by Peak, Renna
She rapped his knuckles again. “Jenna gets first dibs.”
I shrugged. “Fine. I’ll take two. He can have the rest.”
She pointed the spoon at his nose. “You can also have two, good sir.”
He grabbed four cookies from the sheet and almost skipped back down the hall, laughing.
She turned back to me. “That guy is going to eat every last bit of food in this house. He’s going to do the grocery run if he eats it all. I hope he knows that.” She shook her head, trying to hide her smile.
I walked up to the bar and took my two cookies before returning to the piano. I bit thoughtfully on one of the pastries, the warm sweetness filling my mouth and senses. Maybe I was more hungry than I’d felt. I almost gobbled the two cookies down before returning to the bar for two more. Comfort eating. Something Marian would definitely not approve of. I shoved one of the cookies in my mouth whole and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I did the same with the second and then turned myself to face the keyboard.
I pulled the first book of sheet music from the stack I’d made on the top of the piano. It didn’t even really matter what it was at that moment. I would have played anything. It was one of the exercise books I’d had in high school. Advanced Fingering Techniques or something like that. I opened the book and started to play, letting the music fill me and take my mind away from everything else. Cora was right. It was the only thing I needed to quiet myself. I couldn’t believe I’d let myself forget.
5
I woke up on Sunday morning and looked around my room. It was exactly as I had left it after high school, painted pink with Georgetown pennants on the wall. I’d always loved the bed in this room, a huge four poster bed with a gauzy canopy. I wondered for a moment if my parents would let me have it if I ever had my own place. They’d probably send me money to buy a new one.
I shook the thought of my parents out of my head and grabbed a sweatshirt and shorts from a box that I still hadn’t bothered to unpack. I silently willed everything to work itself out after than night. My father would be on the Sunday night news shows and everything would be fine. I could go back home. Sleep in my own bed with Melissa snoring across the room from me. Figure out what to do with my life from here on out. It would all be over after tonight. Everything could go back to normal.
After breakfast, I went out onto the patio that overlooked the ocean. It was a particularly beautiful day. It had stormed the night before, and the sea air was mixed with the scent of summer rain. I took in a deep breath of one of my favorite scents in the world. The toy box was still on the patio, the same one that had been there since I was a toddler. I opened it and found all the same sand toys that I’d been playing with since I could remember. I pulled out a couple of buckets and a shovel and decided to walk toward the water. There was something about building a sand castle that cleared my head, made me able to sort through things on my own. Music could quiet the racing thoughts, but being by the water helped me to be able to just think clearly.
It was low tide and I planted myself near where the sand was still wet, but still a fair distance away from the water. The roar of the ocean filled my ears and I started digging and building my goofy castle. I looked up the shore, but it was empty for as far as I could see. I thought for a moment that I should have invited Cora or Cade out with me, but then thought better of it. It would be much better for me to just sit here with my thoughts and maybe get a plan together. I still wasn’t sure how I’d be able to face the hungry media that would want their stories. I had no idea how I’d be able to respond to any of it.
I’d built the base of my castle—it was going to be a huge thing. There was a certain sense of pride that filled me just looking at it. It would be enormous and beautiful and I’d be the only one to ever see it. As soon as the tide came in, it would be gone. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that I was feeling, but I was glad it was mine. It was something that was all mine.
I stood up to get more water in my bucket to pour over the base, to be sure it was strong enough to hold up what I was sure was going to be something as tall as I was. I walked out into the water, just getting my feet wet and bent to fill my bucket.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as soon as the bucket touched the water. I snapped my head around to see who was watching me. I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was there. The hairs on my arms rose to join their sisters on my neck and a cold shiver ran down my spine. I looked up and down the shore but didn’t see a soul. But I knew he was there. I knew he was watching me. There was only one person who could do that to me, make me feel that way. I knew he was there, somewhere.
I shook it off. He might be watching, but he’d be an idiot to try to come anywhere near me. Cade would have him laid out before he could step foot on the beach. Let him watch. That’s as close as he’ll ever get to me again. I raised my middle finger in the air, knowing he could see me, even if I couldn’t see him. I yelled, “Fuck you, Brandon,” as loud as I could, knowing the roar of the ocean would drown out anything I said before he could hear it. It was a pointless exercise, but it helped me breathe a little easier and feel just a little lighter.
I poured the water on my base and started the next level of my sand castle. Why can’t he just leave me alone? Does he really need to come rub my face in everything? It wasn’t like I didn’t have enough on my plate already. I didn’t need him reminding me about seeing him and that bitch together. He could have her. He could have every slut in Hollywood for all I cared. He was just never going to have me again, of that I was sure.
The hairs on my neck prickled again. He had to be in the wooded area near the house. It was the only place he could be hiding. I hoped Cade would beat the shit out of him when he saw him on our property. The asshole. I looked back toward the house, hoping I’d get to see the fireworks, but there was nothing. No hint of him or Cade or anyone else.
