“He has to pretend to be my foreign exchange student and then my boyfriend so I can get through my classes, internship, and my job.”
Seraphina raised a single, sculpted brow. “Pretending to be her boyfriend, Lucian? Does she mean you’re day walking?”
“No,” he said.
“Only a little,” I said at the same time.
Lucian looked annoyed.
“That’s far too dangerous,” Seraphina said. “You need to stop at once.”
“Out of the question,” Lucian growled. “I won’t sabotage her life because she had the misfortune of crossing paths with us.”
“She’s just a human,” Seraphina said. She looked at me and gave a tight, apologetic smile. “No offense.”
“Some taken,” I said with a shrug.
“She’s my responsibility,” Lucian said. “Human or not, I’m going to see to it that she makes it through this unscathed. She’ll get to return to her normal life when this is through, and if that means day walking, then so be it.”
“Is it not normal to walk around in the sun?” I asked.
Alaric grinned. “What did he tell you? That we all can do that?”
“Something like that?” The truth was it all started to blur together. I was learning so much and so fast that it was hard to keep it all straight.
“Lucian is abnormally gifted. The bastard is practically unkillable. Expose a normal vampire to the sun and they are going to dry up and die within seconds. But if he’s in the sun walking around, taxing his powers, he’ll—”
“Enough,” Lucian said. “This isn’t up for discussion. And Cara, you’ll need to take a hiatus from your job. I’ll provide you a discretionary fund so you will be able to cover expenses in the meantime. It will allow me more time after nightfall to manage my affairs.”
“I like doing ghost tours.”
“And I like being able to feel prepared when a bitter rival who has wanted me and my family dead for centuries is planning to strike.”
I lowered my eyes. “Fair point. I’ll let the tour company know I need to take a break.”
“Good,” Lucian stood, then motioned for me to follow. “I need to take her home so she can rest. There’s no way she will be able to stay awake during her classes if I keep her out much later.”
Seraphina and Alaric exchanged a look.
“What?” Lucian growled.
Seraphina shrugged. “You don’t typically care about anyone or anything except enforcing the code. You’re not sounding like yourself with all this selfless talk. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“No,” he snapped. “I’m bonded to a helpless human when all of our lives are in danger. Instead of focusing on the problem at hand, I’m forced to spend half my time making sure I don’t derail Cara’s life to save my own. It’s ridiculous, and by all rights, I should tie her to my back, bind and gag her, and go about my business.”
“Now that you mention it,” Alaric said. “Isn’t that more or less what you did with that villager back during the yellow fever? Remember?” he asked, laughing a little wistfully. “You forgot she would need to use the bathroom eventually and wound up with piss all over your cloak.”
A dark look passed over Lucian’s face. “I remember all too well. That was my favorite cloak.”
I took a deep breath; suddenly not sure I was going to survive the few weeks left of this bond with Lucian. But no matter what Alaric and Seraphina implied, I did feel like I’d been getting a different version of him when we were together. I hadn’t even considered that he didn’t have to sacrifice anything on my behalf. I also hadn’t thought how insignificant something like my classes and my internship should’ve seemed to a man—if that’s still what he was—in his position.
“Do vampires still have hearts?” I asked when we got outside. “Like does it beat, I mean?”
Lucian’s eyebrows pinched together. “Yes. Of course we do.”
“Does it beat though?” For some reason I suddenly needed to know he was at least human in that small way. It felt important.
Without hesitating, he took my hand and raised it up to his chest.
My breath caught. My palm was pressed against the hard, muscular plane of his chest. I could feel a strong but incredibly slow thump there. He must’ve had a resting heart rate of like ten, if my guess was right.
“Wow,” I whispered. “I read once that super high endurance athletes have a resting heart rate of like thirty. When you’re not biting people and sucking their blood, are you out cycling and competing in triathlons or something?”
“I’m a vampire,” he said plainly.
