“We need to talk.”
She stared at him, her expression serious. “You took your sweet time getting here.”
Kevin dropped his head and rubbed the toe of his boot on the bristles of the welcome mat. “I needed some time. I thought you might, too.”
She opened the door wide enough so he could see both her eyes and the flannel pajama pants she favored on cold winter mornings. She’d paired it with one of his old Hailey High sweatshirts. A lock of her blond hair fell across her forehead when she dipped her eyes and took him in from head to toe. “Why are you so dirty?”
Kevin looked down. He’d gotten motor oil on his jeans when he’d loaded up the tractor to take it into the shop, and his boots were covered in mud. “I’ve been helping Dodge around the farm.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “You hate helping Dodge.”
Kevin lifted a shoulder. “I don’t mind so much. Can I come in?”
“My mama’ll kill you if you traipse mud all over her floors.”
That was the scent he recognized. Wood oil. “I’ll leave them outside.”
He toed off his boots and followed her inside. Herbs were on the kitchen windowsill and a half-eaten pie sat on the stovetop. Kevin followed Shiloh into the den. She scooped laundry into a basket and used the remote to shut off the TV. She didn’t sit down.
Kevin stood before her. He knew everything about her from her tiny pinkie toenails to the feel of her hair. He loved her heart the most, and yet he knew the least where it stood. “I’m sorry, Shi. For so many things I’m not sure where to begin.”
“I’m sorry I hit you. That was wrong. I’ve asked the Lord to forgive me, and I’d like to ask you as well.”
“I’d say I deserved it and maybe a few more after everything was said and done.”
“I won’t ever raise my hand to you again. I’m ashamed of that.”
“I hope never to give you reason. You had reason. I was an ass.”
She tucked her hair behind her ear. “That’s between you and God.”
“No, honey, that’s between you and me. I hurt you, and I’m sorry. You called when you needed help, and I didn’t answer.”
“I knew you were in a meeting, but I was scared.”
He’d thought of her alone on the side of a busy highway. He’d beat his own ass if he could for not being there when she called. “Course you were. I’m glad that neighbor came by when he did.”
“I didn’t recognize him at first, but he did look familiar. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You shouldn’t have had to rely on a stranger for help.” He stepped forward but stopped when he saw the wary look in her eyes. “I’ll go to my grave regretting what happened that night.”
She cleared her throat. “That wasn’t the only thing that happened.”
Kevin scratched the back of his neck and nodded. “No, it’s not.”
“Do you really think I’d cheat on you?”
“You’ve been trying to get my attention for a while now. When I saw you get out of another man’s car, I jumped to the wrong conclusion.”
“You do think I’d cheat.”
“No, not really.”
Shiloh’s mouth fell open. “What does that mean?”
“It means we’ve been in a bad place for months.”
“Since we bought the house.”
“Since before we bought the house,” he admitted. “I agreed to buy the house because I knew you weren’t happy. I thought the house would make you happy.”
“You thought the house would get me off your back.”
Kevin sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. If he wanted a fresh start, he needed to be honest. “Yes. I did.”
“Great.” She sank onto the couch, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her head between them.
Weeks ago, Kevin would have rubbed her back and told her anything she wanted to hear. That routine was getting them nowhere. “We’ve got a long-standing pattern of me buying you things to make you happy. This time, I bought you something too expensive, and making you happy made us broke. And broken.”
Her head came up. “Are we broke?”
Here came the hard part and the real reason it had taken him days to confront her. “Pretty close, especially since I lost my job.”
“What?”
“That’s what the meeting was about. I didn’t answer your call because I didn’t know how to tell you. It’s not an excuse, just the God’s honest truth. I didn’t want you to know I’d failed.”
She dropped her knees but didn’t stand. “You didn’t fail. They were laying people off.”
“I can’t provide for you right now.” He lifted his hands. “I’ve got nothing.”
“We’ve got nothing, just like when we started.”
“I put the house on the market.”
She swallowed, but when she met his stare, she nodded. “Okay.”
“I’m working for Dodge over the winter. When spring comes, I’ll run the crop duster if Manny retires like Skip expects him to. If not, I’m not sure what I’ll do.”
Her eyes looked huge. “We’re not going back to Denver?”
“Family’s here and enough work to get us through until…until.”
“Where are we going to live?”
“I’m bunking with Lyle. He fixed up the cabin along the river.”
“You want us to live with Lyle?”
Here came the tricky part. “No. I want you to stay here with your mama and daddy. I’m going to stay with Lyle until we sell the house and I can find us a place of our own.”
She let out a strangled laugh. “Are you…are you suggesting we live apart?”
“For now. I screwed up, Shi. I don’t deserve to have you, and you don’t deserve to sleep on a blow-up mattress on my brother’s floor.”
“Kevin, I—”
“We’re starting over. Breaking bad habits. I don’t want to go back to the way things were. We weren’t happy, and it was more than my job and your overspending. Those were just symptoms. The problem was you and me and the way we were with each another. We’re trying to live as adults the same way we lived as children. That approach doesn’t work. If we’re going to do this, and there’s nothing I want more than to be with you, we have to fix what’s wrong. I’m going to start by getting back on my feet and being the man you deserve. It’s time I grew up. It’s time we both did.”
