They discussed Maksim’s newest case and Val’s upcoming exam, and they debated whether they should allow Emma on the roof to set up the plastic Santa she’d insisted they buy.
It was a perfectly normal conversation, like every other night, but this evening was different. There was hidden strain in every syllable Val uttered.
They lapsed into an awkward silence every few minutes, and Maksim’s shoulders were twisted into knots by the time they finished eating.
After dinner, he rolled up his sleeves and washed the dishes while Val dried.
The kitchen light was dim and soothing, and the air smelled of cinnamon and clove from the eco-friendly disinfectant Val used to wipe down the counters. It was a routine Maksim loved, doing these simple, family things together. It should have felt homey.
But not tonight.
He braced his wet hands against the sink and stared down into the soapy water. “It’s happening more often,” he said softly.
Val went still beside him. Maksim looked up, and his breath caught at the stricken expression on his lover’s handsome face.
Val’s throat flexed. He swallowed a few times before saying hoarsely, “Nah. I’ve got a handle on it.”
“You need to mention it to Dr. Webb.”
Val precisely dried his last water glass and set it in the cabinet. He hung the dishtowel on the oven door.
Maksim waited for a reply, but the kitchen was so silent he could hear the rain pattering against the kitchen window.
Val picked up the towel again, folded it into thirds, and then rehung it.
“Stop pretending it isn’t happening,” Maksim ordered, frustration leaking into his tone. “Look at me.”
Val’s head jerked around. “Leave it alone, Maks,” he growled.
“No.”
Those gray eyes narrowed, and the stubborn clench of Val’s jaw signaled he was gearing up for a fight.
Maksim argued for a living. He was damn good at it, and he knew he’d win. But he didn’t want to fight, not with Val. He just wanted to get through that thick Italian skull.
He reached out and yanked Val into his embrace.
At first, Val went unwillingly, his steps halting and his hands settling loosely on Maksim’s waist, probably more out of habit than desire.
Maksim would take it.
He wrapped his arms around those cinder-block shoulders, tucked his face against Val’s neck, and squeezed him tightly.
“Hey,” he whispered, wincing at the way his voice tangled in his throat. “This is us, remember? We can handle this. We can handle anything.”
Val rested his forehead against Maksim’s shoulder, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt. His heavy frame shuddered, just once, before he could control himself.
Maksim rested his cheek against his silky hair, breathing in the faded scent of mint shampoo. “You can’t ignore it, baby. You know ignoring it will only make it worse.”
“Can’t get much worse,” he admitted reluctantly.
Maksim’s heart clenched. He tightened his arms, and for the longest time, they stood there in the middle of the kitchen, holding each other and breathing together.
Maksim buried his fingers in Val’s thick hair, hungry to touch him. Val was precious to him, and he desperately craved to reach inside him and soothe away all his wounds.
“Talk to Webb,” he said coaxingly.
“I already have.” Val sighed and pulled away. His eyes were downcast, and the back of his neck was warm and pink with shame. “He thinks this is a bad time of year for me.”
Maksim frowned.
Val had been out of the Marines for over a year now. The anniversary of his parents’ deaths had passed without fanfare, weeks ago. He’d seemed to handle it well at the time, opting not to visit the cemetery, and instead burying himself in his studies.
He gripped Val’s strong, square chin between his fingers and lifted his face.
Val’s gaze was breathtaking. It always had been. His eyes were a pale, clear well that allowed Maksim to see directly to the bottom of his soul. They were the very first thing that had caught Maksim’s attention when Val and he first met.
“What do you think?” he asked gently.
“I think I’m fucked in the head,” Val rasped. His expression tightened. “The summer was great. I had a few good months. But it doesn’t mean I’ll ever be fixed.”
Maksim’s fingers tightened reflexively on Val’s chin, and he quickly released him.
“There’s nothing to fix,” he said angrily. “You aren’t broken. You’re just having a rough time. You’re overworked and stressed by your finals. You probably waited too long to eat, too, didn’t you?”
