Kiss Kiss Fang Fang: A Sucky Vampire Romantic Comedy

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Kiss Kiss Fang Fang: A Sucky Vampire Romantic Comedy Page 12

by Penelope Bloom


  Cara was perfectly still, but I could sense the fear radiating off her.

  I moved closer, allowing the bond to get what it wanted. “You won’t lay a finger on her with malicious intent.”

  “No,” Seraphina said. “But I may lay a few teeth on her.”

  I bared my teeth. “If you want to lose them.”

  “Is this like playful banter, or are you guys actually serious right now?”

  “You smell fantastic,” Seraphina said. “So, no. I’m not joking. I would like to feed on you. You wouldn’t even need to remember a thing, and you’d be completely fine. Just a little tired.”

  “Seraphina,” I warned.

  She gave me a dangerous look, but resumed applying the eye-liner to Cara, who appeared too scared to so much as flinch.

  “So, uh, do different people taste different?” Cara asked.

  “Yes,” Seraphina said. “You can tell how they’ll taste by the smell. And you smell particularly good.”

  “Thanks,” Cara said lightly. “I really like pineapple juice. Maybe that’s why.”

  “No,” Seraphina said. “I find the more innocent and virginal the human, the more delicious.”

  Cara cleared her throat. “Virginal isn’t strictly accurate. I’ve been sexually active before.”

  Seraphina paused with the applicator in her hands. “You’re sure you are mortal, then? Judging by how faint the smell is, I wouldn’t think you’ve been sexually active in centuries. Was it an exceptionally brief encounter? Maybe a particularly unrewarding one?”

  “We don’t really need to go into the details,” Cara murmured.

  “Yes, well if the way you smell is any indication, it has been long years since any man so much as came near you with a penis.”

  I stifled a laugh. Cara’s cheeks were turning red.

  “Do you beat them away with heavy objects?” I asked. I’d noticed the same peculiarity in her scent as well. She nearly smelled like a virgin might, and despite her claims it was hard to imagine she’d really spent any significant time with a man. “I know I’ve been away from the world for a long time, but you appear to be perfectly breedable and in good health.”

  Cara gave me a long suffering, dry look. “I can’t even tell if you’re being serious anymore.”

  “Lucian suffers from delusions. Particularly, the delusion that he’s funny. Don’t mind him.”

  “At least he doesn’t want to eat me,” Cara noted.

  Not exactly true, I thought.

  “I want to drink you,” Seraphina said. “And I’d leave enough for your little heart to keep beating. You wouldn’t have to worry.”

  “She won’t need to worry,” I said, “because you will not feed from my human.”

  “His human,” Cara said in a mockingly deep voice. “For somebody who talks like I’m basically a rental, you can be very possessive.”

  I moved back to the wall, feeling myself fume on the inside. She was right, of course. The things I said didn’t match with the conflict raging inside my chest. I didn’t want to give up Cara when the bond collapsed. I didn’t want to be responsible and let her grow old and live her own life outside my world.

  She was a connection back to a time when my life was brighter. She reminded me of what it felt like to be human. And even though I knew I was a fool for thinking so, I thought that quality in her would still remain if she was no longer mortal.

  I clenched my fists at my side. But I was not going to discover that truth. Because I was not going to be selfish and reckless. I was going to do what I said. Protect her, then return her as safely as I could to the life she’d lived before we crossed paths. That was the only way it could be.

  22

  Cara

  The dress Seraphina gave me was itchy and hot. I was wearing what felt like seven layers and it was nowhere near chilly enough outside to call for it. But I admittedly enjoyed the way Lucian kept sneaking glances my way. I wondered if the puffy, old-school dress reminded him of the girls he’d chased before he was a vampire.

  I tried to picture that.

  I pulled up a mental image of Lucian and then tanned his skin. I tried to remove some of the icy intimidation that seemed to radiate from him. I imagined that dimple and easy laughter. I thought of him teasing a girl in a small chapel classroom over a hundred years ago.

