‘Straight away.’ He nodded.
‘I’m not sure,’ she hesitated. ‘I don’t want to spend time apart from you, Emma.’ She was aware that their time together was precious.
‘Actually Mum, I was going to suggest that you and Elle amuse yourselves for an hour or so anyway. I have a beauty appointment and one or two things to do that I am best left to my own devices for, then we can meet up back here?’
‘Well, all right then.’ She smiled at the prospect of the excursion, remembering her conversation with Ellen about being ready to grab a bit of adventure and be more daring. Well, this certainly fitted the bill on both counts.
‘Tell you what, Elle, I’m going to the farm up the road to buy some fresh avocados – fancy coming with me and I can leave you there for a wander while I go and get my bits and bobs done and then we can both come back here and meet Mum. How does that sound?’
‘I’d love that,’ Ellen beamed. ‘Sounds perfect.’
*
Gil drove the battered red flatbed truck along a narrow muddy track that wound its way down to the shoreline. The deftness with which he tackled the steep inclines gave her confidence that she was in safe hands. Conversation was minimal, as if they were both getting used to the other’s presence. He parked under the spread of a spiny Douglas fir and pulled on a well-worn black baseball cap emblazoned with the ubiquitous Kiwi fern logo.
‘This is my lucky fishing hat, so we won’t go far wrong.’ He flashed her a wide smile.
‘Wouldn’t be too sure – I might be bad luck,’ she countered as she took tentative steps across the pebbly beach and out towards the jetty.
His eyes lingered on her face. ‘I doubt that.’ This compliment of sorts made her happy. ‘Besides,’ he continued, ‘I brought you my second luckiest hat.’ From his khaki and leather satchel he produced a second baseball hat; this one was navy and white and had a tree in a shield on the front. He placed it on her head and pulled down the peak. ‘Now you’re good. This is my Northland hat. You like rugby?’
‘I guess I do now.’ She adjusted the peak.
Vivienne trod the wide-open planks of the jetty, concentrating on not losing her footing in the gaps or slipping off the side into the dark, shallow water below. As Gil jumped down into the two-seater boat, she took in the steering wheel, what looked like a gearstick and the space at the rear – the whole thing couldn’t have been more than twenty feet long. He threw his bags and fishing box into the back, then reached up towards the jetty to take her hand.
She felt ridiculously self-conscious and very nervous about stretching down to take his steady hand. He stood on the base, legs splayed to keep his balance, waiting patiently for her. ‘It’s okay. I’ve got you,’ he murmured. She nodded, as she reached out towards him, still wary of falling. ‘Take small steps and get as close to the edge as you can. That’s it,’ he said encouragingly.
But instead of letting him manoeuvre her down into the boat, she withdrew her arm back to her chest and dropped down into a crouch, from where she managed to lever herself in without his help.
Gil coughed and dropped his hand to his side. Both were a little embarrassed by her decision not to touch him, as if she might be making more of this than was necessary. Vivienne was grateful for the oversized sunglasses she’d grabbed in Tesco; she pulled them down to hide what was visible of her face beneath her cap.
‘Welcome aboard!’ he announced, and immediately the atmosphere cleared. He pointed to the caramel-coloured leather passenger seat. ‘Right, buckle up!’ He then coiled the rope that had held the boat fast to the jetty and clambered across to take his position in the driver’s seat.
The boat swayed a little in the water and she instinctively gripped the side.
‘You can relax, she’s as stable as they come,’ he said reassuringly. Still standing, he pushed a button on the dashboard and the engines jumped into life. She felt the shudder along the hull and under the soles of her feet. The smell of burning petrol hit her nose, and she noted with a little trepidation the plume of smoke that rose up from the back of the boat, but thankfully the smell and smoke quickly passed. Gil surveyed the ocean from his vantage point, the engine put-putted as it idled and then roared. She felt her body get pushed further back in the seat as the boat moved forward.