Any loss of equilibrium had a tendency to ramp up Val’s anxiety. Alcohol, lack of sleep, or low blood sugar were often the equivalent of stacking dry kindling beneath a match that was always half lit.
“I wasn’t hungry,” Val muttered. “I wanted to eat with you.”
Maksim closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to Val’s temple. “I’m sorry I’ve been working so late.”
“No.” Val tore himself out of Maksim’s hold. His nostrils flared and his mouth pinched into a thin, furious line. “Fuck, no! Don’t you dare apologize for not being here to cater to my goddamn mental issues. You’re not my babysitter, Kovalenko.”
He shoved past him, but Maksim caught him by the arm. Val’s bicep was taut as a rock beneath his hand.
“Let go,” Val growled.
Maksim ignored him. He wasn’t afraid. Val had a violent past, but he wasn’t a violent man. He was the most generous, tender-hearted person Maksim had ever known.
It infuriated him, thinking of all the good Val could have done in the world, and all the suffering he could have avoided, if he’d only been encouraged more as a child. If he hadn’t thought the Marines were his only option, his spirit wouldn’t be struggling under the pain of all its cuts and bruises.
“I’m never letting you go,” he said resolutely, stepping into Val’s space, crowding him back against the kitchen wall.
Val went. Because Val was gentle. Because no matter how furious he was, Val had never wanted to hurt anybody.
“I’m not your babysitter. I’m your partner,” he whispered. “I want to be here when you need me.”
“Well, you can’t be,” Val spat furiously. “The little baby will have to learn to change his own diaper.”
Maksim cupped that stubborn face in his hands.
“Stop,” he whispered, brushing his lips over one high cheekbone. “Just stop. Please.”
He dragged his mouth down Val’s jaw. Stubble burned against his lips and made him shiver.
Val’s sigh was tremulous when their mouths touched, and Maksim kissed him lightly, sweetly. He lingered at the entrance of Val’s mouth, content to taste and revel in the plush softness of his lips without seeking more.
He loved how Val kissed, the way his entire being strained into their single point of contact, instantly surrendering access.
When he was alone in his office, he daydreamed about the way Val kissed, so generously it took his breath away.
Val’s breath quickened as Maksim’s tongue parted his lips, and the sound alone had Maksim’s cock hardening in his pants.
Val’s hands dropped to his hips, pulling him close and grinding against him, but Maksim angled his pelvis away.
He reluctantly withdrew his tongue from Val’s mouth.
“Now isn’t the time,” he whispered.
“Don’t you dare fucking treat me with kid gloves, Kovalenko.” Val glared. “Am I your man or your responsibility?”
He was both, though Maksim would never admit it aloud. Everyone he cared about was his responsibility, but Val’s pride wouldn’t agree. “You need sleep—”
Val growled and yanked him back, crashing their mouths together beneath a furious onslaught.
Maksim moaned and sank into his heat, losing himself in the one man who could bring him to his knees.
Val’s hands were like steel around the back of Maksim’s neck, holding him still as he tore his mouth free and plundered the column of Maksim’s throat. His unshaven chin rasped against Maksim’s sensitive skin, raising the hair on the back of his neck and making him ache.
Val’s hands kneaded his ass, pulling their hips flush against each other. Maksim’s hips twitched, and he rubbed himself like a cat against Val’s hard length.
“I missed you today,” Maksim groaned, shivering when Val’s teeth scraped across his Adam’s apple.
“Yeah?” Val rasped. His tongue dipped into the hollow of Maksim’s throat. “Show me how much.”
Maksim rucked up the hem of Val’s t-shirt, baring the ridges of his washboard abs and the firm swell of his pecs. He pinched one dark nipple between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it just hard enough to make Val hiss and arch away from the wall.
Always so responsive. Val acted as if he’d never been touched properly before Maksim entered his life, and the thrill of pleasing his lover was as good as a hand stroking his cock.
