by Cathy Sharp
It was so very sad and she felt like crying, but would not allow herself to give in to tears. Nothing like this had ever happened at St Saviour’s before and it made her feel guilty, as though she had caused the destruction of a child – it reminded her of another time; another child; a child who had died …
THIRTY-EIGHT
‘I’ve searched everywhere, miss,’ Nancy said. ‘Sally and Alice helped me look but we couldn’t find him anywhere. I think he has run away.’
‘Where could he go?’ Angela asked her. ‘You told me you have no friends or relations. Surely, he wouldn’t leave St Saviour’s? Would he not be frightened on his own?’
‘Terry always used to wander off when we were at home,’ Nancy said. ‘He mostly used to go down to the Docks. Someone gave him work for a few pennies and he was proud of himself for doing a proper man’s work …’ There was a sob in her throat. Her brother had run off for the second time and this time could not be found. He’d never been away a whole night and she was so frightened; she’d been going over and over everything in her mind and she knew she had to tell someone about her decision. ‘Oh, Miss Angela, he’s not right in his mind. I’ve known it since the fire … even before then I knew he was backward, but he’s much worse now, and I’m frightened.’
‘If he has a friend who gives him work and money he will look after him.’ Angela saw her distress and took her hand. ‘He will come back when he’s over his temper, Nancy – but if you would like to tell me something, please do.’
‘Terry is strange once he gets something in his head, stubborn and angry,’ Nancy said, and looked fearful. ‘Pa said such terrible things to him – you don’t know …’ Her eyes were full of unshed tears and sadness. ‘He thinks if they put him in that place Sister Beatrice told us about he’ll be beaten and shut up in a little room with no windows.’
‘I’m quite sure Mr Adderbury would not condemn your brother to a life of misery, Nancy. I know that the clinic he speaks of is a nice clean place with large gardens and kind staff who look after their patients. They want to help Terry to get over his fear and his anger. Whatever happened on the night of the fire he is suffering because of it and from what you’ve told me, your father was cruel to him – and to you, I suspect?’
‘I must tell you it all. I’m afraid Terry might do something terrible after what he did yesterday …’
‘What was that?’
‘I found him attacking Mary Ellen. I think he tried to strangle her but wasn’t strong enough. I shouted at him and he stopped and then ran away. Mary Ellen promised not to tell anyone – and then Terry locked himself in the toilets and cut himself. He said Billy washed away the blood and put a hanky round his hand – but Terry couldn’t remember what he’d done … hurting Mary Ellen or cutting himself.’
‘That is very serious,’ Angela said. ‘He could be a danger both to himself and others. We must find him before it’s too late.’
‘I know. I promised him I wouldn’t let them take him away, but I know he’s getting worse since the fire …’ Nancy gasped and smothered a sob; her cheeks went white, her gaze dropping as if she couldn’t bear to look at Angela. ‘Terry saw what Pa was doing to me and he heard me crying and screaming. He went for Pa something awful and fought him but Pa was too strong and he thrashed him. Then he threw him in his room, locked the door and took the key. They went out drinking, Ma and him, and I could hear Terry crying but I couldn’t give him his supper. When they came home they were both drunk. Pa left his coat on the floor in the kitchen and when he’d gone to bed, I unlocked Terry’s door and gave him some bread and dripping and a glass of milk … then I left him to rest and went down to clean the kitchen …’ Nancy drew a sobbing breath. ‘I was scrubbing the floor when I heard something odd … a roaring sound … and then I could smell smoke and I ran upstairs …’
Tears were trickling down her cheeks and she looked at Angela in near despair. ‘Terry was just standing there … staring, not moving, but his eyes … the look in his eyes was so strange, miss. It was wild … and glad, as if he had done something clever, but then he saw me and suddenly he was shaking and he screamed for Ma and tried to get to the door. I knew we couldn’t get in there because the fire was too fierce and the door was locked, so I pulled him away and he was screaming for Ma to come – but it was too late to help her …’
Angela put her arms about her and held her as she shuddered and trembled. ‘Don’t give up hope, Nancy. You don’t know he did it, my love. You can’t be sure … perhaps your father did it in a drunken rage. Terry was so upset that he probably doesn’t know the truth.’
