“Something you should know,” Alabama said as she leaned over. “The men in the group gossip more than the women.”
“Oh, yeah. Zane and I are... umm.. together,” I stammered.
Just then Zane and Leo made their way to our table.
“Baby.” He crouched beside me and kissed my forehead. As nice as that felt, I wished he’d kiss me the way he used to. Maybe he thought I was dirty now that another man had seen me naked. Lance hadn’t had the opportunity to touch me there but he did see me. “I see you’ve met Wolf and Abe.”
“Who?”
The table chuckled and Caroline spoke up. “Mine is Wolf, Alabama’s is Abe. You’ll find there are a lot of names you need to memorize. Everyone has at least two.”
Yes, I had learned that. Zane’s team all had nicknames they used as well. It had taken me a few days to remember what call-sign went with whom. Both Matthew and Christopher were whispering something to their wives. Both women nodded, and the men stood.
“Viper, you gotta minute?” Matthew asked, his tone much harsher than he’d used when speaking to the group of women.
Zane gave him a nod and turned to me. “I’ll be right back. You need anything?”
The pain I saw behind Zane’s gaze gutted me. I didn’t know how to make it better. Maybe he was done with me and didn’t know how to tell me. Perhaps he needed an out. If I told him I was leaving I bet I’d see relief.
I’d tell him after the wedding, when we get home to Zane’s house. I had to stop thinking of the penthouse as home – but yes, I’d tell him then.
“No. Thank you,” I answered.
“I’ll be back, tesorino. Please drink your water.” I heard Leo tell Olivia.
The men walked away from the table and Olivia, Alabama, and Caroline jumped into a conversation about the baby. They were obviously close and were smiling and laughing, catching up. Once again I was an outsider in my own life. I didn’t belong here with all these great people. They were good and clean. I was the same white trash, daughter of an addict whore, as I’ve always been.
I waited until there was a lull in conversation before I stood. “If you’ll all excuse me, please. It was really nice meeting you all.”
I didn’t bother waiting for them to say anything. I knew I was being rude, but I couldn’t sit in Jaxon and Violet’s backyard any longer and pretend my life hadn’t unraveled. I was thrilled everyone was smiling and happy. They all deserved it, they’d earned it. I, on the other hand, didn’t belong. Zane was done with me, which meant his friends were, too. For all I knew, they all knew he was trying to find a way to scrape me off and were being nice, simply because they’re good people.
I was almost to the side gate when I heard Alabama.
“Ivy, wait.” I plastered on the fakest smile I could muster and I turned to face her. “We need to talk.”
“Okay.” I glanced around the side yard. “Everything alright?”
“I know what happened.”
The flinch was involuntary, and I tried my best to fortify my shields, but I was struggling.
“Well, I don’t know everything. But Christopher did give me the heads up that Tex had called and they were on standby in case you were taken west. The guys would be ready to intercept you.”
“I’m sorry for the trouble I caused.” Alabama narrowed her eyes. “You won’t ever have to worry about it again.”
“You’re misunderstanding,” she tried.
“No, I’m not. I get it. Zane is a great man. He deserves more than me. You can tell everyone after today he’ll be free to find her.”
“What in the actual fuck!” I heard growled. “I’m getting Zane.”
“Leo, don’t. Let them talk,” Olivia begged her husband.
“No, tesorino. That’s jacked.”
“Trust me, please. Let them talk. Please, baby.”
“You have five minutes,” he warned.
I wouldn’t need five minutes. I’d be long gone before that.
“You’re making a mistake,” Alabama continued once Olivia drug a pissed off Leo away.
“How do you know?” I bit off a little harsher than I intended.
“Because I see you. I know you.”
“And who am I? The piece of trash Zane needs to toss?”
“A survivor. I recognize you in myself. We’re the same.”
“That’s doubtful.”
I knew Alabama meant well, but she had no idea.
