by Sheri Lynn
Lifting her eyes, she stared at the ceiling before closing them and sobbing. Trevor picked her up in his arms and laid her on the bed. He nestled in behind her spooning her. He smoothed her hair out of her face and stroked it from her scalp to below her shoulder.
“You’re up early. Did you sleep at all?” he asked.
She knew they had minimal time. Minimal time to get Pete and Amanda what they needed. Minimal time for her to be with Trevor again. But being with him, just being as they were in those moments gutted her. She had it all again. And again, she would lose it.
Squirming out of his reach, she went to the closet and began getting dressed. “Let’s go to the hospital. Pete said they haven’t had anything to drink or eat. Can you believe that? Ridiculous excuse for a medical facility.” She bit her bottom lip. Hard. And yes, it hurt. As it should. She hurt someone else, so she should hurt too. Sophia ruined everything. What the hell had she been thinking? Get through the fucking day and get the hell out of there. She didn’t belong there.
Remain detached.
Detachment. She mastered it at an early stage. Now more than ever she needed to practice it. The very fact she contemplated sacrificing all she attained in order to maintain a relationship with a hunky wanderer embarrassed the shit out of her.
She had a company to run. She had a reputation to uphold.
Chapter 10
Sunday/The wedding
Trevor
He hadn’t seen or had any contact with Sophia since he dropped her back at the Little Dolphin house around noon. Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t. He knew things had changed. He recognized her slipping away. For over six months a decade ago—a decade ago, he endured the perpetual grief of battling for a love already doomed. And he sensed it again.
No matter what he tried to help her in any possible way, she searched for the negative in it. How could he have ever thought taking her to Luna’s would be a good idea? Given, at the time he hadn’t realized her critical disillusionment with the islands since the accident. It never occurred to him. He spent most of his life hundreds of miles away from what she deemed adequate medical support.
He never dwelled on it or the inaccessibility. They kept emergency care supplies with them when a float-plane flew them in and left them in the bush of Alaska for a month. The only way to get to his dad’s hunting lodge in Maine was boating upriver twenty-three miles. So, they made the most of the trek to get there. The boat didn’t leave for the rough country without a stockpile of food and supplies.
Reminding her of the fact they could be on mainland Honduras within thirty minutes as he had a plane wouldn’t alter her perception. The accident traumatized her. As did the lack of what she deemed essential health care. He couldn’t blame her. What he recognized as normalcy was foreign to her.
So, because of the early morning hour she wished to return to the hospital, the breakfast options were extremely limited. Luna had a piece of plywood balanced on bricks in front of her one room shack that housed ten. She sold cokes and water and food she prepared in a pot on a small burner plugged into an extension cord from the house.
He stopped by there usually every time he traveled her road. He loved her breakfast burritos. After Sophia’s earlier breakdown, he should’ve known better. You couldn’t see the sun yet, but the darkness of night began to fade. He pulled up alongside the vacated makeshift counter.
“I know Luna is awake and already cooking. Let me go up to the door. Get out of the truck and take a minute while I get some grub.” He waited for Sophia to acknowledge him. He received a deep, labored sigh. He empathized with her. He did. But Pete and Amanda didn’t need to see her dreary face. And he and she had a wedding to attend. No need to ruin it for Renee.
He huffed, “Suit yourself. It might be a little bit.”
Originally, he meant a little bit as in he planned to be friendly and due to the early hour, they would possibly have to wait longer than usual for the food. Stepping onto the porch, he called out at the curtain, which served as the door.
A younger boy stuck his face out. He invited Trevor in. Four yapping dogs greeted him sniffing at his shoes before racing out. Two of Luna’s grandchildren were awake and crying. She informed him they all had been up most of the night. Her daughter-in-law, the kids’ mother, left for the mainland two days ago and obviously got sidetracked and hadn’t bothered to return home yet.
How could he not assist a lady in need? He carried her supplies outside to her prep area. Once again, Sophia’s indifference never entered his radar. Why would it? He loved her. He saw her through rose-colored glasses.
Luna went back to the house leaving him placing the foil wrappers and a paper plate of tortillas in what he hoped were the most efficient positions. He retrieved the extension cord from the porch stretching it out to where she would need it.
