by E. F. Benson
Olga waved the fork on which was impaled a piece of the pine-apple which Georgie had purchased that morning at the fruiterer‘s.
‘The stupendous cheek!’ she said. ‘I thought it must be a joke, and laughed with the greatest politeness. But it wasn't. You'll hardly believe it, but it wasn't! One of the whiskered ones said, “That will be a great treat,” and another put on the face that everyone wears at concerts. And I was so stunned that I sang, and Lady Ambermere beat time, and Pug barked.’
She pointed a finger at Georgie.
‘Never till the Day of Judgment,’ she said, ‘when Lady Ambermere gnashes her beautiful teeth for ever and ever, will I set foot in that house again. Nor she in my house. I will set fire to it sooner. There! My dear, what a good lunch you have given me. May we play croquet at once?’
Lucia's garden-parties were scheduled from five to seven, and half an hour before the earliest guest might be expected, she was casting an eagle-eye over the preparations, which today were on a very sumptuous scale. The bowls were laid out in the bowling-alley, not because anybody in Hitum dresses was the least likely to risk the stooping down and the strong movements that the game entailed, but because bowls were Elizabethan. Between the alley and the lawn nearer to the house was a large marquee, where the commoner crowd – though no crowd could be really common in Riseholme – would refresh itself. But even where none are common there may still be degrees in rarity, and by the side of this general refreshment room was a smaller tent, carpeted with Oriental rugs, and having inside it some half-dozen chairs, and two seats which can only be described as thrones, for Lucia's Guru, though throneworthy, would very kindly sit in one of his most interesting attitudes on the floor. This tent was designed only for high converse, and common guests (if they were good) would be led into it and introduced to the great Presences, while for the refreshment of the Presences, in intervals of audience, a more elaborate meal, with peaches and four sorts of sandwiches, was laid in the smoking-parlour. Then those guests for whom audiences were not provided, could have the felicity of seeing the great ones pass across the lawn on their excursion for food, and possibly trip over the croquet hoops, which had been left up to give an air of naturalness to the lawn. In the smoking-parlour an Elzevir or two were left negligently open, as if Mr and Mrs Lucas had been reading the works of Persius and Juvenal when the first guests arrived. In the music-room, finally, which was not usually used on these occasions, there were fresh flowers: the piano was open, and if you had not seen the Elzevirs in the smoking-parlour, it would have been reasonable for the early guests, if they penetrated there, to imagine that Mrs Lucas had been running over the last act of Siegfried a minute before.
In this visit of final inspection Lucia was accompanied by her Guru, for he was part of the domestic dramatis personae, and she wanted him to be ‘discovered’ in the special tent. She pointed out the site of his proposed ‘discovery’ to him.
‘Probably the first person I shall bring in here,’ she said, ‘will be Lady Ambermere, for she is noted for her punctuality. She is so anxious to see you, and would it not be exciting if you found you had met before? Her husband was Governor of Madras, and she spent many years in India.’
‘Madras, gracious lady?’ asked the Guru. ‘I too, know Madras: there are many dark spirits in Madras. And she was at English Residency?’
‘Yes. She says Mr Kipling knows nothing about India. You and she will have much to talk about. I wish I could sit on the floor, too, and listen to what you say to each other.’
‘It will be great treat,’ said the Guru. ‘I love all who love my wonderful country.’
Suddenly he stopped, and put his hands up to his head, palms outwards.
‘There are wonderful vibrations to-day,’ he said. ‘All day I feel that some word is on way from the Guides, some great message of light.’
‘Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if it came to you in the middle of my garden-party?’ said Lucia enthusiastically.
‘Ah, gracious lady, the great word comes not so. It comes always in solitude and quiet. Gracious lady knows that as well as Guru.’
