Timeless Mist

by Terisa Wilcox

  * * *

  "Would ye like some wine?" Iain asked Kris as she sat in a surprisingly comfortable chair in his study.

  She shook her head, "not unless it's well watered down."

  He grinned at her and nodded, pouring himself a tankard of ale. He'd been thinking all day of how he was going to approach her about the subject of a betrothal between them.

  Kris took the goblet of wine he handed her and sipped it. It would at least help to alleviate the sudden dryness of her mouth. She was nervous about this conversation and though she tried to hide it, she knew her bouncing leg probably gave it away.

  Iain smiled at her again and sat down at his desk across from her. Kris watched him from beneath lowered lashes. If she didn't know better, she'd think he looked nervous. That observation made her feel better for a moment.

  But why was he nervous? A little voice in her head asked before she could relax. Was it because he was going to tell her she had to leave the castle? Maybe tell her she would have to go find a cottage in the village to live and some way to survive? But what did she know how to do? She could paint. Maybe she would be able to earn a living doing that.

  She took a deep breath and had just decided to put him out of his misery by thanking him for his hospitality, but she really thought it was time she found her own way in the world when Iain spoke first.

  "The reason I wanted to speak wi' ye is to discuss your future here, lass." He put a hand up to stop her before she could respond to that. He noticed she sat stiffly in her chair and realized she must be nervous about what he had to say. He cursed himself silently, realizing he should have spoken up earlier to put her fears to rest.

  Kris spoke up, ignoring his look and his outstretched hand.

  "I know I need to find some way to make a living. Maybe I can find a small place in the village and live there. Is there an empty cottage there I might be able to rent from you?"

  "I dinnae think that will be necessary, lass."

  "But…"

  "Just hear me out before ye jump to conclusions. I have a proposition to put to ye, but I dinnae want ye to take what I say the wrong way, nor answer right away. I wish ye to think o'er verra carefully my suggestion before ye say aye or nay to it. Will ye do that?"

  Kris thought for a moment, then nodded slowly. She knew it would be difficult for her to comply with that request, so she said, "I will do my best."

  He smiled at her and got up to pace before the fire. "I ha'e thought long about what I am to say to ye and 'tis the best solution I can come up wi'. Ye need to be protected. Ye ha'e nay idea how vulnerable ye are. Nay just as a lass on her own, but as one who is nay from this time. 'Tis nay easy for a lass wi' out kin or clan to take care of her and protect her. 'Twill nay be easy for ye to make a living either. The only ones that can oft do the like are prostitutes and I dinnae think ye wish to make a living being a whore. Ye could try your hand at being a seamstress, but ye ha'e said ye dinnae sew."

  Kris gasped and shook her head.

  Iain took a deep breath and continued, "so, here is my suggestion. I propose we handfast." He put up his hand to stop the outburst he sensed coming from her when he heard her sharp intake of breath.

  "Nay. Hear me out before ye say nay. If we are betrothed or handfasted, then ye will be under my protection. My clan, the people in my clan doonae trust strangers and wi' good reason. As my betrothed, howe'er, ye will be accepted more readily as one of the clan. Ye will nay longer be looked upon as an outsider. Ye are English. 'Tis excuse enough for some well-meaning soul to do ye harm, especially now. Ye will still ha'e to earn the trust of the people, but 'twill be easier to do if we are wed or at least betrothed. If we are handfasted, then after a year and a day, ye, or I, will be free to either stay wi' each other and ha'e a formal wedding ceremony, or we may part wi' no consequences. By that time, ye may wish to be wi' someone else. Such a thing isnae frowned upon and willnae be held against ye."

  "So it's sort of like a trial marriage?"

  "Aye, ye could say that." Iain looked at her, but did not meet her eyes. "We dinnae e'en need to consummate it if ye dinnae wish it."

  Kris was silent a long time before she answered.

