“Mmph?” he muttered, chewing helplessly as Lucas kissed the crumbs from his lips.
“Your Aunt Geraldine won’t stop feeding me,” he muttered. “If I eat another one of these cookies, it’s going to take a month to find my abs again.”
“Does that mean you’re going to pass on my mom’s cinnamon buns and French toast tomorrow morning?”
Lucas sat at the end of the couch, lifting Elliot’s legs and then settling his feet in his lap. “You can help me work that off,” he laughed.
Elliot cast a quick, uncertain glance to the recliner, but his father just rolled his eyes and kept searching Netflix for something new to watch.
A knot that had twisted Elliot up for years finally loosened.
A giant crash sounded from outside, followed by childish screams.
“What the hell was that?” Lucas asked, tensing and turning toward the bay window.
The figures of three small children whizzed past the glass, followed by Kitty’s bouncing head. Lurching after them was a man who had stuck a leering Halloween style skull on his head and draped himself in the red tree skirt.
Elliot snickered. “That’s Kevin, pretending to be Krampus.”
“Aaaaaahhh!” His roar rattled the windowpane.
The children shrieked, and Kitty’s barks rose to a crescendo. A moment later, a flurry of snowballs pelted Kevin from all sides.
Elliot and Lucas both laughed, and even his father smiled.
“You know, I’ve seen prison riots that were less chaos than your family during the holidays,” Lucas said, shaking his head.
“You were in prison?”
Elliot whipped his head around.
Mark loomed in the den’s entrance, holding his little daughter on his hip. His expression was dark, and an ugly bruise highlighted his left cheekbone.
Lucas carefully removed Elliot’s feet from his lap and stood, shaking off the restraining grip on his wrist. His expression was calm, but his shoulders were tense and Elliot sensed the rising tide of Lucas’s doubt and insecurity.
They’d worked so hard to overcome Lucas’s feelings of inferiority. Elliot would be damned if he allowed his mule-headed brother to get beneath his skin.
He stood by Lucas’s shoulder and linked their hands, warmed by the crooked half-smile Lucas shot his way.
“I served some time,” Lucas answered flatly, turning his attention back to Mark. “That’s all behind me.”
“He was a nonviolent offender when he was just a kid,” Elliot interjected, glaring at his brother, who covered his daughter’s ears as if protecting her from their very presence.
Isabella was only four, and Elliot had never met her. She stared at him with wide, uncertain eyes. She didn’t know him as her uncle. She only saw a scary stranger who was making her father unhappy.
“You brought an ex-con around my kids and didn’t tell me?” Mark seethed. “Jesus, your taste in men is atrocious.”
“Lucas would never hurt—” Elliot bit off his retort when Lucas gave his hand a quick squeeze.
“I stole some cars when I was a teenager,” he said calmly. “I never hurt anyone, and I paid the price. I’m not the same man I was back then.”
“We’re just supposed to take your word for that?”
“No.” Lucas took a deep breath. “I hope my actions will do the talking for me. But that’s not what’s got you so hot under the collar, anyway.”
“Oh, really?” Mark snarled.
“Nope.” Lucas sighed. “You don’t like me because I’m gay, and I remind you that your brother is gay.”
Mark crouched down and set his little girl on her feet. He tucked a wisp of dark hair behind her ear and said tenderly, “You run off and see what the boys are doing, okay, sweetheart?”
“It’s not a bad word, Mark,” Elliot snapped. “You don’t need to send her away.”
“Don’t tell me how to raise my kids, Elliot. She doesn’t need to hear adult conversations. It’s got nothing to do with you being gay.”
“Bullshit. You’ve barely tolerated being in the same room with me since I came out.” It was difficult to swallow past the lump in his throat.
“Oh, yeah? That’s because you’re gay, huh?” Mark folded his arms across his chest and glared. “You don’t suppose it’s because you became a pretentious asshole as soon as you ran off to that fancy west coast law school?”
