"My mom let me buy that Molly Ringwald movie," Auden said, flipping her hair.
"Really?" Haddie asked, "The one with Blaine?"
"Pretty In Pink," Auden said with a snip.
"I know what it's called. I just wanted to make sure," Haddie said, taking a seat on the couch. Auden sat between us and I wanted to groan.
"She was in a lot of movies before she dropped off the face of the earth," I added.
"True," Haddie smiled, "and I love her."
"Why?" I asked her, placing my finger in my book, holding my place.
"Because she was just a normal girl. She's not like all these gorgeous actresses who just pretend to be the average girl. She really was."
Good point. I was kind of tired of the fake ugly duckling movies where you seriously put some makeup on a chick and she was magically transformed into a beauty queen. Molly was pretty, but not hot like the girls I was used to seeing at the movies.
"Shut up! It's starting," Auden said, pushing the bowl of popcorn onto Haddie's lap.
Thirty minutes later, Auden's cell phone rang and she whispered to Haddie that it was some guy named Chad. Auden squealed a little bit before hopping off the couch and walking into our father's office on the other side of the basement.
"Who was that?" I asked.
"He's in her algebra class. She's been into him for a while."
"Do I need to be concerned? Kick his ass maybe?" I asked, laughing, karate chopping the air, which probably made me look like a total dork. I wasn't exactly the guy that got into fights. I pretty much lived by the mantra "live and let live." Haddie knew that about me. Her small giggle said it all. She got my humor. She ran her fingers through her hair and placed the popcorn bowl on the coffee table.
"Nah, he's fine."
We didn't say anything else for a little while. As much as I hated to admit it, the movie sucked me in. I really wanted this Andie girl to get the guy. And it pissed me off that she didn't think she was good enough for him. When I scoffed at Blaine for the third time, Haddie laughed and turned towards me.
"You're really into this," she said.
"It's all right." I shrugged. Lie. I was totally into it. There was no way I was going to miss the ending.
"It'll end happily, don't worry," she teased me. Her golden hair was hanging in loose curls down past her shoulders and I wished I could run my fingers through it. Instead, I kept my hands in my lap, waiting for Auden to walk back in and destroy my night entirely.
A loud laugh came from Dad's office and Haddie shook her head knowingly.
"She's going to be in there for a while," she said, smiling.
"Good." I smiled and watched as Haddie's pale cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink.
Without wanting to seem too obvious, I sat up on the sofa, shifting so I was a few inches closer to her. She swallowed hard as I moved closer and I knew I was making her nervous. I didn't want that so I didn't get any closer. After a few minutes, her breath seemed to even out and she seemed to be engrossed in the movie once again.
When the final scene came on the screen, I watched Haddie smile as Blaine professed his love to Andie and gasp as Andie followed him out to the parking lot for their big kiss. God, I wanted to kiss her.
When the credits rolled, Haddie reached for a tissue to wipe her soaked cheeks. Even when she cried, she looked beautiful.
"Did you know that John Hughes changed the ending?" she asked, turning her body to me, moving a few inches closer.
"Really?" I was intrigued.
"Yeah. In the original ending, Duckie got the girl."
"Duckie? Seriously?"
"Mmm-hmm." She smiled proudly. "But, test audiences hated it. They wanted her to be with Blaine."
"Interesting," I said, leaning my body to face hers, putting my head on my elbow.
"What?" Haddie asked, her cheeks getting redder by the second.
"Well, you tell me. Blaine or Duckie?" I asked.
"Blaine." She smiled, and her cheeks turned red.
"Why?" I'd always been fascinated by stories and characters. No wonder I became a writer.
"Because he's romantic and handsome. Because he deserves her, even though he doesn't think he's good enough. And because everyone else pales in comparison," she said, looking into my eyes. Her forehead creased with anxiety.
"Good point." I nodded.
"Do you think she should've been with Duckie?"
"No, I don't," I answered honestly. "The entire movie is about her and her feelings for the popular guy. For her to end up with the geeky best friend, that'd just be weird."
