‘I’ve said I’d give Laura away if needed and she agrees, though I know she’d rather have Frank. I wish he’d get in touch to make her happy, and Nick would stop stirring everyone up by offering to give her away himself.’ Alice got up from her chair to rearrange the cushions behind Cecily as she struggled to get comfortable.
‘Thanks, dear, I ache so much today, another bother of old age,’ she smiled ruefully. ‘I’m sure Frank will contact us when he gets back to France, though now it’s August everyone in France disappears on holiday. I told you I spoke to a very nice sounding man when I got through to the old number I have. He said Frank was on his way back from Singapore and he’d pass on my message.’
‘I hardly remember Frank,’ Alice said, though she had certainly felt his presence when she’d test-driven that car. The energy of him, his careless good looks and his laughter came back to her now, though to describe a man as always laughing sounded wrong, as if he were some sort of giggling schoolboy. Frank wasn’t at all like that, just someone who found human foibles amusing and didn’t seem to take anything seriously. Was that true too, or just a figment of her imagination?
‘What does Frank do, I can’t remember?’ she asked Cecily.
‘He writes for legal magazines about financial matters, His articles are very well written and very informative. He travels all over the place interviewing banks and other similar companies. I used to see him from time to time, when Julian bought him here, or we’d go out to lunch sometimes.’
‘Oh… did you? I haven’t seen him for ages,’ Alice said in surprise. She knew that Julian made frequent visits to his aunt but he’d never said that Frank had been there too – in fact, if she thought about it, she hadn’t heard him mention Frank for years.
‘I knew him well when they were young men, Julian had many friends as you know, and one of his best friends was Frank’s older brother, Henry… oh before your time,’ Cecily said, seeing the query on her face. ‘I expect he told you about him, they were great friends, went to school and Cambridge together. Then Henry had a riding accident, left him virtually paralyzed and he eventually died, it was a mercy really.’
Alice was shocked, ‘I didn’t know. Julian once said he’d lost a friend in an accident and perhaps that’s why he was so cautious about us doing anything he thought dangerous, but he didn’t want to talk about it so I didn’t push it.’
Alice remembered the scene now. Someone in their office had been knocked off their bike and been severely injured and, telling her about it, Julian had gone on to speak about his friend but he hadn’t enlarged on it, not even said their name, and it obviously upset him to talk about it. It was fairly early on in their relationship and she didn’t know how to cope with it so she hadn’t questioned him further, fearful of causing him more distress, and somehow the subject had never come up again and she’d forgotten it.
Watching her, Cecily said, ‘He hated talking about it and I understood, after all my generation were used to the untimely death and dreadful injuries of our young friends in the war. Some put it from their minds and never mentioned it again, others, but not so many, did talk about it. After Henry’s accident and death there was a sort of bond between Frank and Julian, even though there was some years difference in age. Frank will turn up when he gets the message.’ Cecily smiled, ‘I’m sure he’d love to walk Laura down the aisle in Julian’s place if he can.’
Alice took the bus home. It arrived at the stop just as she reached it at the beginning of Park Lane, so she got on it instead of walking part of the way home as she often did, telling herself she was avoiding the car showroom but knowing really that she wanted to sit quiet and think, and anyway it had begun to rain.
Cecily’s news about Henry unnerved her. She didn’t remember Frank talking about his family, he might have said something in passing but he’d never touched on anything as momentous as losing a brother.
Henry’s death had happened before she knew Julian. How long before, months, years? He’d often talked of his days at Cambridge, places he’d been to on holidays, even an old love affair, yet Julian had never mentioned Henry apart from that fleeting reference to losing a friend in an accident – who, come to think of it, could have been someone else.
She sat upstairs at the front of the bus; there were not many people up here and she stared out of the window watching the raindrops run unchecked down the glass as the bus started on its way. Thinking about Henry, Julian’s great friend he’d never talked about, she remembered something her mother said when she’d told her she was in love with him.
