by Vivian Arend
“I don’t need a list. I was there, remember?”
He sits forward and glares at me. “Were you? Really? Because I’m starting to wonder if you’re remembering events correctly. Otherwise none of this makes sense.”
My head is really starting to hurt. I shouldn’t have a hangover before I’m even done drinking. Because I’m not done. Not by a long shot.
“Hell, I’d have been on a plane to Tahiti,” Zack comments. After that he takes another swig of his beer and goes back to ignoring us.
“We have to be on g-guard against this kind of thing now.” The words are hard to get out. But I need to tell Finn. I need to warn him. “Women will want to get close to us just because we have money.”
He doesn’t look impressed. “There are women who want to get close to you because you ride a motorcycle. There’s no way you can know a woman’s motivations but you can judge her actions.”
“Her actions…” Suddenly the entire situation is insanely funny to me. I chuckle to myself while Finn just shakes his head. When I finally get my amusement under control, I point at him.
“Her actions are … that … she accepted money to be with me,” I finish triumphantly.
“Actually, she was offered money and didn’t immediately take it. I didn’t hesitate when he offered me money so she’s got more willpower than I’ve got. You still want to be my brother?”
“That sounds like a trick question.” Gabe collapses on the couch next to me.
“Whose side are you on?” From this angle I can finally look at him up close and he really does look like me. Like a more handsome version of me.
I wonder if Emma would think he was handsome. He looks more like the kind of guy that she should be with. Clean cut and educated. Not spiked hair, leather and a body full of scars and battle wounds. Maybe my father will pay her to seduce him, too. She’s already got Finn wrapped around her little finger.
And me. She’s already got me … something.
Gabe seems amused by my staring. “I’m just saying maybe you aren’t the only person our dear father manipulated?”
I have the feeling that what he’s saying makes sense but I’m so tired. All I want to do is be alone with my anger and my despair. I point at Gabe. “You should get out.” Then I point at Finn. “You should get out, too.”
“I’m not getting out. This is my place, asshole.”
Zack looks over from his perch near the window. “What about me? Should I stay?” He smirks and takes another sip of his beer.
Now they’re all staring at me. And laughing at me, too. “I’m too drunk for this.”
Then I promptly pass out.
The next morning, I open my eyes slowly, tentatively. The splitting pain behind my forehead seems to be a warning of what’s to come. It’s too bright in here and my back hurts. When I turn my head, it feels like my brain is being assaulted by a hundred tiny men with hammers.
“What happened?”
Finn appears in the doorway of the living room. He’s already dressed in jeans and a green sweater. “You got shitfaced. That’s what happened.”
Gabe comes out of the kitchen. “It’s alive!”
I grimace as his loud voice brings back the small army of cavemen in my head. “Is it? Because IT feels like roadkill.”
Gabe disappears back into the kitchen and then reemerges with a cup of coffee. “Drink this.”
The smell coming from the cup is like nirvana. I nurse the coffee while they both watch me. Finally I can’t take it anymore. “What?”
“Do you even remember last night?” Finn demands.
“More than I’d like to.”
I remember all of Finn’s arguments actually and in the light of day they make sense. None of us could say no to the money our father offered. So, was Emma any better or worse than we were? The old man actually seems kind of fond of her. I wonder if he thought he was playing matchmaker in a twisted way.
It would be just the kind of screwed up thing that he would think was normal.
The doorbell rings and Finn answers it. “Mom! What are you doing here?”
I immediately sit up straighter and try to look alive. Even though I’m a grown man, I still don’t want my mom to catch me hungover. Mom nods hello to Gabe and Zack as she hangs her coat on the back of one of the bar stools. She met them a few days ago and it wasn’t nearly as awkward as we all thought it would be.
“I’ve been thinking, boys.”
Mom sits down on the couch next to me. I blink several times, hoping I don’t smell like alcohol.
“After everything that happened, well, I shouldn’t be but I was worried about your father. But when I called the hospital to check on him, they wouldn’t tell me anything. So, I decided to come over. Are you all getting ready to go visit him?”
Finn glances at me. “We’re trying to convince Tank not to let the best thing that ever happened to him walk away because of something our dad started. He still hasn’t called Emma.”
I scowl at Finn. He was always a tattletale. “I’m not letting her walk away. She walked away on her own. Now I’m just thinking about everything. And she hasn’t called me either.” I glance over at my mom. She’s been strangely quiet on the whole subject. “This whole week, you haven’t said much about Emma. That’s not like you.”
“I don’t want to influence you. It’s your decision. But I do want to ask you a question.”
I don’t trust this casual inquiry at all. My mom knows how to get all up in my head and make me face things when I’m being an idiot without ever raising her voice or being pushy.
“Do I have a choice?”
She ignores my smart response. “Why didn’t you tell me about your dad being in town when you first found out?”
Now I really am an idiot. I should have known that Finn and I weren’t off the hook for that. Even though we had good reason, my mom is definitely going to require a good explanation for why we’d lie to her face.
“I was ashamed, Mom.”
“Oh sweetheart. Ashamed of what?”
