The thought made her shudder. Did she have to live with Jason? Could she just stay on here, at her parent's house, and the familiarity of her suite of rooms? At least she had the helper and her father's butler, Perkins, to talk with when her parents or Vicky weren't at the house.
She really needed to get an occupation. Maybe she could open a store and sell high-end fashion. Her father would have no objections in bankrolling her.
She grabbed up the invitations again and signed them with a flourish, lingering over the last one, Xavier Bell. She slowly signed his, heaving a sigh in the meantime.
She wondered why Xavier was back in town. Whenever she quizzed Carson about him he had been very vague, but she gathered that he was in the States doing something computer related—no surprise there. Xavier was always a computer whiz kid, but was he back in Jamaica to stay?
She bundled the invitations and put them in the box. She would personally drop them at Let's Party. She wanted to talk to Ruby and Cynth anyway about other details, and maybe she could quiz Ruby about Xavier.
*****
"You are a dream client," Cynth said when Farrah walked through the door with the box of invitations.
"Thank you," Farrah smiled at Cynth.
"Don't let her flatter you," Ruby said, her fingers flying over her laptop keys. "She just wants your business."
Cynth frowned at Ruby. "I am not trying to suck up but usually one of us would have to go for the invites. She brought them. I'd say if you weren't Farrah Knight, we would beg you to work for us. We definitely need a third person for this business, especially since Ruby is barely around since she had the baby."
"I did a party yesterday," Ruby said, "and it pained my heart to leave my precious Amber behind for five hours. My mother-in-law has practically moved in to help out. I am only here to sort out this contract with the caterers for your engagement party. After your wedding I am going to take it easy for a long while and spend some time with my baby."
"Hold on a second," Farrah said, glancing between Ruby and Cynth. "Are you saying I can work here? I mean, I think it's a great idea."
Ruby and Cynth looked at each other.
"If there is anything I know how to do, it is to party," Farrah said, excitement lacing her voice, "and I know people—loads of people—who are always entertaining."
Cynth was almost salivating. "It would be marvelous having you work for us!"
Ruby stopped typing and looked at her contemplatively. "You are getting married in four weeks. You are probably going off to some exotic locale on your honeymoon. When would you find time for this business?"
"Oh yes," Farrah said suddenly deflated, "the wedding and the honeymoon."
Cynth cleared her throat. "You sound more excited about working for us than you are about your wedding. Where is the honeymoon going to be?"
"The Seychelles," Farrah said offhandedly. "Daddy bought an island there and he had a villa built. He is giving it to us as a present."
"The Seychelles," Ruby whispered. "Oh my, your father is giving you a whole island as a present? Wow. I wish Ian, Amber and I could go to the Seychelles for a vacation…just a vacation. We would have some serious back to nature fun. The Seychelles looks idyllic."
Cynth swung in her chair and said dreamily, "If I got the opportunity to go to the Seychelles I would carry that hunky Xavier with me. We would pack light because we would not need clothes on a private island."
"Xavier?" Farrah asked sharply, a tug of jealousy tightening her fingers on the box she was still holding. "You are... er... seeing Xavier?"
Cynth stopped swinging lazily in her chair and looked at Farrah speculatively. "No. Not yet. But I intend to. He is so fine and such a perfect gentleman. I finally got the chance to meet him. I have always wanted to date a member of the New Song band and he is available. Alice has Carson, Ruby has Ian, and Aaron is almost too pretty and is snobbish, at least to me. Jayce is too fat and Logan has Melody. So Xavier is my only chance right now."
"He is single?" Farrah asked, trying to modulate her tone so that she didn't sound as eager to hear about Xavier as she was feeling.
"Yes," Cynth said, "and he seems to like me."
"He does?" Farrah glanced back at Ruby, who was staring at her, almost transfixed.
"I can't believe it." Ruby shook her head.
"What?" Farrah asked guiltily. Ruby had a knowing look in her eyes, as if she had read her thoughts.
