Alice watched Petra now with admiration as she skilfully piped a latticework pattern over the sides of the cake, in each square she stuck a delicately painted sugar flower, the effect was simple but stunning.
Petra’s work took so much concentration that their discussion of Frank’s part in Margot and Glen’s drama was put aside, and then Laura appeared and exclaimed with wonder at the beautiful cake, showing far more excitement than Alice had ever seen her show with Douglas.
42
‘Time we went, Mum,’ Evie said, hauling up Raffi asleep in his baby carrier. Frank wondered if it was a good idea to bring such a small baby to the wedding, though he understood that a friend of Evie’s was coming to collect him during the reception so she could stay on as long as she wanted.
It was almost time they left for the church and he felt the longer Alice hovered around Laura, the more she’d feel Julian’s loss on such an important day.
He’d arrived just before lunchtime with a ready-made lunch he’d picked up from Fortnum’s with tiny sandwiches, gulls eggs, little squares of cheese, and large, luscious grapes and a chilled bottle of champagne.
‘Oh, Frank, how perfect, you are a star,’ Evie exclaimed. ‘I’m starving and we’ve nothing here.’
‘Thanks so much, Frank, but I don’t dare eat much in case I can’t fit into my dress,’ Laura said.
‘You won’t put weight on at once and you need to eat something, we don’t want you fainting at the altar,’ Alice joked, but Frank could see how much of an ordeal she was finding this. It would surely be better when she had left the house, was somewhere away from Julian’s shadow.
‘We won’t be far behind you, but you want to be in your place,’ he said, gently steering Alice towards the front door, wishing he could hold her close, soothe away her pain at missing Julian on this special day. All he could do was to carry out his duties as ‘giver away’ of the bride, though it made him feel a little like the spectre at the feast.
‘Yes, we must go,’ Alice said, taking a deep breath, and with one last look at Laura standing in the middle of the living room the beautiful bride, her veil like a soft cloud around her, she blew her a kiss and turned towards the door and left the room, with Evie fussing round, collecting up all Raffi’s paraphernalia.
Frank hustled them out to the waiting car and helped them in. The car to take him and Laura glided up to take their place as they left. There was plenty of time to get to the church but they should leave fairly soon. He went back inside to Laura; she was his priority now.
She looked wonderful, her brown hair shone like silk, softly framing her face, the veil held by a band of white and the palest pink flowers. She smiled nervously at him. In the bustle to get ready, snacking on the lunch, having a bath and changing into her dress had taken on a rhythm of its own and now all was done, her mother and sister gone and the two of them were alone in the house waiting to leave, seeing out the last minutes of her old life before starting a new one as Douglas’s wife and stepmother to his children.
‘You look beautiful. Your father would be very proud of you.’ He took her hand and squeezed it.
‘Do you think he would be?’ she asked, not moving from the middle of the living room where she stood to make space for her dress which skimmed over her figure, the skirt swirling out by her feet.
‘Yes, I’m sure of it.’ He didn’t add that he wished he were here. His absence loomed so large, cast a shadow over all of them and he wondered how many times others would remark on it today.
‘It seems so odd, unreal, me in this dress waiting to get married, must be worse though for Mum, thinking of her wedding day and Dad not here. Did you go to their wedding, Frank, what was it like?’
Of all the many weddings he’d been to over the years he’d never forgotten Alice and Julian’s, the day he’d known for sure that Alice would never be his.
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I did go. I was Julian’s best man. Your mother was so young, younger than you even, and your father… Well, he looked very distinguished, so proud of her, both so in love.’ He smiled at Laura though his heart ached. He had been in love with Alice himself but seeing her with Julian he’d known he didn’t stand a chance, and the last thing he wanted was to spoil their relationship, so he’d stayed away, made his life in France.
‘What was she like then, my mother?’ Laura asked. ‘I can’t imagine her younger than me, did she do mad things, like she says she’d going to do now?’
