Blood, Sweat and Demon Tears (The Grateful Undead series Book 3)

by Susan Stec

  "Hey, I passed the two cars on my way in," Christopher said, looking around the field inconspicuously while flames inched toward us. "Is the boa-shifter okay? Who got out?"

  "Sonny—he's fine—and…"

  "What the hell is that?" Zaire yelled, pointing up in the air over the flames by the water's edge.

  We all followed her finger and then a large, gold cage, as it fell from the sky and landed by the river, back half engulfed in flames.

  JoAnn was clutching two bars on the front of the cage, squeezing a horrified face between them. "Hello! Anybody there? Am I in the Abyss?" She squinted and stared in our direction. "Is that you, Susan? Did my demon husband send us all to Hell?"

  Christopher fell to the ground with laughter.

  "It's not funny!" I said. "We need to get her out of there."

  "So that's JoAnn," Betty said. "Was she adopted?" she asked Mom.

  My mother dropped her fangs.

  Dorius stepped in front of Betty. "The gods be damned—this family is going to be the death of me."

  JoAnn cowered in the front corner of the cage, furthest from the flames. "Help me, someone! I didn't just get out of Hell to have my brand-new dress burn in a fire on Earth! I can't replace it! It's made of special material and you can only get it in…"

  Zaire turned to Resi. "You bring any barbeque sauce?"

  Resi laughed.

  Mom got all shitty. "Goddamnit! My daughter," she spat at Betty, "is sizzling like chicken in a frying pan and you guys are making jokes! Break the damn force field and I'll use my telekinetic skills to fly her ass over here, cage and all!"

  Before anyone could get all nasty back, Jake flew over, inches above the shield, plummeted into the river, and sent a big wave over the back of the cage. He submerged, dragon butt and tail wiggling above the water, and then his head came up. He spat a mouthful of liquid muck all over JoAnn.

  JoAnn wiped dirt and water off her face, squeezing gooey stuff from her hair. She brushed at her dress, whimpering, "Just look at me. My dress is covered in swamp scum. I brought one just like it for Lily, too, but now..." She turned to several trunks stacked at the back of the cage. They were charred, wet, and smoky wisps gently floated off them. "Darn it, I bet everything is ruined. I'm going to kill Raphael!"

  Betty got Mom's attention, "I bet she's a handful. I'd talk ta somebody; get some spiritual guidance or heavy drugs if I was you." She looked back at JoAnn. "Maybe both."

  Mom dropped fangs and snorted at Betty, "Thanks, but I self-medicate."

  "This pharmacy's closed, sista," Betty said, one hand on her throat, the other one on her hip.

  Mom pointed wiggling fingers at Betty.

  Dorius fanged a hiss.

  Mom dropped her hands.

  Resi flipped her hair out of her face and smiled at me. "Time to break the shield, Mommy, dearest," she sang.

  Zaire stopped palming swirls of colored gelatin across Resi's chest and grinned at her. "We're headin' home tonight… alone."

  JoAnn cried, "What are all of you waiting for? I want to go home. I want to see my daughter. I need a shower, and…"

  The dragon burst from the river and took flight in a wing-flapping spray of water. He banked toward the field, and showered a path of rain over everything.

  JoAnn yelled, spitting swamp water, "Oh, that's it! I've had it now! All of you are in for a piece of my mind the minute I get out of here!"

  While I watched rivulets of water, full of swamp shit slide down the outside of my force field, Marcus laughed. "Well, darling, your sister is finally home. Shall we go welcome her back?"

  I tugged my thong out of my ass, pulled at the hem of my dress, smiled at Marcus, and asked, "Anybody know how we can get that cage home with us?"

  "For the love of blood," Dorius roared, "I've had about all of this evening I can take." He lunged, grabbing me by the shoulders and tossing me through the shield. It disintegrated instantly.

  Christopher laughed. "The evening's not over yet. Who's gonna tell JoAnn that I'll be sucking on her daughter's neck and she has to let me?"

  Mom let out a noisy breath and then headed for JoAnn with Resi and Zaire right behind her.

  With tears running down her cheeks, JoAnn was tugging at the locked door on the cage.

  Christopher said, "We can strap the cage to Jake's back and he can fly her home."

  I wiggled my brows at Marcus.