"Nothing," Ruby said.
"You are never this reticent in sharing what's on your mind," Farrah said. "What is it?"
Ruby sighed. "You don't want to get married to Jason Cavendish and you like Xavier Bell."
"I don't!" Farrah protested weakly. "He was a good friend when we were younger. He is certainly changed now, though. As Cynth said, he's a hunk."
Ruby shook her head. "Farrah, are you going to marry Jason Cavendish or are we wasting our time? Because let me tell you, if you call off this wedding, you are still obligated to pay us and our vendors at least a partial fee."
"Yes, I am getting married." Farrah got up. "You are acting as if I implied otherwise. I was just curious about Xavier. It's natural that I inquire after him. We go way back."
Ruby went back to her document and grunted.
Farrah didn't stay with them too long after that. She sensed that Ruby was anticipating that she would not get married, and Cynth had a dreamy like quality to her face, as if she was deep in thought. Farrah couldn't bear the fact that Cynth was interested in Xavier.
Farrah got into her car and aimlessly drove around Montego Bay. She eventually ended up at the Blue Jewels Spa. This was where she would normally find her mother. It was one of her businesses but she was reluctant to go inside, fearing that her mother would find her visit intrusive. Besides, her mother had told her before that she should follow her heart when she had mentioned how she felt about Jason. Her heart was shouting no.
She looked out at the profuse colors of the bougainvillea trees through her car windscreen and rested her head on the headrest.
Xavier—the new improved, handsome hunky Xavier—came to mind.
There was nothing wrong with thinking about Xavier; he had been in her life since forever. She closed her eyes and turned on the air conditioning. Was she crazy for dredging up memories now? Who cared? She had nothing else to do right now.
*****
Summer 1995
"Xavier, are you like a real boy?" Xavier was in the office of Farrah's mother, fixing her computer. Farrah followed him in as soon as she found out that he was in the house.
He looked up at her, his glasses glinting from the sunlight pouring in from the wall of windows that opened up to the great outdoors.
"I am not a boy," Xavier grinned at her. "I am a man. I am seven whole years older than you are."
Farrah fidgeted with the tassels on her green and white cheerleader uniform. "The girls and I were talking."
"The girls?" Xavier raised his brow. "You sound so grown up when you say that. Do you have some kind of pre-teen version of the ladies at your prep school who do brunch?"
Farrah folded her arms over her chest. She was a late bloomer, a flat-chested late-bloomer, and she hated how Xavier was always referring to how childish she was.
She inhaled deeply. "Darla Peters, remember her?"
Xavier nodded absently. "Of course, she is one of your little friends."
"You are so hard to talk to sometimes." She flounced and sat into the chair across from the desk. "I don't know why I even bother."
"Stop distracting Xavier." Her mother pushed her head through the door. "I need that computer in fifteen minutes." She glanced at her watch. "I have data on that thing to present at a very important meeting."
Farrah nodded and when her mother moved from the door, she whispered, "Darla Peters, Kate Grindley and Alka Duggall, all three have kissed a boy and I have never kissed one."
Xavier's hands stopped moving and he looked at her with a shocked look on his face. "Th
ey have? But you all are just twelve! Which boy have they kissed?"
"That's not the point, Xavier," Farrah said, exasperated, "and it's not the same boy that they have kissed. They kissed different boys."
Xavier frowned. "Kissing boys should be way, way, way in your future."
"I know." Farrah nodded and then settled back in her chair. She looked around the office and then back at Xavier as he arranged some strange-looking parts and started putting the computer back together. He looked confident of what he was doing.
She inhaled. She had to be kissed, and Xavier was by his own admission a boy—well, man—what did it matter? She couldn't allow Darla, Kate, and Alka to be kissed and she was the only one left out of the inner circle of the girls who had been kissed.
"Will you kiss me, Xavier?" she said it hurriedly and waited while Xavier responded.
