by Ronica Black
Up ahead she saw Cody riding to her from the front. The scene could have been a Western cowboy oil painting, a young cowboy on a glistening chestnut mare, dust rising around her hooves, beyond them an endless sky.
He slowed and eyed the supply horses she was pulling. “Time for lunch.”
Rae glanced at her watch, surprised it was already past noon. They summoned the group and headed for the shade of the neighboring trees. They had crossed the creek, but they were lucky that the water curved and the trail continued to follow its course. The guests were dust-covered and quieter than usual, crawling from their horses with soft groans, wiping dirty sweat from their faces. Rae headed to the supplies to hand out the lunches, but Krista beat her to it, giving her a glare that said, for sure, she didn’t want any help. Tugging off her hat, Rae sat on the ground a good ways from Candace. When they all had their lunch sacks, Tillie offered Rae one but she shook her head.
She wasn’t hungry.
The group looked at her and then looked at Krista, who was not eating either. No one spoke. Krista sat with a numb look on her face, ball cap on the ground, hair thick and tousled and sticking to her neck. Her Western shirt was sleeveless and open, showing off a sweat- and dirt-stained tank top. Rae swallowed against the desire swelling in her belly.
She hates me.
Krista moved her leg and flinched, pulling up her pants leg to look at her wound. Rae watched intently, worried. She wanted to tend to her so badly it hurt deep inside. The wound was bleeding, or had bled, she couldn’t tell. Either way, she knew it needed to be cleaned again to ward off infection.
Rising, she capped her canteen and approached, winning another rattlesnake warning glare from Krista. “I should look at that,” she said softly.
Krista shoved down the pants leg, like a child hiding her candy. “Not necessary,” she said, staring straight ahead.
Rae thought about arguing but she noticed the uncomfortable silence of the group. She remembered the fall Krista took off Dollar, and how she’d seemed embarrassed, wanting to act like it never happened. Maybe she didn’t want to appear weak in front the group. Giving her the benefit of the doubt she said, “Okay, later then.”
Before she returned to her seat, though, she fetched two cold bottles of water and gave one to Krista. She’d taken on more sun and Rae was worried about her staying hydrated. Krista held the water like it was poison at first, but as Rae sat down again and the group began talking, she opened it slowly and took little sips as if she were ashamed to do so.
Everyone was tired and in no hurry to get back on the trail. Adam and Candace lounged back to back and Jenna leaned on Frank’s shoulder, her face hot and flushed. Tom had taken a seat next to Tillie and they’d shared some trail mix and fruit.
Unfortunately, there was very little breeze even though they were next to the creek. The heat hung heavy in the air until the wind wanted to tease a little, brushing against their cheeks and then vanishing. Frank tossed out some crumbs near a pored mound several feet away. A prairie dog popped its head out and waited for several moments, frozen and watchful. When no one spoke or moved, it made a mad dash for the bread and darted back into its hole.
Chuckling Frank spoke. “Are we the only married people on this shindig?”
Most everyone nodded. Jenna raised her head. “Really? No one else is married?”
Tom said he had been married, as did Candace, but they didn’t seem willing to share the details.
Jenna squeezed her husband’s hand. “We’ve been married thirty years today.” Her smile said it all and Frank turned to give her a small peck on the lips.
“That’s wonderful,” Adam said. “Congratulations.”
The group all followed his lead, giving their congrats in soft voices.
“Love is a blessing,” Jenna added. “I hope you all find it someday.”
The prairie dog poked its head out again and stood on its hind legs in anticipation, but upon seeing no more bread, it ducked back inside.
“Love is a curse.” The voice was so soft and low, Rae looked up, wondering who had said it.
“A curse?” Jenna asked.
“A curse,” Tillie affirmed, tossing bits of twig at the ground.
“Why would you think that?” asked Jenna, still holding Frank’s hand.
“Because I’ve lived it.”
No one said a word, waiting. Rae looked up as another hawk called out overhead, adding to the effect, a foretelling of Tillie’s tale of doomed love.
