Hell, Nikki would rejoice in telling him she was unavailable, not that it would have stopped him. She would have rubbed in it face time and time again, just like a sadistic slave master would rub salt in the wounds of slaves he beat.
No… there was nothing going on. Right?
He’d calmly go talk to her the next day while Abby went on a picnic with the twins next door. And if he didn’t like the answers he heard, he would simply lock her in a room somewhere until she came to her senses.
Only the next day, she wasn’t home. Nor was she at home that night.
* * *
Dale grinned down at Nikki as he led her to his restored Thunderbird convertible, away from the Italian restaurant. “He looks like he’s ready to rip my head off. Maybe I ought to start collecting hazard pay.”
Nikki settled into the leather seat before replying, “He’s generally not the violent type, Dale. I think you’re safe.” Wheedling and pleading, she had coaxed Dale Stoner into going along with her for a few weeks as she attempted to discourage Wade.
“Y’know,” Dale had drawled, watching her with deep lazy blue eyes. “Y’could always just tell him that you just aren’t interested.”
Those lazy blue eyes saw too much and rather than try to lie and say she wasn’t interested, she had given a noncommittal shrug. Jerking her mind back to the present, she listened as Dale continued to warn her she was playing with fire.
“Under normal circumstances, he isn’t violent,” Dale said, slowly, thoughtfully. Reaching up, he scratched his head, ruffling the sun streaked blonde hair with long agile fingers. “Now let me see. You’ve gone out of your way to go out with me every weekend You even went to the church picnic, figuring you’d see him there. And you’re dragging me along. He’s seeing you with some jackass and you won’t hardly speak to him. You’re driving him insane with jealousy. Are these normal circumstances?”
“You’re not a jackass,” Nikki replied, ignoring the rest of his speech.
“That’s not what he thinks. Hell, he probably wakes up every morning, fantasizing about sending me to the glue factory.”
Nikki patted him on the arm. “Don’t worry. I’ll protect you.”
He chuckled and asked, “Who’s going to protect you? He looks like he’s ready to haul down your drawers and spank you silly.” Then he shot her a sideways look and said, “Of course, if I was him, and I got your drawers down, spanking you would be the last thing on my mind. Well, maybe not the last thing, but definitely not the first thing.”
Her face heated and she muttered, “Shut up, you idiot.”
“Your wish is my command, milady,” he swore, starting the car and rolling down the window. “But just in case, I want to be buried wearing my Grateful Dead T-shirt.”
Nearly a month later, Wade watched grimly as Stoner once again led Nikki away from him. She had deigned to smile politely at him and Abby this time, but only after the little girl had squealed out her name in the middle of the restaurant.
She wore another dress, dusky rose colored this time, with a skirt that swirled around her hips as she walked. Wade’s jaw ached from clenching as he noticed how many other males had noticed that short flirty skirt and long legs. The straps, less than an inch wide, went over strong smooth shoulders, to crisscross in back over a long sexy back.
How in the hell had she ended up looking like that? How could a woman who was only five foot four have legs that went on endlessly and a long slim back that just cried out to stroked?
Worst of all, that full, made for sex mouth was painted a dark glossy rose that curved up often in a smile for Gomer Pyle. More than once, Gomer had covered that mouth with his own, for the briefest of moments.
She had let that bastard pour her wine and had giggled over things he whispered in her ear. Wade couldn’t even get her to smile at him.
A month had gone by. A month of seeing them together at least once a week, if not twice. The jealousy that ate at him was like acid and he could taste it in the back of his throat as he mechanically smiled and talked with the twins’ parents. He shouldn’t have come. They had invited him and Abby to join them for the little girls’ birthday dinner and he should have just sent Abby.
That way he could have sat at home and just brooded about thoughts of those two together. Instead he had been forced, yet again, to watch them together.
Wade closed his eyes as the doors slid shut behind them and cursed silently as images rose to taunt him. She hadn’t even looked back in his direction, even though he stared a hole in her naked back.
Nikki had said she wasn’t interested in starting a relationship with him. Was it because she was more interested in starting a relationship with somebody else?
Wade sat in the shadows of the porch, staring into the darkness. She wasn’t home and it was nearly midnight. She hadn’t been home all night, he knew because he had been sitting here waiting for her.
Nikki was out with him again. No big surprise, he knew. She had been out with Dale Stoner nearly every weekend for the past two months.
He would give it an hour more, then he was going looking for her. And God help them both if they were at the mechanic’s house.
A tiny little voice in his head berated him while he sat brooding.
You’re being an idiot. She doesn’t want you. Haven’t you figured that by now?
Shut up, he thought, grinding the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. Just shut up.
“He can’t have her,” Wade said aloud
But she wants him. Not you.
“Too damn bad,” he snarled, rising to his feet and pacing. He’d wear a damn hole in this wood if she wasn’t home soon.
Wade was right there waiting for her to settle down and let the past go, and she was running around with Gomer Pyle.
And God help Gomer if he tried to go inside with her.
God help them both if—
Down the hill gravel crunched. And he could see headlights. He retreated back to his shadowed corner, waiting.