She didn't have long to wait. He chuckled. "I will kiss you," he said, winking at her, "when you are a woman and of age. I can't kiss you now. I don't even want to kiss you now; it would be gross, illegal, and highly inappropriate. You are just a little girl."
"But I am not!" Farrah protested. "I am mature enough to kiss someone."
"No, you are not." Her mother came into the office. "Is it working now?" She turned to Xavier.
"Let's see," Xavier plugged in the cord and the two of them stood over the machine, waiting for it to boot up.
Farrah shrunk inside and sighed. As usual, she was being ignored. Her mother and Xavier were frowning down at the computer screen, and she had life and death matters to be explored.
When her mother's document came up on the computer and everything looked fine, she did an immature whoop and hugged Xavier gratefully.
Farrah's mouth tightened jealously. Her mother never hugged her like that, and Xavier was her personal friend, not her mother’s. Xavier was exclusively hers.
"Stop hugging Xavier!" she shouted in the midst of their celebrating.
Her mother looked over at her quizzically as she sat at her desk. "You and I need to have a talk, young lady."
"I don't want to talk to you," Farrah said stubbornly "I was talking to Xavier. I don't want to talk to anyone but Xavier."
Her mother shrugged. "Too bad. Xavier is not your personal toy. He is a grown man and he will not kiss you." She looked at Xavier warningly. "And I am ashamed that you are going around propositioning men. Where have I gone wrong in raising you?"
Farrah pouted, a weird anger gripping her as she looked at Xavier, who was just standing there. She could bet that he was agreeing with everything that Gloria said.
She threw a look of wounded betrayal his way and then stomped out of the room. She knew she wouldn't be punished; her mother would not remember. She was starting up a new business and she was usually so distracted when she was planning for her business that disciplining Farrah was just an unwanted inconvenience.
Her mother was probably regretting having her around after she had raised her other children. She was the fourth surprise baby, whom nobody wanted—an inconvenience to both parents.
She headed for the courtyard and her favorite seat. She breathed such a heavy sigh that her bangs that she had insisted she wanted last week ruffled with the force of her breath.
"I know what that sigh means," Xavier said behind her.
She swung around. She knew he would come after her. "So are you going to kiss me?" she asked without preamble.
Xavier sat beside her. "No."
She slumped her shoulders. "I am going to have to ask Greg Ritchie, but he wears braces. Yuck."
Xavier grinned. "You don't have to do any such thing. You absolutely must wait until it is the perfect time to kiss someone, not because your other friends told you that they have. Have you ever considered that they might have been lying to you?"
Farrah frowned. "Alka wouldn't lie to me. She is my best friend."
"I am very sure," Xavier said wisely, "that all three of them were lying. Who started the confessions?"
"Darla," Farrah said faintly.
"Who would Darla kiss?" Xavier frowned. "Which boy?"
"She didn't say," Farrah said slowly. "Darla doesn't talk to boys."
"There you go." Xavier nodded. "By the way, it's never cool to talk to your mother like that."
"She deserved it," Farrah said sullenly. "She was hugging you. You belong to me."
Xavier laughed. "I would love to hear that in the next couple of years, Farrah Knight. But for now, you are going to have to restrain your passionate declarations."
*****
Farrah jumped out of her reverie when she heard a knock on her car window. It was her mother. She was looking into the vehicle with concern. Farrah rolled down her window and her mother pushed her head into the car.
"What's going on? My receptionist said she saw your car in the parking lot, but when you didn't come in I wondered if you were all right."
"I was thinking." Farrah's voice was rusty.
"About Jason?" her mother asked slyly. "Can't wait to get married?"
How could her mother be so far off the mark, not knowing how she really felt about the wedding? Farrah wished that they were closer. She wished that she could just unburden her fears on her.
"No, not Jason." She rested back on the seat. "I was thinking about somebody else."
Her mother frowned. "Do you want to come inside? Bending down like this is giving me a neck ache."
Farrah sighed. "No. I don't want to come inside."