He’d started walking again and left me to trail behind him. I rolled my eyes at his back but found myself grinning all the same. I’m a vampire I mouthed to his broad shoulders and perfect hair.
15
Cara
I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was following Lucian and I for the entire walk back to my apartment. He insisted he’d “sense” it with his mysterious powers, but I still couldn’t shake the tingling on the back of my neck.
I let us in the front door, then paused. “You know, I never invited you in. Is that a myth, too?”
Lucian nodded. “Some of my kind have put great effort into misleading humans. The more weaknesses they think they know, the less able they will be to harm us.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Scared of us little humans, are you?”
He flashed a cocky half smile. “We’re outnumbered. And we do have to sleep, despite your attempts to keep me up at all hours of the day and night.”
“That’s fair.”
I had just pushed the door open when something smelly, large, and hairy flashed past me and Lucian.
Vlad turned to face us both with his arms spread out wide. He was wearing one of his stained medieval king get-ups again and laughed loudly. “Finally. It has been ages since I’ve been inside a human’s dwelling.” He gave me a conspiratorial look. “Can’t come in unless we’re invited, you know.” He dragged out all of his syllables like the perfect caricature of a vampire from some movie in the 1800s.
I planted my fists on my hips, trying not to grin. “Is that right?”
“Oh, yes,” Vlad said. “And don’t even get me started on garlic.” He winced at the thought, hissing a little. “I promise you this. Put garlic in my sauce, and you’ll get an introduction to my impaling room.” He licked his lips, eyes going wider at the thought.
“You have an impaling room?”
Vlad looked suddenly sullen. “I did. It was unceremoniously taken from me by some asshole with high cheekbones and a tight ass.”
Lucian put his palm to his forehead. I grinned, noticing that he did have nice, high cheekbones. I’d already noticed the ass about two seconds after meeting him, too.
I lowered my voice, partly because we were still standing in the doorway of my apartment and in danger of summoning all my roommates and because I didn’t want Vlad to hear. “He’s joking about all the torture and impaling stuff, right?”
Lucian hesitated a beat. “Yes.”
I watched him, noting that he wasn’t making eye contact. Terrible liar. But I couldn’t imagine Vlad, who seemed like a bumbling, stumbling fool hurting anyone.
“Cara? Did you bring friends?” Zack called from the kitchen.
“Nope!” I said. “Just—”
A moment later, Parker and Zack both walked into view. Zack was chewing on something—probably something expired. Parker was running a hand through his patchy beard and looking at Vlad and Lucian with rapidly increasing interest.
“Who are these guys?” Zack said.
Vlad waved. “I’m Vlad. You may have heard of me. I once impaled ten thousand of my enemies in a single night. You should have heard the screams.” He grinned, then cupped his hands around his mouth and let out a long, whispering hiss that I guessed was supposed to be an approximation of the sound.
“Uh,” Zack said, looking at Parker.
&nbs
p; Parker shook his head. “Where did you find these guys, Cara?”
“They are cosplayers,” I said quickly. “It’s like when people dress up as popular characters and pretend. Right, Lucian?” I asked, elbowing him.
“Yes,” Lucian said. “I am Lucian Undergrove. A vampire. And I have successfully resisted the urge to feed on and copulate with your roommate, Cara Skies, for several days now. I plan to continue that resistance for as long as I’m able.”
Vlad laughed, then burped. “I’ll eat ‘er if you’re not gonna, Lucy.”
Lucian stiffened. “I’ve told you not to call me that, you pig.”
Vlad bulged his eyes, sarcastically pretending to be scared as he cowered. He slapped his own ass and wandered deeper into the apartment, ignoring the looks Parker and Zack gave him. A moment later, we heard the refrigerator open. There was a carbonated hiss of a soda bottle opening, swigging, then the sound of Vlad aggressively spitting it out—hopefully in the sink.
“Why did you bring cosplayers home, exactly?” Zack asked.