* * *
Nikki sat quietly in the seat. Dale was acting… odd. Even for him. In fact, the past few nights they’d been out, he had been acting different. And she couldn’t figure out what could be wrong. He didn’t seem mad, but he wasn’t exactly happy either.
Out of the silence, he said, “I want to come inside. I need to talk to you.”
She turned her head, but could hardly see anything in the darkness of the car. “Okay,” she said, her voice cautious. “Is something wrong, Dale? Are you having trouble finishing up the faerie tales you’ve been working on?”
“No,” he said, his voice rough. “Not a damn thing wrong with the stories. Unless you consider a hillbilly mechanic who fancied himself a storyteller a little strange.”
“You’re not a hillbilly, and there’s nothing wrong with being a mechanic Hell, I was a high school kid who that fancied herself a storyteller,” she said, her brows lowering over her eyes at the cynicism she heard in his voice.
“You’re different,” he murmured, a soft sigh escaping him.
“No, I’m not. I want to tell stories. You want to tell stories. We both do it…that’s what we are. No difference, at all.”
The silence stretched out until Nikki just couldn’t take it any more. “Dale, something’s up,” she said flatly as he pulled into her drive. “Anything I can help with?” she asked.
Dale laughed, the sound totally without humor. “Yeah, there’s something wrong. And you could help, if you wanted.”
As she waited for him to come around the car, she ran her tongue over her lips. Her gut was feeling tight and raw and it didn’t help any as she saw the look in his eyes as he helped from the car. Ever the gentleman, Dale was. But this time, after helping her alight from the car, he didn’t release her hand. In fact, he tugged her closer, grasped her chin and lifted her face. “Yeah, there’s something wrong,” he repeated. “This.”
And then he fit his mouth over hers while Nikki stood there mo
tionless. Shocked. Stunned.
Oh, hell.
Gentle strong hands cupped her face and Dale rained loving kisses over her face while she stood passively, unsure of what to do. “I can’t keep doing this, Nicole,” he groaned, burying his face in her neck, his strong arms locked around her back. “I can’t. You’re all I’ve thought about for years and it’s killing me to be this close to you, knowing you don’t want me for anything more than a friend.”
Hard, hot hands trailed over her shoulders and arms, caressed her back as he whispered, “From the moment I saw you, I wanted you. Every moment since.”
Nikki had to strain to hear him as he whispered into her hair. As he sought her mouth again, hot little darts of pleasure raced through her. He was so warm, felt so good against her. And he was safe. Dale wouldn’t ever hurt her. She had felt enough love in her life to know what it was like to receive it and there was love and heat twined together in his embrace.
“Just me half a chance, Nikki. I swear, I’ll make you happy,” he promised.
It was tempting.
So tempting.
She was so lonely…
She couldn’t. Tempting or not, lonely or not, she couldn’t do it. It wouldn’t be fair to him, and he deserved so much better than a woman with only half a heart.
“Dale, I can’t,” she whispered, freeing her mouth, and turning her head aside. “I just can’t. I’m sorry, but…”
“Nikki, please—”
Reaching between them, she rested her fingers against his mouth, shaking her head. “Dale, I can’t. I’m sorry. This wasn’t fair to you,” she said quietly, putting distance between them as they spoke. “And as much as I would like to, as flattering as it is, it’s no good. I’m not whole I can’t give you everything
“Which means I can’t give you anything, because you deserve so much better,” she finished softly, sadly. If it had been my choice, it would have been you, she thought. Her eyes showed her deep regret and her hand, gentle and strong, dropped to grip his once before backing away.
Staring at his almost poetically beautiful face, she shook her head and repeated once more, “I can’t.”
“But I want you,” Dale said, his voice whisper rough, his hands gentle and caring as he eased her back against him. “I’ll take whatever you can give me. I just want you”
With a sad faraway look in her eyes, Nikki smiled at him. “If I’ve learned one thing in my life, it’s that we can’t always have what we want. I’m sorry, Dale.” She reached up, cupped his cheek in her hand. “If I could have chosen, Dale, I would have chosen you You mean so much to me. You got me through some very rough times, and I’ll never forget that.
“But I can’t be what you want Or what you think you want.”
“I know how I feel. I know what I want and don’t want.”
“Yes, I guess you do. And I know what I can’t give. I am sorry, Dale.”
Dale stroked her cheek, his own eyes sad and wistful. “So am I. Does he have any idea how big a fool he was to let you go?” he murmured, shaking his head.
* * *
Wade stood in the shadows, unable to breathe, unable to see, his anger was so great, so deep. He was touching her, kissing her, and she was letting him. His gut roiled and churned and blood pounded thickly in his head. Hands clenched and unclenched spasmodically. He had one hand on the railing, ready to leap, when Nikki pulled back, shaking her head.
What were they saying? They spoke too quietly for him to hear. Heads bent close together, the mechanic’s large hands holding her as if she were made of the finest porcelain, they spoke quietly in low whispers.
Nikki touched her hand to Stoner’s face, shook her head. She was telling him no, Wade realized as Stoner pulled away, his hand lingering on her cheek for a moment before he got in his car, drove away.