“My mama told me everyday she wished I wasn’t born. She beat me, she locked me in the closet, she told me never to speak. And before I met Christopher every person in my life had failed me; from the police to social workers. So, yes, Ivy, I know you. I see the sadness in your eyes. I watched you shut down when Zane approached. You’re getting ready to give up because you don’t think you’re worthy. You’re getting ready to walk away because Zane has in some way hurt your feelings, so you think it’s the end. It’s not. Don’t run.”
Okay. So maybe she did know me.
“She’s right,” Olivia added.
Damn little sneak came back.
“Matthew told me your mother had run you off the road and taken you. He wasn’t breaking confidence or gossiping. It was only told because we were getting ready to go to Christopher and Alabama’s cabin and the cell service sucked. He wanted to stay home in case you needed him.” Damn. I’d ruined their plans as well. “And I’m only telling you that so you’ll understand the gravity of the situation. Zane didn’t only have his team at his back, he had our guys as well. Tex called in every team he works with across the country. You had a Delta team on standby, Texas Rangers, FBI agents, cops, hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if some firefighters were in there, too. When Zane’s woman goes missing, great men rally around him. They have his back. It’s what they do. Who has your back?”
“We do,” Olivia answered for me. “You’re not alone anymore.”
“He won’t touch me,” I told them. “Sure, he cuddles me at night. He kisses my forehead or my cheek, but he won’t touch me. I tried to fight Lance the best I could. I swear it. Now Zane won’t touch me. He looks at me differently. He tells me he loves me with pity in his voice.”
Alabama pulled me into a hug and I finally let go of the tears I’d been holding in.
“He’s scared, Ivy. He feels like he let you down. Have you tried to talk to him?” Olivia asked.
“No. What am I gonna say? Why won’t you have sex with me?”
“Yes. That’s what you say. Then you knock him on the side of his hard head and make him talk to you.”
“And if he won’t?”
“Then you knock him on his ass until he does. Do you love him?”
“Of course I do.” Affronted, Olivia would ask.
“Then fight for him.”
“But if he…”
“Time for your big girl panties, Ivy. I’ve been with Matthew Wolf Steel a long time. Long enough to know that while he is the biggest, baddest, warfighter the Navy has ever trained, he’s still human. He still feels all the same emotions. He’s just better at locking them down. You need to lock every insecurity you have away and make him see you.”
Could I do that? Forget everything my mother had taught me and fight for Zane? I had to if I wanted my one shot at happiness. I had to fight like hell to pull Zane back to the present. The girls were right. I wasn’t a quitter and Zane needed me.
It was my turn to be strong.
“Thank you. All of you. Sorry I freaked out.”
“You didn’t. We’ve all been there. Come on, let’s go back to the table. I think we all need a drink. Except for Little Miss Preggo.” Caroline laughed.
As we made our way back to the table, Caroline nudged Alabama with her shoulder.
“I’m proud of you,” she murmured.
“Why?” The other woman chuckled.
“You’ve come a long way from the woman you were when we first met – the one that barely spoke. I’m proud to call you friend.”
> “It’s not only Christopher who helped me become who I am. It’s because of you, too.”
Alabama wrapped her arm around Caroline’s shoulder and I was both jealous and happy for them. I’d never had a friend like Caroline.
33
Zane
“Any word on Sarah Long?” Wolf asked.
Just the mention of that bitch’s name had me seeing red.
“No. Tex and Garrett are still working on it. Ivy said she walked out of the motel room with ten grand. It might take a while for her to resurface.”
“Pleased you got to her in time,” he continued.
Had I? She might not have been raped, but she was still violated.
“Wanna tell me why your woman closed down when you came to the table?” I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying something to Abe I’d regret. He was a friend, and a good man.
“I don’t think…”
“You’re right. You’re not thinking.”
“Abe,” I warned.
“Calling it like I see it, Viper. From what I’ve heard, you found yourself a spunky doesn’t-take-shit-from-anyone woman. The woman I met out there is far from that. You approached, and she pulled into herself. She was unsure, skittish, and shy. Far cry from the stories I’ve been hearing about how she puts you in your place when you try to boss her around.”