He dipped his head and laved the opposite nipple with his tongue. Val’s fingers threaded through his hair, pressing him closer, and Maksim bit down gently.
“I love you, Maks,” he whispered, staring down with eyes that were huge and dark, as gray as the Pacific Ocean. His eyes were made for drowning.
“Good,” Maksim husked, sliding to his knees and wrapping one arm around Val’s waist. “Because I’m never letting you go.”
He unhurriedly opened Val’s jeans, slipping his erection free and giving it a few appreciative strokes. His thumb toyed with the flared head, gathering up a single pearly drop.
Flashing a grin up at Val, he sucked the taste off his thumb. Val’s essence burst over his tongue, and his mouth watered for more. Cradling his length in steady fingers, he swiped his tongue across the tip.
“You’re going to kill me,” Val groaned.
“You can handle it.”
“Not tonight.” The plea in his voice tore at Maksim’s resolve. “I need you so much, Maks. I need to lose myself for a minute. I need you to make it all go away.”
Maksim hated to hear Val beg. He swiftly opened wide and sucked him deep.
Val gasped, both hands resting on the back of Maksim’s head as he began a slow, luxurious worship of the cock between his lips.
He cast his gaze up Val’s body and felt an instant bolt of lust in his groin.
His lover stood like a conquering warrior, strong legs splayed wide, head thrown back and eyes fixed on the ceiling.
He pressed both hands against the back of Maksim’s head, pushing gently. It was more a suggestion than a demand, light enough that Maksim could ignore it, if he chose.
He gave a lingering suck as he pulled off Val’s length. “I’m yours, sweetheart. Take what you need.”
Val whimpered and bucked his hips. Maksim tightened his arm around his waist and pulled him closer, relaxing his throat and impaling himself deep on his length.
The broad head of Val’s cock nudged his throat, stealing his breath. He swallowed reflexively around the intrusion, and Val shuddered.
Maksim pulled back slowly, sucking languidly until the very tip of his length slid free with a wet pop.
“Take these off,” he growled, voice hoarse from use. “Let me see you.”
Val shimmied his jeans down his thighs and Maksim took hold, slicking them down his legs and bracing him with one hand as he stepped free. His shirt was still rucked up around his neck, but that was fine.
Maksim feasted on the long, clean lines of Val’s exquisite body, trailing kisses over the bulge of his naked thigh, licking the gentle indentation where his abs tapered down to his groin.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.
“Maks…” Val pleaded.
Maksim gripped him by the back of one thigh and hitched his leg up over his shoulder. Val’s fingers dug helplessly into the wall behind him, searching for balance, but Maksim’s arm around his waist held him steady.
He nuzzled his balls, gently sucking first one side and then the other into his mouth, before dipping low and running his tongue against the tender flesh of his perineum. Val’s thigh trembled where it rested on his shoulder.
“Feels so good,” he moaned.
“Tastes so good,” Maksim growled, slipping his mouth back around the head of Val’s cock and beginning a steady rhythm.
He slid down Val’s length, taking him all the way to the root, and then hollowed his cheeks and sucked his way back to the tip. Val was leaking steadily, but it wasn’t enough, and it became his heart’s mission to swallow every drop he could coax from him.
“I’m going to…” Val never finished his warning. His back arched, and he strained up, forcing himself even deeper between Maksim’s lips.
Hot, bitter fluid spurted across Maksim’s tongue. He groaned, swallowing gratefully, warmed to his core by Val’s essence.
It was with incredible reluctance that he gentled his lips and allowed Val to slip from his mouth, but he knew his lover was always too sensitive for extra stimulation after he came.
He licked his swollen lips and rocked back on his heels, aching so badly to turn Val around and enter him right there, but knowing it wasn’t the right time.
Val slumped against the wall with the crook of one arm thrown across his eyes. Sweat gleamed on the valley of his abs, and his chest heaved.
Maksim kissed the flat of his stomach and then eased to his feet, wincing at the creak in his knees. He dropped a nibbling kiss on Val’s damp lips, and Val’s mouth clung to his, though his eyes were still covered by his arm.