Vlad came back before we could respond. “Oh,” he said, snapping his fingers. “Look here humans. You didn’t see shit. You’re tired, and you’re going up to bed. Also, you have no idea who clogged the toilet.”
Zack and Parker looked dazed.
“Vlad!” I said. “What is with you vampires and thinking it’s okay to just re-write human brains whenever it suits you? Seriously, how long have you guys been pulling this shit?”
Vlad counted on his fingers, then appeared to give up with a shrug. “I don’t know, a thousand years or so?”
“Have any of your kind ever done a study to make sure it’s not harmful? No long-term effects? Cancer?”
He laughed. “Humans already suffer from a harmful long-term effect. They’re mortal and they all die in the blink of an eye.” He nudged Lucian, looking for support, but Lucian at least had the good sense to keep a straight face and study the ground.
“Well?” I asked, focusing on Lucian now.
“I’m fairly sure nothing bad happens after we manipulate the memories of humans.”
I shook my head. “You guys are unbelievable. Vlad, no more memory wiping.”
He barked a laugh. “You may ‘ave Lucy Boy by the cock, but unless you’re planning to let me poke you, I don’t take your orders.” As if to demonstrate the fact, he snapped his fingers at Zack and Parker. “Dance for me, humans.”
Zack, for some reason, dropped into a squat with his hands on his knees and started twerking his ass at us. Parker did some sort of shimmying awkward combination between kick boxing ghosts and twitching that he must’ve thought was a dance.
I covered my eyes. “God. Vlad get out of my apartment. Lucian, let’s get to my room before the others come down.”
Vlad grabbed himself some more things from our fridge before agreeing to leave. Lucian and I were just closing my door when I heard Mooney start cracking up laughing. “Get it, Zack! Shake that bubble butt, baby. Yo! Niles! Bring me my phone, dude. You’ve got to see this!”
I put my finger to my lips, signaling for Lucian to be quiet.
He nodded, then walked silently to his spot in the corner of my room and laid down, crossing his arms over his chest and assuming his usual adorably cliché sleeping position.
I grinned, slipping into bed fully clothed. It wasn’t comfortable, but I knew better than to take off clothes around Lucian. Our days were full enough that it was easier to ignore the thumping sexual need the bond always kept simmering. But in the quiet moments, the visions started rising to the front of my thoughts. Visions of his lips on mine and his hands tangled in my hair—pinning me to the bed and kissing my neck.
“How much longer will it be like this?” I asked. “The bond, I mean.”
“It’s impossible to tell.”
“Does it make you… see things too? Like really vivid images or whatever?” I halfway muttered the question, not entirely sure I wanted to admit my brain was a constant porn reel of all the ways I apparently wanted to get my world rocked by Lucian.
“Yes,” he said plainly. “Just a moment ago I was imagining how you’d taste.”
“What?” I asked, touching my neck self-consciously. “Does it work like that for you? I mean, are you going to lose control and drink me dry or something?” I briefly considered throwing a pillow in his direction and running for it. But then I remembered he seemed to have the conditioning of an elite athlete. I, on the other hand, had the conditioning of someone who was elite at finding places to put just one more doughnut when my stomach was begging for mercy.
“No,” Lucian said, voice stiff. “I wasn’t talking about the way your blood would taste.”
I felt myself sink into the mattress a little, eyes bulging. Oh lord. Please help me to resist the overwhelming horniness that’s trying to consume me.
Change the subject. It’s your only salvation, Cara. Change the damn subject.
“The whole thing is just extra weird for me because I’ve never been a very sexual person. I mean, the last serious boyfriend—” Oh God, stop talking Cara. Stop talking. I cleared my throat, compelled by the momentum of stupidity and poor choices to continue. “It’s been a long time,” I said plainly. “A long, long time. I probably wouldn’t even know where to put it anymore.”
I stared at the ceiling. Suddenly I knew what Hell would be. It would be reliving the last ten seconds over and over. It would be sitting in a control room with twenty camera feeds and ultra-high-quality microphones so I could rewatch every little detail of my embarrassment.
