by Anya Byrne
As Saul headed toward the city, a strange feeling of finality gripped him. A bond seemed to be cut. He blinked, and realized that he no longer belonged to his father's pack.
He still felt his natural closeness to his brother and his father, which he hoped would help mend their relationship one day. But now, he had only one priority. He could focus on Gavin and Gavin alone. Wait for me, baby. I'm coming.
****
Gavin curled on the couch, nibbling on a piece of ham, chewing carefully as William had instructed him too. In front of him, Jesse paced. "You can't keep it, Gavin. It'll kill you."
"Don't call my baby an "it"," Gavin answered, putting down the food. "He's a boy."
"It's... He's not even human. Aren't you afraid?"
"Of course I'm afraid," Gavin shot back. "But this is my baby, my son. I have to be strong for him. I've wanted a child all my life, Jess. This is a gift."
Jesse plopped down next to Gavin on the couch. "I'm sorry, Gav. I'm being awful about this. I have no idea what the fuck is going on," he admitted. "When the hell did we fall into the X-Files and when did my dad become Dr. Scully?"
"It really bothers you, doesn't it, that your dad kept something like that from you?" Gavin asked quietly.
"Yeah," Jessie replied. "And I dunno. I guess I'm just pissed he won't say more. I know him well and I get the feeling he's hiding something even bigger."
"Bigger than a male pregnancy of mysterious origins?" Gavin snorted. "Like that's ever gonna happen."
They snickered together and Gavin leaned against his friend's shoulder, finding comfort in the touch. For a few seconds, silence fell between them. "It's all right," Jesse finally said. "We'll get by. You'll take some time off from work. The pregnancy is advancing rapidly, so it won't have to be nine months like for human women. Dad already said he can get you a certificate. And he's an amazing doctor. He'll help you through it."
Just like that, Gavin's composure cracked. "I wish... I wish Saul were here." Tears filled his eyes as he spoke. "Oh, God, I swore I'd never cry for a guy again, and especially not for Saul, but I guess guys get hormonal too when they're pregnant. I'm trying to get a grip, but I can't... This is so huge, and I just want to share it with him. I miss him, and the baby misses him, and I'm such a mess, Jessie."
Jessie held Gavin, petting his hair, whispering words of comfort in his ear. It seemed like they were doing that a lot lately, and Gavin might have been embarrassed about it if he wasn't too busy being overwhelmed by other emotions. And instead of getting better, the whirlpool of emotion just kept getting stronger, making it hard for him to even breathe. His heart seemed too big for his chest, and his baby responded with anxiousness and... excitement?
Gavin barely had the chance to register that last emotion before the reason for it was revealed. The door burst open—quite an impressive feat given that Gavin had locked it upon returning from the clinic—and Saul stalked inside. "Get the fuck away from him. Now!" he growled.
Gavin just stared at his lover, torn between astonishment, anger and pure happiness. "Saul?"
"It's all right, baby," Saul said, fixing Jessie with a furious glare. "I won't let him hurt you."
He moved so fast that Gavin didn't even see him cross the room. One moment, he stood by the door, and the next, he was grabbing Jessie's arm and pulling him away from Gavin. Gavin recognized the expression on Saul's face as similar to the one he'd displayed when he'd attacked that bigot. And yes, his eyes were definitely glowing. It hadn't been Gavin's imagination after all.
Saul seemed in protective mode, and he could easily hurt Jessie in a mistaken attempt to help Gavin. There were so many things wrong with this picture that Gavin didn't even know what to address first. In the end, he picked the imminent confrontation between Jessie and Saul.
"Stop!" Gavin said. "Jessie is my friend. I was upset and he was helping me. He'd never hurt me."
He didn't even have to elaborate on the explanation, because just the word "stop" made Saul freeze. He released Jessie, who staggered back, wide-eyed. "This is your Prince Charming? What in the world were you thinking, Gav?"
Saul growled at Jessie. "Stay out of this, human." When he turned toward Gavin, his voice was so gentle it could have come from a different person. "Are you sure you're okay? Why were you crying? Why were you so frightened?"
