“Yep, the one and only. Don’t even think of calling any of my brothers and filling them in on what happened to me. They’ll be all up in my business and I don’t need that hassle. I have a wonderful fiancé who will be taking good care of me.”
We pull up in the ambulance drop-off area and Becker and another E.M.T. wheel me inside the hospital. I’m immediately taken to a room and it’s not long before I’m being examined by the extremely tall Dr. Rogers. This guy is like a giant looming over me while I’m lying on the stretcher. “Okay, we’re going to get a urine sample from you and draw some blood to see what we can find out. It could just be that you were a little dehydrated or maybe your potassium levels are off. When’s the last time you had your menstrual cycle?” That’s a good question. When was the last time I had my period? I count backward on my mental calendar and realize that I haven’t had my period for around six weeks. Oh my God. I wonder if I’m pregnant. I close my eyes and try to calm myself down while simultaneously praying it’s not that. Please don’t let it be that. I’m not ready to be a mother now…maybe not ever.
I’ve peed in a cup and blood has been drawn and now I’m just lying here waiting to find out what’s wrong with me. There’s a constant chant of not pregnant, not pregnant, not pregnant running through my mind on repeat. There are so many reasons why it would be horrible timing for me right now. Hopefully, it’s all the stress over the past six weeks that’s made my cycle wonky. I can’t bear to think of the alternative.
I’m almost asleep when Jeff touches my arm. As soon as I see him, I burst into tears. He leans down and holds me in his arms, caressing my hair.
“What’s going on baby? Any news on why you passed out?” He whispers as he does his best to help me relax, but I know he’s worried about me. I can see it on his face no matter how hard he’s trying to hide it.
“They took some blood and I had to give a urine sample too. The doctor said he’d be back as soon as he had my test results from the lab.”
“Do you need anything? I can go get you a soda or something to eat if you’d like.”
“I’m all set J, but will you sit down with me?” I ask as I pat the bed beside me. He sits down next to me, kicking his sneakers off, before stretching his legs out next to mine. I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. I’m feeling so sleepy and now that J’s here, I know he’ll watch out for me if I doze off. He kisses me on top of my head.
“Go to sleep baby girl, I got you.”
I’m not sure how long I was asleep for but I wake up when Dr. Rogers comes back in the room. I introduce him to Jeff and as they shake hands, I find myself feeling nervous over the coming discussion. I don’t want to be pregnant but I’m also concerned it will be something horrible wrong with me, like a brain tumor. Of course, my mind immediately thinks of the worst case scenario. Dr. Rogers sets the laptop he’s holding down on the counter and turns to face me.
“I got your initial test results back,” he begins. “Do you prefer I give them to you now or would you like to hear them without your fiancé in the room?” Why would Jeff need to leave the room? Maybe it’s bad news and he thinks I’d prefer to get it without anyone else around. My tongue suddenly feels thick in my mouth as I try to form the words.
“I want him to stay here with me.” I say and Jeff takes my hand as he sits down in the chair next to the bed. He squeezes my hand to comfort me or maybe it’s to give me strength; no matter the reason, it’s appreciated and needed. I stare at the doctor and wait for him to tell me what’s going on.
“Your urine and blood work levels are all in the normal range.” He pauses and I breathe a sigh of relief. “We did find out that you are approximately seven or eight weeks pregnant.” I don’t hear anything beyond the word pregnant. My ears start to ring and my chest tightens from the anxiety attack I know I’m about to have. This one came on quickly, much faster than ever before. I gasp as my throat constricts and I know I’m not taking in enough oxygen because black spots are taking over my vision.
“Breathe slowly, Shelby” Jeff urges. He rubs my back and continues to remind me to breathe until Dr. Rogers steps in and directs me to lay down. He covers my nose with an oxygen mask and it helps, almost instantly. Now that the panic is dissipating I can think clearly again. I can’t believe I’m pregnant. Fuck. How did I let this happen? What am I going to do?