“Tell us,” Krista encouraged.
Tillie shook her head. “It’s a long, sad story.”
“I’m in no hurry.” Adam offered her a sincere smile.
“Me neither,” Candace added.
Tillie seemed to think for a moment and then began. “I met him my senior year of high school.” She chuckled a little, remembering. “I was at a party, drinking with friends. It was March, graduation not far off. We were all excited, thinking we were all grown up.” She stared at the ground.
“He walked in with some friends and I thought Adonis himself had entered the room.” Some mumbles of understanding encouraged her to continue. “He looked at me but I could tell he was shy. A mutual friend introduced us. His name was Gary and he was in Phoenix for spring training. He was nineteen and had just been drafted by a major league baseball team.” Adam let out a whistle that Tillie didn’t seem to hear.
“He was a pitcher. Tall and strong and handsome. A Southern boy from the bayou. We fell hard and fast, crazy about one another. We went to my senior prom and I followed him that summer as he went from team to team, from double A to triple A ball. I met his family and fell in love with them too. He’d met mine and of course everyone approved. I changed my ways as we talked about marriage. I had been a real partyer, not caring about much. But I wanted a family. I wanted him. So I converted to Catholicism in order to have a big Catholic wedding.
“Even though my father paid for the wedding, we had the ceremony in his small town. The church was packed with family and friends. I didn’t know most of them.” She smiled, her eyes starting to brim with tears. “I was so nervous, I was rocking myself in the bride’s room just before. But the ceremony went well. It was perfect. I can still remember that tight little red dress I changed into at the reception. You should have seen how his eyes lit up. We danced the night away with our friends.”
“Sounds like it was beautiful,” Krista said softly.
“Oh it was.” She smiled. “We honeymooned in the Caribbean. The best week of my life. We loved each other so much.” She sighed. “Soon after that, the next season, he went to big league camp and got put into the starting rotation. He’d signed a pretty big contract and we started living like we had a little money. We spoke of starting a family and I got pregnant. We planned it so we’d have the baby in the off season, so he could be there.”
“How long had you two been married at this point?” asked Frank.
Tillie thought for a moment. “Four years when we had Brandon.”
Frank nodded and she continued.
“Brandon was our little prince. He was beautiful and perfect, and my lifelong dream of being a mom had come true. Gary cried with me when he was born.” She paused. “But everything changed after that, in a good way, or so I thought. Our life was no longer about us. It was about Brandon. I thrived at motherhood and Gary was a good dad, always so happy when he returned from a long road trip. We would just lie in the bed every morning, Brandon sleeping between us. We would watch him, sleeping like an angel, and smile. We were happy.”
Candace sighed, her chin resting in her hand. “I want that someday.”
“Really?” Adam asked, surprised.
“Yeah, why not?”
“Everyone should have that at some point in their life,” Jenna said. “It’s what life’s all about.”
“That’s what I used to think too,” Tillie continued. “I thought we were happy. We had Brandon, our intimate life was still good, his career was wher
e he wanted, we had it all.” She shrugged. “So we got pregnant again. This time with a little girl.”
Again Candace sighed, dreamy-eyed.
“I was more miserable this time around, but I made sure everything was taken care of, including my husband, if you know what I mean.”
The group was silent for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. Then Adam piped up, “Oh, you mean,” he bent his fingers, mimicking quotation marks, “taken care of.”
“Yes.”
“Ohh,” Jenna said.
“So I thought everything was fine. Isabella was born in late October, and Gary was able to be there. She was as beautiful as her brother, and I settled back into baby mode, breast-feeding and rocking her at all hours of the night.” She tossed another piece of twig. “At this point I started noticing some troubling signs with Brandon. He wasn’t talking and he was doing odd things, like spinning objects for hours or lining up his toys rather than playing with them. He paid attention to no one else and he wouldn’t even turn when called. It was very hard to do things with him, like take him to restaurants or to stores, because he didn’t like the noise or crowds or sitting still. And run, he could run for miles.”
