And a fast, quick death in front of the girl I’d protected and loved wasn’t part of that plan.
“See something you like?”
My body went rigid so fast it felt like I’d shattered.
I let my eyes drift to the side to measure her up—to check for any knives she might have in her hands tonight—before tilting my head in her direction.
“Jessica.”
“Nightshade,” she murmured in a giddy voice.
The memory of her lips ghosting over mine forced a stuttered breath from my lungs. Had me wanting things I knew I couldn’t want. Not from her.
“What are you doing here?” I asked instead.
“Hmm . . . I could ask you the same thing.” She leaned over to look in the direction of the bar, pressing her breasts against my arm. She was driving me fucking crazy. “Then again, I think I already have my answer.”
“Do you?” My tone was rough, my chest falling and rising in harsh jerks when she turned her face so her lips were directly in front of mine.
“She’s pretty.”
My eyes raked over her face, and I couldn’t say that I agreed.
Wild. Sexy. Sin. My own personal demon wrapped in this mysterious girl.
She was the poison I was afraid to touch and wanted to lose myself in.
Pretty couldn’t begin to describe her.
And then her words replayed in my mind. “Who?”
“The bartender you’ve had your eyes on since you walked in.” Hurt flashed through her eyes before they were dancing in the way that let me know she was going to infuriate me. “Know her?”
“She’s the reason I’m here.” I tilted my head a fraction closer and nearly groaned when she sucked in a sharp breath and her eyes filled with heat. “And unless you want to get stabbed, I suggest you move.”
She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, that taunting laugh behind each word when she said, “Now that definitely sounds like something I can get behind. Or on top of. You can choose.”
I lowered my arm enough to expose the knife in my hand so the tip pressed against the base of her throat, and watched as her eyes widened with shock and admiration.
“I’ll give you that one.” She sat back, but stayed pressed close to me when I went back to watching Dare’s sister at the bar. “So, who is she?”
“Years of watching and you don’t know?”
“Well, she’s not your lost princess.”
I ground my jaw, but realized her taunt didn’t bother me as much as it had before. Not after my revelation. “She’s Dare Borello’s sister.”
Jessica was quiet so long that if I couldn’t feel her against me, I would’ve thought she’d left. “So, are you going to the dark side too?”
I twisted my neck to look at her. “That doesn’t help me think you’re not Mickey’s spy.” I cracked a smile when she rolled her eyes. “I’m not. I’m planning.”
“Talking to you is like pulling teeth.” She let herself fall back into the booth. “You give me the tiniest answers that create new questions. But do you offer an answer? No, of course not. Because that would be too simple. And you’re the furthest thing from simple. It’s really annoying.”
“You taunt and goad to make people mad,” I reminded her with a pointed look. “It’s irritating. It’s also not you.”
A wicked grin pulled at her lips. “You sure about that?”
I went back to watching the bar, my blood turning to ice when I saw a familiar face arrive.
“Hey there, Hulk. Calm down now. No need to go . . . oh.” What had started as teasing ended with worry. “Kieran, give me these.”
Dare was here. And he was alone.
No crew.
No Lily.
That darkness inside me nearly broke free.
Begging to fuel my rage.
Begging to end a life.
“Kieran,” Jessica whispered, her lips close to my ear. “Let go.”
It would be so easy.
It would be done before he even knew I was there.
I jolted when Jessica sat on my lap, straddling my legs and reaching for my clenched fists.
I gripped her arms and turned her around so her back was to me, and let my head fall between her shoulder blades as I forced rough breaths from my lungs.
Our arms were intertwined and wrapped around her body. One in front, holding her to me, the other pinned between us. And there, between my hand and her arm, lay the knife I’d been holding earlier. I curled the fingers of my other hand around another one of my blades.
I couldn’t remember grabbing it.
I searched her arm then gently brought her other arm behind us to search that one too.
I slid my knives into my pocket and blew out a harsh breath. “Jessica . . .”
“Am I bleeding out?” Even through the music and loud voices, I could hear the tease in her voice.
There wasn’t even a scratch on her.
“Jessica, I’m sorry.”
She twisted on my lap and waited until I was looking at her. “That means yes. How long do I have, doc?”
I worked my jaw and shot her a warning glare. “It’s not funny. You can’t . . . you can’t put yourself in front of me.”
“I’ve been in front of you.”
“And it’s dangerous.”
“I like danger.” The words were said so softly they were almost drowned out in the noise around us.
“Putting yourself in front of me at any time is dangerous. Putting yourself in front of me when I’m like . . . When I’m—”
“Nightshade?”
I let out a defeated breath and watched her for a few seconds before looking past her. I hated that goddamn name.
“It’s physically draining to try to remain in control sometimes. When I’m not in control, if someone’s face to face the way you just were . . .” I shook my head once. And like I was drawn, my eyes found hers again. “It could happen without a thought. It has happened.”
Her lips parted with a rough exhale. And for a second, I could’ve sworn there was longing in her eyes. “Why face to face?”