“You’re leaving me.” Tears welled in her eyes.
“No, I’m not. Let me fix what’s broken so we can start on firm ground.”
“I don’t want to live with my parents.” Her voice hiccupped, and she swallowed it down. “I want to live with you. You’re my husband.”
“I’m trying to be the man you married. The one I promised you I’d be. Even if I had a million dollars, I’d want us to take this time apart to get back to what’s important.”
“You are the man I married. Don’t leave me.”
“Never.” He held out his hand, and she took it, sliding to her feet and into his arms. She felt like home. Like coming home. He kissed the top of her head and she lifted her lips to his. The simple sweetness of mouth touching mouth never failed to arouse him. Shi had always given herself without hesitation or guile. Even in the worst of times, on that one elemental level, they’d been in synch. When her hands snaked under his jacket and tried to burrow beneath his shirt, he pulled back and held her wrists.
“What are you doing?” she asked. Her eyes were sleepy with desire, and he clenched his jaw in frustration.
“We’re not doing this. Not yet.”
She yanked her hands free. “What do you mean? You don’t want me?”
“You know better than that, Shi, but if we end up in bed, nothing changes. I want more for us. I want more for you.”
“I don’t understand. You’re not leaving me, but you don’t want us to live together and you don’t want to have sex?”
“We’re going to try something we’ve never tried before:
we’re going to wait. Wait to get our own place and wait to be together.”
“Why? Why do you get to make all the decisions?”
“Because we tried it your way, and it didn’t make us happy. I’m asking you to trust me.”
“Sounds like you’re not giving me much of a choice.”
“I love you, and I want to share my life with you. Hell, baby, you are my life. Give me a chance to get this right. Let’s start fresh and make new habits.”
Chapter 18
The hotel had a pathetic gym, but Gretchen made due. She pounded out five miles on the treadmill before using free weights until she could barely lift her arms. Exhausted, drenched, and starving, she went back to her room with two things on her mind: showering and contacting Robert.
She had no reason to stay. She’d met with Tommy and A.J. Dodge. They’d both aired their concerns, and they were all waiting for the environmental impact statement to be released from the forest service. She could just as easily wait at home with Alex.
Everything in her life felt off-kilter since coming to the valley. She’d driven around, gotten a flavor of each town, and met with the STS. What more could she do, especially since the man in charge of the opposition had hated her for the last ten years?
Her phone rang as she stepped out of the elevator with a cup of coffee from the hotel’s buffet. Robert had saved her the trouble of calling. “Hello?”
“How did the meeting go?” he asked.
“As you’d expect,” she hedged. “They felt strongly the development would ruin the valley no matter what I showed them or attempted to discuss.”
“They?”
“The president of STS and a local rancher. They share the same views, all negative.”
“Sounds like a good first meeting,” Robert said.
Gretchen paused in her attempt to slide the key card into the door. “How do you figure?”
“All negotiations begin with two sides meeting and showing their cards. Simply putting a face with a name helps humanize the project.”
“I put a face with a name, all right.” She slid the key in the lock and let the door slam closed behind her. “Robert, the president of STS, Tommy Golden…He and I share a past. I should have told you before the meeting, but I’m afraid the face I put forth for Holcomb wasn’t a good one.”
“I’m well aware of your past, my dear. I also know the role Tommy Golden played.”
Gretchen tightened her grip on the cup when it began to slip through her fingers. “What do you mean you know about Tommy?”
“You work for me. When I decided to make you the face of Holcomb at Bear Stream, I did my homework.”
“You had me investigated?”
“As I do with all my employees who handle major deals. It helps protect us both.”
She sank onto the unmade bed. “I get how it protects you, but how does looking into my past protect me?” And how thorough was the investigation?
“It keeps us both honest. I know Tommy Golden is your stepbrother. I also know you haven’t spoken for over ten years. I thought you could use an excuse to reconnect with someone who could be a positive influence in Alex’s life, and I never discount personal connections in business.”
“So this was personal? Robert, how could you? Why would you?”
“I care about you. I care about Alex. The past can only hurt you if you won’t deal with it.”
“Tommy doesn’t want any part of me or my life. I think my representing Holcomb here is a mistake. I appreciate your faith in me, and the responsibility you’ve let me take on, but I’m a detriment to the project. If you did your research, you’d know that.”
“Nonsense. You’re an asset and a professional. I want you to handle this deal.”
“There’s nothing left to handle. We’re on opposite sides.”
“I’m open to a compromise, which is why the original plans ask for so many units and an exorbitant amount of commercial space. Dig in, let them know you’re not going anywhere, and make the best deal you can. I’ve invested too much time and money to give up.”
Gretchen took a deep breath and tried another tactic. “I’m not comfortable being away from Alex this long. It’s already been almost a week.”
“These negotiations take time. Alex is fine. You know how he loves to stay with us.”
And another. “Ryan keeps calling. He wants to know where I am and when I’ll be home.”