As slowly as I could, I pulled the covers up over my eyeballs, retreating to some childlike mentality where the things I couldn’t see wouldn’t reach me.
Lucian made a sort of choking sound. I risked a look and saw he was propped up on one elbow and watching me with a strained expression. He swallowed, then laid back down, visibly making an effort to relax.
My eyes darted from him to the ceiling and back to him again. What was that? Did vampires get indigestion?
“You okay?” I whispered when he hadn’t made a sound for a few minutes.
“I require silence,” Lucian snapped. “I’m concentrating.”
I squinted. “On what?” I asked, expecting him to tell me he was using some magic vampire powers to fight off Bennigan’s attempt to reach his mind.
“To stay here on the floor. To stop myself from reminding you where ‘it’ goes.”
Neither of us spoke after that, and I couldn’t say for certain, but I didn’t think either of us slept.
Lucian stayed in his place all night with his arms crossed over his chest. I stayed under my blankets, where I hoped he didn’t have a supernatural sense of smell that could pick up on how hard my hormones were raging or how embarrassingly wet our blundering conversation had made me.
Eventually, the sun rose, and I lifted my tired, horny ass out of bed feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. Repeatedly.
I had a full day of classes ahead of me, my internship, and whatever seedy vampire establishments Lucian needed to drag me around to after dark ahead of me. Woo freaking hoo.
16
Lucian
By the time night came, Cara was practically sleep walking. We were in one of the graveyards of Savannah where I was supposed to meet the vampiress who fancied herself the head of the White family.
Cara was shaking her head as we weaved around gravestones. “I give tours of this place, you know. Well, gave. Are you seriously telling me you guys are that cliché? Meeting in graveyard crypts? It’s almost disappointing.”
“The safest places for us are the ones most thick with superstition. How likely would your kind be to believe a claim of supernatural beings lurking around a graveyard or a haunted house?”
Cara seemed to consider my question, then gave a little shrug of admittance. “I guess there’s some logic to that.” She punctuated her sentence with a huge, jaw-cracking yawn.
“You can sleep once we enter the cryp
t, if you prefer.”
“Somehow I think I’ll have a hard time sleeping while you have a clandestine meeting in the middle of a burial ground.”
“Suit yourself.”
I pushed back the latest frenzy of explicit images that flooded my mind. I saw brief snapshots of Cara waiting for me on her bed while she wore nothing but a thin t-shirt. I could see the soft skin of her thighs exposed, could sense how only the faintest movement would lift her shirt enough to show me everything. I could imagine the full weight of her breasts in my hands and how I’d enjoy taking her lower lip between mine.
The bond was not supposed to stay this strong for this long, but all I could do was endure.
We arrived before the White sisters. The place we were meeting was an underground crypt. It was a single room that wasn’t very large with four benches and the polished stone coffins lying behind them.
I expected Cara to choose a bench opposite me, but either the bond, her sleepiness, or her fear of what would happen when the White sisters arrived compelled her to sit beside me. The bench wasn’t very large, and her choice to sit beside me pressed our legs and shoulders together.
After only a minute or two of silence, I felt her slump against me. I grinned to myself, then put my arm around her.
When she was awake, it was easy to forget how fragile Cara was. Her personality was full of fire and spunk. But asleep, all I could see was how easy it would be for Bennigan to take her from me.
That lost thought replayed in my head again, gaining significance as the meaning sank in. To take her from me.
I had to shake my head, trying to re-write the script I seemed to be creating. Cara was not mine. I’d bonded her out of necessity, and as soon as it was physically possible, the two of us would go our separate ways.
Besides, if I really cared about her, the best thing I could do for her would be to get her out of my life as soon as I could.
Mortals who became entangled with my kind rarely lived long, full lives. They either wound up turned to vampires themselves or a casualty of the crossfire.
Kiss Kiss Fang Fang: A Sucky Vampire Romantic Comedy Page 8