Pure Guruism and social pre-eminence struggled together in Lucia. Guruism told her that she ought to be ecstatic at the idea of a great message coming, and should instantly smile on his desire for solitude and quiet, while social pre-eminence whispered to her that she had already dangled the presence of a high-caste mystic from Benares before the eyes of Lady Ambermere, who only came from Madras. On the other hand, Olga Bracely was to be an even more resplendent guest than either Lady Ambermere or the Guru: surely Olga Bracely was enough to set this particular garden-party on the giddiest of pinnacles. And an awful consequence lurked as a possibility if she attempted to force her Guru to remain, and that was that conceivably he might choose to go back to the pit whence he was digged, namely, the house of poor Daisy Quantock. The thought was intolerable, for with him in her house she had seen herself as Dispenser of Eastern Mysteries and Mistress of Omism to Riseholme. In fact, the Guru was her August stunt; it would never do to lose him before the end of July, and rage to see all Riseholme making pilgrimage to Daisy. There was a thin-lipped firmness, too, about him at this moment: she felt that under provocation he might easily defy or desert her. She felt she had to yield, and so decided to do so in the most complete manner.
‘Ah, yes,’ she said. ‘I know how true that is. Dear Guru, go up to “Hamlet”: no one will disturb you there. But if the message comes through before Lady Ambermere goes away, promise me you will come out to us.’
He went to the house, where the front-door was already open to admit Lady Ambermere, who was telling ‘her people’ when to come back for her, and fled with the heels of his slippers tapping on the oak stairs up to ‘Hamlet’. Softly he shut out the dark spirits of Madras, and made himself even more secure by turning the key in his door. It would never do to appear as a high-caste Brahmin from Benares before anyone who knew India and its races at all, for he might not correspond with her recollections of such gentlemen.
Lady Ambermere's arrival was soon followed by that of other guests, and instead of going into the special tent reserved for the Presences, she took up a commanding position on the middle of the lawn, where she could examine everybody through her tortoiseshell-handled lorgnette. She kept Pepino by her, who darted forward to shake hands with his wife's guests, and then darted back again to listen to her. Poor Miss Lyall stood behind her chair, and from time to time, as ordered, gave her a cape, or put up her parasol, adjusted her footstool for her, or took up Pug or put him down, as her patroness required. Most of the time Lady Ambermere kept up a majestic monologue.
‘You have a pretty little garden here, Mr Lucas,’ she said, ‘though perhaps inconveniently small. Your croquet lawn does not look to me the full size, and then there is no tennis-court. But I think you have a little strip of grass somewhere, which you use for bowls, have you not? Presently I will walk round with you and see your domain. Put Pug down again, please, Miss Lyall, and let him run about. See, he wants to play with one of those croquet balls; put it in motion for him, and he will run with it. Bless me, who is that coming up the path at such a tremendous speed in a bath-chair? Oh, I see, it is Mrs Weston. She should not go as fast as that. If Pug was to stray on to the path he would be run over. Better pick up Pug again, Miss Lyall, till she has gone by. And here is Colonel Boucher. If he had brought his bull-dogs I should have asked him to take them away again. I should like a cup of tea, Miss Lyall, with plenty of milk in it, and not too strong. You know how I like my tea. And a biscuit or something for Pug, with a little cream in a saucer or anything that's handy.’
‘Won't you come into the smoking-parlour, and have tea there, Lady Ambermere?’ asked Pepino.
‘The smoking-parlour?’ asked she. ‘How very strange to lay tea in a smoking-room.’
Pepino explained that nobody had in all probability used the smoking-parlour to smoke in for five or six years.
‘Oh, if that is so, I will co
me,’ said she. ‘Better bring Pug along, too, Miss Lyall. There is a croquet hoop. I am glad I saw it, or I should have stumbled over it perhaps. Oh, this is the smoking-parlour, is it? Why do you have rushes on the floor? Put Pug in a chair, Miss Lyall, or he may prick his paws. Books, too, I see. That one lying open is an old one. It is Latin poetry. The library at The Hall is very famous for its classical literature. The first Viscount collected it, and it numbers many thousands of volumes.’
‘Indeed, it is the most wonderful library,’ said Peppino. ‘I can never tear myself away from it when I am at The Hall.’
‘I do not wonder. I am a great student myself, and often spend a morning there, do I not, Miss Lyall? You should have some new glass put in your windows, Mr Lucas. On a dark day it must be very difficult to see here. By the way, your good wife told me that there was a very remarkable Indian, who would be at her party, a Brahmin from Benares, she said. I should like to have a talk with him while I am having my tea. Kindly prepare a peach for me, Miss Lyall.’