Gavin wanted nothing more than to throw himself into Saul's arms. He'd tried his best not to think about the other man, but seeing him now just made him more aware of how deeply Saul had gotten under his skin. To top it off, he could feel his baby responding to his father's proximity, and that just made him tear up again.
"Baby? Gavin? What's wrong? Are you sick?"
Gavin took a few steps back, trying to catch his breath. "Sick? Do you have any idea how awful I felt when you left me? How dare you just burst in here and attack the guy who's been by my side when you were gone?"
Saul winced. "I'm so sorry, baby. You have no idea how sorry I am. I never wanted to leave you. But... To tell you the truth, I had some family problems. The man you spoke with on the phone was my brother. He and my father wanted me to... umm... well, to marry someone else. A lot of things happened and I was delayed."
Gavin noticed the vagueness of the explanation and glared at his lover. He crossed his arms over his chest and said, "If you think I'm going to be happy with that excuse, you've got another thing coming."
Saul opened his mouth to reply, but then, his gaze went straight to Gavin's stomach. Looking down, Gavin realized his new stance stretched his shirt, exposing the swell of his belly. "Oh, shit," Saul cursed, sounding dazed. "Are you... You're... Moon be blessed. You're pregnant."
"Clever guy, your beau," Jessie commented sarcastically.
Gavin let out a heavy sigh. "Yes, Saul, I'm pregnant. Congrats. You're gonna be a daddy. And I'm still waiting for answers on why this was possible."
Saul didn't immediately reply. He knelt in front of Gavin and kissed the swell of his stomach. "I'll tell you everything, baby. I promise. Just let me hold you for now."
Emotion clogged Gavin's throat. He dropped to his knees too and leaned against Saul's chest. "I hate you." He sniffed. "Why did you have to leave me?"
"I just wanted to protect you," Saul replied. "There were a lot of circumstances. But I'm never leaving again. We'll be together forever, the three of us."
The sound of departing footsteps alerted Gavin to the fact that Jessie was discreetly taking his leave. Gavin would have liked to thank his friend and reassure him somehow—especially when Jessie cursed as he struggled to bypass the broken door. But it was too nice to be in Saul's arms, and Gavin felt so exhausted, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Saul picked him up and carried him to his small bedroom. He placed Gavin on the bed and brushed a kiss over his lips. "I'll be right back, baby. I'll see your friend off. I owe him an apology anyway."
Gavin nodded and shot Saul a thankful look. "Just... Come back soon, okay?"
"I will," Saul promised, and Gavin believed him.
****
Saul caught up with Gavin's friend just as the other man exited the building. "Hey, wait a minute," he called out. "Wait. I need to talk to you."
The man—Gavin had called him Jessie—turned toward Saul. "And what exactly do you want? I'm kind of busy debating the advantages and disadvantages of calling the police on you. Gav has a history of falling for assholes, but you take the cake."
"I just want to apologize. Gavin means a lot to me, and I truly thought you were hurting him."
In hindsight, he could recognize now that it hadn't been very rational behavior on his part. But the trip here had taken far too long, and every pulse of Gavin's fear and sorrow had increased the aggressiveness of the wolf. He couldn't exactly tell Jessie that, so instead, he added, "I do appreciate you being such a great friend to him and sticking with him when I couldn't."
"It's not me you have to apologize to. Gav was heart-broken when you left. And then the pregnancy thing.
.. Shit, I have no idea what you are, but you'd better be worth it, because Gav is risking his life for your spawn."
Saul's breath caught. He didn't know anything about male pregnancies, since he hadn't heard about it ever happening in the werewolf world. Other paranormal species did it all the time, but for werewolves, it was unusual. "What do you mean?" he asked Jessie.
"Look, I don't know much, only what my dad told us. He seemed to have some experience with this sort of thing and he said that it's going to be very difficult and painful for Gav, that the baby might not even survive, and that Gav himself is at risk. Male bodies just aren't built for pregnancy."
Just the idea of losing Gavin made Saul's blood run cold. "Thanks... Thanks for telling me. I'll speak to him."
Jessie frowned in obvious concern. "Maybe he'll listen to you. Or maybe you'll find a better solution now that you're together. Just let me know what you decide, okay? I'm very worried."