  “Why are you smiling?” Lucian asked.

  “Was Lucian the name you were born with? Or do you guys get to choose kind of like a superhero name when you get turned? I think I’d want to be something cool. You know? Like, Opal Waterfall.”

  Lucian let out a spurting laugh. He pressed a fist to his mouth. “Uh, Opal Waterfall would be quite the name. But, no. We keep our names. We only take the name of the family that turned us.”

  “Did you say what ever happened to the guy who turned you? Dominic, right? How did he die?”

  “You don’t need to know about things that happened before you even existed.”

  I folded my arms, which pressed my cleavage up into the little square window cut down from the neckline of the dress. Lucian’s eyes drifted in that direction, and I naughtily didn’t uncross my arms.

  He teased me at every opportunity, and it was only fitting that I return the favor when I could manage it.

  “Will Bennigan be at this place?” I asked a little while later. We were arriving outside another decrepit looking bar downtown. A tall man in a dark suit waited out front—a vampire, I assumed.

  “That’s another question.”

  “Questions are how you get to know people. Excuse me, but if I’m forced to be stuck at your hip and constantly visualizing wild, kinky sex dreams about you, then I want to at least know if you like crunchy or smooth peanut butter.”

  Lucian stopped me suddenly. “Wait. The sexual dreams. You said they are kinky. What is unusual about them?”

  “Uh, I don’t think it’d be appropriate to really recount the details with you.”

  “It is important. It could mean you’re in danger.”

  “What?” I asked, heart starting to pound. “I mean, I just had one where you kind of… you know, bit my neck while we were, you know. And then there was one where you kept saying ‘I’m gonna fang you so dirty, little human. I’m gonna fang you so hard.’” I could feel my cheeks blazing with red heat, but figured I’d gone this far, and I might as well tell him everything if it was important. “And there was also one where you were wearing a cape and had your hair slicked back. You came in through my window and you said…” I trailed off. My throat went completely dry and shut itself in self-defense. Do not finish that sentence. Surely he doesn’t need every little detail.

  “Cara,” he said. “It’s important that you tell me everything. Your life could depend on it.”

  I blew out a shaky breath. “You said… ‘I ‘vant you to suck my cock.’ Then you opened up your cape and you were butt naked underneath. And very erect,” I added.

  Lucian stared at me for several long seconds, leaving me to wonder if he was about to reveal whatever my dreams meant was some sure sign of danger. Finally, his lips shook and then broke into a smile. Then he was bent over laughing.

  “What?” I demanded. “What is so funny?”

  “I’m sorry,” he said when he finally calmed down. “I didn’t think you were actually going to tell me so much.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s possible I over-stated the danger of what your dreams could mean. I was mostly just curious what the ‘kink’ you spoke of was.”

  My nostrils flared. I was going to kill him. Slowly.

  “Come on,” he said. “I vant you to come with me.”

  I punched his arm a few times. “I hope that bruise doesn’t heal.”

  “It will,” he promised, grinning with that obnoxious dimple on full display.

  Asshole.

  23

  Cara

  The place Lucian brought me to was some sort of smelly, loud, poorly lit fighting ring. There w
as a caged arena in the center and cushy leather seating surrounding the ring.

  “Please tell me this isn’t what it looks like.”

  Lucian showed me to a seat near the back. It was a long, pleated leather couch in a semi-circle facing the ring. There was a menu on the table, which made me shudder at the thought of what would be on a vampire menu, considering I hadn’t seen Lucian eat anything except the blood of the two women in the alley.

  “This is probably what it looks like,” he said. Lucian was dressed in one of the suits I’d helped him select, and I had to say he wore it well. The whole suit was a deep shade of crimson with accents of charcoal gray. The effect was striking against his pale, sculpted features and dark eyes.

  “Why are we here?”

