by Blair Aaron
She tried to calm herself, as she crawled into her clean bed sheets, alone in her room, with only the candle at her nightstand and the quiet of the town as it fell asleep with her. She lay in bed, her thoughts circling around that mysterious man with blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. That night, she had a dream about Lili, standing at the edge of the forest, with her back to the town. In Elsa's dream, she could not speak, and try though she might to get Lili's attention, warning her not to enter the forest, Elsa could not make a sound. Elsa waved her hands up in the air, screaming at the top of her lungs, but to no avail, as her dream world kept her silent. Before she took her first steps into the Forbidden Forest, Lili took one look back at the crowd of people gathered near the church, her eyes blood shot and bleary from the incessant longing for her son, her gaze piercing through Elsa's perspective. Elsa felt like Lili was staring straight through her, and as Lili turned back and made her way into the forest, Elsa's heart sank with every step Lili took. Then Elsa bolted out of bed, her heart racing, her stomach drenched in sweat, her head pounding.
Lili, she thought, may have returned from the brink of the abyss with her son in tow, but there was something missing in her eyes upon her return. Lili seemed blank and empty since making her way back to the towns from the Forbidden Forest. Elsa wondered what exactly Lili had seen on her journey, but the thought sent shivers down her spine, as she knew how blasphemous, how heretical, it was to think about such things. Still, she worried for Lili's mental state and resolved to see her the next day to inquire further about the man she brought back with her.
CHAPTER 5
Since her disappearance into the Forest, the local community tried their best to clean up Lili’s home once she returned with her son. Elsa walked from the town square, on her way to Lili’s dilapidated cabin, the bushes in disarray, the weeds growing out and around the pathway leading toward the door. Elsa stood on the porch, listening for sounds of life from inside the house. She heard little Ennis laughing and giggling, as if he had all the friends a child his age would ever want. Elsa smiled, knowing little Ennis had not been affected in any permanent way in his sojourn into the forest.
Lili took some time to get to the door, and upon answering, Elsa saw her appearance had worsened since she returned from the forest. Lili stood there in the doorway, saying nothing, almost as if she half-expected Elsa to throw a pie in her face.
“Lili,” Elsa said, smiling in the most polite way she could. “How are you?”
“Getting some rest,” she said, trying her best to put on a good face for company, though she clearly was not prepared to host that morning. “How are you, my dear Elsa?”
“Oh I was just thinking about you last night,” Elsa said, handing Lili some soup she cooked as an excuse to come over. Lili took the brown bag and smiled the best she could. Remembering her dream last night, Elsa's emotions near bowled her over, and she couldn't resist hugging Lili, the soup bowl crushed between their two torsos. “Lili, I missed you so. We are all so glad you're back.” Elsa could feel the tension in Lili's body release ever so much in light of that comment. She wondered why Lili would think the community did not want her back. “Can I come inside?”
“Of course you can, my friend,” Lili said, her mood a little lighter and more effervescent. Elsa followed her into the house, her view trailing behind Lili, as they journeyed through the extended hallway in her home, and Elsa thought for the first time, even though she had visited Lili many times in earlier, how odd Lili's home was designed. In light of recent events, the house's contained structure, with its subdivided rooms, locked closets, and absence of open area where sunlight can works its joyful magic on even the most depressed, seemed cruel and almost claustrophobic. Elsa's chest tightened a little, as she sat on the wooden bench at the center of the den.
“Where is little Ennis?” Elsa asked. “I could hear him on the doorstep, and it sounded like he was playing with a few friends. I am glad the other children don't treat him differently, because of what happened,” she said.
Lili creased her brow, somewhat confused. “Ennis is by himself in his room. No other children have stopped by to play with him.”
