Kiss Kiss Fang Fang: A Sucky Vampire Romantic Comedy

Home > Other > Kiss Kiss Fang Fang: A Sucky Vampire Romantic Comedy > Page 23
Kiss Kiss Fang Fang: A Sucky Vampire Romantic Comedy Page 23

by Penelope Bloom


  “An onion?” I asked.

  “The garlic thing is bogus,” Alaric explained. “But fucking onions… They weaken us. It’s how my love managed to keep us trapped in the wall at the Mercer house for so long.”

  “Wait. Jezabel and Leah were charmed by him. They shouldn’t be punished.”

  “There’s no way to know his power will fade if he’s detained here,” Lucian said.

  “Then let’s take his head,” Alaric suggested.

  I gritted my teeth. I knew he had done terrible things, but it felt so final. So wrong. I realized Lucian was waiting for my approval. I shook my head. “We should at least see if his powers fade before we do anything we can’t un-do. And we’ll know where he is down here.”

  Lucian nodded. “It’s settled then. Grab the women and let’s go.”

  “You can put me down,” I said, patting Lucian’s shoulder. “I’m feeling better already.”

  He set me down while Alaric and Seraphina went into the room, treating the onion like it was a live snake and circling wide around it.

  I tested my feet on the ground, somewhat surprised to find they were working like I hadn’t just been hurled into a wall hard enough to break concrete.

  Bennigan reached toward Alaric’s leg, but Alaric kicked him away as he carried Jezabel out of the room. “Fuck off,” he muttered.

  “Wait,” Bennigan croaked.

  I could see now that his skin was cracked like a dried-out piece of clay. Some small part of me felt guilty to do that to him, especially since I didn’t know what the long-term effects would be. I hadn’t had time to study that. I suspected he’d recover in time, but likely not fast enough to stop Lucian from trapping him in the room. With the onion.

  “You deserve this,” I said to him.

  He glowered.

  Lucian started gathering loose stones, which were all over the abandoned subway. “Go get me some supplies to make this permanent,” he said to Alaric.

  Alaric nodded, then zipped off with his supernatural speed.

  It was only a few minutes before he returned with the things Lucian needed to seal the bricks and create a permanent wall.

  “Did you pay for these?” Lucian asked.

  “Left my wallet at home,” Alaric said, shrugging.

  With a sigh, Lucian began working while Alaric helped him. Seraphina kept watch over the unconscious women.

  In a surprisingly short time, the men had cobbled together a complete wall to close Bennigan into the small space.

  “You’re sure that’ll hold him?” I asked.

  “Unless someone comes along and breaks it by mistake a few hundred years from now.” Lucian gave me a little wink, then pulled me in for a hug. “And that is the last time you get to make the plan. I nearly lost you.”

  “But it worked,” I said into his chest, hugging him back.

  “I may be immortal, but I will die of a heart attack if you get yourself kidnapped again. So, yes. It worked, but a man can only survive having the woman he loves taken so many times.”

  “Then I guess you’ll just have to take me yourself,” I said, biting my lip.

  “Barf,” Seraphina said dryly. She was hoisting both unconscious women on her shoulders. “When you’re done playing footsie with each other, can we decide where to take these women and how to make sure they aren’t going to try to claw our eyes out when they recover?”

  Lucian kissed the bridge of my nose, giving me a lingering look before responding to Seraphina. “Take them to the safe house. Alaric, go make sure Cara’s roommates are okay.”

  “What about Vlad?” he asked.

  “I’m sure Vlad is fine. Just find her roommates and make sure they get to the safe house in one piece.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered to Lucian.

  47

  Lucian

  I hugged Cara from behind, pulling her into my chest as we overlooked the river. Above us, the headlights of cars shot yellow beams into the darkness, tires crunching on the asphalt.

  I knew we weren’t finished with Dominic or the events Bennigan had set into motion. But the threat of Ana Black would at least buy us time.

  For now, that was enough. Time.