‘I’m sure she did, but I didn’t meet her until she was almost engaged to your father and he had tamed her a bit, but she’s as she is now, a bit older of course and a mother, but she still has the same magic.’ If only he hadn’t lost her trust by destroying her image of a man she thought was a perfect husband.
‘Oh, Frank, you sound as if you’re a little in love with her yourself,’ Laura teased him.
He smiled back, ‘Do I? Well, you’re the one in love today and we better get you to the church.’
She took a deep breath, ‘Yes, I’m ready.’ She let go of his hand and walked to the door. She glanced at herself in the hall mirror. ‘I hardly recognize myself,’ she said, staring at the vision in white in the mirror.
‘It’s you all right, a stunning woman. Douglas is a very lucky man,’ he said, picking up her bouquet, also of white and pale pink flowers, that lay on the table by the door and handing it to her.
She watched him in the mirror. ‘Do you think I’m doing the right thing? I don’t think Mum does. She thinks I’m using Douglas as a father figure, a sort of replacement for Dad. Do you think that, Frank?’
It was too late now to say perhaps she was, and perhaps it would have been more prudent to have waited a little longer to see if marriage to Douglas and being stepmother to two young children was what she really wanted, but how did anyone ever know if a marriage, however well thought through, would last? He’d loved Simone, or thought he had, and she him, but after a few years together both admitted that they were acting out the part of a married couple, and apart from the children there was no depth to their union. He was away often on business, so that didn’t help, though she could have come with him sometimes but chose not to.
‘No one can predict how a marriage or a relationship will pan out,’ he said gently, ‘but Douglas is a good man and loves you, so I’d say you have more than a fair chance it will work.’
‘Mum and Dad loved each other but then we found out that all the time he had a son with someone else… your sister,’ she added hurriedly as if she was warning herself not to say anything unpleasant about it. ‘He should have told her, told us…’
‘I don’t know why he didn’t tell your mother, but remember he was much older than she was, had lived a life before he’d met her, and perhaps he thought it better to keep quiet, or even meant to tell her but there never seemed the time and then it was too late, we’ll never know. But forget that all now, Laura. This is your day and though a bride is meant to be late we mustn’t overdo it.’
He helped her into the waiting car; the bridesmaids, Lexie and Zara, were meeting them at the church. Johnny had refused to walk with her up the aisle, wanting to be with his father until the last minute.
Alice, Evie and Raffi should be there by now. He wished he’d been able to take Alice in his arms and hold her to try and soothe her fears and battered feelings. He understood how she felt betrayed by Julian though, wishing he were with her to share this special day.
Perhaps he’d been wrong to tell Alice about Henry and Ned, it was not really his story to tell.
But he couldn’t think like this today, on Laura’s wedding day. He must keep her nerves at bay as the car edged forward over Putney Bridge towards the church.
43
Alice felt spaced out as if she were acting a role in a film. Here she was, mother-of-the-bride, grandmother of her second daughter’s child, and she didn’t feel like either. It was as if these roles had been hoisted upon her when she wasn’t looking.
It was a
relief that some of her old friends were here. They greeted her warmly, and though no one actually voiced it, the words hung heavy between them, mourning Julian’s absence. Friends hugged her tighter, laid a hand on her arm, their eyes eloquent in their understanding, and for that she was grateful. If anyone had elaborated on the tragedy of his absence she would have burst into tears.
Cecily, who’d arrived with Kalinda, made the only reference to his loss. ‘Even if you can no longer see them, they never leave us,’ she said squeezing her hand. ‘You look wonderful and so do your girls, especially the bride. It will work out, you’ll see.’
‘It better,’ she smiled at her, pleased she had come.
Frank was never far from her side during the day. She sensed that he was keeping an eye on her, making sure she was not alone, though her friends kept close to her too, especially Margot and Petra. Glen hovered between them awkwardly, drinking a little too much and shooting looks from time to time in Frank’s direction as if he were wondering if he could approach him and ask about the case against his company. All the directors had been suspended while the various matters were being investigated.