Another long pause.
“Isabella had just turned one when they told us Brandon was autistic. It was devastating news but we were prepared. We’d been aware and worrying for months up until that point.”
“That had to be hard,” Rae said.
“It was. But you go forward and deal with it. I found a really good place for his therapy. He progressed so quickly the first few weeks alone. So things were okay, you know?” her eyes clouded over. “And that’s when I realized something strange was going on with Gary. It was his sixth season in the big leagues and he was hanging out with the guys on road trips. He started gambling, losing huge sums of money to his buddies in a night. I would go to the bank for cash and the teller would say you can’t, your husband has pulled out the ATM daily limit every day this week.
“Of course, that started some fights. I just didn’t see how he could willingly gamble away five to ten thousand dollars every few days. It made me sick to think about it. Especially when he’d scrutinize my credit card bills, wanting me to justify every purchase. And he was drinking. A lot.
“We came home that September and he started acting like an ass. He stayed out all night drinking, not coming home until three or four in the morning. I told him I’d had enough and kicked him out. He seemed happy to go. He moved in at his cousin’s house and he wouldn’t discuss what was happening. I asked him if there was someone else, or if it was the drinking. All he would say is that he no longer wanted to play baseball and that he didn’t know what he wanted.
“And then he disappeared. He gave me some lame excuse as to why he wouldn’t see the kids for a few days. No one could get a hold of him and no one knew where he was. His family was worried, so I went to his cousin’s house and searched Gary’s Mercedes. I found a stack of missing cell phone bills in his golf bag and suddenly it all clicked. There was a phone number that came up over and over again.”
“Oh, Jesus,” let out Krista.
“Yeah,” said Tillie. “I went home and got online. I found out her name, her age and occupation.” She looked at Krista. “Gentleman’s club entertainer.”
Adam gasped. “No.”
Candace looked ashamed. Everyone knew she was an exotic dancer, and there was no reason for her to feel guilty about another dancer’s behavior, but she said, “I would never do something like that…a married man…”
Tillie held up a hand. “I know, Candace. But I’m sure you know the type that would.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I know a few.”
“I was furious,” Tillie said. “I called him and threatened to throw his beloved bikes out on the street, all of his stuff. When he didn’t rush over, I knew he was out of town.” She sighed. “So I searched the house. I found a cruise brochure. He had handwritten Continental IHA on the bottom. IHA stands for Houston’s airport.”
“You mean he was on a cruise!” Jenna exclaimed.
“You got it. He was on a Caribbean cruise with this woman.”
“What did you do?” Adam asked.
“I called a private investigator. He found out that the woman had no place of residence in her name for the past two years.”
“Oh, my God.” Jenna squeezed Frank’s hand tighter. “He’d bought her house.”
Tillie wiped away tears as she nodded. “When he came home, I backed him to a corner and got him to admit to it. He blamed baseball and the lifestyle and drinking. He said he wanted to quit the game because otherwise he couldn’t stop himself.”
“Bullshit,” mumbled Tom.
“That’s what everyone kept telling me,” Tillie continued. “My mother flew into town to help support me and to help with the kids. I was a wreck. A complete wreck. Gary had always shunned his friends who cheated. He called it ‘dirty’ and swore he would never do it. It was like I didn’t know him anymore.”
She wiped away more tears. “But because I loved him, because of my faith, because of my children, I didn’t run him into the ground. I refused to see an attorney. I hoped against hope that God would somehow make things right. I clung to that for a long time.”
The group was silent for several moments as she composed herself. Tom rubbed her shoulder, his face full of pain and compassion.
“And now I’m here. A year and seven months later. We’re divorced. He married the thirty-seven-year-old stripper. They have a son. Gary just signed his biggest contract to date. Fifty-five million for five years with the Yankees.”
“Gary Thibodeaux!” Frank gasped. “That’s him! The bastard!”