  He walked over and wiped mud off my cheek. "I like you when you're dirty, love."

  Dorius grabbed Betty by the arm, "Let's take a walk. We need to privately discuss the protocol between my leadership in the field and our relationship at home." Betty snorted discord, but followed. They headed toward the dirt road where Jake was squirting another trail of water.

  Mom yelled from the cage, "It's got a padlock on the door the size of my left tit. What now?"

  I sighed, following Marcus toward my sister through a smoky haze.

  ~~~~

  Chapter Forty

  ~~~~

  "Go ahead, sugar, tell him your story," Betty told Sonny from the front passenger seat of the Suburban.

  "I agreed to listen, Elizabeth." Dorius made a right hand turn onto the paved road. "However, I will remind both of you; Sonny's future is out of my hands. The council will make the final decision."

  "A boa bit you, right, hon?" Betty prompted, sending Dorius a look, her brows reaching for the bridge of her nose.

  "Yes, a red tail boa to be exact. I wasn't sure at the time because boa constrictors are not known for their fangs, but this boa's fangs were horrifying," Sonny said from the backseat beside Warren. "I was out duck hunting in my blind, and with the speed of lightening it coiled around my body and bit me on the neck. I tried to fight it off, became panicked, and without the aid of my hands I had to, well, bite its Jaw off to get it to release me. That was my undoing. Blood filled my mouth, and I gasped, swallowed and passed out. When I awoke, I could still taste blood." He looked down at the floorboard. "And it tasted good."

  "Get to the part where you started killing innocent people," Warren said.

  "Warren, shut yer damn trap, an' let the boy talk," Betty said as she leaned on the center console, beaming Sonny a smile filled with support.

  Sonny lifted his eyes to hers. "It was a downhill spiral from there. I went home, showered, and then slept for two days. I finally realized I couldn't sleep off my thirst. I needed... wanted, blood."

  Warren said, "You can bypass all the vamp shit. We've all been there."

  "I ain't tellin' ya again, ass-wipe—back off," Betty warned.

  Sonny swallowed hard and frowned at Warren. "Well then, you can imagine how I felt—I thought I was going crazy. I was in so much pain."

  "So you thought you'd just start killing humans?" Warren shook his head.

  "Boy, yer workin' me here," Betty snarled.

  "No-I-didn't, Warren!" Sonny said. Covering his face with both hands, he continued in a softer voice. "I took a two-week leave of absence from work, and in my madness, I searched the Internet for answers. I thought I had a rare disease and didn't want to infect others."

  "Infect others my ass." Warren took off his cap, hanging it between his knees, and ran a hand through his hair. "You went on a killing spree—plain an' simple."

  "Warren, that's enough," Dorius said. "Let the immortal finish."

  Betty shot Warren a pissy grin.

  "I didn't go on a killing spree," Sonny whispered, studying the rearview mirror. "When I came up empty-handed in my Internet endeavor, I pondered having my blood tested."

  "Did you?" Dorius asked, turning to catch Sonny's image in the mirror.

  Warren hooded his eyes at Sonny.

  "Yes," Sonny said nervously as he moved closer to the door on his side of the Suburban. "I sent a sample to a dear friend who is a professor at a university in Paris, but all he came up with were questions."

  "Did you give him answers?" Dorius' body tensed up.

  "Great!" Warren said. "So you not
only killed humans, but you…"

  "I was desperate! But I never once told him it was my blood or even human blood! I made out like it was all a joke, a lab experiment to see if I could stump him, and we even laughed about it over the telephone. But that's when I knew–"

  Dorius said in a deadly voice, "If you're lying to me…"

  "He'll find out!" Warren finished.

  "Well, aren't you two just so intimidatin'?" Betty chuckled. "Hang 'em out, boys; let's see who's got the biggest appendage?"

  Dorius' jaw tightened.

  Warren huffed and sat back in his seat.

  "Go ahead, hon," Betty encouraged.

  Sonny took in a deep breath and began again. "There I was, sucking on raw meat, liver mostly, but it didn't completely quench my thirst. I had to do something. I was getting sicker. That's when I decided to go back to work. I'm a doctor and I knew I could get human blood in the lab at the hospital."

  Deadly lucid, Dorius asked, "You stole blood from a business establishment?"