Elliot’s jaw dropped. He was about to retort, but the pang of instant denial in his chest drew him up short. He allowed Mark’s words to rattle around in his brain.
The truth was, he had spent too many years wrapped up in his own self-importance. He’d been so eager to prove he had value, to prove he could make it on his own and have it all.
The Elliot who’d spent his days on tennis matches and cocktail brunches might very well have come across as pompous, especially when he struggled with his identity and self-worth every time he came back home.
“You haven’t looked at me the same since the day you found out I was gay,” he said weakly.
Mark snorted. “If you want to keep thinking that, go right ahead. But I knew you were gay since you were fourteen years old, little brother.”
A harsh breath gusted out of Elliot’s lungs. The pain in the center of his chest was so fierce it felt as if he’d been punched. “You’re lying.”
Mark said nothing, regarding him with dark eyes that were a mirror version of Elliot’s. His face was shut down tight.
Elliot had never been able to read this brother. He’d never understood him. But if Mark had known all along that he was gay, and hated him for other reasons… God, was that better or worse?
The den wavered and blurred. Elliot blinked furiously, cramming the heels of his hands against his eyes to keep the sting at bay.
He was intensely aware of everyone in the room staring at him. The weight of their attention pressed down on him, crushing him beneath years of hard feelings.
He cleared his throat, but it was a ragged and wet sound. “I’m… I… I need a minute.”
Lucas brushed his fingertips against the back of Elliot’s neck.
He spared his lover a watery smile, but kept his head down as he strode past his brother and out of the room.
He liked to think he’d kept the illusion of dignity about him, but that hope was shattered when his father’s voice floated down the hall behind him.
“Go talk to him, son.”
“Why? If he wants to be melodramatic—”
“Because I’m tired of this bullshit. You’re brothers. You’re family. That matters… now, more than ever.”
Elliot didn’t hear Mark’s response. He very gently closed his bedroom door and sat at the foot of his old bed. His shoulders slumped, and he rested his elbows on his thighs and buried his face in his hands.
He was a grown man with a career, a home, and a life of his own. Why the hell did his family’s approval still mean so much to him?
If Mark had known all along that Elliot was gay, that meant he just didn’t like him on a personal level.
Well, hell, Elliot felt the same way about Mark, didn’t he? Who wanted to spend time around such an arrogant, unbending jackass?
Except… despite all Mark’s flaws, Elliot loved him. Deep down, he adored his brother. He always had.
True to fashion, Mark didn’t knock. He just opened the bedroom door and waltzed right in. “You sulking?”
“Fuck you.”
Mark snickered and sat beside him at the foot of the bed. He mirrored Elliot’s posture, folding his arms across the tops of his thighs and hunching forward.
Elliot was reminded forcefully of when they were kids. That bullish thrust of his jaw was exactly the same.
“Dad wants us to kiss and make up. I figure we can do that for him.”
“There’s no way you knew I was gay,” Elliot blurted.
Mark rolled his eyes. “Do you remember when I beat up Sean Dempsey my junior year?”
“You were suspe
nded for a week.”
He nodded. “He told me you were popping boners in the locker room every day. Threatened to tell the entire school.”
Elliot’s eyebrows shot up. “You know that happens to straight kids, too?”
Mark shrugged. “It just confirmed his suspicions, I guess.”
“So you beat him up for saying I was gay? Because, why? You didn’t want to believe it?”
“No, you asshole! Because you didn’t need to be dealing with rumors like that your freshman year if you weren’t ready! If you were gay, it was up to you to tell us, not that little twerp.”
Elliot scrubbed a hand across his jaw and mouth, completely at a loss to do anything except sputter.
“If you’re so cool with it, why did you storm out of the house when I brought my first boyfriend home?”
“Who? Jesse Billings? The loser who gave three cheerleaders chlamydia freshman year of college?” Mark scoffed. “You wanted everything to be sparkly, glittery, gay perfection. You wouldn’t hear a word against him.”