“Oh,” Elsa said. “There must have been an echo from his room, then.” Lili agreed. They sat there in silence for a prolonged moment, the awkwardness growing between them, as it seemed both women wanted to ask each other something that had been lurking in the back of their minds, but both were too afraid to start first. For Elsa, she worried about Lili and her mental wellbeing, but also wanted to know what Lili knew about the provocative man Elsa saw unconscious on the ground the other night, near the forest's border. “Lili,” she said, taking a deep breath for the big reveal, “I had a bad dream last night.”
Lili, who had been looking absently down at the floor up until this point, suddenly looked up, as if something she had anticipated and feared would happen was just confirmed by Elsa. “You did?” she asked. “What about?”
“Well, that's the thing. That's why I'm here. It's hard to explain,” Elsa said, picking the skin from the tip of her thumb, nervous.
Lili seemed to get increasingly nervous as Elsa waited to reveal why she had come to check on her. “Do your best, my friend.”
“What do you remember before you went in the Forest?” Elsa asked, trying to broach the subject bit-by-bit.
“I remember everything fine,” she said. “Although…I try to forget. When I think about that day when Ennis left me, I can hardly breathe.” She tried to smile through her pain and fear. This particular topic of conversation seemed somewhat unrelated to what was on Lili's mind, because she relaxed back into her chair, for a moment giving herself the leeway to think about lighter things than the dark cloud hanging over her head. Elsa, being largely intuitive and paying especially close attention to her friend, picked up on this. “Turnips were on my mind that morning. It was so sunny, bright, and chipper. Ennis and I decided to take ourselves down to the market to make that special platter we make usually every Sunday. When I saw how deep purple the turnips were, I was so excited, and for a split second, I started daydreaming about Ennis' father. Since the time he left us, I had not felt even a second of relief, but that day was different. That day, for a split second, I felt free. Then I turned around, looking for Ennis, and that's when I saw his little body running full speed into the woods across the way.” Her voice broke, the panic of that moment setting in. Lili took a deep breath.
“I'm sorry,” Elsa said, getting up from the bench and making her way over to Lili. “I didn't mean to upset you,” she said, putting her arm around Lili, who seemed almost frozen. Elsa got up and started a fire, using a candle to light it. While she continue warming up the house, she took notice of the dilapidated house. Lili was not putting things back together in the way the community might expect her to do. “Lili, my dream was about you.” Elsa looked over to the bench, as Lili began shivering. “What is wrong? Is everything all right?” Elsa asked her.
“Yes of course,” Lili said, through chattering teeth. “I just...knew this would happen. Tell me about your dream.”
“I was standing on the edge of town, with everyone else, and we were calling to you not to go into the forest. But there was no sound, so you couldn't hear us. And you went anyway.”
“My goodness. It's come back to haunt me hasn't it,” Lili said into the air, not directing her question at Elsa necessarily.
“What has come back to haunt you?”
“I cannot speak of it, my dearest Elsie. There's nothing I can do to make it better.”
“Lili, tell me what you saw in the forest. How did you make it back?” The bluntness of the question surprised Elsa, because she knew her own hunger for answers came at the expense of poor Lili, who had been apparently traumatized by something, or someone, in the forest. Lili covered up her face with her hands, weeping into them, while Elsa tried her very best to calm the woman, holding her in both arms and rocking back and forth. “I'm so sorry, my Lili. We all searched f
or you through the entire community. Even the children crawled into cabinets and under houses, trying to find any sign that you didn't go. When we couldn't find anything that said you were still here, we prayed that you would survive the worst.” Those words sent poor Lili further into despair, causing her to weep even harder. Elsa finished her point, on a hopeful note. “But you did survive,” she said, making sure Lili could look her in the eyes, as Elsa wiped Lili’s tears with her white dress. “You're here now. Right?”
Lili smiled through her tears. “Yes, I'm here. I just don't know how to be normal anymore.”
“What do you mean, 'be normal'?” Lili stopped crying for a brief moment, looking at Elsa for help. “Lili, you're back here with us. Everyone loves you. We're going to help you get better. You're alive. Be happy.”