  "Yes, I'm ashamed to say I did. But it worked. I began to feel much better. And that's the first time I gave vampirism a thought. Crazy as it was…" Sonny paused, mouth in a tight line.

  "Were. You. Caught?" Dorius hammered out.

  Sonny's Adam's-apple bobbed. "Um, well not… I mean… I was…" Warren rolled his hand in a "Spit it out" gesture, and the next words fell out of Sonny's mouth in a rush. "Well, to make a long story short, I had to give up my residency, permanently, when I became concerned that I would become a suspect in the rapidly dwindling blood supply at the hospital."

  Everyone sucked in a shared, whopping, big breath.

  "Are you a suspect?" Dorius ground his teeth, jaw tight.

  "No, and thank God I have a sizable bank account, because I had to…"

  "Still not hearin' how you started killin' people," Warren said.

  Betty frowned. "He's gettin' ta that."

  "Well, he's taking his sweet time, damn it!" Warren growled.

  Sonny's nostrils flared and he started talking really fast. "I started hunting the woods out by Wekiva Springs for blood donors, just small animals, squirrels mostly, a few raccoons, and it was disgusting, to say the least. I'm a hunter, but to capture… and then…" His eyes flashed to Warren and back to Betty. "Anyway, that's when the… um… the animals began to follow me. But they were different. They had fangs and drank blood, just like me. I felt like some macabre Pied Piper. I suddenly couldn't go back home—I live in a condominium complex—because they were always following. It was creating a local disturbance. I began to sleep in my car and hunt the woods in different areas of the state, trying to lose them. But they always found me."

  Warren grabbed Sonny by the collar and dragged him to his face. "I'm still not hearing about the dead humans! Spit it out!"

  "Let 'im go, ya redneck-son-of-a-bitch!" Betty lunged for Warren.

  Dorius hammered the brake pedal and tossed Betty into the dash.

  "What the hell!" Betty screamed, sitting back in the seat.

  "I told you to buckle up," Dorius said, pulling off the road.

  Sonny whimpered from the floorboard behind Dorius' seat, his body vibrating under Warren's grasp. "Let me go, Warren, or I won't be held responsible for what happens during my shifting again."

  Dorius nodded at Warren and he let go of Sonny and sat back.

  Sonny scurried up on the seat and wiggled backwards until there was nowhere left to go.

  Despite Betty's glare, Dorius eased back onto the road and asked, "When did you start killing humans?"

  "One night as I hunted, the vampire animals following, we came upon two hikers." Sonny shuddered and closed his eyes. "The animals immediately attacked. I tried to pull them off, but the smell of blood was too strong and I couldn't… couldn't resist… and I…"

  Warren's lips curled back, nose wrinkled, and he blew out a long breath. "So you drank from them and then finished them off to cover your ass?"

  Sonny's eyes popped open, and he shook his head violently. "I only drank from them—the animals tore them apart—I ran away, sick with myself for the part I'd played."

  "Yeah, right. But not sick enough to stop," Warren said.

  Betty leaned between the seats, curled her lips back, and dropped her fangs. "You say one more fuckin' word, hoss, an' I'm comin' back there, an' it ain't gonna be pretty."

  Sonny sighed. "From that night on, I felt responsible for the animals and followed them. I tried to stop several attacks, all ending with the same results. The last victim's attack was when I found out I could shift into a snake. It was absolutely terrible; I ate several of the infected animals in my attempt to stop them, but could not catch them all. And at that moment, I knew I could never live a normal life among humans. Thoroughly disgusted with myself, I turned to the Internet again, but this time it was to search out others like me. I found Chick and she seemed like the real deal. For the first time in weeks, I had hope. I began an email relationship with her, told her what she wanted to hear, and here I am."

  ~~~~

  Chapter Forty-One

  ~~~~

  "Christ, the padlock is warded!" I said after examining it.

  "How do you know that?" JoAnn asked, hands gripping two bars, her deep brown eyes big and round.

  "What do you mean, how do I know?" I ran my fingers over the ward on the lock. "I'm a frigging witch, remember? I can see it. And this one is intricate. Who warded it?"

  JoAnn smiled brightly, pushing wet tendrils of blonde hair off her dirty face. "I did. Raphael was teaching me how to use my gifts. But I never thought…"

  "Swell!" I sure didn't want my idiot sister playing witch—spinning spells—and… oh God, please tell me she can't summon the dead. I wanted to slap the grin right off her stupid face.