I blew out a little sigh of disappointment as I dumped another bucket-shaped pile of sand on top of the base of my sand castle. There could have been something quite fulfilling in seeing Brandon have the crap beaten out of him. It would have been more fulfilling to kick him after Cade knocked the shit out of him, though. I dumped another bucket of sand on the castle and moved to the other side, facing the other side of the beach.
I looked up and saw him standing there. Heat flooded my body as my eyes grazed from his bare feet, up his jeans to his tight, white t-shirt hugging his perfectly chiseled chest. I stopped there, knowing if I made eye contact I’d turn into a blubbering mess. If I saw that black hair, those damned curls. Those incredibly, asininely blue eyes. The five o’clock shadow I knew was on his jawline. Shit. A jolt of electricity still raced through my veins when I saw those rippling muscles under his shirt, the pulses centering squarely between my legs. My body’s response to him pissed me off beyond measure. How could he still do this to me? He might as well have fucked Robin Axelrod right there in the hallway in front of me at the party. I’d seen everything, and yet, here I was, still foaming at the mouth over him. Foaming everywhere, really. What the fuck is wrong with me?
He plopped himself down on the other side of the platform I had built and I dropped my eyes to what I was doing. I dumped another bucket of sand in front of me and said nothing. We sat there in silence, him sitting with his knees pulled up and his fucking perfect arms folded around them. I hated him. I had to keep telling myself that. I hate him. I had to hate him. I couldn’t let myself be sucked in by him again. Never again.
I finished with the second level of the castle and went back to dip my bucket into the water to finish it off. I made sure to avert my gaze down the beach as I walked back toward him and the castle. Why hadn’t Cade come out and killed him yet? What the hell was he waiting for? The end of some stupid basketball game? This guy could have been killing me here, but no. No Cade anywhere. So much for having a bodyguard.
I dumped the water over the second story of my castle and pushed in at some uneven spots, making sure it would be st
rong enough to hold the next level. I could ignore the beautiful, treacherous man across from me for as long as I needed to. I had to. For my sanity. For my health. For my life, for Christ’s sake. Cade would show up eventually. And then I could watch him have the shit kicked out of him. It was going to be spectacular.
“Who do you think let me in here, Jen?” His rich voice threw me off guard.
My head flinched back slightly at the sound of his voice. “What?”
“He’s not coming to rescue you from me. He let me in.”
Had I really telegraphed my thoughts to him? Could he really read my mind? Fuck. I gave my head a slight shake. “Oh.”
“So you can stop looking back there and wondering when he’s going to come tearing down the beach after me. He’s not.”
I felt my cheeks flush a bit. “Whatever.” I said it under my breath. I felt like a child. If my heart would have just stopped beating so hard, I might have been fine. If I hadn’t felt so warm when he spoke, I could have been okay. If that damned pulsing between my legs would have just stopped, I would have spent the rest of the afternoon ignoring him. Ignoring the most beautiful, the most dangerous man I could ever know.
6
I didn’t speak to him. I started the third tier of my castle, doing my best to pretend that nothing he could do would get to me. That I was over him. That he had no effect on me. Except for the goose bumps on my arms when he spoke, and the thrill that ran through me when I caught sight of his black hair from the corner of my eye. And that stupid electricity and the almost magnetic pull he had on me. Except for all of that, he wasn’t affecting me at all. Not even a little.
“How are you?”
Hearing his voice against the roar of the ocean did things to me that I didn’t even think were possible. My knees were wobbly and I had to drop onto them to keep myself from falling over. It was fine; I could still reach the third tier of my sand castle from my knees. I could ignore him. I knew I could.
“Jen, this has been the longest three days of my life. Staying away from you has almost killed me. Please just talk to me. You don’t have to do anything else.”
I was torn between wanting to tear his throat out and wanting to tear his clothes off. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t right that he could do this to me just by talking. I couldn’t even imagine what he could do if he looked in my eyes. I couldn’t let that happen. I had a castle to build, damn it.
“Krystal texted me. She said I should wait a few days, then come to see you. I wasn’t sure what to make of that, you know? At first I thought it was reverse psychology—she’s been doing that to me for years. Maybe I should come see you right away, but then I figured that she would have told me to come right now if she had wanted me to stay away. It was the strangest thing, but I think she was being totally straight with me. She’s never done that.”
I glanced over. Christ, it was a dumb thing to do. I caught sight of his white t-shirt and tore my eyes away before I did something stupid like look at his face. Or his eyes. I would have been a goner, for sure, if I looked in his eyes. I caught his scent on the wind that was blowing into my face. I was glad I was already on my knees, because I couldn’t even breathe. I closed my eyes before opening them and dumping another bucket of sand onto the growing castle.
“So I did what she said. It might be the first time in my life I can say that, Jen. I gave it three days, so you could calm down.”
“Fuck you. Calm down?” I clapped my hand over my mouth. Speaking to him was not on my list of things to do. My mouth had betrayed me. Shit. I scooted myself around the other side of my sculpture so that I wouldn’t be facing him. He could talk to my back.
“Shit, that was a poor choice of words, Jen. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head and continued my work.