On impulse, Saul hugged Jessie. It felt strange, but kind of nice and familiar, like touching a pack member, or maybe even a sibling. "Thanks. We will."
Jessie broke away from the embrace and smiled awkwardly. "Okay, before this can get more embarrassing, I'm off. Take care of Gavin for me—or I'll hunt you down and rip out your testicles, no matter how much of a badass you are."
With that parting shot, Jessie turned on his heel and walked away. As soon as the other man was gone, Saul rushed back to the apartment. He found Gavin out of bed, staring at himself in the mirror and rubbing his now swollen belly. Saul's heart clenched and his knees almost gave out. He'd never thought he could be so happy and so distressed at the same time. "You're more beautiful than ever," he heard himself say.
Gavin turned toward Saul and grinned. "I admit I didn't really feel beautiful until I knew why I suddenly gained so much weight." His expression sobered as he met Saul's eyes. "Jess told you about what the doctor said," he guessed correctly.
Saul walked to Gavin's side and hugged Gavin's back, burying his nose in Gavin's hair and inhaling deeply. "I don't want to risk your life for anything. I'm just... I'm so worried I'll lose you. Moon be blessed, I didn't even get the chance to truly earn your trust. I can't think about a future we won't share."
Gavin broke free from Saul's arm and took his hand, guiding him to the bed. "Come. Sit down with me."
Saul complied. He couldn't have denied his lover to save his life. As they both sat on the mattress, Gavin said, "I want you to listen to this very carefully. Promise you will, because it's not easy for me to speak about it."
Saul didn't like the sound of that, but he saw the decision in Gavin's lovely brown eyes. "I understand."
Squeezing Saul's hand, Gavin started to speak. "My first memory as a child is a happy one. I remember living in a big house with my parents, and in that particular memory, we were playing in the yard. I had a garden hose and I was spraying my parents with it. My father finally disarmed me, but by then, we were all sopping wet." He smiled distantly, as if he could still see the image in his mind. The smile didn't last. "A few months after that, my father lost his job. He started drinking, then gambling. In the end, we lost everything and we had to move to this hole in the wall apartment. I missed the big yard, but by then, I just wanted us to be a family again, for Mommy and Daddy to smile like they used to. And then, one day, I woke up and my dad was gone. Mom never explained it to me. He just left and never came back. I was so afraid, but she said that day that she'd always be there for me, that it was the two of us against the world now, and she'd never fail me."
"A few years went by, and everything settled down a little. We were poor, but I studied hard and got a scholarship to ease on my mom's expenses. Things seemed to be looking up. I was wary when my mom started dating again, but I figured, she had a chance to be happy, right?"
An ominous feeling niggled at the back of Saul's mind, and he could feel Gavin's sadness and anxiety echoing through their half-formed bond. He squeezed Gavin's hands harder in a silent gesture of support. It seemed to work, because Gavin continued with his story.
"I was fifteen when she got into a serious relationship. The guy was a real-estate agent and, at first, he seemed nice enough. He even asked her to marry him. But that very same night, just after we celebrated their engagement, he came into my room and tried to... You know."
Saul's breath caught and his vision began to dim around the edges. Just the thought of someone hurting Gavin like that made him want to rip that person to shreds. Hatred rose within him, hot and angry—a human's fury coupled with the instincts of the wolf.
"Just give me his name and I'll make sure he pays the price."
Gavin shook his head. "No, I don't want that. I'm just telling you the story because it's important for you to understand me." He paused slightly. "Although, it would help if you held me."
Saul gladly did that. Gavin crawled into his lap, and Saul held him close, giving Gavin time to gather his thoughts. "Anyway, long story short, he didn't succeed," Gavin said. "I went to my mother and told her about it, but he accused me of trying to seduce him and she believed him. In the end, I left, and I've been on my own ever since. I put myself through college, where I met Jessie, and we found work together through one of our previous professors. My mom did eventually marry the asshole and they had kids together, but she divorced him. But all that's in the past. I just wanted to tell you this. I always wanted the family I had with my parents once, but I knew it was only a dream. I became a guidance councilor because I realized I'd likely never have children of my own—not even adopted ones. But now, I have a shot at fulfilling my dream. I can't give that up."