  "I say we amputate her hands," Zaire suggested.

  "They'd just grow back," Christopher said.

  "We can do it on a daily basis," Zaire countered.

  "I forgot how cruel living down here could be," JoAnn said, putting on a sad face.

  "Up here! And you're dead!" I dropped the padlock, my hands resting on my hips. "You made your cage. Guess you'll have to sleep in it. I think it'll fit in the barn. We could bring in…"

  "Look, you little scassacazzo," my mother theatrically said, her arm swinging and gold eyes shooting daggers at me. "Break the frigging ward and let's get the hell out of here."

  "Don't you dare call me a pain in your ass!" I yelled. "I don't have my spell book! I can't break the damn ward even if I wanted too." I pointed at my sister. "Tell that pain in everyone's ass to remove it!"

  Marcus pulled up on the motorcycle, his eyes giving the field a last minute sweep. "Paul is waiting for us. We're going to leave the cycle in the woods and Dorius will swing by with a trailer on the way home and pick…" He finally realized we were all boiling teakettles as he pointed at the cage. "Why is she still in there? We need to leave—Jeni just told me the fire department is on the way."

  "I warded the padlock," JoAnn whimpered.

  "Well, un-ward it," Marcus said with an angry scowl.

  "I don't know how," JoAnn howled.

  "Well that's encouraging," I mumbled.

  "Ahh, bischeros, both of you!" Mom huffed. Throwing her arms up, eyes searching the sky, she locked her hands together, bouncing them up at God knows what. "You gave me two idiot daughters! Why me? Oh, why me?" She ended dramatically, dropped her hands, and turned to us. "Prove me wrong! One of you, open up the damn cage!"

  "Well, I can't." JoAnn lifted her chin and stretched her four-foot-eleven-inch height another inch. "We didn't get to that part of my education, and it's clear Susan doesn't take her witchery skills seriously, or she'd be better prepared. I, on the other hand, have a solution."

  I was about to reach in and try shaking her real hard, scrambling her brain back to a reasonable semblance of competence. Then I thought of maybe holding her face in a toilet, when we finally got home, until there were no more bubbles.
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  Christopher interrupted my fantasies. "This should be good," he said. "I'll bite. Give us what you got, JoAnn."

  JoAnn pulled her spiteful eyes off me and smiled at him. "I know how to summon the dead. Maybe Mom's mother would know how to remove the spell."

  "Oh hell no!" Zaire said.

  "This is my worst nightmare." I scowled at my sister. "You're such a twit!"

  "Hey, you're the one who turned Tootles into a Night of the Living Dead extra!" JoAnn spat.

  "She has a point," Resi instigated.

  "That was not my fault!" I yelled at Resi before turning on JoAnn. "You made me screw that one up, sister—own it!"

  "Well, alrighty then." Zaire slapped her jean-clad hip. "Say it like it is, girls."

  Mom grabbed my wrist, offering me her hopeful eyes. "My mother was a very powerful witch, Susan. Maybe we should give it a try."

  "I've always wanted to meet Great-grandma!" Resi turned the knife.

  "Sure, go ahead, encourage her," I said. "Hand the pubescent a box of tampons and a loaded handgun, why doncha?"

  Zaire laughed. "Can this family get any more dysfunctional? I'm burning the friggin' spell books when we get back!"

  "We don't have time for this!" Marcus said, rumbling as loud as the motorcycle between his legs.

  "I got an idea!" Christopher said, pointing at Gibbie, who'd just emerged from the woods on the other side of the field. Before I could get him to expand on that statement, he ran off toward the fairy.

  Marcus drummed his fingers on the gas tank while we watched them talk for a few moments, Christopher pointing at the cage, the fairy nodding. Gibbie took flight and headed back into the woods.

  Christopher ran back to us with a mischievous smile on his face. "He's getting the dragon. Jake can fly the cage home."

  "Oh-no-he-can't!" JoAnn shouted.

  "Ohhh, but he can," I said with a big smile.

  "No he can't!" Mom agreed with JoAnn. "We can't have a thirty-foot dragon, carrying a gold cage, flying over two states! What if someone sees him?"