Douglas seemed relaxed and happy; he introduced Alice to some more of his relatives and some friends from his chambers. Elspeth, safe in navy, and her sister, Margaret, a far more amusing woman, with a round and jolly husband, kept watch of the children. Freya and Nick beamed proudly at Lexie who looked adorable in her dress. She and Zara had taken their role very seriously, though there’d been a slight tussle over who would hold Laura’s bouquet during the short marriage service. Johnny, with encouragement from Frank, had walked up the aisle with them. He was dressed in a smart jacket and long trousers, but he refused to do any more and sat happily in the pew next to Frank when he’d done his bit, and asked him in a loud whisper when he would take him paragliding.
Their ‘other grandparents’ had not been invited, as, Laura told her, although they were the children’s grandparents, they were also the parents of Douglas’s first wife, and though he got on well enough with them it would be awkward to have them there.
‘I suppose so, but families come in so many different shapes and sizes today, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see them here,’ Alice said.
They’d had the speeches before the dinner and Frank’s touched her deeply, saying how he felt so honoured to be taking Julian’s place, though he could never hope to fill it. The stunning cake was cut after supper, so now all that was left was the dancing. Alice rather wished she could go home, be alone to absorb it all.
Cecily who’d stayed until after supper came to say goodbye. ‘Your girls are now settled one way or another, so your life is your own, Alice, some of it anyway, so seize it and enjoy it.’ Her glance flickered over to Frank for a second before she turned back to her and kissed her goodbye, leaving Alice feeling perplexed. What did Cecily mean? Join the queue of her besotted women friends to worship Frank, or live free like Frank, travelling all over the place?
Elspeth, leaving with Zara and Johnny, interrupted her thoughts. She made a great display of them saying goodbye to their father as if he were leaving for a war zone instead of his honeymoon early the next day.
The music for the dancing began, and one or two of her old friends – contemporaries of Julian’s – got up to dance with her, but it was Frank who insisted on the first dance.
He held her close, but not too close. ‘You’re doing wonderfully and I know how hard you find it,’ he smiled down at her.
‘I can’t think. It doesn’t seem real,’ she said, conscious of the others watching them; Margot and especially Petra’s sharp eyes ready to pick up the slightest spark between them. ‘And thank you for your speech,’ her eyes filled with tears and she couldn’t go on.
He held her closer and they danced in silence a moment before he said, ‘It is all real enough, and now the girls have their own families, I… wondered,’ he paused and she had to lean closer to him to hear him. ‘You said you wanted to ski the four valleys. How about it after Christmas?’
She frowned; did he mean with him or that she should just go and do it?
He took her frown as disapproval with him and a shadow of despondency crossed his face. ‘Think about it anyway.’ The music ended and he took her back to the table, and Petra jumped up as eager as an adolescent faced with a rock star and grabbed him.
‘My turn, please Frank. You dance so beautifully,’ and he laughed and took her outstretched hand and led her to the floor.
After a few more dances with friends, Alice got up to go to the loo and check on her make-up. The house, where they were having the reception, had large rooms downstairs and a front lawn overlooking the Thames where they had the marquee where the dinner had been served and they now danced. She went up the stairs; the wood surrounds darkened over the years made it seem full of shadows. A mishmash of pictures hung on the walls of the narrow, dimly lit passages, with various rooms, all the doors closed leading off them. The Ladies on the first floor was quite crowded, mostly with young women jostling for the mirror to touch up their make-up, and Alice, feeling the need for a moment’s peace from it all, knowing that there was another loo on the top floor, went on up to it.
She had the room to herself and when she was ready she came out and, deep in thought about the event and Frank’s suggestion of skiing, she turned the wrong way. It was dustier here and realizing her mistake she turned back. She heard a noise, whispering, a giggle, then silence. The passage took a turn, curving down towards the back of the house and instinctively she turned towards it. In the murky light she saw two people close together and in a moment they went into one of the rooms and closed the door but not before she had seen the back of Laura’s long white dress. Alice smiled; no doubt she and Douglas were snatching a few moments alone, and who could blame them?