I looked around the room trying to figure out whose ass I needed to kick for gossiping with the other men. Interestingly enough, none of my men looked guilty. They looked pissed.
“My woman is not your concern. I appreciate the help you all offered when she was taken. But your commentary isn’t welcome.”
“Too fucking bad,” Leo spoke up. “Wanna know what I just walked into? Alabama trying to stop Ivy from bolting.”
“What the fuck?”
Ivy was planning on leaving? And she wasn’t going to tell me.
“She thinks she doesn’t deserve your sorry ass. She’s ready to cut and run so you’ll be free to find someone worthy of you.”
“Worthy of me? I don’t deserve her. I promised her I would protect her from that cunt. I told her she’d be safe to be breathe easy and be happy. I let her down.”
“Is that why you won’t touch her?”
My anger spiked to an all-time high.
“You’re getting ready to cross a line you won’t recover from,” I told Leo.
“Fuck the line, Viper. If you’re the kind of man who blames a woman for being violated, then you are not the man I’ve always respected. You’re not the man I would gladly give my life for. Why won’t you touch your woman?”
I looked at Linc. His jaw was clenched, his arms were crossed over his chest, and his gaze was knowing.
“Tell them, brother. Tell them while I know you hold her through the night you won’t fuck her.” I was going to beat my brother’s ass for disrespecting Ivy. “Come on, Viper, tell us why you won’t fuck your woman,” he mocked.
God-fucking-dammit.
“Because I’m terrified she won’t want me!” I hollered. “I let her down. She was almost raped. He ripped her clothes off. Every fucking time I close my eyes I see that fucker’s dick near my woman. One second more. One. He would have taken her. I lied to her. Then she saw me. The real me. Not the Zane I am at the office. The cold-blooded killer I am. Who I am deep in my soul. She sat on my lap and I sullied a beautiful woman with the blood of the man I had killed. What kind of man does that?”
“A good one. One that will protect her at all costs. One that will always have her six,” Jaxon said.
“Fuck that noise. I can’t take it. What if I try to touch her and she rejects me? What if I hurt her because I trigger some flashback?”
“So instead you let her think it’s her fault?” Abe cut in. “Because that’s what she thinks. Man up. I respect the hell out of you, but I have zero issue telling you you’re fucking up. You’ve taken away the one thing she needs to heal and move on.”
“I held your woman in my arms while you took care of business.” Declan interjected. The thought of Dec holding a mostly naked Ivy in his arms pissed me the fuck off. As necessary as it was and as much as I appreciated him caring for her while I couldn’t, I still didn’t like the image. “The only thing she wanted was you. The only thing she cared about was if you were okay. Man, all she needed was you.”
“Fuck,” I muttered. “God damn.”
“You seeing it yet? Or do we need to continue?” Linc inquired.
“I fucked up,” I admitted. “I need to talk to her. I can’t lose her.”
“Thank god,” Linc breathed.
“After I fix what I broke with my woman, mark this, brother. I’m gonna lay your ass out for implying she’s a fuck and not the woman who’s gonna mother my children.”
Six men chuckled, and Abe clapped his big meaty paw on my shoulder. “You need anything you call.”
“’Preciate it.”
The moment was ruined when Cooper, Jaxon’s brother who’d flew in from California, slammed the door to the study open.
“Jasmin needs you,” he announced, pinning Linc in place. “Now.”
He was gone before we could ask what was wrong. Seven very worried men ran after Cooper. Leo, Declan, and Jaxon had all drawn their weapons in preparation. If I wasn’t so worried, I would’ve laughed. The truth was in our line of work it was always a possibility a threat would need to be neutralized.
“I’m fine.” I heard Jasmin’s pained voice and holstered my Sig.
“You’re not fine. Leo, will you go start the car?”
“It’s just a little… oh, fuck,” she cried. Linc pulled Jasmin’s slumped-over body closer to him. “Okay. I’m not fine.”