  “The Marsh children used to be members of The Order. I’m hoping I can convince them to come back to the side of The Pact. But they also have an unhealthy obsession with the fighting pits,” he said, gesturing to the ring in the center of the room. “So I thought I would diplomatically bring up the topic when they were somewhere they loved.”

  “And you think this will stop Bennigan from coming after you?”

  “It will be a step in that direction. Hopefully. The more alliances and strength we can show is on our side, the more reasons he’ll have to think twice.”

  “Having a perverted old vampire living in your house who likes to reminisce about the good ol’ days when he tortured virgins also didn’t seem to stop Bennigan. Are you sure things even work the way they used to?”

  “Bennigan was hoping to take you. It wasn’t a true attempt on my life or Alaric’s. Vampires don’t die easily or by accident. It’s quite common to send a message through violence, but a true killing. I don’t think it matters how much things have changed since my captivity. Killing without cause would start a war.”

  “Wait. I thought you killed Bennigan’s wife? Alaric made it sound like it was an accident, but—”

  “Some acts justify a true death,” He said curtly. “I don’t regret what I did.”

  I raised my eyebrows, then looked down, feeling like I’d just touched a forbidden topic and needed to change the subject. “Not that you aren’t charming,” I said with a touch of sarcasm. “But why would killing you start a war?”

  “Because a true death is already a serious crime. But the true death of an elder is considered a high crime. Whether a vampire believes in The Pact or not, nobody wants us to neuter ourselves by wiping out the most powerful among us.”

  “So you’re saying you’re old, even for a vampire? You mean I’ve been having kinky sex fantasies about a bloodthirsty geezer?”

  Lucian grinned wickedly. “This bloodthirsty geezer only has so much patience for being insulted.”

  “Is that so?” I asked. “What happens when I test your patience? Are you going to bite me?” Tauntingly, I stretched my neck to the side, exposing the flesh there. I’d meant it as a joke, but Lucian’s eyes flickered as he stared down at my neck. He swallowed, then ran his teeth over his lower lip. I hadn’t ever noticed his canines look quite as large as they did then. Although I remembered how long they’d felt while we were kissing.

  Just the flash of memory from the kiss made my skin flush even hotter. I assumed it was the bond’s fault, but I had hardly been able to stop thinking about that brief kiss. I’d kissed guys before, but nothing I’d ever done made my body react the way it had from a few stolen moments of contact with Lucian.

  I cleared my throat, trying not to think about it anymore, especially as Lucian was looking at me like he was now.

  I straightened my neck, feeling stupid. “Do your teeth get bigger when you are thinking about drinking blood?”

  “Yes.”

  “Like an erection of the mouth. That must get awkward.”

  Lucian’s canines were protruding just below his upper lip. He lifted the menu, covering his mouth. “Would you like me to order some food for you?”

  “I’ll pass. Virgin’s blood isn’t really my style. Besides, I thought the whole point of getting dressed in this getup was to convince people I was a vampire. Won’t eating food tip them off?”

  “No. Newly turned vampires still need to eat regular food for a few weeks while they transition.”

  I shook my head. “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

  “I’ll order you something.” Lucian got up and went to talk to a woman who was circulating the room. I still couldn’t tell at a glance who was a vampire and who was a human. But it seemed strange that some vampires appeared to operate like medieval kings and queens while others worked menial jobs like being bodyguards, bouncers, and bartenders. I assumed his world was organized into social classes based on age. Except I didn’t quite understand why someone apparently as old as Vlad was lurking around like a drunken college student in Lucian’s house. Maybe there were exceptions.

  Even with Lucian only traveling a short distance away, I could tell that little by little, the bond seemed to have loosened its strangle-hold on us. At first, going to the bathroom had been like torture, even with Lucian waiting just outside. Now I could be in a different room than him and mostly handle the never-ending tug of magnetism that drew me toward him.