  "I can see the logic behind what you say. And I know you're right, too, about my surviving in this time. It's a whole new world for me and I don't understand all the ins and outs of it yet. All I know about this time period is what I've read about in the history books. To read about it is not the same as living it." She looked down at her hands and realized they were trembling. She clasped them together to stop their shaking. "I can't answer you right now, though. I need some time to think about this. I mean, it's a big decision to make."

  "Of course it is. 'Tis a big decision for me as well, Kristianna, one I doonae take lightly. I will gi'e ye the time ye need to think it all o'er."

  "Thank you."

  "I shall see ye back to your rooms now, lass."

  He left her at her door with a kiss that curled her toes. "Think on that as well when ye are making your decision." He left without looking back at her.

  * * *

  Kris stood with her hand on the door staring after Iain. Had he really just asked her to marry him? She shook her head and shut the door with a quiet click then bolted it.

  She sat in the chair by the hearth and stared unseeing into the flames. Iain hadn't spoken of feelings or of love. He hadn't even spoken of caring about her at all. He'd even said they didn't have to consummate the marriage. Was that what he hoped? And what was she supposed to do after this supposed handfasting was at an end?

  It might be easier for her if she hadn't started to have feelings for the man. And how was she supposed to hide those feelings if they were wed? Wouldn't they be spending a lot more time together? And if Iain wanted his clan to think they were really wed, or handfasted, how far would they have to go to portray that to the people? Wouldn't they have too at least pretend they cared for each other? Of course, there wouldn't be any pretense on her part.

  Kris sighed and rose to pace.

  This was just so bad on so many levels. She had to be reasonable, to think logically, but her feelings for him had nothing to do with reason or logic. Iain raised old fears and uncertainties in her. Feelings she thought she had let die a long time ago. It seemed those feelings were only buried. Deep in her heart, she knew she'd always been afraid of these emotions. Afraid of loving too much, afraid of being hurt again, afraid of never finding what she really sought.

  A man who would love her for her. Not someone who would try to change her or make her over, but one she could talk to, who would listen to her and enjoy being with her. Would she ever find that sort of thing now?

  She highly doubted it. Not with the way fate had treated her recently.

  Iain was right. The best solution at the moment would be for them to wed, or handfast as he'd put it. So why was she agonizing over the decision?

  Because no matter what he'd said about it only being for a year and a day, she knew she'd want more. She wanted to know she belonged, too know she was cared for. Could he give her that caring? Even just a little bit?

  She'd seen the desire in his eyes, he'd even kissed her a few times, kisses that had literally rocked her socks. But did that mean he cared? Or simply that he wanted her in his bed. Men didn't always equate emotions with lust. They were usually two separate things, and in her experience, men could not think with both their brain and their…well, um, that part of their anatomy, at the same time. She blushed at the thought.

  She was frozen in a sort of limbo where any decisions or actions seemed impossible. The haze of feelings and desires were enough to send her running for cover.

  Stopping her pacing, she gazed out the window and tried to weigh the whole situation. To put all the emotions aside for the time being and think on just the structure of events. If she didn't accept Iain's 'proposal', her future looked vague and shadowy. She had no skills to speak of that she could use to support herself and no other prospects ei
ther.

  She closed the shutters and leaned against them. As she saw it, she had no other recourse. She would have to tell Iain yes. And hope and pray that somehow she could keep her emotions from becoming too involved.

  Huh, fat chance there.

  Before she went to speak to Iain, however, she would take some time to think it through and gear herself up for what was to come.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Iain closed his eyes and opened them again, trying to concentrate on the figures before him, but his mind kept wandering.

  It had been almost two days since he'd suggested a handfasting to Kristianna. Since then he'd not even seen her, except at a distance. She'd taken all of her meals in her room, telling Elsbeth she needed time alone to think.

  When Iain had inquired after her, Elsbeth had delivered that message to him. He wanted to ask more, but hadn't dared. It would do no good to let on that he was beginning to care for the lass.