Leave it to me to dissect the plot. I knew that wasn't what Haddie was really asking me. But, my writer brain always seemed to take over.
"I agree. She didn't like him like that."
"Exactly." I nodded. A long pause hung in the air as I tried to decide what to do. Just as I was getting the balls to tell her that I liked her. That I would never treat her the way Blaine treated Andie. That she was the coolest girl I knew, that everyone else paled in comparison…Auden walked out of the office. I heard the creaking of the door and knew she'd be in the room with us in just a few seconds. I picked my book back up from the coffee table and went back to my assignment. Wishing I had grown a pair.
"Oh my god," Auden shrieked as she ran over to Haddie, pulling her from the couch. "Movie's over, right? I need to talk to you!"
She dragged Haddie up the stairs and I didn't see her again for the rest of the night. Damn my sister.
"How many times have you seen that movie?" I asked with a hearty laugh, remembering the tears streaking down her young face and picturing similar tears on her face right now.
"Too many to count," she replied.
"I believe it," I teased. "You always had a thing for that guy… Blake…"
"Blaine," she corrected me, so much sarcasm in her dainty voice.
"I know," I said with a cocky grin. "I remember watching it with you."
"You do?" she asked, sounding surprised, which gave me pause. Was she oblivious to how I felt about her?
"Oh yeah," I said, running my fingers through my hair. "Auden spent the entire movie in my dad's office."
Haddie's voice was soft and almost hesitant, "Yeah, she did." A long pause sat in the air, as heavy as a boulder sitting on the phone line.
"I remember," I insisted. More silence hovered between us. I must've been making her uncomfortable. "Do you still need help with your Valentine's Day dance?"
"Oh," she paused, "yes, definitely."
"Cool," I said, unable to control my smile.
"Can you come by Sunnyside sometime this week?"
"How's Thursday?"
"Perfect. Any time in the afternoon works for me."
"I'll see you then," I said.
"Thanks," Haddie replied. Her voice sounded a little sad.
"Oh, Haddie?"
"Yes?"
"Enjoy the movie. I hear the guy gets the girl" I said, my tone bold and flirtatious.
"Which guy?" She laughed, playing along. I could hear her smile through the phone. It felt good to make her smile. Really good.
I paused before answering, "The one who deserves her."
Silence. Beautiful silence. I think I stunned her. I hope I did, anyway.
"Good night, Haddie," I said, grinning from ear to ear.
"Night."
I hung up the phone, smiling to myself. I knew she had a boyfriend, but things can always change. We had a past, we had a history and I was now convinced that we could also have a future.
My stomach was in knots as I hung up the phone.
I knew he was planning to call about volunteering at Sunnyside, but I didn't expect him to say those words.
I hear the guy gets the girl.
The one who deserves her.
Jason Kelly was into me. He was really into me. There was no other way to interpret those words. The thirteen-year-old girl in me wanted to bounce off the walls. But, the grown up took over and knew
it was never going to happen.
In nine short months, I would be a mother. I would have a child. And even if Tucker wasn't in the picture, it was hard to believe that any single guy would want to take on that burden. A new girlfriend and a brand new baby? It'd be foolish of me to think anyone, even a kind generous soul like Jason, would want that. I had no idea if Jason ever wanted to be a father, let alone date a woman who was carrying a child who wasn't his.
Too many thoughts rushed through my brain. My stomach flipped again and again. I turned off the television and ran down the hall to the bathroom. I made it there just in time. Unfortunately, my mom was walking down the long hallway and heard me emptying the contents of my stomach.
"Honey, are you okay?" my mom asked, tapping lightly on the door. I wasn't ready to tell her. I wasn't ready to admit that I had morning sickness or that my relationship with Tucker was unraveling.
The old Allison could've handled it. The mom I had for nineteen years would have been the first person I would've gone to. Allison and Martin Foster would've supported me, no matter what. But, this Allison—I wasn't sure about this Allison. The new version of my mother was another person entirely. And news like this might shake her too drastically. The thought gave me a panic attack and I just knew I couldn't tell her. Not yet.