Saul said nothing. Gavin's tale moved him to the core, but it also just made him even more protective of the other man. He had to admit that he wanted to have a family with Gavin too. He wanted it so badly he ached. His wolf could already feel the connection with the unborn baby. But the fear of losing Gavin remained just as poignant as before, or maybe even more so.
Before he could even try to argue with Gavin, though, his mate took a deep breath and approached an entirely different topic. "Now, listen. The two of us agreed once that we'd take it slow. That didn't work out, and I need you to be perfectly honest with me if you want us to get a second chance. Who, and what are you exactly?"
Saul froze. He hadn't expected Gavin to ask that, which, in hindsight, had been stupid. Of course Gavin had questions. He seemed to have accepted the pregnancy thing, which was remarkable given that Saul himself still had problems with it. Nevertheless, Saul owed him an explanation.
Releasing Gavin, he left the bed and stood. "I think it's probably best that I show you. Just promise you won't freak out, all right? Remember that, no matter what shape I might take, it's still me."
Gavin nodded, petting his stomach absently. "Okay. I'll remember."
Praying his lover would take this well, Saul quickly disrobed and left his garments on a nearby armchair. The scent of his mate's arousal—and the feel of it through their connection—distracted him, but he struggled to focus and acknowledge the seriousness of the moment.
Finally, when he was naked, he allowed the shift to flow over him and summoned his wolf to the surface. When, at last, he dropped to the floor on four paws, he looked up at Gavin and waited for a reaction.
Chapter Nine
It was very easy for Gavin to get distracted with the perfect specimen of man stripping for him in his bedroom. It was even easier to get aroused, and in fact, the moment he saw Saul's long, thick cock, his libido flared to life, completely ignoring the fact that his relationship with Saul needed so much work it wasn't funny. In that moment, he just wanted to reach for Saul and take the other man's cock in his mouth—or maybe in his ass.
And then, it became obvious that Saul hadn't removed his clothes for the purpose of seduction. Under Gavin's astonished gaze, his lover's form melted from that a smoking hot man to a huge black wolf.
Up until that moment, Gavin hadn't intellectually processed what his doctor ha
d told him. Even if he'd seen some unusual things about Saul, he hadn't realized exactly what they could mean. But as the wolf pinned him with gray eyes that turned deep gold, Gavin could no longer hide from it.
"Holy shit," he murmured. "You're… You're a werewolf."
The wolf slowly padded closer to the bed and set its massive paw onto the mattress. Gavin tentatively placed his own palm on it, peering closer to the… creature's face. "Saul?"
In response, the wolf whined slightly and licked Gavin's hand. Gavin couldn't help it. He giggled. "Oh, my God, I should have known when you kept mentioning the moon. A werewolf… This is crazy."
The black wolf leapt onto the bed and started to sniff Gavin and lick him all over. Gavin ended up burying his fingers in the wolf's strikingly silky fur. He still didn't fully understand how the hell he'd ended up from a regular—albeit somewhat wacky—guidance councilor to a pregnant man with a werewolf in his bedroom, but it seemed this was his life now. And oddly, he felt so much safer and happier than ever before. Yes, Saul had fangs and claws now, but somehow, Gavin knew the other man would never hurt him.
After a few minutes, Saul shifted back into his human form. He brushed his fingers over Gavin's lips and whispered, "I seriously don't know what I did to deserve you. I was so worried you'd be frightened, and you… You amaze me more and more with every passing second."
"Don't be so quick to compliment me on my accepting nature," Gavin replied, now testing the feel of Saul's hair and mentally comparing it to his fur. "I think I'm still in shock."
Saul didn't take Gavin's comment in the light-hearted way it was meant. "You want me to get you some water? Maybe you need a breath of fresh air?"
Gavin had never thought a gorgeous guy like Saul could ever be described as cute, but there it was. Saul's sudden agitation was just about one of the cutest thing Gavin had ever seen. In spite of the oddity of the moment, Gavin found himself focusing more on how comfortable it felt to be with Saul again, than on the implications of Saul's revelations.