Gil smiled at his nervous sea companion. She swallowed a ball of excitement, knowing that this day would be as wonderful in the retelling as it was to actually live it. She pictured Aaron and Lizzie sitting opposite her at the kitchen table while she dished up her predictable fish pie. ‘Oh yes, that was quite some jaunt, a sunny day at sea on the Tutukaka coast in a speedboat. Yes! Me in a speedboat, can you believe it? It sure beats a rainy day in Bristol, no matter how many multi-coloured, glass droplet chandeliers you have to admire.’
The broad black flag with the silver fern fluttered on the shiny flagpole and the sun scattered sparkling diamonds across the ripples of the cresting sea.
‘So are we going to catch a fish?’ Gil called as she adjusted her hat and nodded ahead.
She was both excited and petrified at the prospect of catching a real live fish! ‘I don’t mind catching one,’ she shouted over the noise of the engine, ‘as long as I don’t have to unhook it or go near it or touch it.’
‘You’ll be a pretty rubbish fisherman with all those restrictions.’ He laughed.
‘I’d better stick to fish fingers then.’
He navigated the shallow bay with skill, raising his hand and nodding his greeting to all the fellow boat owners and day-trippers they encountered as they rounded the headland. Other boaties were either busy readying their vessels in the adjacent marina or were sitting in chairs and sipping iced drinks through straws. Gil pointed to a low-rise building hovering at the back of the marina with a beautiful mountain backdrop and a partially covered terrace.
‘That’s Schnappa Rock, the best restaurant on the North Island, let alone in Tutukaka. It’s owned by my friends Nick and Esther and the food is second to none.’ A tall, dark-haired man came out of the front of the building, and stood on the terrace that overlooked the marina. The tables were already full of boaties and locals alike tucking into brunch in the sunshine. Gil raised his hand, ‘Talk of the devil. That’s Nick.’
Vivienne waved back, smiling at the friendliness of the welcome and hoping that Emma would be happy here. They passed a Dive! Tutukaka boat laden with passengers, tourists seemingly, all of them in wetsuits, some pulled down to their waists. They were peering into the water, presumably imagining what they might find down there in an hour’s time. The dive master looked just the part with his long sun-bleached hair and mirrored shades. He raised his right hand to acknowledge his neighbour.
Vivienne relaxed a little and linked her hands in her lap. She watched as Gil took his seat, resting his bottom high on the back of it to give himself the best view over the narrow windscreen and stretching out his muscular legs. He pushed his sunglasses up his nose as he increased the engine speed and turned his face into the breeze.
It was only a matter of minutes before they were out in open water and he called out, ‘Okay, are you ready to drive this beauty?’
‘Oh god, no! No, I might crash it.’ She giggled, crossing her arms over her chest, as if this might protect her from the prospect.
‘I won’t let you. Come on, it’s a doddle.’ He nodded towards the steering wheel.
‘Really?’ she screamed.
‘Yes! Come on!’ He leant across, still with one hand on the wheel, and climbed up on the seat, waiting until she had found her way into the white leather captain’s chair and he was perched behind her. ‘Take the wheel,’ he encouraged.
‘I’m scared!’ she yelled.
‘Don’t be. We’ll do it together.’ He smiled.
She screamed again, and then, just like that, with her hands gripping the small steering wheel, she was driving the boat. ‘Look at me!’ she called.
‘I’m looking.’ He laughed, as he stood behind he
r, hands ready, just in case.
‘I can’t believe I’m doing this.’
‘You’re a natural.’
‘Do you get to go out every day and do this?’
‘Yup, if work allows and the odd evening too, if nothing needs doing on the farm or if I want to get away from it all. Tessa and I just head out. It’s paradise.’
‘Does she like the sea?’
‘Oh, she loves it! Wouldn’t suit me if she didn’t – it’s a big part of my life.’
He nodded and Viv felt an unexpected spike of envy shoot through her. What was she thinking? She berated herself for being so fanciful and allowing Ellen’s silly chatter to take hold. They were newly acquainted friends and he was a charming host, nothing more. ‘The everyday life of a sheep farmer in Tutukaka, eh?’ She beamed.
‘Something like that.’ Gil chuckled. ‘It’s lovely to meet you both. And you know, you and Ellen can come out any time. I’ve got plenty of room. You are always welcome, and your family, of course. You don’t even have to plan, just pitch up any time.’