Pepino had heard about the retirement of the Guru, in consequence of a message from the Guides being expected, and proceeded to explain this to Lady Ambermere, who did not take the slightest notice, as she was looking at the peaches through her lorgnette.
‘That one nearest me looks eatable,’ she said. ‘And then I do not see Miss Olga Bracely, though I distinctly told her I should be here this afternoon, and she said Mrs Lucas had asked her. I hope to hear her sing again this afternoon. She sang to us yesterday evening at The Hall, and very creditably indeed. Her husband, Mr Shuttleworth, is a cousin of the late Lord's.’
Lucia had come into the smoking-parlour during this speech and heard those fatal words. At the moment she would gladly have recalled her invitation to Olga Bracely altogether, sooner than have alluded therein to Mr Bracely. But that was one of the irremediable things of life, and since it was no use wasting regret on that, she was only the more eager for Olga to come, whatever her husband's name was. She braced herself up to the situation.
‘Pepino, are you looking after Lady Ambermere?’ she said. ‘Dear Lady Ambermere, I hope they are all taking care of you.’
‘A very decent peach,’ said Lady Ambermere. ‘The south wall of my garden is covered with them, and they are always of a peculiarly delicious flavour. The Hall is famed for its peaches. I understood that Miss Bracely was going to be here, Mrs Lucas. I cannot imagine what makes her so late. I was always famed for my punctuality myself. I have finished my tea!’
The lawn outside was now growing thick with people, all in their Hitums, and Lady Ambermere, as she emerged from the smoking-parlour again, viewed the scene with marked disfavour. The two Misses Antrobus had just arrived, and slipped up to their hostess with pretty cries:
‘We are dreadfully late,’ said the eldest, ‘but it was all Piggy's fault.’
‘No, Goosie, it was yours,’ said the other. ‘How can you be so naughty as to say it was mine? Dear Mrs Lucas, what a lovely party it's being, and may we go and play bowls?’
Lady Ambermere regarded their retreating backs, as they raced off with arms intertwined, to the bowling-green. ‘And who are those young ladies?’ she asked. ‘And why Piggy and Goosie? Miss Lyall, do not let Pug go to the bowls. They are very heavy.’
Elsewhere Mrs Antrobus was slowly advancing from group to group, with her trumpet violently engaged in receiving refreshment. But conversation was not quite so vivacious as usual, for there was an attitude of intense expectation about, with regard to the appearance of Miss Bracely, that made talk rather jerky and unconsecutive. Then also it had gone about that the mysterious Indian, who had been seen now and then during the last week, was actually staying with Mrs Lucas, and why was he not here? More unconjecturable yet, though not so thrillingly interesting, was the absence of Mr Georgie. What could have happened to him that he was not flitting about on his mistress's errands and being the life and soul of the party? It was in vain that Mrs Antrobus plodded on her methodical course, seeking answers to all those riddles, and that Mrs Weston, in her swifter progression, dashed about in her bath-chair from group to group, wherever people seemed to be talking in an animated manner. She could learn nothing, and Mrs Antrobus could learn nothing; in fact, the only information to be had on the subject was what Mrs Weston herself supplied. She had a very high-coloured, handsome face, and an extremely impressive manner, as if she was imparting information of the very highest importance. She naturally spoke in a loud, clear voice, so that she had not got to raise it much even when she addressed Mrs Antrobus. Her wealth of discursive detail was absolutely unrivalled, and she was quite the best observer in Riseholme.
