Ellen stared at her; it was a while before she spoke. ‘But supposing you’re not?’
‘Don’t be daft, of course I will be. But I think I need this time with Gil, and I need to think about me. I like him. I really do.’ She smiled.
‘And that’s what’s worrying me. I think he likes you too.’ Ellen swallowed.
Vivienne couldn’t contain her joy at hearing her friend confirm this. ‘Really?’ She felt the swell of excitement that her fourteen-year-old self had craved, confirmation that one of the nice boys liked her too. ‘Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?’ She cocked her head.
‘I don’t know, Viv. I want you to be happy, of course I do, but I want you to be happy around the corner from me, where I can see you every day and meet you in the park and walk along the Malago or go and get a coffee, share a teacake, just like we always have…’ She let this trail.
‘And that’s what will happen! That’s my life, that’s our life. Things aren’t going to change. Besides, I’ve got my Bob waiting for me. But for the next couple of weeks I can have fun! It was you that told me I needed to live a bit.’
‘I know, and I only want you to be happy, I do, but I can’t imagine not having you near me, Viv. You’ve been there my whole life, you’re my best friend and I love you.’
‘Oh for goodness’ sake, now look what you’ve gone and done!’ Vivienne blotted the tears that fell down her cheeks and her friend sniffed. ‘It’s just over Christmas, Elle. That’s all. And you and Emma can travel back together and it will be good for Emma to stand on her own two feet at home. She can have space to figure out what comes next.’
‘She can come to me for Christmas, of course.’ Ellen sniffed. ‘I’ll get an extra cracker.’
‘That’s great and you can fetch Bob from Pedro’s and give him a cuddle from me and air the house, even get the bread and milk in for when I come home, which I will do, soon.’ She leant forward and kissed her friend on the cheek.
*
‘Mum! Elle!’ Emma called out, as she jumped off the bus that had pulled up in front of the terminal. With her rucksack on her back, her hair braided at the front and her tanned, ringed toes wiggling inside her jandals, she looked like any other traveller.
‘Hello, lovey.’ Vivienne threw her arms around her daughter. ‘Are you okay? How are things?’
Emma pulled a face. ‘Things are pretty much as they were. Michael and I are still on hold, but we are talking, which is something and we have agreed that no matter what happens, we will always be friends. I do love him, but maybe not that in the way that I should and maybe he doesn’t love me in the way that he should.’
‘He doesn’t love your crazy.’ She smiled.
‘Exactly.’ Emma blinked at her mum.
There was a silent hiatus as the three stood on the kerb.
‘Shall I tell her or will you?’ Ellen sniffed.
‘Tell me what? Is Dad okay?’
It was interesting to Vivienne that this was Emma’s first thought. She saw the V of concern above her nose. ‘Fine, as far as I know.’ Emma’s shoulders sagged in relief. ‘It’s nothing bad, just a slight change of plan. I’ve decided to stay here for a bit longer.’
‘What? Why?’
‘I want to talk to Gil.’
Emma tilted her head and furrowed her brow in confusion. ‘What do you mean; you want to talk to him? Do you want me to call him for you? I’ve got his number right here.’ She started to rummage in her bag, looking for her phone.
Vivienne composed herself and kept her eyes on her daughter. ‘No. I mean I want to talk to him myself, face to face. I think I might like him, Emma. In fact, no, that’s not true, I do like him and he likes me.’
‘Is this some kind of joke?’ Emma laughed nervously.
‘No.’ She paused. ‘I came out here to see you get married and, believe me, this was the very last thing on my mind. But the moment I saw him—’
‘I don’t believe this.’ Emma stood with her hands on her hips, looking at Ellen, as if hoping she might provide the punchline.
‘Don’t look at me! I knew they were having a bit of a flirt, but I thought it was something and nothing. I’m as shocked as you are.’ Ellen folded her arms.
‘So…’ Emma rolled her hand in the air. ‘Have you and Gil been…’ She stopped again to find the right word. ‘Have you been seeing each other the whole time you’ve been in Tutukaka?’