‘Terry cried out in his sleep, and when he woke he kept telling me he hadn’t meant to kill Ma, but he believes he did when he remembers … but sometimes he just forgets the things he does.’ Nancy paused, then, ‘He – he may have shut the cat in the cupboard because it scratched him, but I’m sure he didn’t mean it to die like that … he just forgot what he’d done. He told me that it’s like a fog in his head and then it all goes blank.’
‘People sometimes imagine things when they are upset and the fire was a terrible experience for you both,’ Angela said, ignoring the mention of the cat in her desire to comfort the girl. ‘It is because Terry is so distressed that he needs this treatment, Nancy. Sister Beatrice meant no harm.’
‘I know.’ Nancy blinked. ‘She looked as if she wanted to cry when Terry attacked her and then went off like that … and I know he ought to be somewhere safe and secure, because he might … he might do something really bad.’
‘When he is found Mr Adderbury will look after him, Nancy. He will visit Terry at the clinic and make sure he is being properly cared for – it’s not like a mental institution, I promise you. We can only pray that your brother will recover with kindness and the right treatment.’
‘You’re so kind to us, miss,’ Nancy said. ‘I hope you’re right. When Terry gets cold and hungry he’ll come looking for me …’
‘Yes, I’m sure he will,’ Angela said, but after she left Nancy and went up to her office before leaving for the evening she was anxious. Whatever Terry might have done he was still a child and the streets of London were dangerous for a young boy alone.
‘No, we still haven’t seen or heard of him,’ Angela said when Mark telephoned her at her office later that morning. ‘Sister Beatrice has decided that she must tell Constable Sallis what happened and ask the police to keep an eye out for him.’
‘Yes, she must, because he was placed in her care. You are as sure as you can be that he isn’t hiding at St Saviour’s?’
‘The stairs to the attics are securely locked now,’ Angela told him. ‘Everywhere has been searched more than once, including the cupboards under the stairs and the cellar. Billy Baggins and Mary Ellen organised a search and if the children can’t find him, I’m pretty certain he isn’t here.’
‘Well, I dare say he will turn up. If his sister says he often went down to the Docks the police will make enquiries there. I’m afraid we can’t do much until he is found – I blame myself, I should have taken him into protective care sooner.’
‘You were waiting for the right place, Mark. He is terrified of being locked up in a mental institution. His father told him he was going to have him put in a loony bin, and if you’d had him sectioned it might have sent him over the edge.’
‘Of course that was my fear. You always understand me, Angela – but it is possible that it is already too late. I blame myself for not acting sooner – and I must speak to Nancy myself. I need to understand her and her brother. For a while I did suspect she might have started the fire’
‘Yes, I think it might be a good thing if you came here and talked to Nancy, Mark.’
‘I shall cancel my next appointment and come immediately.’
Angela stared at the phone as it went down. They were at last getting to the bottom of the mystery surrounding Nancy and Terry, and she was fairly certain there was still something Nancy hadn’t told her.
> ‘The police are looking for Terry,’ Mark said to Nancy half an hour later. Angela had joined them and they were in the girl’s own room in order to make her feel as comfortable as possible. ‘However, if you have any idea of where he is I should like to be present when he is found. Terry doesn’t need people threatening him; he needs kindness and understanding. He isn’t evil, Nancy, and I want you to believe that I shall do everything possible to make him well again.’
Nancy’s cheeks were wet with tears. She scrubbed them away, and then, a sob in her voice, she said, ‘It’s all my fault, sir. Terry has got worse since the fire. He keeps saying it’s his fault they died, but … it was me that locked the door …’ She stopped abruptly, staring at him in fear, waiting for his reaction to the shocking announcement.
‘You locked your parents in their room that night?’ Mark looked at her incredulously.