She smiled at the man’s generosity of spirit. It was interesting to her that he had so little idea of just how different their lives were. Where this was a regular sort of day for him, her days were spent either on the till at Asda or pottering in the house, monitoring the laundry of her single life until she had enough for a full load, shopping for her tea, cooking her tea, knitting items of clothing that she wasn’t sure anyone really wanted and taking Bob out in all weathers and of course, meeting Ellen to natter away the hours when time allowed. A very different life in every sense.
She tentatively turned the wheel to test the responsiveness of the boat. The back end kicked out as they arced to the right.
‘That’s it. Not too much or she’ll run away with you.’ He leant over her and steadied the wheel.
She felt the graze of his arm across her back and couldn’t help the frisson that shot through her. She turned her head and he was staring at her. His mouth moved as if he was going to speak and he bent towards her. She jerked her neck to face forwards and sat up straight. It was an odd exchange. There was an undeniable crackle of electricity between them and her heart wouldn’t stop pounding.
Get a grip, Viv. He’s about to become Emma’s father-in-law and he’s with Tessa. This was to be her mantra for the next couple of hours. She hoped her body would catch up to the place where her mind had settled.
Suddenly, Gil reached forward and cut the engine. The boat slowed and stopped, bobbing in the South Pacific Ocean. It was eerily quiet without the engine noise, and the gentle rocking induced a state of trance-like bliss. ‘This is just brilliant. Thank you for bringing me out, Gil.’
‘You’re welcome. Shame Ellen doesn’t have sea legs – reckon she’d have enjoyed it, if only for the view.’
‘Possibly, but I tell you one thing, it’d be a hell of a lot less peaceful if Elle was on board. She only has two volumes: loud and really loud.’ She smiled.
‘I had noticed.’ His eyes twinkled. ‘You and her are close?’
‘The closest. She’s been my best friend since primary school.’
‘Lucky ladies.’
‘Yes, we are really.’ The sun was warm and she reached over and let her fingers trail through the water. It was colder than she had anticipated. ‘The water’s chilly!’
‘It is. We’re not that far from Antarctica and we’re not in the Gulf Stream, so we miss out on that nice warm water from the Equator.’
‘Gosh.’ She pictured the globe in the loft that her dad used to study and saw herself as a little X marked on it in the middle of the sea. ‘It’s strange for me, I always imagined that where there was a beach and the sun shone the sea would be warm.’
‘Not always.’ He smiled at her. ‘And I wouldn’t leave your hand in there if I were you, the piranhas will have your fingers off in seconds.’
‘Ah!’ She screamed and whipped her hand back inside the boat, showering them both in cool, salty droplets as she did so.
Gil bent over and laughed with his hands on his thighs. ‘I can’t believe you fell for that. As if we’d have piranhas!’ He laughed again.
‘Very funny.’ She scowled mockingly. ‘How am I supposed to know that?’ She dipped her hand into the cool sea and this time hurled a cupped palm full of water in his direction.
Positioning himself in the seat next to her, he sat back with his head on the headrest and his legs stretched out in front of him. ‘This is the life.’
She nodded. Out there on the water, the silences were far from uncomfortable. The sound of the waves lapping against the boat was hypnotic, as was the chatter of gulls overhead.
‘It’s so peaceful.’ She closed her eyes and lifted her face towards the sun. ‘It’s not very often that I’m still like this; there always seems to be something to do, something to think about or fix. This is lovely.’ She smiled. ‘I can feel myself unwinding.’
‘That’s the idea. Michael has been on at me for years, for as long as I can remember, in fact, wanting me to expand the business, buy more land, diversify. He’s never satisfied, but I try to explain to him that you only need enough. And this is enough for me.’
‘I can see why,’ she whispered, opening her eyes and looking at the Poor Knights on the horizon.
‘We have a lovely home, a decent living and peace, and that’s got to be good for your health and your mind.’
‘I think you’re right. I wouldn’t mind a bit more peace; it feels like I always have one of the kids to worry about. If it’s not one thing then it’s another. I thought I’d worry less about them as they got older, but I don’t. It’s just a different set of worries.’