  It meant I could finally enjoy being with Cara. Yes, I still needed to keep alert for any efforts from my enemies—our enemies. But the level of threat had subsided enough that we didn’t need to hide. The danger was a low pulse in the background, not a deafening roar that demanded our full attention.

  I softly lifted her chin, studying the curves of her face and her full lips.

  That mouth of hers held a language I felt I’d quickly become a master of decoding. Subtle twitches spoke volumes from her, and I thoroughly enjoyed having my own private window to her thoughts.

  I kissed her.

  Her body relaxed instantly as if she was melting into my arms. There was the familiar rush of warmth that spread through my body like sunlight sinking into my skin.

  My phone vibrated. I pulled it out and saw a text from Alaric. It was an image. Two images, actually. The first was his penis, which I quickly deleted. The second was him smiling and flashing a peace sign in front of Cara’s roommates, who looked tired but otherwise serviceable. I showed her.

  “Thank God,” she breathed.

  I hugged her tighter, watching the way the rippling river distorted the reflection of the stars and moon. “I can’t believe you managed to make something so effective against Bennigan in such a short time. You really are brilliant.”

  “Thank you.” She pulled my hand up from her shoulder and gave it a quick kiss. “I am, aren’t I?”

  I chuckled. “It’s one of your many charms.” I hesitated, then asked the question that was already beginning to eat at me. “Did you see anything when you examined your blood? Any possible routes to a cure?”

  “It’s different than I thought,” she said. “It’s not just an additional element added into my blood like it was during the bond. It’s the blood cells themselves that are changed. I’m not sure how you’d even start trying to change that. But… I’m also not sure I’d want to.”

  “You don’t mean that,” I said, even though my pulse was quickening because I guiltily hoped she did.

  She turned toward me, resting her head on my chest so she could look up at me. “I know you think I’d be leaving too much behind. Maybe this is sad, but you’re more than I had. Just you. So when the choice is to give you up or get everything I’d be walking away from back, I choose you.”

  “What about your aspirations to keep working on some sort of miracle blood? You’d need to leave all that behind as well.”

  “No. I don’t think I would. Because this awesome, immortal weirdo I fell head over heels for is actually a good guy. And I know he wouldn’t stop me from discreetly finding ways to help people if I could, even if it did ruffle some vampire feathers.”

  “You’re sure I know this guy?”

  Cara swatted softly at me, head still on my chest so I could feel her voice vibrate through me. “So what’s it going to be? Can I keep looking at my blood and trying to find a way to help people with it?”

  I narrowed my eyes, already sensing the danger in what she was suggesting. “You would need to promise to be discreet. I couldn’t give you my blessing to do something that would make you a target.”

  “I could do it anonymously, but I need to do it. If there’s some way to use our blood to create cures for diseases, then I’m going to do it. I don’t care if I get money or credit. I can just drop it off at Anya’s with instructions on how to use it and what it does. Assuming my generous, kind vampire boyfriend is willing to buy me just a few scientific tools to do my work?”

  “Boyfriend?”

  She blushed. “I kind of assumed that—”

  “I want to be more than that.”

  Her eyes widened. “You mean—”

  “I want you to bite me.”

  “Lucian. That’s pretty kinky. But I don’t see what that has to do
with our relationship status.”

  “The effects of our bond will still fade with time. But if we feed on each other, it will be sealed. For as long as we live.” I got down on one knee, holding her hands and meeting her eyes. “Cara Skies. Will you bite me?”

  She snorted, then covered her mouth, fighting between smiling, laughing, and looking touched. “Um, yes. Just anywhere? Or—”

  I rolled my head to the side, showing her my neck. Cara stared at the spot, canines enlarging until they formed points just past her lower lip.

  She ran her tongue over them, hesitating. After a few seconds, she lowered her mouth to my neck. I felt her silky hair tickle my skin before she bit, sinking her teeth into me.

  I sucked in a breath as the rush of energy flowed from me to her. Cara moaned against my neck, hands clutching my back harder. I let her drink her fill, even as she squeezed her eyes shut and gasped from the pleasure.