“What about Greg?”
Mark’s baleful expression said it all, and Elliot choked on a laugh. “Okay, yeah… he wasn’t one of my better choices.”
“Look, I’m not going to lie,” Mark sighed. “I don’t understand the whole… gay lifestyle.”
“It’s not a lifestyle— I mean, it can be, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s just me.”
“I guess. But that’s never been my real problem with it, El. I just… I’m your big brother. It’s my job to protect you. You’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I know, and you’re so fucking earnest it’s disgusting. Being gay was just bound to make everything harder for you. I hated that. I still do.”
“You made things harder for me.”
“You’ve got terrible taste in men, Elliot. I’m not going to shake your hand and congratulate you for letting some asshole screw you up the ass.”
“Oh, for God’s sake…”
His brother growled and raked his hands through his hair. “This guy, Lucas—”
“Don’t,” Elliot warned through gritted teeth.
“I was just going to say… he’s not so bad. I mean, I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him, but at least he’s not an insufferable prick like your last boyfriend. Maybe your taste is finally improving. The next one might be acceptable.”
“There will be no next. He’s the one for me. Forever. Just like you and Shirley.”
That gave his brother pause. He looked startled, and then he shifted uncomfortably. “Okay…” he said slowly. “Okay. I can deal with that.”
“It’s not your job to deal with anything. You just need to accept it. I’m forty-two years old, Mark. I’m responsible for my own decisions. Is it too much to ask that you don’t make my life hell, even when you disapprove of them?”
“Someone needs to tell you when you’re making a mistake.”
“Just because the rest of the family bows and scrapes to your opinions doesn’t mean I’m going to change my life when you disapprove.”
“They don’t...”
Elliot gave him a sharp look, one eyebrow raised, and Mark trailed off mid-sentence. “We’re really different people, Elliot,” he said eventually.
“I know.” Elliot nudged him with his shoulder. “But we’re brothers. I love you, and I want you to be happy for me.”
“You do look happy,” he conceded grudgingly. “This clown’s the real deal, huh?”
“He’s not a—” He snapped his mouth shut when he caught the edge of Mark’s teasing grin. “Yeah, he’s the real deal.”
“Okay.” Mark nodded. “I’ll give him a chance. I like how you don’t put on airs around him, anyway. That Greg guy wasn’t good for you.”
Elliot sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. Every once in a while, he did have a tendency to get a little prideful. Thankfully, these days, he had plenty of people around him to keep his feet on the ground.
“Boys!” Their mother shouted down the hall. “Come sweep for me! The kids just upended a sack of powdered sugar!”
Mark groaned. “It was Isabella, I know it. She did the same thing with the baby powder when she was a toddler.”
Elliot laughed and clapped his brother on the shoulder, feeling lighter than he had in years.
He didn’t think he and Mark would ever be easy around each other, and he knew there was some latent homophobia in Mark whether or not he wanted to admit it. But if they were both at least trying to work on it?
That was a damn good beginning.
10
Lucas
The lights on the tarmac blinked like a holiday garland.
Lucas stared through the rain-spattered window at the falling darkness.
He’d never traveled outside the state before, and he’d never imagined he’d be so happy to see it again.
Elliot’s family had been more welcoming than expected, given Elliot’s tumultuous history with them, and witnessing a big, old-fashioned family Christmas had been a hoot. But Portland was home. He was glad to be back.
It was the day after Christmas, and they’d said their goodbyes to Elliot’s family early in the morning before making their way back across the country.
Elliot’s mother had kissed his cheek and thanked him for being there for her son, and Lucas had been forced to look away before he got emotional.
Elliot’s father was still weary and small-looking, but his color was good, and he’d regained a bit more strength every day. Lucas had no doubt he’d make a decent recovery, if only because he shared Elliot’s stubbornness. He’d wrangled a promise from them both to come back later in the year to help celebrate his seventieth birthday.