Tillie nodded, tears staining her face.
“Are you all right?” Asked Krista. “Financially?”
Tillie sniffed. “I get enough to survive through child support. But just before I married him, his agent drew up a prenup.”
“Oh, shit,” said Adam.
“I was barely twenty years old, away from my family, so deeply in love. I thought if I didn’t sign it, it would look like I was after his money. That coupled with the fact that I didn’t strike first with a lawyer, it nearly killed me.”
“So you get next to nothing compared to what he makes?”
She nodded. “I get child support. It’s more than most women get. I put as much as I can away in savings for the future.”
“But that’s not fair. You were there through it all. Putting up with his shit. Doing whatever he wanted.” Candace looked like she might cry herself.
“What about the kids, Tillie?” Rae asked. “Does he see them?”
“He saw them quite a bit for the first few months. Then it changed to him calling only once a week. But when she had her boy, he stopped altogether.”
“What an…an…asshole!” Jenna stood and paced, disgusted.
“The new little boy…” Krista started, then stopped.
Tillie nodded. “Yeah, he’s perfect.”
Adam stood as well, kicking a rock. “Well, no wonder you’re scorned on love. I hate love for you!”
Tillie laughed but then she started to cry, covering her face with her hands.
“Men are dogs,” Candace said, grimacing, “just dirty dogs.”
Tom wrapped Tillie’s shoulders with his arm. “All men aren’t like that,” he said softly. “Some of us are good people.” A tear slipped down his cheek and Rae knew in her heart that he was one of the good ones.
Frank too wiped his eyes.
Rae stared at the ground, her own throat tight. She wasn’t the only one hurt by love, it seemed. You’re not alone, Tillie. You’re not alone.
*
Solemn from Tillie’s tale, the group climbed back on the horses and set out into the afternoon sun. Rae’s heart bled in her chest, pained for Tillie and pained for her own loss. She watched Krista intently, noticing her change in behavior as well. After the heartbreaking story she seemed less angry and mo
re sad. She kept to herself and started roping again.
Rae couldn’t help but admire her perseverance and smiled when she finally hit her mark. Krista tugged back on the rope quickly and Adam whooped at her success. The calf struggled and Krista nearly fell from her saddle trying to get to it. Grinning, she removed the rope and hugged the calf.
“You’re a stud!” Adam said.
Krista took off her ball cap and bowed, but when her eyes caught Rae’s, their sparkle faded and her smile mellowed a bit. She tugged her hat down tight and limped to her horse. The wound on her leg was bothering her and Rae’s concern was growing. Krista’s jeans were dirty and a stain had started to spread on the knee. Rae knew she would have to insist on cleaning it later that evening.
As her thoughts and eyes remained on Krista, Cody came riding up from the front once again. “Doc, I think there’s something you should see.”
“What’s wrong?”
He slowed his horse and squinted. “You better come have a look for yourself.”
Rae waved Frank over. “I need you to pull the horses for a while.”
“You got it.”
She helped him tie on the supply horses and then she took off, following Cody along the side of the creek to a heavy wooded area close to the neighboring ranch’s property.
“I was riding ahead,” he said as she came up next to him, “checking the trail when I heard it. I couldn’t figure out what it was.”
They were off the trail now, and from the tall grass ahead, Rae heard the high-pitched whines of an animal. Cody drew back on the reins as the sound grew louder. He slipped from his horse and waited for Rae to do the same. They approached slowly, and by the sound, Rae knew what she would find nestled in the high grass. Rae could smell her but couldn’t yet see her. “Where is she?”
“Over here.” Cody moved along the fence several yards to a disturbed patch of grass. A female coyote lay dead, her foot held captive in a steel trap. Her pup, a dirty brown ball of fur, scampered away as they knelt.
“God almighty.” Rae knelt, overcome with emotion. “If I’ve told them once, I’ve told them a thousand times. No more steel traps.” She swatted away the flies and the stench.