‘No, we haven’t seen each other at all, but we have told each other how we feel and he did ask me to stay, for Christmas, but I said no because I couldn’t see how that would work, not with you coming home and work and things, but then, when I saw him drive off…’ She shook her head, not wanting to cry again.
‘So why this change of heart, then? Why do you want to stay now?’ Emma asked.
Vivienne sighed. ‘Because when he drove off,’ she continued, ‘I felt sadder than I have in a very long time. I felt robbed, hollow, and it got me thinking. I think I have been hiding away, afraid to put my head above the parapet or take a risk. And I think you might have been a bit like that too, Em,’ she ventured.
‘What a crazy thing to say to me! I am the most adventurous person I know – just give me a ticket and time to pack and I’m off.’ Emma shot her hand out like an arrow firing into the distance. ‘I go anywhere and everywhere and I meet people and I try things – everything!’ She snorted her disagreement.
‘But that’s just it, Emma. If you run in a circle long enough, it’s hard to see where you are on that journey. Sometimes, the hardest thing is to stop, sit still and see what comes to you. You have to trust that things will be okay and you have to stop running.’
Emma didn’t mean to cry, but her tears fell nonetheless. She walked forward and held her mum in a warm embrace. ‘I’m glad I’m going home, Mum,’ she whispered.
‘Look after Bob for me and tell Aaron that I’m fine, more than fine, tell him I am great and I’ll be back before you know it, okay?’ She pulled away and smiled at her beautiful girl.
‘Okay.’ She nodded.
Vivienne turned to her best friend and smiled. ‘I think you might be right, Elle. It’s the not knowing what’s coming up next that makes things exciting!’
‘I wish I’d never bloody mentioned it now.’ Ellen grinned at her friend.
‘I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.’ She pulled the handle on her suitcase and prepared to wheel it to the bus stop.
‘You’d better.’ Ellen narrowed her eyes. ‘Look after yourself.’
‘I will. Cross my heart.’ She drew the cross on her chest.
Ellen blinked quickly. ‘I know you said a while ago you quite fancied hooking up with someone who owned a wool shop, but I didn’t think you’d go one step further and try and find someone who made sheep.’
Vivienne doubled over, laughing. ‘You are a one-off, Elle. He doesn’t make sheep!’
She walked calmly and confidently to the layby where the buses came and went, watching as Ellen and Emma made their way, hand in hand, into the terminal. She felt a wave of nervous excitement in her stomach.
The bus wheezed into the spot and the driver opened the doors.
‘Hello!’ she breezed. ‘How long is the drive to Tutukaka?’
‘About three and a half hours.’
‘Right, better get a ticket then.’
‘Is that one way or return?’ the driver asked.
‘Oh, return. Definitely a return. I’m only here for Christmas.’ She smiled and opened her purse.
*
By the time the bus pulled into Tutukaka Marina and Vivienne had retrieved her suitcase from the hold, it was mid afternoon, only a few hours before dusk would be drawing its blind on the day. She glanced at her watch. Emma and Ellen would be in the air right now. She tried to ignore the flip of nerves in her gut as she considered the fact that she was all alone on this continent and had no idea how Gil would react to her return.
Walking past the Ocean Hotel, with the busy marin
a to the right, she made her way to Schnappa Rock, where she knew Nick and the team would mind her suitcase and let her phone Aropari from their landline. She hurried past the outside tables where families and divers sipped cool drinks in the sunshine and looked out over the water.
Dialling the number with a trembling finger, she held the receiver under her chin and waited. There was no reply.
‘He’s not there.’ She spoke out loud.
‘You looking for Gil?’ Nick asked as he finished seating more hungry yachties desperate for the good organic fare.
‘Yes.’ She nodded.
‘I think I saw him down at his boat as I came around the headland. Want me to drop you off?’
‘Oh, Nick, thank you.’ She smiled. ‘That would be great.’
As Nick’s car bumped down the familiar track, she felt her heart race at the sight of Gil’s truck sitting in its regular spot, under the shade of the Douglas fir.