“Do you think,” Lili said, contemplating how to put her question to Elsa, as she would pose a request for advice from someone wiser, stronger, and more knowledgeable than she was—in other words, someone she could trust—”Do you think that if a good person makes a mistake, a grave mistake, they can ever be good again?”
Elsa stopped, realizing there was more to the story about Lili's venture into the woods. “What do you mean?”
“I made a grave mistake when I went into those woods.” Lili looked at Elsa, trying to convince her she was being earnest and truthful. “But dear Elsa, I could not stay. I had no one. First it was the father of my son. Then it was Ennis. I was all alone. I had to go. If it meant I could bring my little boy back. Don't you agree?”
“Of course,” Elsa said, getting nervous now. She knew, along with every other member of the town, that very few people had ever been able to come back from the forest, and the fact that everyone so quickly assumed Lili had not been changed for good, concerned Elsa. Not a single person had mentioned the possibility that Lili was no longer…Lili. Elsa suddenly became very uncomfortable at this realization, and frightened to be in her presence. She decided to choose her words very carefully. “Did you...see…something? Was it that blond man who followed you back?”
“Oh no,” she said. “He was my hero,” she said, smiling. Elsa found herself becoming somewhat jealous, even though she could not control that.
“What happened when you stepped into the forest? How did you find Ennis and bring him back?”
“At first, there was so much darkness. I was so scared. I couldn't see the hand in front of my face. The air was different. It felt like I was breathing electricity. Does that even make any sense?” Lili asked.
Elsa nodded, urging her to continue with her story.
“I don't remember much. And it all happened so fast--”
“Fast? Lili, you were gone for three months,” Elsa said, interrupting her to make sure she had not disorganized the story after the fact, a possibility, considering the stress on her mind. Lili put her hand on her forehead, thinking.
“No, I was there for around an hour, if that.”
Elsa sat up. “How can you be so sure all the danger you were in didn't make it seem like time just passed faster?”
“If I was there for three months, I would have starved or died from dehydration. Much more would have happened,” she said, looking concerned about the state of her sanity.
“But you were missing for that long a period of time,” Elsa said, pressing her on the matter. She wanted to make sure the girl was not lying and had not lost her grip on reality. “You were gone precisely 21 days, and every last person can attest to that fact.”
“Oh, my my my,” Lili said. “I just wish it were all a dream. I knew I will never be able to escape him.”
“What happened in the forest, who did you see that has frightened you so?” Elsa asked.
“He's here, Elsie. I know it. I can feel him outside my walls at night. I see him in my dreams. I can't get him out of my head,” she said, growing uncontrollable. Elsa grabbed her by the hand, trying to stabilize her anxious fidgeting.
“Look at me, Lili. I'm right here, and I won't leave you.” Lili began to calm down. “Now,” Elsa continued, “tell me what happened. Who are you talking about?”
“The black wolf. When I walked into the forest, I got so scared, everything was so dark, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to see my little boy again,” she said, growing hysterical. “So I cried out, 'Ennis! Ennis! Ennis!' as loud as I could.” Ennis, hearing his mother calling his name from the other room, came storming in.
“I'm right here!” he said, a wooden car in his hand. Elsa looked over at Ennis, standing in the doorway, halfway expecting him to have no idea what was going on, but his expression instead was something a little more disturbing. He was smiling, a knowing smile that told Elsa he knew everything they're conversation was about, and moreover, that he was not afraid.
“Come here, my sweet Ennis,” Lili said, as her toddler son ran over to his mother, laying his head on her knee, while Lili stroked his hair. He looked out of his blue, possessed eyes at Elsa from the side, watching her askance. Elsa could not tell whether Ennis was smiling at her, happy to host a new guest who had come to pay her kindnesses to his small family, or whether he was casting a curse on her with his eyes. Her gut told her it was more the latter.
Elsa continued her line of questions. “When you were crying his name, Lili, what happened then?”