  Running a hand through his hair, he gave up on trying to decipher the numbers before him, rose from his desk and walked to the hearth. Leaning against the mantle, he stared unseeing into the flames. He was anxious about Kris' answer and thinking about it only made it worse, but he simply could not get his mind to focus on the task at hand.

  Starting at a hand laid on his arm, he looked up to find his màthair beside him. He hadn't even heard her enter his solar.

  "Ye look troubled."

  Iain dropped his arms and strode back to his desk.

  "Would ye care to tell me what is on your mind?"

  He started to say nay, then thought better of it. Perhaps his màthair, being from Kris' own time, could tell him what it was that Kristianna needed to think on for so long.

  "I imagine ye ha'e spoken with Kris." It wasn't exactly a question.

  Iain nodded.

  "Might I inquire what ye said to her and why we ha'e nay seen her in two days?"

  Iain slowly nodded his head "I asked her to handfast wi' me." He sank heavily into his chair, and looked at Sorcha, knowing that was not enough. She would want the entire tale.

  Sorcha raised a skeptical brow at him and settled herself in the chair across the desk. "And?"

  "And what? She said she would think on it and that is the last I ha'e seen of her."

  "Iain," Sorcha began deliberately, "doonae be obtuse. Ye know what it is I wish to know. What exactly did ye say to the lass?"

  He rose from his chair and went to stand before the window, "I explained the situation to her, about the clan and such, then gave her the best solution to the problem as I saw it."

  "Iain, please tell me ye dinnae suggest to her that it would be a logical thing for ye to wed?"

  "And what is wrong wi' that?" he asked defensively, turning to face her.

  Sorcha rolled her eyes at him as she stood up, her hands going to her hips. "Ha'e I taught ye nothing about women? Dinnae I explain to ye what women from the future are like?" She didn't wait for his nod of affirmation, but continued in her tirade. "I could ha'e sworn I told ye that women like Kristianna are fiercely independent."

  "Aye, màthair, ye did. Which is why, giving her a logical explanation was the best way to go as I saw it. She is an intelligent lass, and needed to know the truth of her position."

  "I agree she is verra intelligent. But she is also a woman, Iain. And all women, no matter the century, ha'e feelings that cannae be ignored. A woman doesnae wish to be told it is a logical idea for her to wed, especially a woman from the twenty-first century."

  She moved to stand beside him at the window, turning his face to meet his gaze. "I know ye, Iain. Ye are a kind-hearted lad and mayhaps ye feel things too much at times. Ye care for this lass. I can see it in your face e'ery time ye gaze at her when ye think no one is watching. Ye must nay be afraid to let those feelings come out. Kristianna needs to be wooed. Aye, and she deserves it, too."

  "And how would ye suggest I do that, màthair. In case ye ha'e forgotten, there is a war going on."

  "Dinnae get surly wi' me, my fine laird. Ye willnae get far wi' that kind of attitude wi' Kristianna, either. I am offering ye my suggestions and my opinion. Take them as ye like, or not, 'tis entirely up to you."

  She turned and stalked to the door, "but I am telling you, ye willnae get far wi' that lass if ye dinnae heed me. Oh, she may say ye aye, but without a wooing, ye will ne'er ha'e her heart. Nay fully. She needs to see who ye really are, Iain. To see beyond the man ye present as laird, to see the real man beneath the walls and shields ye ha'e erected around yourself."

  With that, she left the room, closing the door with a quiet click.

  Iain turned back to the window and watched the goings on in the inner bailey with unseeing eyes. His thoughts turned over all his màthair said and aye, she was correct. Kristianna did deserve to be wooed. He just was not certain it was in him to do the like.

  He gave himself a mental shake and refocused his attention. He had work to do, things to see accomplished. He had no time to wonder how to woo a girl from the future. Not that he really wanted too, either. He would just have to force his thoughts away from such frivolities.

  Mayhap later, when he was alone in his rooms, he would turn his mind to such things. As well as how to woo her without her thinking he cared overly much for her. Which he did not, he reminded himself, firmly.