“Come to bed with me,” he whispered. “Let me hold you.”
“What about you?” Val croaked.
He still wasn’t looking at him, so Maksim took the opportunity to give himself a hard squeeze and adjust the drape of his pants. “I already got everything I needed.”
Ordinarily, Val wouldn’t have believed him. But he looked so desolate when he dropped his arm and scanned the kitchen, that Maksim knew he just didn’t have any more energy left to help him to his own climax. That was fine. Watching Val orgasm was his favorite part, anyway.
“I need to study,” Val rasped, gaze falling on the stack of books on the counter.
“You need to sleep. As my mother used to say, tomorrow is also a day.”
He reached behind Val and flipped off the kitchen lights. “Come on. Let’s get some rest. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
He hoped he spoke the truth, but he couldn’t be sure.
Val had been doing so well. Between his therapy sessions and settling into life as a couple, he’d been happy and relaxed in a way that Maksim could only assume he hadn’t been since before he’d joined the Marines. He hadn’t had a PTSD attack all summer. He’d been able to laugh with Reese about old Recon stories, and he’d opened up to Maksim whenever a difficult memory bubbled up through his subconscious.
But the cold weather had brought with it increased workloads for them both. The VA therapist had warned Val letting his body get run down would lower his defenses and make him more susceptible to triggers. But Valentine Rivetti wasn’t a man who took it easy.
Maksim’s body had calmed to a dull ache by the time they stripped and slid beneath their sheets.
Val reached for him, and Maksim went willingly, snugging himself against Val’s naked side. He drew one thigh up over Val’s hips and wrapped one arm around his thick torso.
Val finished his exams next week, and then he had a month-long break. Maksim considered putting in for some vacation time. They could sleep and eat and fuck all day for the entire holiday season, until they got bored and decided to wander from their secluded cabin and back into the real world. It was just the thing to recharge their batteries.
Val heaved a sigh, and Maksim felt all the fight e
ase out of his body. They breathed together in the darkness.
“You’re the strongest man I know, Valentine Rivetti.”
Val kissed the top of his head but said nothing.
“It tears me up that I can’t do more to help you through this,” Maksim admitted roughly.
“Can’t save the world, Mr. Pro Bono.” There was a grim smile in Val’s voice. “This is something I’ve got to deal with alone.”
Eventually, Val’s breathing evened out in sleep.
Maksim placed his hand over his lover’s muscled chest, reassured by the steady beat of the loyal heart beneath his palm.
Alone, huh?
There was nothing Maksim could do to take away Val’s painful memories. But wasn’t there a way to make sure he didn’t face them alone?
3
“Merry Christmas!” Emma shouted, bringing the scent of crisp air and fruity perfume with her as she climbed into the Mercedes.
She slid across the buttery leather backseat and tossed her backpack onto the floor, leaning forward to plant a smacking kiss on each man’s cheek in turn.
“You’re three weeks early,” Val drawled, cupping a protective hand over his travel thermos before coffee spilled all over his lap.
He was dressed like an urban lumberjack, and Maksim had barely been able to keep his hands off him all morning. His boots were worn, his jeans cupped his firm ass, and his thick brown coat made his shoulders look massive.
He’d woken Maksim that morning, spooned behind him, one hand on his lower belly, his other hand lightly stroking his erection to life. Maksim had shaken and shuddered in his arms as Val feasted on his neck and worked him to a hard and fast orgasm.
But it hadn’t been enough. Nothing would ever be enough. All it took was one look at Val, rugged and sexy in his sturdy outdoor clothes, and Maksim was ready to go again.
But they had Emma this weekend, so it would have to wait.
“So, where are we going, gents?” Emma asked, clicking her seatbelt into place and whipping out her smartphone. The thing was glued to her hand these days.
“We’ve signed you up for an SAT prep course,” Maksim announced, watching her in the rearview mirror as he pulled away from the curb.
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