They’d been in the garden in their house in Sussex, picking apples before the wasps got at them.
‘There are so many years between you,’ her mother said, flinging away an apple that was home to a wasp, and Alice recalled her sudden movement and her concern that she’d been stung though she hadn’t. ‘He will have done so much more, known so many more people than you have, might that not make you feel a little unsettled, darling? Excluded, not knowing about so much of his life experiences?’
She’d laughed then, thought her mother mad, being so sure of Julian’s love and the wonderful life they’d lead together. Evie and Laura would think the same as she did then if she made such a remark about the men in their lives. But now she understood it. She’d been so young, so madly in love with Julian, none of his previous life seemed to matter. Of course he’d had girlfriends, if that’s what her mother meant, but he only loved her now – from all of them he’d chosen her. But there had been times, she admitted, when she’d felt out of her depth, when they’d been with his friends and one had brought up something they’d done years ago while she was still at school.
When she met him, Julian worked in a large financial company, not, unfortunately, earning the mega bucks some such people were reported to be earning today, with huge bonuses and shares on top. He travelled to Europe quite often and occasionally the States, though he was always back within the week, but once or twice over the years he’d rung her to say there were some difficulties and he’d have to stay over a few more days. She’d been annoyed the first time just after their honeymoon. It had meant them missing two social occasions – a wedding and a large dance. He’d apologized, told her to go alone. ‘Not that you’ll stay alone for long, my darling, all the men will want to dance with you,’ he’d said with a laugh, before saying he’d make it up to her. Later on she’d been busy with the children, juggling them with her interior decorating job, and these things happened and she learnt to behave more maturely, but now, infuriatingly, they niggled at her.
That was one of the worst things about people being dead: you couldn’t ask them any questions.
12
It was hardly surprising, as it was his wedding and, he’d done it once before, that Douglas took charge of it, or at least tried to steer it in the right direction.
He invited Alice to join them for dinner in an Italian restaurant close to her house, and after plying her with a delicious white wine, and shooting a quick glance at Laura, which reminded Alice of a stern parent, started. ‘I’m sure you’ll agree… Alice…’ he still had trouble calling her by her first name, ‘that we must settle on a date after Evie’s baby is born which will be in about…’ He regarded her intently as though she were on Mastermind.
‘In about three months,’ Alice felt decidedly shaky at the thought, ‘and we ought to give her a month to recover, and then it’s Christmas.’ She went on hoping perhaps to postpone it, give Laura more time to consider it. She glanced at her, was she really sure about this union? If not, now was the time to walk away.
Laura just smiled, said a little breathlessly, ‘We’ll have it before Christmas. We thought that easier for people travelling and things, and we thought London, if that’s all right, Mum. A small wedding but,’ she frowned, went on urgently, ‘we still haven’t heard from Frank. Has Cecily heard anything yet?’
‘No, but she did get through to someone who works with him and said he’d tell him
. France is apt to shut down in August, so he could be on holiday and not have got the message yet. I’m sure we’ll hear soon,’ she said with more certainly than she felt.
‘Petra said she knew he had a house in the South of France and could go and find him if I wanted,’ Laura said.
‘That would be a last resort,’ Alice said, remembering the scene with Margot and Petra and how Petra had gone all fluttery and silly when there’d been mention of Frank. Remembering how attractive he was, he’d probably got a string of women in his life, glamorous, foreign women who somehow had a shine about them, possessed a sexy sophistication that many British women did not have. Though they must not forget that time had passed and Frank, like the rest of them, had got older. He could be bent over with arthritis, or florid and paunchy, no longer the glamorous man they remembered. But none of this was important, Laura had set her heart of having him walk her up the aisle in her beloved father’s place.
Now in this restaurant with Douglas and Laura, she felt panicky again. Whatever her feelings over this union it was obvious that it was going ahead and she must accept it. But there was so much to organize and often the most popular venues were booked up months in advance. But it was up to them to make the decisions and she must be a help to them not a hindrance.