  He scanned the scene below again, this time really looking, until his gaze came to rest on the lists.

  Raibert was there with Devyn, training the lad. He watched with a critical eye for a few moments. Devyn's movements as he tried to copy Raibert were a bit jerky and uncertain, but the lad had potential. He seemed eager to learn everything Raibert tried to teach him.

  Training Devyn might help to refocus his mind to more important and productive things than whether or not Kris would answer him in the affirmative or not. What he would do if she said nay, and how, if that was the case, he could entice her into saying aye, he had no idea.

  Aye, he nodded to himself; he would put aside any and all thoughts of wooing Kristianna until later. Mayhap he would speak to Raibert about it. Although his captain was a suspicious sort, he never seemed to lack for female companionship.

  * * *

  Kris stood on the high walls of the keep and very carefully, holding on for dear life, looked down. It was quite a way down to the ground from where she stood and she drew a shuddering breath at her foolishness. She didn't usually climb this high if she could help it and never on purpose, being deathly afraid of heights.

  She closed her eyes and took a firmer grip on the wall, willing the dizziness to dissipate. She probably shouldn't have given in to the urge this morning to check out the view from the top of the keep, but she'd needed some fresh air, more than the small window in her room would allow her. Not wanting to run into Iain before she was ready to give him her answer, she'd opted for the walkway instead.

  Although she could have asked Sorcha or even Elsbeth to accompany her, and thus felt safer, but she wasn't ready to answer Sorcha's inquiries just yet. At least not before she'd informed Iain of her decision. And she'd had enough of Elsbeth's questioning looks over the past two days to last the rest of her life.

  She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. The lightheadedness was well worth it just for the view before her. She could see for miles now that the mist had finally burned off with the early afternoon sun.

  Beginning to relax a bit, she rested her elbows on the wall and sighed with pleasure, glad for once her curiosity had gotten the better of her.

  The air was crisp and cool, but the sun, along with the cloak she'd grabbed from the chest, warmed her well enough. This was what she'd needed. Some time alone, out in the fresh air to think and weigh her decision more carefully.

  Saying yes to Iain was a very logical and reasonable thing to do considering her options. Which at this point in time were quite limited to say the least. But what about emotions? Were there going to be any feelings involved at all? Of course there had been those kisses th
at tended to curl her toes, but did they have any effect on Iain?

  She blew her hair out of her eyes in annoyance. What was the use? She'd asked all these questions the day Iain had proposed to her and she was no closer to an answer now than she'd been two days ago.

  She'd avoided Iain like he had the plague. She simply couldn't think with that man around. Her thoughts kept wandering to what it would be like if he cared for her, if he could come to love her as much as she was realizing she loved him.

  She didn't know why. He hadn't exactly made her feel welcome and secure. There was just something about him that drew her, like a moth to the flame. Cliché, yes, but true just the same.

  And when he held her, she felt as if she'd come home, she did feel safe and secure, as if no outside force could touch her or harm her ever again.

  Well, whatever came of it, for better or worse, she'd made her decision. She wasn't about to go back on it now. She only had to tell Iain. Then maybe some of her questions about where they went from there would be answered.

  With a sigh, she turned and headed back down the stairs. She'd find Elsie and ask her where Iain was, or perhaps one of the other servants would know.

  She might as well get this over with.

  * * *

  Iain cleaned up his papers, putting them in the special drawer his father had built into the desk. He'd work on those later, after some training put his mind back on the right track.

  He strode purposefully to the door and swung it open, only to have Kristianna almost fall into his arms.

  "What the…? Lass, are ye alright?" Curse it.

  Kris shook her head to clear the sudden rush of emotion caused from being so close to him. She'd almost forgotten how good-looking he was.

  "What?"

  "I asked if ye were alright. I nearly sent ye sprawling."

  "Oh, yes, I'm fine. Couldn't be better." She straightened, firmly telling herself to get a grip. "I came to speak with you, about what you asked me the other day."