  When she pulled back, I had to help hold her upright. “Wow,” she gasped. “Was that supposed to be kinda hot?”

  I grinned. “I’ve never done it. I guess I’ll find out.”

  “You’ve never fed on another vampire?”

  “No,” I said. “This is a permanent act. It’s not just a physical sealing of a bond, it’s also symbolic. Much like marriage between humans.”

  Cara gave me a soft slap on the shoulder. “You didn’t think that was an important detail to mention before you asked me to bite you?”

  I grinned. “The ceremony isn’t complete unless I bite you, too. If you’re opposed, all you need to do is withhold permission. If you want to seal the ceremony, you can ask.”

  She raised a playful eyebrow. “What if I prefer to make you wait as punishment?”

  “Then you would be very cruel.”

  She rubbed a little of the blood from her chin with the pad of her thumb and licked it clean, never taking her eyes from mine. I felt my teeth—and another part of my anatomy—start to enlarge.

  “Bite me, Lucian Undergrove.”

  “I’m fairly sure you’re not supposed to say it like that,” I said.

  “Fang me, you dirty, sexy vampire.”

  I laughed. “That’s definitely not right.”

  Cara chewed her lip, a gesture made all the more alluring with her enlarged fangs protruding over her blood-stained lips. “Lucian Undergrove, will you bite me?”

  I bent to her neck, pressing my fangs through her soft flesh. Her blood rushed into my mouth like the finest wine. I felt its aphrodisiac qualities pulsing through me instantly and my hands gripped her narrow waist tighter, pushing her body into me.

  She let out a low moan, fingers running through my hair.

  I had to make myself stop before I took too much. When I pulled back, my body was singing like I was in the middle of the most intense sexual experience of my life.

  “Feels good, right?” she asked.

  I nodded. “And now you’re mine.” I cupped her cheeks, kissing her and tasting a hint of my blood on her lips. “Like it or not.”

  “Like it,” she muttered against my lips.

  48

  Epilogue - Cara

  Two Weeks Later

  I woke up and looked down, realizing my arms were crossed over my chest. I jolted a little, quickly uncrossing them.

  It was just after sunset. The windows were open, but the bug screens were up, which was good because I could hear the insects outside buzzing wildly. Lucian had moved us out to a rural farm an hour outside Savannah for the time being. He said if the others wanted to find us, they could, but that it would be safer not to keep showing our faces for a while.

  For a few days, we kept Leah and Jezabel under lock and key in a shed outside the property. Eventually, Lucian was convinced they were telling the truth about not being bound to Bennigan any longer. It seemed that without Bennigan renewing his charm on them, they could think clearly for the first time in a long time. We’d let the woman go, even though Vlad had begged to torture them “just a little” for all the trouble they’d caused. We compromised by letting him blindfold them and drive them in circles for a few hours so they wouldn’t be able to tell anyone were we were. Alaric had followed along to make sure there was no unapproved “poking” before they were released.

  The place Lucian purchased was essentially a mansion with two sprawling wings for guests, several grand rooms for the homeowners, and gorgeous libraries, sitting rooms, and even a ballroom for us all to spread out without stepping on each other’s toes. I was glad for all the extra space, because Alaric, Seraphina, and Vlad were all staying with us while we waited for things to cool down.

  Lucian apparently preferred to sleep in tight, coffin-like boxes. When I asked him if there was a reason we couldn’t sleep in the bed like normal people, he muttered something about vampires not feeling discomfort and dignity.

  He had also explained that vampire couples don’t typically sleep in the same place because of more mysterious vampire reasons he wouldn’t get into. I decided if he wanted me to obey his stupid traditions, he could give me a good explanation. If he couldn’t, I wasn’t going to follow them.

  So I was currently wedged into his tiny little coffin with my ass smooshed against his thigh and my shoulder digging into his neck.

  Whoops.

  I remembered going to sleep curled up against him in a more lady-like way. But ever since I’d been turned, I kept waking up stiff as a board with my arms crossed over my chest. It was easily the dumbest thing about being a vampire, and the list of dumb things was a quickly growing list.