She turned and went down stairs to the hall and the first person she saw was Douglas. Her heart stopped.
He smiled, ‘Alice. Have you see Laura?’
‘No, I haven’t.’ She couldn’t look him in the eye but she had to steer him away from upstairs. What if Laura came down with… with who? Had she invited some ex-boyfriend and they were sharing one last embrace? But which boyfriend, she hadn’t had that many and no one particularly special.
‘Must be in the Ladies,’ Douglas said. ‘You didn’t see her up there?’
‘There’re are a couple of loos up there and one was occupied with lots of girls, so perhaps that is where she is,’ Alice said quickly.
‘If she doesn’t come soon, I’ll send out a search party. In the meantime, how about a dance.’ He smiled.
‘I… I’d love one later… my shoes are a bit tight. But thanks, Douglas… Later would be lovely.’
‘I’ll come and find you then,’ he said and left her to go back to his friends.
Hastily, in panic mode, Alice examined everyone in the room, wondering who on earth Laura could be with. It was difficult to know; some people had already left, others could be outside in the small front garden getting some fresh air, or smoking. She saw Frank and went towards him.
Freya was sitting with a sleepy Lexie in her arms, and she said as Alice passed, ’Have you seen Nick anywhere, Alice, I think it’s time we took this one home.’
Then she knew, knew without doubt that it was Nick who had pulled Laura into that room. She felt sick. She mumbled something about looking for him and saw Freya glance with relief at Evie who’d come onto the dance floor with Luke. ‘I’ll ask Frank,’ Alice said. ‘Get him to go to the Gents, see if he’s there.’
Frank was talking to some of Julian’s friends when she came up to him. He turned to smile at her but saw by her expression that something had happened and came at once to her. ‘What is it, come and sit down,’ he took her arm.
‘No,’ she said. Standing firm and leaning close to him, she whispered, ‘I was upstairs at the top floor loo and I saw Laura… and I’m certain, as he’s missing and his wife wants to go home, that Nick is with her
, they went into a room up there together.’
‘Oh God,’ he said. ‘Can that man never keep himself under control. I’ll go and find them, sort it out if I can.’
‘Oh… thank you Frank. Do you think Laura’s now regretting this? I mean, going off with another man on her wedding day… it’s…’ Alice felt faint; surely Laura’s marriage couldn’t end on the day it began?
He pressed her arm, ‘Let me deal with it. You say they are at the top of the house.’
She nodded, explained the layout by the passage and the room she’d seen them enter. He squeezed her arm and left her and Petra who’d been watching said, ‘What’s up, Alice, is everything all right?’
She forced a smile and joined her at her table. ‘Fine, are you enjoying it, the band’s great isn’t it?’
‘It’s all right.’ Petra studied her face. ‘I just wondered if something had happened about Glen, you looked so solemn talking to Frank and now he’s hurried off somewhere. There aren’t police at the door wanting to arrest him, are there?’
‘Of course not, Petra, it’s just something about… the staff. It’s easier for Frank to deal with it than me.’ Alice was relieved when Keith, one of the men at the table, got up to claim Petra for the dance she’d promised him, and for a moment she was left in peace.
She saw Nick appear, he couldn’t help but see her as she was in his line of vision. He pointedly ignored her and going up to Freya he announced loudly that he’d been looking all over for her. ‘We must have kept missing each other, you going out of one door while I came in, pantomime style,’ he said.
‘I’ve been sitting here with Lexie, so you can’t have been looking that hard,’ Freya eyed him sharply.
‘I didn’t see you,’ he said lamely, picking up the sleeping child and making for the exit, leaving Freya to say goodbye.
Alice went to her, praying Freya didn’t know about Nick and Laura. ‘You’re not going all the way to Suffolk tonight, are you?’
Mothers and Daughters Page 26