‘I can’t thank you enough.’ She smiled as she shut the car door behind her, and then watched as he reversed back up to the road.
Treading cautiously along the pebbled beach, she kept her eyes on Gil, who, oblivious, purposefully loaded his fishing gear into the back of his boat from the jetty. Tessa, his seafaring companion, sat alongside him.
‘Gil!’ she called.
He froze, immediately stopped what he was doing, then turned slowly towards the voice that had called him from the shore. He stared at her as she approached. She wished he would say something, do something!
She was almost upon him when he stepped down into the boat and began rummaging in his khaki and leather satchel. ‘You’ll be needing this.’
He tossed her his Northlands baseball cap, which she caught and placed on her head.
‘There are dolphins in the bay. We need to hurry if we want to see them.’
He reached up and she took his hand, letting him help her down into the boat. And as he did so, she felt the spark travel up her arm and shudder through her body. The thunderbolt.
She took the seat next to him and sat back.
Gil started the engine, navigating his way out of the bay and past the marina to the left of them. Nick waved from in front of Schnappa Rock, as he parked up. Gil opened up the engine and they roared out into the deep water, heading in the direction of the Poor Knights.
‘Look!’ he called suddenly, pointing to the left of the boat.
Vivienne followed his arm until she saw them. She sat up tall in the chair and stared at the pod of dolphins cutting through the waves. ‘There must be at least ten!’ she shouted, captivated by their shiny, sleek skin, which seemed to glisten in the sun’s rays. They dived one by one, coming out of the water, as if in slow motion and leaping high against the wide, bright blue sky, as the crystal droplets flew from their bodies.
‘Oh, Gil!’ She didn’t realise she was crying until she tried to speak. ‘It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.’
‘All part of the everyday life of a sheep farmer in Tutukaka.’ He smiled at her, turning the boat in an arc to loop back on the dolphins so they could watch them all over again.
‘Welcome home, Viv.’ He winked at her.
‘Oh, Gil, I’m not staying for too long. I can’t. I have to get back, this is just for Christmas,’ she whispered.
‘I know.’ He smiled and leant in for a kiss. ‘I know.’
13
Trev pulled Emma’s rucksack from the back of his car and placed it by the front step of the little house in Mendip Road. He banged his hands together to try and ward off the December chill.
‘You sure you’re going to be okay?’ Ellen hugged her tight.
‘Yep, I’ll be fine. I’m so tired, I’ll probably just take Bob for a quick stroll and then crash out.’ She dipped down and rubbed the silky fur of the dog she hadn’t seen for four years. He’d had gone from puppy to big boy in her absence. It had been almost comical, earlier, to see Pedro so upset at having to give up his houseguest. They had both clearly had a lovely time.
‘Okay, well, look, you’ve got my number and if you need something or if anything is bothering you, just shout and I’ll be round in my slippers in no time.’
‘I will. I promise.’ Emma nodded. ‘God, it’s so cold.’ She zipped up the micro fleece that her mum had given her and rubbed her arms.
‘Aaron’s been in, checked things over and put the heating on, so the house will be toasty.’ Ellen flicked her eyes across to the building.
‘Thanks, Elle. See you tomorrow!’ She waved and made her way inside.
*
Trev clicked his seatbelt and turned to his wife. They were alone now for the first time since he’d collected them at Heathrow.
‘I missed you.’ He nodded as he started the engine.
‘I missed you too, but not all the time, only a little bit of the time, when I remembered you. The rest of the time I was having too much fun.’ She paused. ‘Robbie okay? Still with this wife?’ She sucked in her cheeks.
‘You haven’t been gone a fortnight!’ He laughed.
‘I know, love, but he’s a fast worker.’ She sighed.
‘Oh, don’t. I just want him to have what we’ve got. It’s a lovely way to live.’ He smiled at her.
‘Good Lord, Trev, I’ll have to go away more often.’ She pulled her coat around her shoulders.
‘And that’s a bit of a turn-up, Viv not coming back with you.’
She nodded and looked out of the steamed-up window at the grey buildings of home. ‘She’ll be back soon enough.’