‘That’s true.’ He paused, ‘I worry about Michael, chasing more, more, more…’ He shook his head. ‘Even the thought of it makes my heart sink.’
She thought of Lizzie, working Aaron hard so they could buy more stuff.
‘I’m just not the type for the cut and thrust of acquisition. I have everything I want, right here.’ He raised his hands and let them fall against his jeans.
‘But Michael thinks you should be that person?’ she asked, boldly.
‘Yes. We are very different fish.’ He smiled at the pun, as they bobbed on the ocean. ‘I think Emma is good for him.’
She smiled, glad to hear this. ‘I think he’s certainly the stability she’s been missing. He seems steady.’ She was careful not to make steady sound negative.
‘He is that.’
‘That’s something I’ve never had,’ she confessed, ‘not with a man. Emma’s dad was a player, a rogue, really. He seemed so exciting to me when I was young, but we were mismatched, heading in different directions without even realising it.’ At least I never realised it…
Gil snorted his laughter. ‘Well, that’s my story too, kind of. I thought I’d captured a spark with Michael’s mum, but once I’d captured her, her spark faded and she withered until I realised that I wasn’t enough for her, that this wasn’t enough for her.’ He lifted his hand towards the air. ‘And the moment, in fact the second I told her so and suggested she might like to be free of me, she lit up, like she was restored and had been waiting for me to set her free, and just like that, off she went. No way did I want someone to be with me through duty or, worse, pity. I realised that we had come at it from very different sides of the fence: she wanted the high life, fancy yachts and restaurants, and that’s my idea of a nightmare. Anyway, all a very long time ago now.’ He coughed and scratched the back of his head up under his cap, as if embarrassed to have been so open.
‘I’ve never been on a fancy yacht or in a fancy restaurant. I come from a very ordinary family, you know – we drank tea and we talked about the weather. My dad worked at Wills Tobacco, a factory not far from where we lived, and none of us has ever had fame or fortune. As I say, just ordinary, but happy. And then out of the grey ordinariness of everything, Ray came along and swept me off my feet, quite literally. I was eighteen and I guess I w
as blinded, excited by the attention. His life felt a bit glamorous – well, compared to mine, it was. I mistook his deceit for mystery, his caginess for cool. He was a good talker and he knew how to hook me in. He was nice to my mum and dad, he knew that was important to me.’ She paused. ‘I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. Boring, really.’
Gil turned in his seat and sat facing her, gripping the back of her headrest, as if this might aid his concentration. She could feel the heat from his fingers, only millimetres from her cheek. He removed his sunglasses and held them in his hand. ‘It’s not boring, not at all. Carry on.’
She took a deep breath. ‘The shine came off our relationship very quickly. He wasn’t ready to settle down, at least not with me, and I couldn’t see a way out of the life I was living, not with two small children. If I looked into the future, I just saw my life morphing into my mum’s, but without the love and support she got from my dad, living in the same street, working in the same place and watching the telly all day and although I wanted more, I wasn’t prepared to give up on us. Which I guess would have trapped us both, had he stayed, and I know that sounds selfish.’ She looked into his eyes.
He smiled at her. ‘I don’t think it’s selfish, I think it’s admirable that you had that staying power. And don’t be fooled – everyone wants a bit more out of life, especially when they’re younger.’
She nodded. ‘I guess so.’
‘How did you meet him?’
‘In the pub.’ She groaned at the cliché. ‘And I often wonder how my life might have turned out if I’d yawned just once more and said my goodbyes sooner. I would have missed him, escaped, had a different life. Dodged a bullet.’
‘Is that how it feels?’
Vivienne sat up straight. ‘I shouldn’t say that really. It’s difficult. My kids…’ She smiled involuntarily as she pictured their faces. ‘My kids, no matter how old they get and despite the worry, are my best thing. They are everything, and I can’t picture a life without them in it. I don’t want to and so I feel torn. I have asked myself, would I have married him and gone through what I did just to get them? And the answer is yes. Yes, I would. But I didn’t know what I was getting into, not even a little bit. I had no idea that for him I was just temporary, disposable. And that’s hard to accept that I was so deceived.’
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