‘The last I saw of Miss Bracely,’ she said, exactly as if she had been told to describe something on oath in the witness-box, ‘was a little after half-past one to-day. It must have been after half-past, because when I got home it was close on a quarter to two, and I wasn't a hundred yards from my house when I saw her. As soon as I saw her I said to my gardener-boy, Henry Luton, who was pushing ine – he's the son of old Mrs Luton, who kept the fish shop and when she died last year I began to get my fish from Brinton, for I didn't fancy the look of the new person who took on the business, and Henry went to live with his aunt. That was his father's sister, not his mother's, for Mrs Luton never had a sister, and no brothers, either. Well, I said to Henry, “You can go a bit slower, Henry: as we're late, we're late, and a minute or two more doesn't make any difference.” “No, ma'am,” said Henry, touching his cap, so we went slower. Miss Bracely was just opposite the ducking-pond then, and presently she came out between the elms. She had just an ordinary morning frock on; it was dark blue, about the same shade as your cape, Mrs Antrobus, or perhaps a little darker, for the sunshine brightened it up. Quite simple it was, nothing grand. And she looked at the watch on her wrist, and she seemed to me to walk a little quicker after that, as if she was a bit late, just as I was. But slower than I was going, I could not go, for I was crawling along, and before she got off the grass I had come to the corner of Church Lane, and though I turned my head round sharp, like that, as we turned into it, so as to catch the last of her, she hadn't more than stepped off the grass on to the road, before the laurustinus at the corner of Colonel Boucher's garden no, of the Vicar's garden – hid her from me. And if you ask me –’ Mrs Weston stopped for a moment, nodding her head up and down, to emphasize the importance of what she had said, and to raise the expectations of Mrs Antrobus to the highest pitch as to what was coming.
‘And if you ask me where I think she was going, and what she was going to do,’ she said, ‘I believe she was going out to lunch, and that she was going to one of those houses there, just across the road, for she made a bee-line across the green towards them. Well, there are three houses there: there's Mrs Quantock's, and it couldn't have been that, else Mrs Quantock would have had some news of her, and Colonel Boucher's, and it couldn't have been that, for the Colonel would have had news of her, and we all know whose the third house just there is.’
Mrs Antrobus had not completely followed this powerful reasoning.
‘But Colonel Boucher and Mrs Quantock are both here, eh?’ said she.
Mrs Weston raised her voice a little.
‘That's what I'm saying,’ she announced, ‘but who isn't here whom we should expect to see, and where's his house?'
It was generally felt that Mrs Weston had hit the nail on the head. What that nail precisely was, no one knew, because so far she had not explained why either Olga Bracely or Georgie were absentees. But now came the climax, bang on the top of the nail, a shrewd, straight stroke.
‘So there she was, having her lunch with Mr Georgie,’ said Mrs Weston, now introducing his name for the first time, with the highest dramatic art, ‘and they would be seeing round his house afterwards. And then when it was time to come here, Mr Georgie would have remembered that the party was Hitum, not Titum, and there was Miss Bracely not in Hitum at all, nor even Titum, in my opinion, but Scrub. No doubt she said
to him, “Is it a very grand sort of party, Mr Pillson?” and he couldn't do other than reply, for we all received notice that it was Hitum – mine came about twelve – he couldn't do other than reply, “Yes, Miss Bracely, it is.” “Goodness gracious me,” she would say, “and I've only got this old rag on. I must go back to the Ambermere Arms, and tell my maid” – for she brought a maid in that second motor – “and tell my maid to put me out something tidy.” “But that will be a great bother for you,” he would say, or something of that sort, for I don't pretend to know what he actually did say, and she would reply, “Oh, Mr Pillson, but I must put on something tidy, and it would be so kind of you, if you would wait for me while I do that, and let us go together.” That's what she said.’
Mrs Weston made a sign to her gardener to proceed, wishing to leave the stage at the moment of climax.
‘And that's why they're both late,’ she said, and was whirled away in the direction of the bowling-green.
The minutes went on, and still nobody appeared who could possibly have accounted for the three-lined whip of Hitum, but by degrees Lucia, who had utterly failed to decoy Lady Ambermere into the place of thrones, began to notice a certain thinning on her lawns. Her guests, it would seem, were not in process of dispersal, for it was a long way off seven o'clock yet, and also none would be so ill-mannered as to leave without shaking hands and saying what a delicious afternoon they had spent. But certainly the lawns grew emptier, and she was utterly unable to explain this extraordinary phenomenon, until she happened to go close to the windows of her music-room. Then, looking in, she saw that not only was every chair there occupied, but people were standing about in expectant groups. For a moment her heart beat high… Could Olga have arrived, and by some mistake have gone straight in there? It was a dreamlike possibility, but it burst like a ray of sunshine on the party that was rapidly becoming a nightmare to her – for everyone, not Lady Ambermere alone, was audibly wondering when the Guru was coming, and when Miss Bracely was going to sing.