“Ashamed that I was taking money from him. He hurt you. He hurt us. But I just needed the money to help you. It seemed like the only solution at the time.”
She nods thoughtfully. Then she peeks over at me mischievously. “I wonder if that’s how Emma felt, too.”
Gabe grins and looks between us. “Oh, she’s good. Even I didn’t see that coming.”
Mom smiles. “Thank you. I thought it was artfully done.”
I’m amazed and irritated at the same time. “You’re being awfully charitable towards her about this. She did accept the job after all. No one forced her to do it.”
Mom gives me a knowing look. “Honey, I know exactly how convincing Maxwell Marshall can be. Your Emma didn’t stand a chance.”
Finn chimes in. “Do you really want to let her go? She thinks you’re one in a million, bro. How many guys can say that?”
I pull out the check from my pocket and stroke the now crumpled envelope. Every moment I’ve shared with Emma over the past month flies through my head. The peace, the sharing, and the laughter.
The morning after she caught me fighting stands out in my head in particular. Leaving you is the last thing I ever want to do. I realize the statement is as true now as it was then.
“I need to call her.”
“Go over there. Find her. This is not a complicated covert operation. It’s a simple find and rescue,” Finn insists.
My mom holds up a hand. “First, let’s go to the hospital and visit your father. I want to thank him personally for paying my hospital bill. He didn’t have to do that. “
“And after that, we’ll go with you,” Gabe says. “For moral support.”
“Or in case she doesn’t forgive you,” Zack adds.
Gabe shoots him an exasperated look. “You’re not supposed to say that out loud.”
I laugh, setting off a new ache in the back of my skull. “You guys don’t have to do that.”
&
nbsp; “That’s what brothers do.”
I’m surprised to hear the statement come from Gabe. We haven’t known each other that long so I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t feel any obligation toward me at all. But the support means a lot. More than I can say.
“Plus, you might need us to help you get drunk again,” Zack adds.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
EMMA
The corridor outside Mr. Marshall’s hospital room is empty. But when I enter the room, two large men stand up, blocking my path. It’s the same guys that came into the room that day when we figured out that Jon was stealing from him. They don’t seem to remember me though. Or at least they don’t move, anyway.
“Hi, I just wanted to see if Mr. Marshall was okay.”
“Emma? Is that you? Let her pass, Royce.”
The biggest guy moves aside so I can squeeze by. Mr. Marshall is propped up in the bed reading the newspaper and has a cell phone to his ear. He has a pair of glasses perched on the end of his nose. If he wasn’t in a hospital gown and strapped to a bunch of machines, I would think he was preparing for a day at the office.
“Mr. Marshall, what are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”
I glance back at the big guys guarding the door. “Is he allowed to do this stuff?” They look at each other and then back at me and shrug.
Exasperated, I hold out my hand for the phone. “I’m pretty sure this isn’t allowed when you’ve just had a heart attack.”
He grins and says something to the person on the other end. Then he hangs up and hands me the phone. “I had my guys sneak in the phone and got one of those cute little nurses to bring me a paper. I have to keep up with what’s going on.”
I take the paper and fold it up. “I think the world will keep spinning even if you take a few days off.”
He grumbles but finally sits back. “I heard about what happened. I wish I’d been there. I didn’t know that Jon had hurt you.”
I touch the fading bruise on my cheek. Over the past week, it’s turned a strange array of colors. Now it looks like a faint purplish splotch. “I wasn’t sure what to do. Tank didn’t know what was going on then and I didn’t want him to find out. I was bound by my own lies.”
“It’s not often that I say this but I’m sorry. I was only trying to help you but it ended up doing the opposite. I never wanted you to get hurt. I’m surprised Tank didn’t kill him when he found out.”
“Tank and I …” I stop, unsure of how to describe the state of things between us. Non-existent is probably the most accurate. He hasn’t called me or come by the house at all in the past week. It’s like we never knew each other at all.
Mr. Marshall’s smile falters. “I’m sorry, Emma.”
“It’s not your fault. Not really. Because I could have said no.”
“No, you couldn’t have.” He shakes his head sadly. “No one says ‘no’ to a million dollars. Trust me. I’m in the position to know that for sure.”
“I did. I gave the check back to Tank. He came to see you after that and I haven’t seen him since.”
His mouth falls open slightly. I’ve never seen him look like this. I giggle at his expression. If I’m truly the first person who has ever turned down one of his deals, then I guess that’s why.
“But at least something good came out of all of this. Your sons are speaking to you now. I saw them all here at the hospital that day. That’s good news, right?” I clasp his hand gently.
His hand tightens around mine. “Yes, they were here. Except for one. All except for one.”
Now this is interesting news. “Oh, you have another son?”
“Yes. Lucas.”
He says the name with reverence. I’ve noticed that his whole demeanor changes when he talks about his children. Even though he wasn’t there when they were growing up and basically was the worst father ever, he really does seem to love them. It makes no sense to me but the evidence is undeniable.
He loves his kids. Despite his strange way of contacting them, he actually wants to spend time with them and have them in his life.