“Do something different for a change,” Robert suggested. “Don’t ask how high when he says jump.”
Gretchen flung herself onto the bed. Easy for Robert to say.
***
Tommy saw Patrick Garrity’s car in the Tap’s parking lot and stayed tucked away in his office at Golden Mountain Sports. His back was killing him, so Tommy popped another muscle relaxer with his third cup of coffee. He helped a customer pick out a pair of ski gloves and glanced up when the door chimed. Garrity waltzed inside holding a file and a take-out box from the Tap.
He nodded at Tommy and waited until the customer had left before setting the box on the counter. “Got a minute?”
Tommy made a note to order more hand warmers. “What’s up?”
“I got it.”
“Got what?”
“Dirt, and I’ve only scratched the surface.”
Tommy stared at the scar on Patrick’s chin. “Are you going to make me pry this out of you? What dirt?”
“Gretchen Lowry, Holcomb’s rep.”
At the sound of her name, Tommy sucked in a breath. “I thought we talked about this. We agreed to keep things above board.”
“You talked about keeping things above board. I decided there’s no harm in looking. I think you’ll be glad I did.”
Tommy doubted that. “I don’t want any part of this.”
Patrick leaned on the counter and looked at Tommy as if he were his sixteen-year-old son and not the thirty-one-year-old head of STS. “She’s got a past. We’d be fools not to look into it and use it to our advantage. Don’t you think Holcomb has a file a mile long on each of us?”
“I don’t give a damn what Holcomb has.”
Patrick jerked up in surprise. “Since when?”
“Since forever. He’s a businessman and so are we. His business plans affect ours. Depending on the EIS, we may have enough of a leg to stand on to negotiate.”
Patrick drove a finger into the file on the counter. “This gives us two legs. She’s got a celebrity ex she quietly divorced. Quiet divorces, especially when there’s a kid involved, indicate there’s something there.”
“A kid?” Tommy’s hands fisted at the thought of Gretchen and Ryan having a child. She could still hurt him. After all those years, the pain felt so ripe.
“Yep. I’ve been through a divorce with kids. Even when you both want out, it gets nasty. What if Holcomb had something to do with the divorce?”
“How old is the kid?”
“It’s in the file.” When Patrick started to lift the cover, Tommy slammed his fist over the manila folder.
“No.”
Patrick startled at Tommy’s outburst. “What the hell?”
“If you’re hell-bent on using some innocent woman, you can find somebody else to run STS. I don’t work that way.”
“Jesus, Tommy, I’m not doing anything unethical.”
“Snooping into her private life isn’t unethical? Using her kid? Come on. That’s not what STS is about.”
“STS is about stopping the development. Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty to make a difference. If you’re not willing to do that,”—Patrick shrugged—“maybe you’re not cut out for the job.”
Tommy slid his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “Maybe I’m not.”
They stared at one another over the glass counter. Patrick picked up the container of food. “Why don’t we both spend some time thinking on it?”
“Nothing to think about,” Tommy said.
Patrick remained silent and walked out of the
store. The file sat like a smoking gun on the counter.
Chapter 19
“I don’t know why I let you drag me here,” Kevin shouted over the music blasting from the jukebox. “I hate this place.”
“You act like an old married man,” Lyle said.
“I am.” Kevin looked around at the dingy bar. The tables were sticky, the floor was disgusting, and the music was too loud. Nothing had changed since he’d been there on his bachelor party.
“Lighten up. You’ve been moping around the cabin for too long. Besides, you always promised to take me here when I turned twenty-one.”
“You’re not twenty-one anymore. Why don’t I buy you a burger at the Dairy Barn and we’ll call it even?”
“No way. We’ve never done the bar thing, not just the two of us, anyway. You owe me.” Lyle poked Kevin in the chest. “You’re just grumpy from a lack of sex.”
“How do you know I’m not having sex?”
“You’ve been living with me for a week. You come home every night, shower, talk to your wife on the phone, watch TV, and go to bed. Alone.”
“How would you know? If you’re not locked in your room with the hot neighbor, you’re at her house.”
Lyle flashed a smug smile. “That’s why I’m not grumpy.”
“I can’t believe she gave you a pass to come out tonight.” Kevin took a sip of beer. “I thought you two were connected at the hip.”
“Swivel around a little, and that’s where we’re connected.”
“You kiss Mom with that mouth?” Kevin asked. Lyle cackled like a little boy. “You’re no fun to be around when you’re ridiculously happy.”
“If you’d make up with Shi, you’d be happy, too.”
“We have made up. Sort of.”
“Then why aren’t you living together?” Lyle asked. “I’m not complaining. We can’t squeeze another person in the cabin, but we would if we had to. So why aren’t we?”
“I’m not sure.” Kevin picked at the label on his beer bottle. “I want to be with her. I love her, and I miss her.”
“But?”
“But I need to get back on my feet before we can be together again. I don’t know how to explain why I feel this way, and trust me, she’s not happy about it, but I know if we lived together right now, things wouldn’t change. We’d do nothing but fight.”
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