Jeff continues to calm me with his deep, hushed tone and his gentle hands as they soothingly rub my leg.
Dr. Rogers removes the oxygen from me and I look over at Jeff with tears in my eyes.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes with a prescription for prenatal vitamins and some instructions.” As he leaves the room, I begin to sob uncontrollably. Jeff pulls me into his arms and kisses my forehead.
“What are all these tears for baby girl?” He looks at me, his gaze full of concern as I try to stop the flow of my tears.
“I can’t believe I’m pregnant.” I wail out. He smiles at me, cupping my cheeks with both of his palms.
“I’m surprised too, but I want a family with you, Shelby. What does it matter if it happens now instead of a year or two down the road? Any way you look at it, this pregnancy is a blessing.”
“I love you even more for feeling happy about this, but I’m not, Jeff. I’m not sure I can do this right now.” I bite my lower lip and do my best to hold in all the words that are screaming to come out of me right now. I can’t do that to Jeff. There’s no reason to hurt him by saying things he doesn’t want or need to hear. This is one of those moments where I have to bite my tongue before I say something that will irreparably change him. Some words would cause damage once they pass through my lips. I turn my head away from him and face the other direction. I can’t bear to look any longer at the disappointment reflected in his eyes. He’s not the only one who’s disappointed in me but I don’t have to look at myself and see it so plainly displayed. I close my eyes and pray for sleep to take me away from my new reality. I don’t want to exist at this moment any longer.
***
It’s later that same night and I’m lying on the couch watching an episode of The Walking Dead with Jeff. He has my feet resting in his lap and he’s rubbing my arches with his talented fingers. Having a physical therapist for a fiancé has its benefits. He’s always had great hands, even before he was trained in massage techniques, but now that he has been there’s no limit to what his hands can do. We haven’t spoken about the baby since we left the hospital. Jeff stopped at the pharmacy and filled my script before we came home. He also picked up some pizza and salad from our favorite takeout place. He thinks of everything, even when he’s less than pleased with me.
Now that I’ve eaten, I’m finally relaxing, but I know we need to talk. I’m not looking forward to how that conversation or how it will go and I know it’s bound to happen soon.
“Let’s go to bed, baby. You’ve had a long day and you need some rest. I’m glad you don’t have to work tomorrow. We can take it easy this weekend too.” He rises from the couch and bends down to scoop me up in his arms.
“Jeff, I don’t need you to carry me. I’m fine to walk.” This might be taking things a bit too far, Jesus, I’m not made of glass.
“I want to carry you, baby. Let me take care of you. I’m going to spoil you rotten for the next nine months.” And there it is...Just one, of what will be numerous reminders of my epic fuck up. I get a stomach bug and now I’m knocked up. Some people make small mistakes that can be fixed with little effort. Not me. When I screw up, I do it so well it has epic repercussions that change my entire future.
***
It’s now Saturday night and I’m putting some final touches on my makeup in front of the bathroom mirror while I wait for Jeff to get home. It’s taken a lot of cover up to make the dark circles under my eyes less apparent. They’re still noticeable, but at least, they look better than they did. I didn’t sleep hardly at all, last night. My mind was too active and I couldn’t seem to slow it down. I would normal
ly just take a sleeping pill, but since I’m pregnant, I’m not sure if I’m allowed to. The long sleepless night was torturously spent with me berating myself for letting this happen. I swore I would never be in a situation like this. I’m not this person, and yet here I am, in this fucked up mess that is my life.
Jeff is taking me out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. They serve homemade Italian cuisine that’s beyond compare. We’ve eaten there so frequently over the past couple of years, that we’ve become good friends with the owners, Gio, and Maggie. He’s originally from Italy and she’s an upper crust Bostonian through and through. On paper, they don’t make sense as a couple, but once you get to know them, they’re perfect together. His loud and bossy ways mesh well with her calm and sweet manner. They have three sons, all that of which have dark hair like Gio and green eyes like their mother. It’s a killer combination and someday they’re going to break a few girl’s hearts, I’ve no doubt about it.