‘Yes.’ Nancy met his eyes, her mouth trembling. ‘Pa did things to me … terrible things. I think Miss Angela has guessed what …’ She glanced at her and then away. ‘But I didn’t start the fire, sir. Honest, I never meant anything bad. Terry was frightened Pa would beat him again if he knew I’d given him some food and he begged me to stop him – so I locked the door and put the key in my pocket to prevent Pa coming out unexpectedly. I was going to unlock it but I went downstairs to clean up and forgot … and then I smelled the smoke.’
‘So what happened next?’
‘It was all so confusing that night,’ Nancy admitted. ‘When I got upstairs I saw Terry standing in his pyjamas just staring at the bedroom door, which was blazing. There was so much smoke that I just grabbed him and made him come away. He pulled back and wanted to get Ma out, but we couldn’t get near that door: it was too late, so we just got our coats and ran away …’ Nancy broke down with a sob. ‘I couldn’t save them and it was my fault. If I hadn’t locked that door …’
‘What makes you think it might have been your brother who started the fire?’ Mark asked gently. ‘It could have been your father – an accident or a drunken rage when he discovered the door was locked.’
Nancy hesitated, uncertain and still frightened. ‘It was hard to see anything for the flames and the smoke, because even the mat on the floor was burning – but I might have seen a bit of pink glass on the floor. Terry had an oil lamp with a pink shade … and then he kept saying it was his fault and I’ve been so worried, but he’s all I’ve got and I didn’t want them to take him away … and now he’s done other things and you’re going to put him in one of those places …’ Nancy covered her face with her hands.
‘It is a private clinic and I am going to make it possible for Terry to stay there for as long as he needs,’ Mark said. ‘I promise they will be kind to him and he won’t be harmed. In time he may be able to live a near-normal life.’
‘Not if the police think he killed our parents – and they will put me in prison for locking that door …’
‘No, that isn’t going to happen,’ Mark said, kindly. ‘What you did was to protect your brother from a violent father. It was unfortunate that the fire started and he and your mother died – but you don’t know for sure if Terry started the fire and the police think it was probably your father in a drunken fit.’
‘Mark.’ Angela looked at him. ‘Supposing it all comes out?’
‘Whatever patients tell me is confidential,’ Mark said. ‘Even if I knew for certain I might not think it necessary to tell the police. Nancy is not to blame for what happened and she has suffered enough. At the moment Terry may be a danger to others and he must be found and taken to the clinic – but for now that is all we need to tell anyone else.’
‘You won’t have me locked up?’ Nancy stared at him. ‘It was my fault …’
‘You haven’t committed a crime,’ Mark said. ‘In some circumstances you might need to give evidence but for the moment I think we shall keep these revelations to ourselves, Nancy. Once Terry is more stable he may be able to tell us the truth of what happened that night; until then we do not want to make accusations, do we?’
‘No, sir …’ She caught back another sob. ‘I’ve been so worried … thinking it was my fault.’
‘Only if you intended to kill your father would it be your fault – and I do not imagine you would have included your mother in that wish, would you?’
‘No, I loved her. I hated Pa but I didn’t want him to die like that …’
Mark smiled and looked at Angela. ‘I think we know all we need to for the moment, Nancy. I hope you can stop blaming yourself now. Your brother’s condition is probably the result of your father’s cruelty, and I believe we may be able to help him – but it will take time, and we must find him before he does any more harm.’
‘Yes, I know. Billy and Mary Ellen say they’ve looked everywhere here,’ Nancy said. ‘He must have gone down the Docks.’
‘Then we shall tell the police to concentrate their efforts in that direction.’
He stood up to leave and Nancy looked at Angela. ‘You don’t think I’m bad, Miss Angela?’
‘No, Nancy. I think your father was a bad man – and if anyone is to blame for what happened it was him. Had you not been terrified of what he might do to you and Terry, you would never have locked the door.’