‘W… where do you want to get married?’ She hoped she sounded carefree, not wanting Laura to catch the undercurrents of panic and become difficult, imagining it was because she disliked the whole idea – which she did – but couldn’t admit to it.
‘There’s a nice house in Putney you can rent, overlooking the river, with a small garden,’ Douglas said.
‘But if it’s in the winter won’t it be dark and…’ she was about to say gloomy, but seeing Laura’s petulant look, stopped herself. She didn’t know this house, it might be beautiful, and with clever lighting, some sort of candlelight, it could be romantic. If this wedding was going ahead, she must forget her own feelings and support Laura in what she wanted. She was worried about the cost of it. The bride’s family used to pay for most of it, but that was when people got married younger, before they had careers of their own and, anyway nowadays, she thought, both sets of parents shared it. She took a deep breath.
‘There are so many reasons that I wish my hus— Julian was here, but as he’s not I will…’ She paused, then went on in a rush, ‘I’m not sure, Douglas, about the cost of things and who pays what.’ She smiled at him. ‘I do know you’ve only got to ask for a white dress and white flowers for the price to rocket, and though I want Laura… both of you to have a lovely day I…’
‘I… we… don’t believe in spending ridiculous money on our wedding day,’ Douglas said firmly. ‘Some people go mad, think only of planning the day and then find the rest of their life rather dull in contrast.’
‘I’ve heard that too.’ Alice wondered if his first wedding day had been like that, an expensive extravaganza. ‘But I would like it to be a special day.’
‘It will be,’ Douglas said, taking Laura’s hand as it picked restlessly at the tablecloth, ‘it just won’t be over the top, and we’ll go into the cost very carefully.’ He smiled at her, ‘And discuss everything with you – price wise. I think families share the costs more today.’
‘I think they do, but I’ll pay for Laura’s dress, perhaps the reception, things like that,’ Alice said. She’d ask some of her friends whose daughters had married what the form was.
‘So any date in December… before Christmas will suit you?’ Douglas went on.
‘Yes…’ Alice tried to look excited. ‘I’ll check my diary but I’m sure it’s fine.’
The next big occasion was Evie’s baby, due near the end of October. She’d promised to go and stay with her for the week before her due date and a little time after until she was settled. Evie had joined some sort of birth group and signed in with a midwife and it sounded more personal and comforting than being one of many, in a large London hospital.
‘I just want to find Frank,’ Laura said. She looked young and vulnerable and Alice knew she was missing her father. It was him she wanted on her special day but she’d convinced herself that Frank would be a good substitute, and now, without him, the day would not be a success.
‘We’ll make it a lovely day, darling. I’m sure we’ll find him,’ Alice smiled at her. A wedding day should be a special day and she’d do everything she could to make it so. There were so many reasons people chose to be together and Douglas was a good man and Laura was happy with him. How much worse it would have been if Evie were marrying Nick even though she was carrying his child.
She must stop stressing about it and accept Laura’s choice. There was no magic formula for a happy life together. Laura must take her chance like everyone else.
13
Frank telephoned that weekend. Laura, who seemed to be spending more time at her old home than she used to, making Alice wonder if she was feeling more insecure than before and was perhaps having second thoughts about the wedding, answered the telephone.
‘Hi… Frank!’ Her face lit up, she shot Alice an excited look. ‘I’m so glad we’ve found you. It’s Laura, can you come… be there to walk me up the aisle instead of…’ her voice wobbled, ‘Dad?’
Alice on her way to the kitchen came back into the living room and perched on the arm of a chair, waiting for Laura to hand her the phone. She watched Laura’s face; she couldn’t hear what Frank was saying but it became obvious from the dawning joy and relief in Laura’s expression that he would come to the wedding.