  Watching him stand even a little farther away still dredged up a pathetic kind of sadness in me. It reminded me that this strange, mostly terrifying adventure had an expiration date. Someone like Lucian wouldn’t keep putting up with the hassle of being in my life any longer than he had to. Maybe he was a bit of a flirt now, but it was probably the bond doing the talking, not the real man beneath the fangs.

  I wasn’t sure I actually believed that. The truth was, my heart told me the real Lucian did care about me and he did like me. All the grumpy moments and stiff words were just him trying to keep me at arm’s length to protect us both. But I didn’t want to be protected. I just wanted him to let me in. The more I got to know him, the more I felt heartbroken to see how alone he made himself. Being his someone felt good, and I wished he would just let me be that for him.

  I looked around the room, endlessly fascinated to be glimpsing the hidden world of vampires that I’d apparently been living on top of without knowing. I thought I recognized many of the same faces from the bar the other night, which led me to believe there weren’t hundreds of vampires in the city. Lucian had declined to answer any questions on the topic, like most of the things I asked about.

  But if there weren’t even a hundred vampires in Savannah, there must be thousands across the country. Maybe tens of thousands.

  I guessed it didn’t exactly matter. But if I could find some way to extract the healing properties from vampire blood and turn it into some sort of miracle drug, there was no end to the number of lives that could be saved. It was strange to be thinking about academics as rarely as I seemed to lately. Even in class or at Anya’s, I felt like I was just going through the motions. My mind was racing with this world and all the impossible things I was learning.

  Still, I knew this would all end, and when it did, I’d be holding a tantalizing piece of knowledge. The question was whether I’d have the ability or the resources to do anything with it.

  Before Lucian returned, I spotted a familiar, curly haired, mustached, five-o-clock shadowed face. Vlad.

  He saw me from the other side of the room and took a celebratory sip of the beer in his hand. Of course, he immediately turned his head to the side and spit it all over the floor. I still needed to remember to ask Lucian what the hell that was all about.

  “Human!” Vlad shouted for the entire room to hear.

  I made a shush face, pressing my finger to my lips.

  He was still approaching from halfway across the room, but he widened his eyes, then gave me a knowing wink and tip-toed the rest of his way to me.

  “Bonded human with no vampire?” Vlad said, sitting across from me and spreading his arms wide. His pose had the unfortunate effect of popping a button on his vest, which released the lower half of his round, hairy belly. “How’d
you do it?”

  “Do what?” I asked.

  “Kill Lucian. You know, he can be alright. But If I’m being honest, I thought about killing him a few times, too. Just never got around to it.”

  “I didn’t kill him. He’s right over there?” I pointed, wishing Lucian would sense my discomfort and hurry back.

  “Oh,” Vlad said easily, laughing. “Just fucking with you. Besides, I haven’t killed anyone in a long, long time.” He made uncomfortable eye contact with me as he sipped and spat another mouthful of his drink.

  “Why do you do that, exactly?”

  “It brings back memories. Can’t swallow it though or I get horrible indigestion.”

  “Are you really as old as you say?” I asked.

  He wiggled his eyebrows playfully. “You won’t get answers like that out of me unless you’re playing poke the vampire with some sharp objects.” Vlad leaned forward suddenly, elbows now on his knees and eyes lit with fiery excitement. “Do you want to play that with me?”

  I swallowed. “No, thank you though.”

  “Your loss. Anyway, I’ve got to go. And don’t mention to old Lucy that I said I’d considered killing him.”

  I grinned. “Why, are you scared of him? I thought the older the vampire, the more powerful.”

  “I am a man of peace. Besides, I only torture and kill humans. I have no interest in getting involved in messy vampire conflicts. Too much work.”

  “You said you haven’t killed anyone in a very long time.”

  Vlad hesitated. “Right. Yes, like I said. I have tortured and killed humans. A very long time ago. Maurice!” Vlad yelled suddenly, dropping his drink to double-point at a nervous looking man with elongated fangs hanging over his lower lip. “Where the hell have you been, you fucker?”

 

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