“Cowards kill people by stabbing them in the back,” I mumbled, remembering my dad’s words and training. “I look them all in the eyes when I kill them.”
It’d taken me years to tell Lily that.
And I’d told Jessica like it was nothing.
Maybe because she wasn’t a purpose.
Maybe because I knew, of anyone in this fucked-up world, she might understand.
She looked at me for a minute then nodded. “That’s oddly beautiful. And morbid.”
My chest shook with a laugh. The feeling foreign and so damn freeing at the same time.
But as abruptly as it began, it ended when Jessica leaned her back against me and rested her head on my shoulder. “So, tell me what brought the Hulkshade out.”
“Don’t ever call me that again.”
“Okay, Nightshade.”
I took a calming breath. “That either.”
“That really bothers you?” She glanced at me for a second before looking toward the bar again. “I think it fits you. It’s lethal. It was used for murders.”
“I never wanted to be used for anything.”
She relaxed against me and after a while nodded. “Yeah. Makes sense.”
“Do you see him?” I asked, bringing the subject back to her question.
A soft laugh fell from her lips. It was the first laugh I’d heard from her that didn’t sound like a challenge.
That sounded like it might actually be her.
“I see a lot of hims.”
“The guy talking to the girl?”
“So, knives of fury almost said hello because someone decided to talk to your girl?”
I stilled. “She’s not. And I know you know who that guy is.”
She quickly sat up and slid from my lap, her hard glare set on me. “Just because I sell myself doesn’t mean I know every man.”
I raked my ha
nds over my face and through my hair. “You’re impossible to talk to. Do you know that?” I leaned closer and hissed, “That’s Dare.”
She sat back, her eyes wide before she turned to look again. “Oh.”
“How have you never seen him?”
“Probably the same way I’ve never seen her.” Jessica gave me a wary look. “Are you going to tell me why seeing him turned you into you, or not?”
I took a deep breath in and released it slowly as I sat back against the booth. “I have a list of people who destroyed my life. He’s the last name.”
“A list. As in . . .” She looked pointedly at my hands and then smiled weakly. “Got it. And how’s that going to feel when you’ve completed your list? Because if he’s the last one on it, that means you can’t complete it without killing him. And if he dies, she’s going to hate you.”
“I don’t expect her back,” I said through gritted teeth. “I never have.”
“But you want her back.”
I didn’t respond.
I had.
I’d thought if she came back to me, I’d take her away from here and we’d be fine. We’d somehow find our way back to what we had been.
That was before I’d realized what we had been was nothing more than a product of being molded into everything she wanted and needed.
“Kieran?”
“No,” I finally said, the word a growl. “I don’t want her back.”
Her brows drew together.
“I was born and raised and trained to be an assassin. Like I was trained to be Lily’s. I protected her because I was told to. Loved her because I was told to.”
“You can’t tell me you didn’t love her for you. I saw you after she left. You have a fucking list because of her, Kieran.”
“I did. I do. But I was in love with her because that was my assignment. Then I started making decisions for myself . . . that’s when I lost her. Now it wouldn’t matter if she came back. There’s nothing left of us.”
Jessica’s eyes were wide with surprise as she watched me talk. “Then why”—her head shook in disbelief—“why do you have a list? Why are you letting these people control your life? Why have you let them destroy it?”
I opened my mouth to remind her that Lily had left. That they’d taken her or been the reason she’d wanted to leave me. But those words suddenly didn’t mean what they used to.
“Because they ended your assignment. Because you feel lost without another one,” Jessica said when I didn’t respond, understanding lacing her words. “I know the feeling.”
She couldn’t. She couldn’t know what it felt like to fail your life’s mission.
She leaned forward, her mouth a breath away. “But what if you’re not lost?” Her eyes lifted to study mine. “What if I’m not?”
I don’t remember who closed the distance. But her mouth was on mine, the kiss so similar to the nights before.
Light. Teasing. A whisper of her lips against mine. And I needed more.
Without a word, she straddled my lap again. Without prompting from me, she turned so her back was pressed to my chest, and she was sitting on my hardening dick.
Her hands raced down my arms and gripped at my fingers as the kiss turned rough and pleading.
I pulled back far enough to look into her raven eyes, searching them for any hint of the taunting seductress that I’d been met with so many times already.
But it was just her.
I crushed my mouth to hers, swallowing her moan and nearly coming unhinged when she rocked against me.
Releasing one of her hands, I grabbed her hair and pulled her head back to rest on my shoulder. I made a slow line of soft bites down her neck, groaning and biting a little too hard when she ground her ass against me.
I was acutely aware of where we were.
Of the amount of people.
But I was seconds away from losing my mind in a way I never had.
No monster.
No darkness.
Just everything that was this chaotic girl.
And I was only kissing her.
But I wanted her.
Needed her.
Now.
I moved my mouth to her ear and growled, “We’re leaving.”
I didn’t give her a chance to speak. I stood with her still in one of my arms and waited to make sure she was steady on her feet before I hurried us through the crowd to the doors.