  Another item on the “why is this part of being a vampire” list was that my teeth got longer when I was turned on, not just hungry. Lucian said it wasn’t like that for every vampire, but he seemed to thoroughly enjoy how he could tell I was in the mood just by looking at my teeth. Personally, I felt like it took away some of my mysterious feminine charm.

  Lucian let out a low sound, then stroked my hair. “What would I do without my lovely Cara jamming her shoulder into my neck all night?”

  I shifted a little, trying to take some of my weight off him. “You could always get a bigger coffin. Or, you know, a bed like a normal person.”

  “There are traditions,” he said.

  “As far as I can tell, we’ve kind of made enemies of the whole vampire establishment. I feel like we might as well enjoy the perks of creating our own traditions.”

  He grinned. “You raise a valid point. Maybe we could give sleeping in the bed tomorrow a try.”

  “See?” I said, kissing his jaw. “You’re not an ancient, stuck-in-the-mud geezer. Not completely, at least.”

  He rolled me over, putting me on my back as he held himself over me. “You weren’t complaining about how old I was last night.”

  “Who said I was complaining?” I asked, flicking his chin.

  Lucian’s eyes twinkled. “I love you.”

  I smiled. “I love you too, but don’t change the subject.”

  “You’re still sure you don’t want to try to find a way to become human again?”

  “I’m sure that I want you. Forever.”

  “What about your old life?”

  I shrugged. “My old life? The one where I already felt like I was running out of time when I was only thirty? Being this way means I get as much time as I need to make my discoveries. And it means I get to have the guy of my dreams I never thought I’d find when I was finally done chasing my career.”

  “The guy of your dreams was a couple hundred year old vampire?”

  I shrugged. “I always thought older guys were kinda hot.”

  He laughed. “Is that right?”

  “Mhm. And you can stop asking me if I’m sure about this. I’m sure. My parents know the truth. My roommates know the truth. Anya knows I’m not dead, even if she doesn’t know why I disappeared. The guys found a new roommate to cover my rent. It’s all taken care of. All the loose ends of my old life are wrapped up tight, okay? And that microscope and centrifuge
you ordered me should be here any day. What else could I ask for?”

  “Sunlight,” he suggested.

  “Overrated.”

  “You say that now. Let’s see how you feel in a hundred years.”

  The door to our room burst open. Vlad was standing in the doorway with his hairy belly hanging out and a bottle of liquor in his hand. He took a swig, then sprayed it all over our floor. “Slight problem. I need a conference in the kitchen.”

  Lucian threw something within his arm’s reach at Vlad, who ducked it and gave us a thumbs up. “See you in a minute, then.”

  I sat at the large dining table next to Lucian. Alaric, Seraphina, and Vlad were also at the table. There was a woman I’d never seen sitting beside Vlad as well. She had cat-like eyes, an aged kind of beauty, and a regal bearing.

  Vlad cleared his throat. I wasn’t sure, but it looked like he’d actually run a comb through his unruly hair. “This is Ana Black,” he said a little shakily. “And she’s pregnant. I did it. I fooked her good. Put a baby in—”

  “Thank you, Vladimir,” Ana said, cutting him off. “As he says, I am with child. And my isolated lifestyle will not suit a new life. I’ve asked Vladimir if my child could stay here with you all and he has graciously agreed. I’ve decided I will also move in with you all as well.”

  Lucian made a choking sound beside me. “Just a moment,” he said, leaning forward like something inside of him had just given out. “Vlad got you pregnant?”

  Vlad smugly brushed his shoulder. “You think Vlad convinced Ana to back us with words? No. It was his cock! His impressively massive, full-figured—”

  Seraphina held up her hand. “Should we get a say in whether we want you to live with us? Or some baby in our lives?”

  Ana fixed Seraphina with all of her ancient authority. When she spoke, her voice was quiet. “I could, of course, remove your heads from your bodies one by one until you come to the conclusion that this is in the best interest for all of you.”

 

‹ Prev