“I know your secret now, Mr. Marshall.”
His eyes shoot to mine and for the first time, he looks afraid. “What do you mean?”
I pat his hand gently. “That you’re a big old softie. Under that stern exterior that everyone else sees, you love your sons.”
“That I do.” He takes a deep breath and then struggles to sit up a little higher against the pillows. “But wait, what about your schooling? Your dreams to become a veterinarian and help animals? How will you do it now?”
“I’ve got some scholarship offers to schools in North Carolina. It’ll be a chance for me to make a fresh start. I can forget about all the bad things in my past and just move on with my life. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to say goodbye.”
The idea that I’ll be gone soon brings an unexpected well of emotion to the fore. I cough a little to keep myself from tearing up. For a little while, visiting Mr. Marshall made me feel like I had a family again. But I have to deal with reality or I’ll never be able to be a part of it.
It’s time to move forward.
There’s a chorus of voices out in the hallway. The two guards stand but then immediately move back. Tank steps in the room, followed by Finn and his other two brothers. Then someone else steps in behind them. When Finn moves to the side I can see who it is.
Claire.
Shame brings a blush to my cheeks. “I should go. Your family is here to see you. I just wanted to say goodbye.”
“Goodbye?” Tank interrupts. “Where are you going?”
He stares at me until I meet his gaze. It’s so hard to look at him, knowing how much pain I’ve caused him. Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I hurt him. Now I’m here, making his time with his father uncomfortable.
I shake my head and look back to Mr. Marshall. His eyes are kind, like he understands that I need to get away. “I have to go.”
He squeezes my hand. “Go on. I’m going to miss you, Miss Shaw.”
I don’t look at Tank as I walk out. I have to pass Claire to get to the door. Facing her is even harder than facing the others. They all know what I did but with her, it’s worse. It feels like I betrayed her, too.
Right before I reach the door, I pause and look at her. “I’m so sorry. You have no idea how much.”
To my surprise, she pulls me into a hug. The tears I’ve been holding back so far finally overflow. When I pull back, she wipes my cheeks. “You have no idea how much I understand.” Then she looks over at Mr. Marshall.
I nod at Finn as I pass and then I’m finally in the hall. After the small confines of the room, it feels freeing.
“Wait, Emma.” Tank appears in the doorway. It’s pathetic but after a week of no contact at all, my eyes eat up the sight of him like visual candy. He’s as beautiful as always, even with bags under his eyes and a good bit of stubble on his cheeks. I take my time memorizing his face.
It’ll have to last me for the rest of my life.
“Where are you going? Back there, you said …” He places an arm against the doorjamb. “What was all that about saying goodbye?”
“It’s okay, Tank. We don’t really have to do this part. This thing with us has been backward from the beginning. Do we really need to break up when we never really got together in the first place?”
He takes my hand and leads me to the waiting room. It’s filled with people already. He lets out a disgusted sound and then pulls me to the same stairwell where we argued before.
“I was coming to see you after this.”
“You were?” He doesn’t look angry but I’m too numb from the past week to know whether that’s reality or if I’m just spaced out.
“Yeah, I was. I’ve spent the past week in and out of this hospital visiting my father and spending time with my brothers. But it always felt like something was missing. Someone was missing. You.”
My heart starts beating so hard
that I need to take a breath to steady myself. “I wanted to be here. But I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”
Tank grabs my hands. “Here’s the thing. I know how I feel about you. Ever since the beginning, being around you has been one of the only times I feel calm. Happy. You center me, Emma. But I’ll always wonder which memories between us are tainted. Were you only with me for the money while cooking dinner for my family? Or were you thinking about the money that night when you cleaned the cut on my arm and I held you all night? Which memories are real and which are manufactured?”
I shake my head. “None of them. From the very beginning, I couldn’t do what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t see you as a job. You wouldn’t let me. You kept surprising me with how smart and funny and sweet you are.”
“Sweet, huh?”
Even in the midst of a serious conversation, he can manage to be arrogant. I laugh. “Yeah, I’ll admit it this once. You’re incredibly sweet. And when I was with you, all the bad stuff went away for a while. I’ve never been happier than when I was with you.”
“That’s exactly how I feel. So, I don’t care about what my father did or didn’t do anymore. I’m in love with you, Emma. And I don’t want you going anywhere.” His head descends slowly, his eyes on mine the whole time. Then he kisses me and all thoughts, all worries, and all fear dissolves.
It’s just his lips on mine and the knowledge that he loves me.
A door opens on one of the floors above us and there’s the rhythmic stomp, stomp, stomp, of feet on the stairs.
“I guess we should go back. We’re not supposed to be in here.” I look up at the open staircase above us.
Tank grins. “I don’t care. Break the rules with me, Emma.”
I glance back at the open air above us, and then launch myself into his arms. He catches me and I wrap my legs around his waist. As we kiss, someone passes by us going up the staircase and I don’t even care to look.
Tank is the only thing I want to see.
“So you had an interesting strategy for getting my attention. I asked you out for weeks in a row and you refused every time. I’ve never seen that used as a way to get a date but I suppose it worked.”