I followed her eyes to the ground and saw the fluid leaking down her leg, pooling at her feet. I didn’t know what I expected to happen when a woman’s water broke. But there wasn’t as much of a splash as I’d thought there’d be.
The other women had gathered around and I caught Ivy around the waist and tucked her to my side. She looked up at me in question and I saw it. All the pain the guys had told me was there. The anguish I’d pretended I didn’t see.
I was going to fix this.
“I love you, Ivy.”
“I love you.”
She’d said it back, but I didn’t feel the words the way I used to. If it took until my dying breath, I’d make her feel words again.
“Lincoln!” Jasmin shouted and doubled over. More fluid trickled down.
“Come on, Sweets. I got you.” He walked her around the side of the house, Leo already there holding the side gate open.
“Congratulations!” Jasmin yelled and lifted her hand over her head in a wave.
A round of good lucks and we’ll see you soons echoed around Jaxon’s backyard.
“I should help Violet, and you need to go to the hospital with your brother.”
“No, Ivy. I go where you go.”
“But your brother - he needs you.”
“I need you more. We’ll go together in a while. Besides, she has two demons to hatch. I don’t think she’s gonna push them out in the next five minutes. I’ve heard it can take hours to get your vagina to…”
“Don’t finish that.” Ivy smiled as I’d hoped. “And it’s not nice to call your nieces or nephews demons,” she scolded.
God, I’ve missed this. Missed her smiling and happy. I was a selfish prick and I didn’t deserve her, but I was keeping her.
“We’re headed out. Tex is expecting us,” Wolf interrupted.
We said our goodbyes and when the group went to leave, the women broke away and pulled Ivy in for a hug. She startled at first before she melted into them. Something else I needed to thank the guys for. I was grateful Ivy had been pulled into the fold. Other than my team, I couldn’t think of a better group than their girl posse.
Linc had called and said it was time for everyone to come to the hospital, Jasmin was ready to push the babies out and he needed us there. Apparently
, he begged his wife to have a c-section, but she’d refused. He was going out of his mind seeing Jasmin in so much pain. I didn’t pretend to know what it felt like to have a human crawl out of my dick, but I’d seen Jasmin in action. She was the toughest woman I knew. I’d seen her tortured and beaten and she’d still refused to break. I highly doubted giving birth would either.
We stepped out of the elevator and before the last of the group could clear the threshold, I heard Jasmin scream.
Okay, maybe I’d been wrong.
“Jesus,” Leo muttered and pulled Olivia closer. “Maybe we should wait downstairs.”
“Afraid of a little crying, big man?” Jaxon thumped him on the shoulder and walked past him.
We piled into the small waiting room and I settled Ivy on my lap, refusing to allow her to leave my side. Over the next hour we waited and had the pleasure of being serenaded with Jasmin’s pleas for help and the pure venom she yelled at my brother.
Christ. Hearing Jasmin had me reconsidering putting Ivy through the pain of giving me children. I was enjoying my woman snuggling close when the door to the waiting room opened and I realized we hadn’t heard any screams in a while.
A nurse entered the room and smiled.
“Parker?”
“Yes.” Everyone answered at once.
“They’re ready for you.”
“Boys? Girls?” I asked.
“I believe the happy parents want to tell you. Follow me.”
She led us through the hall and stopped in front of the door. I clocked Gerald off to the side indicating the President was already inside. We filed in and I found Linc standing next to Jasmin holding a tiny baby wrapped in tight swaddle. The sight of my brother with his child nearly brought me to my knees. He’d done it. He had overcome all the obstacles of our childhood and grown into a man that was good and kind and had earned every ounce of happiness him and Jas had created.
“Well?” Leo asked.
“Boys. I have two healthy sons,” Linc beamed.
The room was filled to capacity as each man on the team passed the babies around. Tom was standing next to Jasmin, whispering something in her ear that was making her smile. Ivy was laughing at something Violet had said and my heart constricted.
Recovering Ivy Page 22