THIRTY-NINE
‘Let’s talk about something more cheerful, if you can?’ Mark smiled at Angela as they finished the cups of strong coffee they’d both felt in need of after that heart-rending interview with Nancy. ‘Now, I understand it’s Sally’s birthday and we’ve both been invited to dinner to celebrate it. I must buy her a small gift – do you have any ideas of what might be suitable that she would like?’
‘I should think a silk scarf might be acceptable,’ Angela said. ‘I’m very fond of Sally and I’m giving her a small pair of ruby earrings that were left to me by my godmother.’
‘Yes, a good scarf is just right,’ Mark said. ‘I rather like Markham, you know. If he is thinking of settling down it would be an excellent thing for him … a man needs a reason to come home at night when he gets older. We all start to find life a bit empty unless we have someone special waiting …’
‘Is marriage on the cards for you, Mark?’ Angela felt a sense of sadness, almost of loss, because she knew she would lose him if he married Carole. The staff nurse would never tolerate the level of friendship between them that had been theirs for the past few years.
‘Not just yet; I was speaking figuratively of the future,’ Mark said. ‘Anyway, try not to worry too much over the boy … and I shall see you next week if not before. I’m going down to the country to visit friends this weekend. And now I must leave you for I have appointments I cannot cancel.’
Angela watched him go. She had thought there was something odd in Mark’s tone as he spoke of wanting to settle down in the future. Did that mean his relationship with Carole was more serious than she’d imagined?
A little sigh left her lips as she faced the prospect of losing a friend she had relied on for so much, though deep down she knew he was more than a friend to her. Of course Nick was ready to step into the breach, to be friend, lover and husband – but she could never see herself as his wife. She liked Nick as a friend, but she trusted Mark; he was almost as close to her as her father and they worked so well together. She thought he’d handled Nancy beautifully, and was glad she’d gone to Mark rather than Sister Beatrice. He was quite right to insist that the police should not be brought in at this stage. Until someone could unlock the hazy secrets in Terry’s mind no one could know for sure if Terry was the culprit. It might have been an accident or the father’s fault – and perhaps it might be better if the truth never was known. Mark had impressed on Angela that what she’d witnessed was confidential – and she must respect his decision. Terry was dangerous whether he’d set the fire or not, and once he was found …
A knock at the door broke into her thoughts, and she looked up with a smile of welcome as Nan poked her head round the door.
‘Hell
o, have you got a minute?’
‘Yes, of course,’ Angela said. ‘Shall I make a cup of tea for you?’
‘No, thank you. I just came in to say that I’m leaving early today. I’m having a few days off. Eddie and I are taking the train to Cornwall this afternoon and I want to catch up on a few jobs at home before we go. We shall stay here for a couple of days – and I’m hoping to see Maisie.’
‘Yes, I remember you told me you were going this weekend. Have a lovely holiday.’
‘Well, I shall enjoy Eddie’s company, but I’m not sure yet if Maisie will see me.’
‘I hope she will for your sake, Nan. You deserve it because I know that none of what happened was your fault.’
‘Well, I shall have a friend with me,’ Nan said. ‘You’ve got some trips planned this weekend, I know. You won’t let this business of Terry stop you taking the children out?’
‘No, of course I shan’t; it wouldn’t be fair to them. Sally, Jean and Alice have volunteered to come with me so don’t feel that you ought to be here. You deserve your time off.’
‘I’d best be off then. I only popped in to tell you I was going away. I’ve seen Sister Beatrice …’
Angela nodded and repeated her good wishes for the weekend. Nan always came over as cheerful, and she knew the young carers thought the world of her. The kind, motherly woman had made a new life for herself here, filling her world with the troubles of others and suppressing her own worries.
Angela too had made a new life for herself at St Saviour’s, but she could not help regretting the loss of an important friendship. Mark was starting to drift away from her and she did not know how to stop the rift; perhaps she had no right, because he needed, wanted a close relationship and Angela didn’t know if she would ever be what he needed; if she could ever truly love again. She thought she could have been happy for Mark if the girl had been anyone else – but she could not like Carole and she knew the feeling was mutual.