “Don’t tell me you’ve lost your nerve?”
Crecy wondered if he was right for a moment, but it was only a moment, as his hand reached out and grasped the back of her neck, pulling her back to him. He kissed her this time, and the heat Crecy had felt melting her from the inside out seemed to explode through her veins. She leaned into him, bracing her hands on his wide shoulders as his hands settled on her waist. Gabriel shifted, unlocking his crossed legs and pulling her forward into the space. Crecy tried to move as he wanted, but found her skirts impeded her, and fell forwards against him as they caught under her knees, crashing against him with a startled exclamation.
Gabriel caught her against him, but her weight pushed him back, and she fell with him, lying between his legs in such an intimate manner that her breath caught.
She watched as he regarded her in return, perhaps waiting for her maidenly sensibilities to kick in and for her to scream in outrage. As it was, her breath caught as she felt the evidence of his desire, hard - and a little daunting, truth be told - pressed against the softness of her belly. With more instinct than thought, and without really considering what she was doing, Crecy shifted her weight a little, pressing back against him. Gabriel’s breath hitched, and she felt a rather wicked smile curve over her lips as she watched his eyes darken in response.
“Little devil, indeed,” he growled before turning, shifting her onto her back in one smooth movement that had his big frame hovering over her. He stared down, watching her with a mixture of curiosity and unease. He was waiting for permission, she realised, and reached up, linking her hands behind his neck and tugging with impatience. His head lowered, then, and captured her mouth, and Crecy was lost in the pleasure of it. Kissing Gabriel was far beyond anything she had ever known, such a combination of contentment, fierce desire, and utter bliss that she quite lost her head the moment his lips touched hers. The desire to know what else there was, what more could be experienced with him, was both a burning need and a quiet terror in her heart.
His mouth left hers, trailing kisses over her jaw and neck, as though she had spoken her desire to learn more aloud. One large hand moved over her, sliding up from her waist to cup her breast. Crecy gasped as pleasure spiked within her, somehow linking the heat of his hand on her breast to somewhere even more intimate. His thumb circled the peak, pinching her a little as he squeezed her nipple through the fabric of her dress. Crecy heard a decadent sound of pleasure in her ears, and it took a moment to realise that it had been her that had made it. She looked up, feeling suddenly bolder as she saw the intense quality of Gabriel’s expression, knowing he was just as affected by this as she was. The need in his eyes only made her burn hotter, and she arched beneath his touch as his hand slid lower once more. He moved slowly, too slowly, when she felt instinctively that she knew what his goal was.
“Is this what you’ve been wanting?” he asked, his voice low and every bit as seductive as his touch. She closed her eyes as his hand slid between her legs, the intimacy of his touch at once stunning and everything she’d known it would be.
“Yes, Gabriel,” she said, his voice spoken on a long exhale as pleasure crashed over her like a wave. He kissed her again, his body a weight that would crush her if he allowed it, but now was only a warm solid presence that she clung to like an anchor. Crecy moved beneath his touch, an unfamiliar, impatient feeling thrumming in her blood. Her breath came faster as he caressed her, slow and even, though the feeling it created was demanding, compelling, clamorous in its desire for more.
A low, masculine chuckle rumbled over her, through her as it vibrated from his chest. “Stop chasing it,” he scolded, sounding amused as he dropped warm little kisses over her face and neck, over the curve of her breasts as her chest rose and fell with each urgent breath.
“I don’t know …” she began, feeling really quite desperate and unsure of what it was she wanted. “I don’t know how …”
“Yes, you do,” he replied, his voice sure and soothing now as his clever fingers continued to caress her through the gown. “Look at me.” The voice was a command, if a gentle one, and Crecy looked up, feeling the strangest sensation of security as those usually cold eyes stared down at her with such warmth that she felt it in her bones. “Let go now, I’ve got you.”
And he did.
She knew that he did. Gabriel would not hurt her. Perhaps that was not true for other people, but it was for her, and she trusted in it. Her breath grew faster as that demanding sensation swept her up again; it was the oddest mixture of tension and expectation, the feeling of rushing towards some unseen destination. But Gabriel was with her, the weight of his gaze hot and soothing all at once, and she let go, trusting in him to guide her, and crying out as the force of it took her by surprise.
“So beautiful.”
The words were whispered against her skin, so soft and Crecy so lost that she almost missed them, almost didn’t hear the reverence with which they were spoken before she was lost in the pleasure that rolled over her in delicious waves, jolting her body like a marionette on strings, quite out of her own control.
Gabriel soothed her, murmuring words that she could not take in, and she knew she would regret not knowing as she felt her body melting into the thick rug beneath her. She felt languid, her bones heavy and unwilling to move, as sleepy as a cat in the sun as she let out a sigh of content.
“Oh, my,” she breathed, quite pleased that she’d managed to say anything coherent at all after such an experience. She opened her eyes, feeling a little shy all at once on finding Gabriel staring down at her still. His expression was a little more guarded now, she felt, but she smiled, reaching up to touch his cheek. “Thank you,” she murmured, feeling like anything more than that was too great an effort.