"I'm fine," I said, standing up to rinse out my mouth.
"You don't look good."
"It's just a bug. I'll be okay."
"Can I help?"
"No, thanks. I'll be in my room."
I escaped into the comfort and solace of my bedroom, knowing the new Allison wouldn't pursue it further. She'd shrug her shoulders and go about her business. She'd take my words at face value and not push any further. But, my mom—the mom I used to know—would be knocking on my door, insisting there was more to discuss. God, I missed her. I needed her so badly right now.
Instead of seeking the comfort of my mother's arms, these days I was seeking comfort in movies. As silly as that might sound, watching a movie from my childhood was soothing in a way I never expected. And one of my all-time favorites, Pretty In Pink, had been my go-to movie since I discovered I was pregnant. Things were so unsettled in Andie's life. She didn't think things could possibly work out. But they did. And I clung to the hope that, like they did for Andie, things could possibly work out for me.
Jason's words were more than unsettling. For years, I had literally dreamed of the day that Jason Kelly would pursue a relationship with me. But now? Seriously?
Turning the TV back on, I escaped back into the world of Andie and Blaine, where at least I knew they would get their happily ever after.
"Hey," Tucker said as he entered the townhouse on a cold and bleak February evening. He walked in, taking off his ski coat and draping it over the nearest barstool at the breakfast bar. Tonight was the night. I had to tell him that he was going to be a father.
But, I was terrified. Even before I took several pregnancy tests, I was pretty sure that Tucker and I were headed for a breakup. But, now…now we would be linked for the rest of our lives. The baby was developing and growing each day. And every single day, I became more and more attached to the tiny life inside of me. I was still just as scared as I was the day I realized just how late my period was. But, in very small ways, my maternal instincts were taking over, and I was falling in love with the idea of a child. Maybe I was naive. I didn't know. But, I did know that Tucker had a right to know what was going on. And that I was scared as hell.
I kissed him lightly on the cheek before offering him something to drink. He gave me a slight, forced smile and I felt my stomach drop to my knees. Perhaps we were closer to a breakup than I had first expected.
"I'll have a beer," he said, sitting down on the couch. "Your house is quiet."
"Mom's working tonight," I said, sliding onto the plush fabric of the sofa. The smell of Tuck's beer caused my stomach to do tiny flip-flops. My gut instinct was to take a few deep breaths…but that was the last thing I should do. It would only make the smell stronger.
I'd been lucky. No morning sickness yet. Granted, it was still really early, according to the What to Expect book I picked up at the local bookstore. But, I was getting sensitive to smells and tastes. Each day, my sensitivity grew and I dreaded how things would smell to me in a few weeks when my first trimester was in full swing. The thought made me shudder.
"So," Tucker said, taking a sip of his beer, "what's up? You said you needed to talk."
"Yes, I do," I said, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat and shifted my body to face him. He relaxed back into the couch, putting his arm against the back of the cushion.
"And?" He looked impatient with bulging eyes and pursed lips. Part of me wanted to avoid the truth and not tell him anything just yet. Keep it to myself just a little bit longer. But, I couldn't. I knew it had to be today. Here we go…
"I…I—"
"Jesus, Hadley, just spit it out," he said, looking exasperated.
"I'm pregnant," I said. Silence.
"You're what?" he asked, raising his voice. His eyes bulged even further and his chest heaved up and down, up and down.
"Pregnant. As in 'with child,'" I said impatiently. Did he want me to spell it out for him?
"I don't understand." He shook his head. "You're on the pill. You've always been on the pill. How is that even possible?"
"I know I am, but—"
"What the fuck?" he yelled, pushing himself off of the couch. He paced the small living room, his long legs stopping at the wall before walking back in the other direction. His eyes darted between me and the front door. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I knew he'd be shocked. I knew he wouldn't be happy. But, this? I'd never expected this.
The nausea I felt from the smell of his beer was nothing compared to the butterflies bouncing around my belly. I knew I was going to be sick.