Wade moved quietly, until he was standing at the head of the steps, and waited for her to turn around. He didn’t know what he was going to say now, but only one thing mattered.
She had sent him away.
Moments passed, and still, she stood there, hugging herself tightly, shoulders slumped, head hanging low. A picture of total desolation.
“Have a good time?” he finally asked when Nikki continued to stare in the darkness. His voice was silky, his eyes bland. Only he could tell that he was quivering inside with both rage and relief.
Nikki jumped, startled. Her hair swung around her face as she spun to face him, her eyes wide. Hands went up, clenched and ready, until she recognized the voice, the vague shadow standing there.
“Wade!” she gasped, her voice slightly shaky.
He continued to stare at her, at her slightly swollen soft mouth, at her sleepy eyes. Another man had touched her, had made her looked lazy and satisfied. How many times had Gomer put that look her face? How many nights had she spent his arms while Wade suffered and sweated them out alone, aching and miserable?
“What are you doing here?” she asked, flatly, her arms falling to her sides, hands still clenched, ready for battle.
“Waiting for you to come home.” He moved down the stairs and closer until he stood only two feet away. “Out awful late, aren’t you, Nik?”
“What business is it of yours?” Nikki demanded, her voice cool, her chin going up in the air.
Catching that stubborn chin in his hand, he ignored her remark as he studied her face. “Tell me, Nikki. Are you going to make him wait a year to get you in bed? Or is that on the schedule for the next date?”
“I don’t answer to you,” she said, her voice low and angry. “Now why don’t you get the hell off my property?”
“Why? Is lover boy heading back up here?”
“If he is, it’s no business of yours,” Nikki replied, icicles dripping from her voice as she rooted through her purse for her keys
“I see him here again, I’m gonna tear him apart,” Wade drawled, his voice friendly, his smile bright, and vicious. “And then I’ll lock you up and throw away the key.”
Locating the keys, she snorted and moved around him. “Get over it, buddy. I’m not yours. That’s over with. In the past”
“It’s our past, present and future, doll,” Wade promised, following her up the stairs. He trapped her by the door as she fumbled with the lock. “And I’ve learned from past mistakes so the future is bound to better.”
“Wade, I don’t see how my future could worse than my past,” she said calmly, finally unlocking the double locks on her door. “However, I don’t see how my future has anything to do with you.”
Temper suddenly gone, Wade lowered his head to nuzzle at her neck as she spoke. Gently, he nipped at her earlobe and smiled to himself when she shuddered.
“Everything you ever do in life is going to have something to do with me,” he said quietly, catching hold of the doorknob and holding it firmly shut. He lowered his head enough to speak quietly against her ear, not touching her, but standing close enough that the scent of her swam in his head.
“Just as everything I do will somehow include you. We’re part of each other, Nik, the same way my heart is a part of me, the way your brain is part of you. It’s been that way for years, even when we were miles apart and I was married to someone else”
Nikki said nothing, just stood there, her back to him, her head lowered. Gently, Wade made her turn, lifted her chin in his hand and stared into carefully blank eyes.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I never expected to see you again. But I’ve always known that I’d go to my grave loving you. Can you tell me that you don’t feel the same?”
* * *
To the grave…his words echoed over in her head. Hell, yes, she’d died loving him. She had already been to the edge once, though, because of his love. She wouldn’t ever let herself get that way again.
Nikki’s eyes slid shut and she turned her head, the smooth sweep of hair hiding her face from him. “What I feel for you is not what I felt eight years ago. Or even five years ago,” she murmured, her th
roat burning. Gathering her courage, she turned her head and met his eyes and said, “Things change, Wade. Feelings can change. Especially when somebody rips your heart out of your chest and smashes it. It makes it much easier for feelings to change. Or disappear altogether.”
Damn you, Wade, she thought, half hysterically. Just leave. Nikki knew damn well there was no way she was going to be able to keep her distance if he kept this up.
Cupping her cheek in his hand, he asked softly, “Do you really expect me to believe that you feel nothing for me?”
“It really doesn’t matter what you believe, Wade. It only matters what I believe,” Nikki stated simply. She forced a sympathetic smile when sympathy for him was the last thing she felt.
“Poor Wade,” she clucked, shaking her head. “You lose a silly little girl who adored you and gained a wife who only wanted to own you. Once she had you, she probably didn’t even know what to do with you.”
Ducking out of his arms, she moved a few feet away, sliding him a sly glance from under her lashes. “How was your little virgin bride, Wade? Did she keep you happy?”
The porch light illuminated his face enough for Nikki to watch his jaw clench and his eyes narrow. But he continued to stand there, like he had no intention of ever leaving. “Now the wife’s gone and you think you can get that silly girl back.” Nikki moved closer to him and gently patted his cheek, like he was a five year old child.
“It’s a pity that you just can’t accept the fact that little girl doesn’t exist any more. Even more pitiful is the fact that I would have been anything you wanted me to be, given up anything, become anything,” she whispered passionately. “Life’s not very fair, is it?”
“Nice try, Nikki,” he said, his voice hollow. “I’m very impressed. You can be quite the bitch when you want.”
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