Trev pulled up outside their house and switched off the engine.
‘Ah, home sweet home.’ She turned to him. ‘Are we getting out, or what? I’m desperate for a cuppa.’
He hesitated, pulled the key slowly from the ignition, jiggled the keys in his palm and coughed to clear his throat. ‘I think that with Viv away, Elle, me and you should spend a bit more time together – you know, like go for a walk or go to the pictures or something.’ He glanced at her, looking like the slight boy of thirty-odd years ago who had needed a drink just to get up the nerve to ask her to dance.
‘What like a date?’
‘If you like.’ He blushed.
‘I’d like that very much.’
‘I sometimes think that for our whole lives we’ve been tied to the Lane family, and I know you and Viv are close, and I wouldn’t want to change that for the world…’ Ellen stared at him, unsure of where he was going with this. ‘But when we were young, I was in Ray’s shadow, he called the shots and I did his bidding. It wasn’t a good friendship, not in hindsight. Then when he left, you felt responsible for Viv and you spent all your time with her, helping with the kids and whatnot—’
‘She needed me to.’
‘I know, I get it, and I’m not moaning. I’m not.’ He raised his palm. ‘I just think that it’s about time we put Ellen and Trevor first. You and me.’
Ellen nodded and her response came in a quiet voice. ‘All right then, Trev. You and me.’
He reached over and pulled her to him, kissing her gently on the mouth.
The text alert on her phone beeped. As Trev climbed from the car, Ellen reached for her phone.
The message was simple.
Make that two, notches.
She replied instantly.
Tart. X
Emma flicked on the hall light and placed her rucksack by the radiator. The place was indeed toasty. She smiled at the prospect of being able to thank her big brother in person tomorrow. It would be lovely to see him. After the last few days she could suddenly care less about falling out with Lizzie. Life was just too short.
It wasn’t the temperature, but the quiet that sent a shiver down her back. When the air was still and there was a hush all around, Tutukaka had felt like the closest thing to heaven, but here, in a house cluttered with things waiting to be used, crying out to be admired by people, it had the opposite effect. It made her feel lonely. She pictured her mum living here alone for the
last four years and swallowed a wave of guilt that she hadn’t called or written more often.
Emma tried to shrug it off – she’d only been in the house for five minutes and had yet to unpack.
She walked from room to room, putting on the lights and drawing the curtains. The first thing that struck her was the smell. It was a scent she had almost forgotten, the smell of her childhood: a mixture of books, food and the lingering perfume of the three generations of women who’d all lived under that roof. It was the scent of her family history and it was in the very fabric of the building; it sent a longing for childhood through her veins. She ran her fingers over the mantelpiece in the sitting room, cringing at and yet fascinated by the clusters of photos that had sat in the exact same spots for as long as she could remember.
Picking up one of herself in her mum’s arms, she scrutinised it. Her mum looked so young and happy. She pictured herself coming home from school on so many nights and flopping down on the saggy sofa with the TV remote in her hand. She smiled at the ghost of her younger self who’d figured life would be so straightforward. She had imagined marrying a boy from up the road, moving into a house near her mum and having babies, lots of babies, and the idea had delighted her!
Staring at the photo of her mum, she whispered into the ether, ‘I want to stop, Mum, I do. You are right, I’m tired of running in circles.’
Carefully placing the picture back in its spot, Emma went into the kitchen to pop the kettle on. The place was, as ever, neat and tidy, but worn. Everything had an age to it that in a certain light might be mistaken for grubbiness: the scoured circles on the top of the stove, the cracked sealant around the big window and the marbling on the old lino from a thousand sploshes and spills. It was, however, far from crappy. It was home.
With Bob following at her heels, she took the big mug of tea into her palm and sat down on the bottom stair, having quite forgotten the joy of sipping a hot cup of tea in a cold climate. Pulling the telephone on its curly cord into her lap, she unfurled the piece of paper from her pocket and dialled the long, unfamiliar number.
She cleared her throat and sat up straight, waiting. Finally it connected, emitting the instantly identifiable ringtone of a foreign country. It rang and rang.
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