She waited in a slight flutter of apprehension expecting to speak to him, but Laura, went on about dates and Evie’s coming baby, chattering on as if she’d known Frank forever, when in reality she hadn’t as he hadn’t been here for ages.
Laura curled up on the sofa, the receiver tucked close to her ear as she did when having a good gossip with her girl friends while Alice waited for Frank to ask to speak to her.
It occurred to her that they’d all been remembering him as he’d been when they’d last seen him – a carefree spirit with a sense of adventure – but surely, by now, after all these years, he must have a wife and children and they must be invited to the wedding too. But perhaps he had a ‘partner’, you never knew these days, but whomever he was with must be invited.
Surely soon Laura would pass the telephone to her and she must ask him who he wanted to bring with him. Should she say ‘wife’ or ‘partner’? Better to say ‘someone’ or did that sound too causal, almost impolite, as if he couldn’t come alone, or had some random person in his life. But Laura solved the problem by saying straight out: ‘Frank, we don’t know if you’re married, got a partner or whatever, you can bring them of course and any children, if you want.’
Alice couldn’t hear his answer, but she heard his laughter and she felt a sudden buzz of… what was it exactly, joy, relief? She was as bad as Petra with her schoolgirl delight that any half attractive man induced in her. Then Laura said goodbye and put down the receiver, leaving Alice with an ache of disappointment that he had not asked to speak to her, or that Laura had not offered her the phone.
‘So, he’s been found at last,’ she said with relief, sitting down on the chair opposite Laura.
‘Yes, he apologized for taking so long to answer but he was exhausted after a difficult trip and went down to his house in the south of France and forgot to take our number with him, or Cecily’s. His assistant had also gone away on holiday and couldn’t be contacted and no one else he knew in Paris was there to send it on.’
‘But at least he’s rung you now.’ Alice was relieved for Laura’s sake.
‘He’s coming on his own; he’ll be here in a couple of weeks. He lives in Paris but he’s got a flat in London that his nephew stays in when he’s studying, working or whatever here. He’s left now, so Frank will stay there, he’s got some work to do in London and will stay until Christmas, so we must settle on a date and let him know’ Laura’s face was more radiant that Alice had seen i
t for a long time. She went on, ‘He wants to take us… you, me and Evie, if she’s around, out to dinner to catch up. He’s so looking forward to seeing us.’
‘Good, did he give a date for this dinner?’ Alice felt let down by him, though why on earth should she? She should be glad he’d been found, he was coming to London for some weeks, and he had a flat to live in. Had he often come to London in the past and never told them though? Had Julian known, and if he had, why hadn’t he said anything, invited him round, included her in doing things with him?
And why hadn’t he asked Julian and her to keep an eye on this nephew, invite him round to meet her girls so they could show him London, if he didn’t know it? But even if he did, why had they never met him? The questions buzzed round in her head like bees.
‘Did you know his nephew?’ she asked Laura now.
‘No, I didn’t know he had one,’ Laura said before rushing on to what she was more interested in. ‘So he’ll be here in a couple of weeks, so we better tell Evie, get her up here, then we can go out to dinner and take it from there.’
‘Is Douglas included in this invitation?’ Perversely, Alice felt unsettled now. She’d longed for Frank to be found for Laura’s sake and now he had she felt it had thrown up more problems than it had solved, but she was being silly. Though if he had a flat here, why hadn’t she seen more of him?
But the important thing was Frank was coming for Laura for her wedding day.
‘Frank will meet Douglas another time,’ Laura said. ‘He just wants to see us as he hasn’t seen us for ages. I don’t remember when I last saw him, after I left uni I think, I went with Dad and we had lunch together, don’t know where you were?’ she frowned at her mother. ‘Anyway he’ll be here soon and he said he’ll help all he can.’ She got up and almost danced into the hall to find her mobile to ring Douglas and check the list of possible dates for the wedding.
Mothers and Daughters Page 8