I never once looked back at the bar.
Once we were out in the humid night air, I pulled her close and devoured her mouth for a brief second before the darkness inside coursed through me.
Forcing her away from me, I waited until my heart rate had evened out, and I was able to push every sadistic need away before reaching for her again.
She’d just tucked herself into my side when a deep voice called out, “Jess?”
Jessica inhaled sharply, the breath sounding like a curse as she turned to look behind us.
And like that, she was gone.
Her arm tightened around me . . . but the girl beneath her chaos had vanished.
“Well, if it isn’t my favorite people in the world,” she said with a wild laugh. “Hmm, well, second and third favorite. There is me, after all.”
Two men approached us. The one on the right rolled his eyes as she spoke. “What are you doing, Jess?”
She placed a hand on her chest. “Whatever do you mean? I’m just out having a night with a friend.”
The guy looked at me and nodded to something behind me. “Save yourself the headache and leave. She has an agenda. She always does.”
“I’m fine here.”
“You hear that? He’s fine here. With me. Imagine that.” Jessica tilted her head to the side and looked the second guy up and down. “Does that bother you, Declan?”
A muscle in the second guy—Declan’s—jaw popped, but he didn’t say a word.
“Jess,” the guy with short, buzzed hair said in warning.
“What about you, Jentry? Does it bother you that he’s fine with me? That all kinds of guys are fine with me?”
“What bothers me is you’re doing this. You find guys with some cash and time and take it.” Jentry looked at the other guy and murmured, “No offense.”
“Fuck off,” Declan groaned.
A wild laugh tumbled from her mouth. “If memory serves, Declan never paid.”
I didn’t know what I was standing in the middle of, but I wanted to leave.
I didn’t have time for this bullshit.
“Fuck, Jess, why won’t you—?” The guy named Jentry slanted a cold glare at me, his nostrils flaring. Gritting his teeth, he said, “If you could give us some space, I’d appreciate it.”
I could see it—the darkness that threatened to overwhelm me . . . it was in him too.
Just as it was in the girl beside me.
I stilled and bit back a curse as I took in his near-black eyes, identical to Jessica’s.
Her brother.
They couldn’t be more opposite. Or more alike.
“Told you I was fine here.”
“Who the fuck are you?”
I smirked.
“Well, this was another great lecture, Dad. It’s always a pleasure seeing you, especially when you’re not arresting me.”
My smirk fell.
“Goddammit, Jess,” Jentry bit out. “Why won’t you let me help you?”
“Because you can’t,” she hissed then turned and stormed off in the direction of Holloway.
“Man, I think that was a record for how long I’ve gone without seeing her. It was a nice break.” Declan rubbed at his jaw, a laugh bursting free when he looked at me. “I feel sorry for you, dude. Looks like you just realized you were about to take a hooker home.”
I narrowed my glare on Jentry. “You’re her brother?”
He held up his hands then let them fall, like that explained everything about being related to Jessica.
“You’re a cop?” I asked, trying not to
sneer the word.
“Got a problem?” he asked darkly.
“None.” I started to leave but stopped. “Want to help your sister? Stop expecting her to be who you think she is.”
Declan laughed. “And you’ve known her, what, five minutes? Ten? Good talk, man. Make sure to wrap it up before you go near that psycho.”
Jentry shot his friend a look but shook his head instead of speaking up. His expression said enough. He was done defending her.
Sliding my glare back to Declan, I let my mouth slip into a menacing smirk. “I’ll remember you.”
With that, I turned and walked back to Holloway.
“Did you enjoy the family reunion?”
Jessica’s voice met me as soon as I stepped into my room. The taunt was there in her words, but it was faint.
Despite what happened in the bar, I hadn’t expected her to be here.
She’d already disappeared into the night by the time I started back home, but there she was. Sitting on my bed, in one of my shirts.
I gave her a hard look. “Who’s the other guy?”
“Declan. Jentry’s best friend. Adopted brother. Annoying person. Take your pick.”
Wanting nothing more than to get the smell of the bar off me, I stripped out of my shirt and went to the dresser to grab a new one. Without looking back at Jessica, I asked, “To you?”
“What?”
“Declan,” I murmured, curling my hands into fists when I remembered his words about her. “Who is he to you?”
“He was a way to get information.”
I gnashed my teeth in anger. “Information. I actually fucking believed you when you told me why you’d been following Beck. Why you’d been watching us. And then I find out your brother’s a cop.”
I looked in time to see her face fall in horror. “That’s not my fault.”
“It’s convenient.”
“It’s also recent. And how the hell is that convenient? Do you know how many times he’s been the one to roll up on me or arrest me lately? Do you know how humiliating that is even though he’s known about my profession for years?”
I turned and leaned against the dresser. “All I know is you’ve been studying us and Mickey has a spy. Your brother is law enforcement, and he wants to help you.”
“Kieran, no.”
I loosened my fist, letting the blade in it fall to my fingertips so it was in view. “You have ten seconds to leave.”
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