“This has been a nightmare for me, Jen. You can’t even imagine…”
That was it. I turned to face him. While looking into his eyes did do something carnal to me, yes, I still found the voice to tell him what I needed to say. “This has been a nightmare for you? Are you fucking kidding me? You are the most selfish douche…”
I really did try to resist when his lips crashed down on mine right after I spoke. I tried to pull away from the trail of fire that his tongue left on my lips as he parted them. I pushed against his shoulders as he took me into his arms and owned me with the miracle that was his mouth. My brain screamed, “NO!” when I felt his hand sweep up my back, under my sweatshirt. My mind screamed at my hands for entwining into those soft, silky locks that I needed to touch with every fiber of my being.
My brain finally took control of my body, thank God, and I turned my head to break his kiss. I fell back onto my rear end, knocking over my sand castle in the process. I crab walked away from him, dragging my butt through what had once been a very promising tower, trying to crawl as far away from him as I was able.
He licked his lips. “God, I missed how you taste. Sunshine and raspberries. Sweet and just a little bit tart.”
“No.” I shook my head and scooted farther away, sand getting inside my shorts and panties as I dragged myself through the pile of sand. My breath quickened and I tried to tear my eyes away from his, but it was impossible. “No.” I cursed the fluttering in my chest.
“Jen, I’m sorry. You need to listen to me.”
I scrambled to my feet, finally finding the strength to stand. I was lightheaded, my body craving his touch. “No. No more listening. No more talking…”
“You need to let me explain…”
My voice trembled. “No. No.” I took another two steps away from him, still facing him, still unable to tear my eyes from his gaze. The flush of my skin betrayed the words that found their way to my mouth. “Go to hell, Brandon. We’re done.”
“Clearly not.” He took another step toward me.
I could feel my chin quivering under my mouth. I couldn’t let him get to me. He was using the power he had over me. Abusing it. He knew what he did to me. This wasn’t going to happen again; he wasn’t playing fair. “No.” I took two more steps from him, increasing the distance again.
“Stop saying that. We’ll get past this.” He took two steps toward me.
“GOD DAMN IT WILL YOU STOP?” My eyes widened at the voice that left my own mouth. I hadn’t even known I was capable of sounding like that.
He stopped dead in his tracks, his face falling. His voice dropped to where I could barely hear it over the roar of the tide. “Jen…”
I wasn’t sure how I had come so close to the water, but there it was, right by my feet. I knew about his fear of water and I did the only thing I could think of. I stepped in. And then I took another step backward. And another, the water already up to my knees.
“Jen…”
Another step and I was up to my thighs, my eyes never leaving his. One more step. I was up to my waist and I couldn’t hear him any more over the water that was all around me. I willed a wave to crash over me, to pull me out with the tide. I would have even welcomed a giant sinkhole opening under me, something to swallow me whole right there. He was killing me and he couldn’t even see it.
I took another step back and was up to my chest in the water. My eyes dared him to come out. Dared him to do a damned thing about it. I knew he wouldn’t.
He stood there, his mouth open, slack-jawed. I wouldn’t have been able to hear him say anything even if he had been able to make sound come from his throat. I had serious doubts that he could.
I’m not sure where my new found mermaid act came from, but I dove under the waves and dolphin kicked as hard as I could to get as far up the beach as possible. I knew he wouldn’t follow me into the water. My only chance to escape him was to swim away. I came up for air a good distance from where he was still standing and walked out of the water, heading back to the house. I knew he’d catch up to me. That wasn’t the point. My stomach twisted into a knot knowing he was going to follow me in, knowing I would have to face him eventually.
I wrung out my
sweatshirt as I got to the patio door, now realizing how dumb I’d been at getting myself soaked. Dumb and cold. I wasn’t wearing anything under my sweatshirt, so it wasn’t like I could just chuck it onto the porch and go in. Stupid.
I dripped water all over the entryway and my mother’s voice began ringing in my head again. You’re making a mess, Jenna. You’re so unladylike, Jenna. No daughter of mine would do such a thing. No daughter of mine.
I knew he was following me, and I also knew I was helpless to prevent it. I pointed him to the living room, the one that overlooked the patio we had just been on and I made my way up to my bedroom to change. I was relieved that he didn’t follow me.
I found the courage to come downstairs about ten minutes later, wearing a different pair of shorts and a dry t-shirt. My hair was still wet with salt water, but I’d managed to comb it up into a ponytail. My mouth had gone dry and I felt a wave of nausea sweep over me, knowing I was going to have to face him this time with no ocean to save me.
He was sitting in the same chair I had been sitting in when Krystal had brought me here three days ago. All of that had happened three days ago. It felt like a lifetime had already floated by.
I dragged the chair that was next to him, the one Krystal had sat in, across the room. It scraped loudly over the wood floor, the bottom of the chair scratching against it and my mother’s voice was in my head again. You’re so thoughtless, Jenna. You’re so irresponsible, Jenna. No daughter of mine… I had to stop myself that time. I wasn’t her daughter. It was no wonder.
7
I dropped down into the chair I had just pulled across the room. I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared out the window toward the water. The sky had turned dark and it was threatening to storm again. I tried to ignore the sound of my heart thudding in my ears.
“That was quite the stunt you pulled out there.”