I’m putting my favorite stiletto ankle boots on as J walks through the front door. I might as well enjoy them while I can. I won’t be wearing heels in another four or five months.
“Hey baby, are you all ready?” He leans over, giving me a quick peck on my lips.
“Yeah, I’m all set.” I put my favorite black leather jacket on with his assistance and we head on our way.
As we exit the front of our brownstone, I look around for J’s truck, but I don’t see it anywhere.
“Couldn’t you find a spot?” I ask as I look up and down the curbside. “We can take my car if you want.” Jeff smiles at me steering me with a hand on my back, toward a brand new Ford Explorer. I look up at him feeling somewhat confused because he drives a Ford pickup truck, not this sports utility.
“What do you think?” He asks as he gestures toward the new vehicle. I finally understand that he’s just purchased this and the realization hits me like a ton of bricks.
“Jeff, what’s going on? Why did you buy this? You have a truck that you love.”
“I had a truck until I traded it in toward this. With the baby coming, we’re going to need the bigger back seat and cargo room.” He explains and my stomach sinks to the floor.
“Jeff, I’m barely pregnant at this point. Don’t you think purchasing this was a bit hasty? I haven’t even made it through the first twelve weeks and that’s the time when I’m at the highest risk for a miscarriage.” As I glance at him, I see an expression of anger briefly pass over his face before he masks it.
“No, I don’t think this purchase is hasty. We’re going to need a new vehicle for the baby and I don’t think it’s a big deal to get it now instead of waiting a few more months. I got an end of the year model for thousands less than I would have paid for a new year's one. It was a great deal and it was too good to pass up. I honestly thought you’d be happy about this and it would be one less thing for you to worry about.” He clicks the key box to unlock the doors before opening mine like the gentleman he always is. His hands are on my hips as I climb up into my seat and his hand slowly caresses my ass before I sit down. Pfft, did I just say he’s a gentleman? I roll my eyes facing away so he can’t see me. I’m feeling annoyed with him and having him cop a feel isn’t really helping things. I look at him as he climbs into the driver’s side and sits behind the wheel. He looks good sitting there, surrounded by all that smooth, black leather, I reluctantly admit to myself.
“I’m sorry if it upsets you that I bought this today. I should’ve taken you with me and we could’ve picked something out together. Would you rather I got an Audi sports utility? I thought about it but it’s not really my style. I like this because it looks more manly like my truck did.” I blow out a large breath between my lips before I reply.
“I don’t need to help you pick out your vehicle. It’s your money and you can spend it however you want. I’m annoyed that you’re shoving this whole pregnancy thing in my face when I’m not even happy about it.” He opens his mouth to say something and I hold my hand up. “I’m not going to be good company tonight. I think you should go out by yourself. I’m gonna make a sandwich and go to bed.” I undo my seatbelt and open my door, but before I can get out, J’s hand is on my arm, stilling me.
“You can run from this all you want Shelby, but it’s not going to go away. Sooner or later you’ll have to deal with the fact that we’re going to be parents seven months from now.” He pauses and a look of horror crosses his face. “You don’t want to terminate the pregnancy do you?” He grips both of my arms with his large hands and looks into my eyes as if he’s apprehensive of what truths he might see there.
“I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have a fleeting moment when I first found out, where I considered it a valid option. But, now I don’t feel that way. I’m having mixed feelings about being a mother though and you’re making it worse for me.”
“How am I making it worse for you? I’m trying to be a standup guy by showing you that I’m happy we’re starting a family. I know it’s sooner than you wanted, but we both wanted kids at some point, anyway. The sooner you accept this, the better it will be. You can’t live in denial for the next seven months Shelby.” I pull away from his hold on me and step down to the ground. I flip him off as I shut the door and turn to walk back toward our building. Mature of me, I know, but he was pissing me off so bad. If my hormones are this bad already, I’m fearful of what they’ll be like, a few months from now.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jeff
Shelby’s been a mess since yesterday when she found out that she’s pregnant. I tried my best to comfort her and to show her I was happy about it. It seems like no matter what I say right now, it’s the wrong thing. We don’t usually argue like we did tonight. Well, it wasn’t really even an argument. Shelby isn’t acting like herself and I’m sure her hormones are causing a lot of this, but damn if I’m going to say that to her. She’ll bite my head off for sure.