I ran to the bathroom, emptying my dinner into the toilet, doing my best to keep the tears from streaming down my face.
"Fuck! Look, I'm sorry," Tucker said from the hallway. I was unable to look at him. Quickly, I flushed the toilet and rinsed my mouth out with cold water. I walked past him into the kitchen, grabbing an Altoid from my purse.
The cool peppermint eased my throat and stomach. The burn from my sickness began to calm and a slight sense of peace washed over me, combined with a new sense of purpose. I needed to be strong for the baby and myself. And if Tucker couldn't be strong right along with me, then I guess that was how things would have to be.
"You should go," I said, unable to look him in the eye. He touched my arm—a light touch of his cold, hard fingertips.
"Sorry, I just—I came here because you wanted to talk. I thought we needed a break or something…and then you tell me you're pregnant! I mean, come on! How do you expect me to react?" he yelled, running his fingers through his hair. He placed both hands behind his neck and stared up at the ceiling. More silence.
"I'm in shock, Hadley. What in the hell are we going to do?"
"I can't…I don't…want to have this conversation anymore."
"Do you want this baby?"
"What kind of question is that?" I asked, the fear puddling in my mouth. Don't ask me to do it, Tuck. Don't.
He raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, tipping his chin forward slightly. I knew exactly what that meant. When Tucker made that face, it's because he thought I was up to no good. Usually he made that face when we were joking around, when he'd had too many beers and I was giving him shit. But, not about something like this.
"Do you think I planned this? Like I'm trying to trap you?" I spit the words out, disgusted and mortified all at the same time.
"Well, the timing is really fucking weird," he said. "Can you blame me for being suspicious?"
"So you came over to break up with me?" I asked, not terribly shocked.
"I wasn't sure yet. But, yeah, I thought we might be ending it." His unemotional shrug ran chills down my spine.
"And what? You thin
k I got knocked up on purpose?"
He shrugged and pursed his lips again. "I don't know. I mean, yeah, it did cross my mind! I hear about these girls that stop taking their birth control to get pregnant, and the poor schmuck had no clue!"
"Need I remind you that you didn't use a condom on New Years? We've always used condoms! Always! I was drunk out of my mind! And it's your responsibility too!"
"You're on the fucking pill, Hadley!" he screamed.
"Get out!" I hollered at the top of my lungs, grabbing his coat, opening the front door and throwing it onto a large pile of snow outside the townhouse.
"Goddammit!" he yelled, rushing to pick up the jacket, smacking it roughly to get the snow off the leather.
"Go home, Tucker. I have nothing else to say to you."
"Fine, but you're going to have to talk to me sooner or later."
"We'll see about that," I said as I slammed the door, quickly snapping the lock into place. Sinking to my knees, I placed my forehead in my shaking hands. I didn't expect tonight to be an easy conversation—I'd be really naive to think that way. But, I'd spent six years of my life dating Tucker. Six years of loyalty, six years of monogamy. Six years of putting his needs ahead of my own. But, now it wasn't about him and it wasn't even about me. It was about this baby. And that's how it had to be from now on.
Streamers and balloons hung from the small rec room of Sunnyside. Paper mache hearts hung from the light fixtures by red, curly ribbons.
"It looks great," Pamela said as she walked into the room. "When does our DJ arrive?"
"He should be here pretty soon," I said, glancing at the clock. Forty-two minutes. He'll be here in approximately forty-two minutes.
Jason had visited Sunnyside twice since offering to help with tonight's dance. He impressed everyone with his friendly and outgoing personality. He was eager to talk to all of the clients. Little did he know that Lucy, Riley and many of the other women had been asking for him almost daily. I think some of them were hoping he'd get a permanent job here.
I was doing my best to view Jason as a volunteer who was simply helping the center. But, with Jason it had always been so much more. My stomach flipped in anticipation of seeing him. And I hated myself a little bit for feeling that way. Maybe it was just hormones. Maybe they were messing with my head.
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