“He called back to me, or so I thought. I just kept walking into the darkness, in the direction of his voice, asking him to direct me where to go, but he wouldn't. He just kept saying, 'Mommy. Come find me. Let's play hide and seek.' I became so thrilled we would be reunited. But then…” She stopped, directing Ennis to go in the other room. When he had finally left, Lili continued her story. “But then I saw him. The black wolf with green eyes. At first, it was just a pair of green dots, but as I kept walking, thinking it might be my son, the green eyes had sharp white teeth. The black wolf was growling at me, and I could tell it was going to eat me if I didn't run. So I did. I ran and I hide from it. But Elsa,” Lili said, getting closer to her, looking around the room as if to make sure no one else heard her, afraid perhaps that the Forbidden Forest itself could hear her confession and come after her in the night, “the wolf knew where I was the whole time. He didn't even have to find me, went straight to the area behind a large tree. I was so frightened, thinking that perhaps he had eaten my little boy. I was ready in that moment to give everything up, knowing I would never make it out, but then, I could see him.”
“See who?” Elsa asked.
“Ennis was walking between two rocks, calling my name, looking for me, the toy he'd been playing with before he'd wandered into the forest still in his hand. I ran to him, but not before the wolf pinned both of us against the edge of the woods. I held Ennis tight within my shawl, and the last thing I remember was a lion appearing out of nowhere, and attacking the wolf, just before the black animal jumped at our throats. Then we woke up in the grass, in front of all of you.”
“Was the lion the stranger we're keeping safe?”
“Yes,” she said, “his yellow eyes were just as scary, but I could tell the moment before he came crawling from around the tree he was there to save us, that he had been waiting for the right moment to strike the black wolf. And that wolf's eyes, Elsie, oh the horror,” Lili said, looking out the window again upon hearing a suspicious sound. “Those eyes have followed me into my dreams. I can't get them out of my head,” she said. “I'm so afraid, all the time.” She got up, walked over to the front door, opening it just a click, to see if the wolf waited for her on the porch. “He's here, Elsie. I know it. He's coming for me, when I'm alone. He'll come for me, because he knows I should have never gone into that Forest. I'm so very afraid,” she said, sitting back down, her hips fused with Elsa's.
Elsa placed a hand on the back of Lili's head, trying to calm her down. “No one's coming for you, Lili darling. I'll protect you.”
“He's going to eat me, and he'll eat you too afterwards. For dessert.” Elsa tried not to laugh.
“We all know none of those creatures can leave the Forest, because that's where they belong,” Elsa said.
“Yeah,” Lili pressed on, “but you don't know for certain. Elsa I made a terrible mistake. I mean, I'm here, back with my son, alive, my heart beating, but...”
Elsa continued listening, as she got up from the bench and made her way over to the window, staring out into the grassy area behind the main area of the town. She could see the light from the fireplace inside the church windows.
Lili continued her story. “But something happened in the Forest, when I was there. I think I brought it back with me, into this village,” Lili said, trying to convey her terror in the night to Elsa, whom she thought might come close to understanding.
“How do you know that?” Elsa asked her, turning back around to face Lili, her back to the window. There was an eerie excitement in the room, as if someone were watching both the women and listening to their conversation.
“That's a very good question. I just do, I can feel it in my bones, Elsie. I've done something very wrong, made a terrible mistake. I--I just want to be a good person. Do the right thing. But something in that Forest changed me. I don't know what it is. I don't think I'll ever be the same.”
“How are you different?” Elsa asked.
“I don't feel--safe. The people in this village are hiding things. My dreams are full of nightmares. That forest corrupted me and my son. I used to be a good person, but now I'm…I'm full of rage and fear and can't control it. The other day, I threw a glass against the wall, shattered into a million pieces. What do you think Father O'Grady would say about that?”
“Don't tell him,” Elsa said, doing her best to contain her own fear. “He would tell you that you have been through a tough time, and that you're a fundamentally good person,” she said. “You're alive, you're healthy, and so is Ennis.”