"Come and get a massage," her mother urged. "You are tense. A deep stress relief back massage with tangerine and ylang ylang essential oil will soothe you. It will have you back to normal in no time."
"I am too confused to be soothed." Farrah got out of the car anyway. She grabbed her bag and then walked behind her mother, who rapidly crossed the parking lot and held the door open for her.
"Hi Natalia," she called to the receptionist.
"Hi," Natalia smiled. "Room two is ready for you."
Farrah looked at her mother suspiciously. "You planned this."
"But of course." Her mother ushered her into the plush interior of room two, which looked like a garden with a mini-waterfall. She could hear classical music and chirping birds over the craftily hidden speakers.
"I will even give you a massage myself while you tell me what's on your mind."
"Okay." Farrah changed into her robe. She rarely got a personal massage from her mother, who was a top-rated massage therapist, and in this gesture Farrah read a caring that she rarely saw from her mother.
"So tell me," her mother said soothingly, "what is the problem?"
"I saw Xavier the other day…" Farrah murmured. The scents in the room were truly relaxing and she could barely manage to open her eyes.
"I saw him too," Gloria said. "What a physical change he has gone through! He looks spectacular."
"I know," Farrah said. "He looks amazing."
"Is that why you are confused?" her mother asked as she massaged her shoulder. "You are knotted with stress."
"No. Not really. I am confused over this whole wedding thing to Jason."
"What did I tell you about it last year?" Gloria asked. "Follow your heart."
Farrah felt airy, weightless, and so sleepy. She did not bother to respond.
Chapter Six
Farrah's hands felt clammy, and there was a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She felt unwell.
In two weeks she was actually going to marry a man she didn't love, only because she wanted her father's approval.
The guests for the engagement party started streaming in, and she was pacing in her room. A panic tremor invaded her body and she couldn't stop it. She inhaled and exhaled rapidly. Okay, she could do it.
Her father would love her if she did. That was enough incentive.
She gulped when she heard a knock on her sitting room door. She glanced at her watch; her friends Darla and Kate were probably outside. She had called an impromptu bridal party meeting to discuss
the dresses they were going to wear at the wedding.
Her sister Vicky had an emergency at the hospital and was running late and her three cousins, Maddison, Madra, and Mae, were supposed to drop by but they were also running late. She didn't want the three Ms in her bridal party but her father had actually suggested that she put them in. Maddison was Joe's daughter and the twins, Madra and Mae, were Art's daughters.
Farrah wanted just her friends and her sister to be in the bridal party, but as usual, she had given in to her father's wishes. Apparently, having her cousins in the bridal party was very important to him. She sighed and headed to the door. Darla was standing outside, alone.
"Hey." Farrah looked her friend over. Darla was in a business suit that fit her like a glove. Her hair was in a chignon with a stylish red streak in the middle. She looked cool and pretty, but she also looked sleepy.
"Where's Kate?" Farrah asked Darla, who hauled herself into the room wearily.
"I don't know. Thought she would have been in here with you." Darla walked toward a chair and flung herself in it. "Let me tell you, work is killing me. You are so lucky that your parent's don't insist that you work, and now that you are marrying Jason you will never have to. I am so envious right now. By the way, I sent my measurements to your planners. My exact measurements, so I hope there is no loose fitting thing going on. I like the dresses, by the way—very modern and chic. I am happy you decided to go with the black and white theme."
Farrah sighed. "I wish I wasn't going to do this. Any of it."
Darla rested her head back on the chair. "Do what? Get married to the totally hot and hunky Jason Cavendish?"
"Yup." Farrah paced in front of her.
"Come on, Farrah," Darla said tiredly. "You spent one full year second-guessing this marriage. I thought you would have settled the issue by now; it's your engagement party that is about to start."
"Well, I haven't settled anything," Farrah said grumpily. "Anybody who is having so many doubts shouldn't bother to get married in the first place. This whole thing feels as if it's my father's thing. I wonder why he doesn't just fit the dress and go marry Jason himself."
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