After she stormed off and left me alone in the new vehicle, I decided to go get some takeout for us. I figured it would give her a little cool down time and I know we don’t have a lot of selections in the fridge to choose from. I called Gio’s on the way there and ordered ahead so I could pick it up. It takes me fifteen minutes to get there and by the time I do, Maggie has my order bagged up and ready at the bar.
“Where’s that beautiful girl of yours?” Gio asks me as Maggie gives me a quick hug.
“She’s at home. We were going to come out to dinner, but she’s feeling a little under the weather.” I say as I count out the money for our order.
“Well, you give her a hug from me and bring her in here soon. It’s been too long since we got to see you guys.” Maggie says as I hand her the bills.
“I know; it has been a while. We’ve both been so busy with work we haven’t had much extra time left over. Maybe we can get in here next weekend.” I shake Gio’s hand and give Maggie a brief hug, before grabbing the food and heading out to my car.
When I get home, I find Shelby laying on the couch watching DVR episodes of The Vampire Diaries. She loves that show, much to my chagrin. I’ve tried to watch it with her, but I just can’t get into it. It’s definitely geared toward women and teen girls. She barely looks up when I enter our apartment. She keeps her focus on the television as if it’s the most interesting thing she’s ever seen in her life. I carry the food into our kitchen and place it on the counter before I make my way to her. I kneel down next to the couch, by her head and lean forward to kiss her lips.
“I brought you dinner from Gio’s. I got lasagna and salad for you. Both Gio and Maggie were asking for you. I told them we’d try to come in there next weekend if possible. She looks up at me, her eyes like large luminous pools of milk chocolate and it reminds me of how thankful I am that I get to share my life with her. She looks so forlorn right now and so unlike her normal self, it’s making me concerned for her mental well-being. I know that people get postpartum depression but I wonder if I need to be concerned with her sufferi
ng from depression during her pregnancy? It’s definitely something I need to address with her doctor at her first appointment. I’m not taking any chances. It’s not only my girl that I have to worry about now. I can’t believe I’m going to be a father. My heart sings with joy at the thought. I know Shelby’s going to make a great mother. She can’t see it, but I can. She’s a natural caretaker even though she doesn’t realize it. She takes care of me and I take care of her. It doesn’t get much better than that. Being in love with my best friend is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. No one can make me as happy as she does and now that we’re going to have a child together it makes it even better. I’m feeling a strange sense of relief now that we’re having a baby. I like knowing we’ll be a part of each other’s lives always. I know we’re engaged, but we’re not married yet. Having a baby together solidifies our commitment to each other and she can’t just walk away from me. Not that I think she would, but with Garrett back in the picture, I will never say never.
“What’s wrong baby doll,” I ask as I caress her cheek with the back of my hand. Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her bottom lip as if she’s trying to suppress them.
“I don’t want to fight with you. I love you so much but I’m having a really hard time with this whole situation. Can we leave it alone for the rest of the night and revisit it tomorrow?” I smile at her and rub my nose against hers.
“Of course, we can. Now how about dinner?” I suggest. She grips the front of my shirt and pulls me forward.
“How about dessert first?” Damn. My dick is instantly hard at her words as I rise from my knees. I bend down and scoop her up into my arms as if she weighs next to nothing and carry her into our bedroom, gently laying her down on our bed. Her large eyes look up at me so trustingly and it’s no surprise. She knows I’m ridiculously loyal to her and I would never do anything to damage that trust.
Waiting for Love ((Waiting) Book 2) Page 23