Gabriel snorted and shook his head.
“You’ll thank me for taking your maidenhead, too, will you?” he asked, and there was once more a harder quality to his voice.
Crecy sighed inwardly, knowing that this would be the way of it with Gabriel. She would win a small victory from time to time, but the war was far from over.
“If it’s anything like that, I’ll be a puddle at your feet,” she retorted, pleased when he gave a sudden burst of laughter. It was all the more pleasing, as it was quite obviously unwilling. He didn’t want her to charm him, didn’t want to be made to care, she knew this, but she couldn’t let him back away.
“You are a strange creature,” he said, sounding perplexed, but the words were warmer this time. She smiled at him, reaching up to tug his mouth back to hers once more, but stilled as she heard the grandfather clock chime out in the entrance hall.
“Oh my!” she exclaimed. “I have to get back.”
Gabriel glowered a little, shaking his head. “How did I just know you were going to say that?”
She gave him a sympathetic look, pulling him down for a kiss and then shoving him away again when it became clear he wasn’t inclined to stop. He grumbled a little, but moved away from her, getting up and helping her to her feet.
“I’m sorry,” she said, hoping he could hear from the regret in her voice just how sorry. “I’ll make it up to you.”
He stilled then, tension running through him.
“You should not come back,” he said, and for once the words weren’t barked out with anger. “You know where this will lead you
.”
Crecy wondered if it occurred to him that he didn’t have to be the man he’d become any longer, not if he didn’t want to, not if he wanted to change badly enough. But she knew it was too soon to try and get him to see that. She could only hope and pray and trust her instincts.
“I know,” she said, moving closer and smoothing her hands over his chest. “I’ve told you before. I don’t care. I want to be with you, Gabriel, nothing else.”
His face grew colder, his eyes full of mockery. “And what happens when I grow tired of you? What happens when I’m done and you’ve nowhere to go?”
Crecy jolted, a little shocked by the starkness of his words, which was of course what he intended. He was warning her off by showing her everything she was risking, trying to frighten her away as he did everyone else. But Crecy saw through his threats and knew that, in truth, it was him who was afraid. He was protecting himself because he still didn’t trust her. It was incomprehensible to him that he could be reason enough for her to keep coming back. But if she didn’t persevere, if she didn’t teach him that he was worth loving, then no one would. He’d be forever alone, and he deserved better than that.
She reached up her hand, smoothing her thumb over his mouth, surprised all over again at how soft it was. “Then I shall have to make sure that you never grow tired of me, won’t I, Gabriel?” The words were flirtatious, somewhat teasing, even, but she thought he heard the determination there, too. He stared at her, those dark eyes watchful, and then took her hand, pressing his mouth to the palm and kissing it, closing his eyes as he did so. It was such a tender gesture, and so revealing that Crecy caught her breath.
“You’d better go,” he said, sounding his usual gruff self as he released her and turned away, the moment gone just as abruptly as it had arrived.
Crecy nodded and moved to retrieve her reticule, and then remembered his Christmas present.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” she said, tugging the little drawing out and handing it to him. She blushed a little as he took it, curiosity in his eyes. “Merry Christmas,” she added. He stared at it and she studied his face, trying to decipher his reaction, but he seemed to be holding himself very still, and it was impossible to read him.
“It’s a good likeness,” he said after a while, still looking at the drawing and not at her.
“Well, the best I could do at any rate. It’s not much, I suppose, and perhaps … a … a bit presumptuous,” she stammered, aware that she was rambling, but feeling foolish all at once. “I wrote on the back,” she added, as if that made it any more worthwhile.
He turned it over and she felt like her heart was in his hands as he read the words. She watched, wondering if he would repay her in kind, if he would gift her with some small word of affection or encouragement, but he said nothing. But then his thumb moved over the words, as though touching them with a caress, before he frowned, remembering he was being watched, and tucked the small image into his inside pocket.
“Thank you,” he said, looking a little awkward.
“You’re welcome.”
It was strange, how they could go from such startling intimacy to polite distance in the space of a few moments. Well, he could. She moved closer to him and reached up, kissing him full on the lips.
“Merry Christmas,” she said again. “I’ll come back as soon as I can.”
She walked away from him before he could respond, aware that she’d be horribly late if he returned her kiss, as she hadn’t the will power to leave him if he asked her to stay. But he said nothing, just shadowing her as she returned to the hallway. He called for Piper and her things were brought for her. She thanked his butler, who smiled at her and bid her good day as he retreated and left them alone again.
Gabriel watched, his expression intent as she tied her bonnet and did up her buttons. Crecy stood still as he moved forward, knowing that he wanted to rearrange her. She smiled at him as he tweaked the bow under her chin and touched each button in turn, frowning a little as he checked that each one was properly fastened.
“Thank you,” she said, aware of the bemused look in his eyes.
“You’ll come tomorrow?” he demanded, returning his gaze to her buttons rather than look her in the eyes. She hid her smile, knowing that he wanted her to come and desperately didn’t want to admit it.