Mark had driven them to the airport, and he’d stopped in the loading zone long enough to reach out and grab his brother in a fierce hug.
Lucas still thought the guy was an asshole, but he was willing to keep his mouth shut if it made Elliot happy.
“Take care of him,” Mark had gruffly ordered him when they’d shaken hands.
“Always,” Lucas had promised.
It was the truth. Their relationship might be young, but it was the real deal. Of that, Lucas was positive. They’d already been through so much and come out the other side stronger for it. They were going to spend the rest of their lives together.
Despite the family drama, this had been the best Christmas of Lucas’s life, and he knew it was only the beginning. He was determined to make every Christmas better than the last.
Hell, maybe next year, he could invite his sister and niece up to spend the holiday with them. He wondered if Trish still collected those little crystal figurines they sold at truck stops.
The thought of gifts reminded him of his plan, and he checked his texts.
All set, a message from Julio read.
Nerves thrummed in his stomach.
“Hey.” He shrugged his shoulder, jostling a sleeping Elliot, who had been using him as a pillow for the past hour. “We’re home.”
“Hmm?” Elliot’s jaw cracked wide on a yawn. He rubbed one eye. “What time is it?”
“Only six. You want to grab a bite to eat before we head home?”
“I guess. It feels like it’s midnight,” Elliot groaned, standing and cracking his lower back. “Thank God, neither of us has to work until Monday.”
They picked up Elliot’s beat-up Prius, and Lucas drove them into the city.
Elliot tossed out the names of a few places to eat that might be open, growing increasingly annoyed when Lucas ignored every suggestion.
It was worth it when he pulled into the crowded parking lot of a little steakhouse by the river and watched Elliot’s eyes widen.
“This is…”
“Our first date.” Lucas felt his chest puff up with pride.
“How the hell did you get a reservation here for the day after Christmas? They book holidays months in advance!”
“I called in a favor to Maks a few days ago. He knows a guy.”
“Of course he does,” Elliot muttered, shaking his head.
“You’ve got some good friends,” Lucas said, grinning and kissing Elliot’s fingers.
“We do,” Elliot agreed.
“Well? Come on. I want to try the food I was too nervous to eat the first time.”
“You were not!” Elliot protested, laughing as he climbed out of the car and shucked into his jacket. “I’ve never been on a date with a man so difficult to impress!”
Lucas pulled him close and kissed him in the dark, rain-scented parking lot. “I felt like a kid on prom night,” he murmured into Elliot’s warm lips.
“Hoping you’d get lucky?” Elliot chuckled.
“Nah.” Lucas winked. “I already knew that.”
“I’m a sure thing when it comes to you, Lucas Kelly.”
He hoped that was true. There was no way Elliot wouldn’t appreciate his gift, but Lucas couldn’t help worrying that it was too much, or not enough, or just wrong somehow.
He and the guys at the shop always traded Christmas gifts, but they were things like gift cards or a hundred pack of condoms. They weren’t important. This was the first real gift Lucas had bought for another person since he was a teenager, and he desperately wanted to get it right.
Even though he’d joked about getting a second chance at trying the menu, he was too nervous to taste much of his ribeye.
He was driving, so he sat back and nursed his one beer, appreciating the cozy twinkle lights and the giant Christmas tree beside the stone fireplace.
Elliot helped himself to the tiramisu and a second cocktail before they headed home.
He looked happy. The worry lines that had graced his face for the better part of the week had finally relaxed, and he seemed at ease once more.
Family was a crazy thing, Lucas supposed. They could get under a person’s skin like nothing else.
“Why aren’t you parking in the garage?” Elliot asked when they pulled into their driveway later that night.
“It’s too crowded,” Lucas said simply.
“With what? Your bike?” Elliot frowned. “I thought you parked it off to the side before we left?”
The Rules of Gift Giving Page 7