“Not tomorrow,” she said, with real regret, which deepened as she saw his face shutter up again, expecting to be rejected. She reached out and took his hand before he could withdraw completely. “It’s Christmas, Gabriel. I won’t be able to get away, no matter how much I want to.”
He scowled, his face darkening, but then he looked up at her. “I … I could meet you. If I rode onto Winterbourne’s land, to the edge of the woods where it meets the lake at Longwold. It would only take you an hour to get there and back again.”
Crecy felt a lump in her throat. He was admitting to wanting to see her, so much that he was prepared to trespass on his despised cousin’s land, and even put himself out to do so.
“I don’t know what time I can get away,” she warned him, praying he’d say it didn’t matter. “But I’ll find a way, if … if you don’t mind waiting a while?”
Gabriel shrugged as though it mattered little. “I don’t have any other pressing engagements tomorrow,” he said with a sneer that only served to show Crecy how desperately alone he was. “Besides,” he added, sounding his usual gruff self again. “I owe you a gift now, don’t I?”
She smiled at him, absurdly charmed despite the gracelessness of his words. “You don’t owe me anything, Gabriel. I didn’t give it to you to get anything back. I just wanted to make you smile, to make you as happy as you’ve made me.”
He snorted, clearly believing that she was madder than he was.
“It’s true,” she insisted. She put her hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. “I doubt it will be much before four o’clock, but I shall get away as soon as I can, I promise.”
He nodded and accompanied her outside to her horse, waving the groom away as he approached with the mounting block, and helping her up himself.
“Take care,” he said, the words hard, as though they’d been dragged from him unwillingly.
“I will,” she said, accepting them as the gift she knew them to be. “You, too.” She blew him a kiss, not caring that the groom was watching with wide eyes, and rode away, feeling as though her heart were floating with the clouds, somewhere way above her head.
Chapter 15
“Wherein something precious is stolen.”
That night was torture of a different kind. Gabriel lay in bed, so far from sleep there seemed little point in staying there. But he closed his eyes, pretending he was making the attempt, when really he was indulging in a fantasy. Not that he had thought of anything else all day, not since the moment she had ridden away, blowing him a kiss as she went.
In his mind, they were together again, Crecy laid out on the floor, her eyes on his, trusting in him as he gave her the first taste of the pleasure to be found between a man and a woman. It had been humbling, that trust in him. His body grew taut as it remembered the feel of her body beneath his hand, the soft sounds of her pleasure. Longing swept over him, such need that it overwhelmed him, terrified him. He knew that this was not simply desire, this was not simply an urge to satisfy a base, physical demand. It was about her and her alone. He wanted her with a yearning that threatened to overpower him. Yet he could not deny it, could not push it away or consign it to some dark corner of his mind. It was too strong.
He knew he could have taken everything, right there and then. He could have indulged his desire and she would not have stopped him. But he hadn’t. Gabriel refused to dwell on that, refused to study his reasoning. For surely, ruining one of Edward’s guests should give him pleasure. Knowing that someone staying under his roof, someone whose family Edward perhaps cared for, had been seduced by him … that should be a small triumph in this war they fought. But he couldn’t do that when she said his
name and clung to him, giving herself into his hands.
Oh God, this was a madness all of its own.
Although he’d promised himself he would not, he began to imagine what lay beneath the gown she wore, imagined stripping each layer from her and laying her down on his bed, taking her body along with everything else she was offering him.
He groaned in the darkness, so hard it hurt. It had been a long time since he had reached to touch himself. Control over every aspect of his life was the only thing that kept him somewhere close to sane, and no part of his existence was unaffected by that compulsion. But this need was greater still, the burning for her too fierce to be ignored.
It didn’t take long, not after spending every moment since she’d left him aching and unsatisfied. He came so hard it shocked him, fear churning in his gut as he realised what power she had over him already. What wouldn’t he do to see her again?
Self-loathing washed over him, and he cleaned himself up with disgust. He was weak. A vile creature who had no business touching a young woman like Crecy, much less indulging in sick fantasies of what he wanted to do with her.
But she wants me, she cares for me.
The voice was faint, if hopeful, but he crushed it. There was no point in hoping for such things. She must have a reason for pursuing him, and sooner or later he would discover it. He’d be a fool to believe otherwise, for what in the name of God could she possibly see to care for when she looked at him?
Power? Money?
No.
No.
He would not believe that of her. It wasn’t true.
Despite everything, that fragile spark she had lit in his heart refused to be snuffed out, and Gabriel slept at last, dreaming of impossible things.
***
The next morning dragged so slowly, Gabriel thought he really might lose his mind for good. Every half hour found him in front of the large grandfather clock in the entrance hall, checking it against his own watch. This naturally drove him to check every clock in the damn house, even venturing into rooms he hadn’t set foot in for years, to wind and set clocks that had long since fallen silent. It passed the time, at least, he thought with an ironic laugh.
To Tame a Savage Heart Page 13