“Trevor,” pressed Sophia. “Trevor,” she demanded, louder
“What?” He waited for Luna to bring him the burrito filling. She had it in a crock-pot. Good for her. He placed it on the table and plugged it in before directing his attention to Sophia. He must be a saint. It took a saint to confront the face of contention she wore.
“There is a cat on the food prep area. Don’t tell me you can’t see it,” she griped.
“Get in the truck. Just get in the truck. I guarantee Pete and Amanda aren’t going to decline their breakfast because it came in proximity of a cat.”
“You don’t know that. This entire island is a festering pool of contamination. I can’t even believe I --.”
Trevor interrupted, “Everything is covered. Just get in the truck, Sophia, before I force you in there.”
The morning didn’t improve from there. She had a stick up her ass and a tsunami couldn’t dislodge it.
She deserved credit for refraining from negative comments while they visited Amanda. Pete left after chowing down his burrito, which he raved about, and guzzling two waters. It’s not that it came unexpected to Trevor, but he had been lucky enough to not have needed hospitalization and to have not known anyone who had. He didn’t expect a cafeteria, but it surprised him too that they had nothing available. He half expected a nearby vendor or local would use the opportunity and offer such.
They did however have an amputee in a wheelchair going between the two-bed female unit and the two-bed male unit offering toilet paper for sale. The facility had no running water. A plastic fifty-gallon drum located in the corner provided water to flush bedpans and wash patients.
The entire situation didn’t give him the warm fuzzies either. He wondered if Pete and Amanda hadn’t communicated their flight left Monday if they wouldn’t have received alternate accommodations on the mainland. Either way, the less they moved Amanda the better. She had a soft cast, he assumed, on her leg and a black brace keeping her leg immobile. The flight home would be an uncomfortable one.
Surprisingly, maybe not, Sophia took Pete’s chair when he left, and she and Amanda started up a conversation about the woman in the other bed. Women and gossip. The woman only spoke Spanish, but Amanda and Pete gathered enough throughout the night of her story. She had a lover. Her husband confronted her at her boyfriend’s, chased her out of the house, and for his momentous finale—he ran her over with his car.
The room stunk of cheap lotion. The female members of the cheater’s family were present bathing her in excessive amounts of the stinky shit. Maybe she expected a visit from her lover later.
Trevor stayed in the room as long as his patience and nostrils could withstand. He couldn’t avoid the truth. The truth of Sophia leaving and him losing her. She might still be present in body, but mentally she was gone. She wouldn’t look at him. He had been there, done that. Her disenchantment with the island since the accident would dictate her perception and mold her future decisions. She wouldn’t bend. He knew it as well as he knew the sun would rise tomorrow.
Pete came back around eleven. Sophia still wouldn’t agree to leave. She apologized to him and Amanda over
and over and over.
Trevor wasn’t downgrading her commiseration. He wasn’t. He understood it. She couldn’t blame someone else, she blamed herself. Whether her fault or not, she would break under it. She’d keep shouldering it until she isolated herself from everyone. Because there she felt safe. No one could hurt her. And she couldn’t hurt anyone. And he really wanted things to be different. But when it came to matters of the heart, he was no West End Wonder.
The wedding wow’ed him. The setting. The bride. The attendants. The music and decorations. Attending such a jubilant event on the hidden gem he adopted as home, inspired him.
The bridesmaids came onto the beach first. Each wore a version of a turquoise bathing suit. One pieces, halter bikini tops, string tops, they all accented one another, and the floral sarongs tied at their waists. Against the lush tropical landscape and the white sand, it presented a beautiful vision.
Of course, he and Sophia ended up paired together. If possible, she looked more beautiful than ever. Her auburn hair framed her perfect face and graced her porcelain shoulders. Deep reflection replaced her haughtiness of earlier. And he wanted nothing more than to kiss all her worries away.
He knew her. He knew all her faults. All her strengths. He believed those had remained unchanged. But her fears. That could be unchartered territory.
What had the last ten years consisted of for her. Personally, not professionally. Had it been a decade of encompassing neglect from her family fused with their guilting her into satisfying their inflated needs? He intentionally didn’t ask about them. He used to be the voice of reason where they were concerned. But how had it been if she no longer had someone to intervene on her behalf.
She looked lost and broken the way she did in the past discussing her family. He hated them. Fantasizing about the day he might meet them and the scene he would make was a favorite pastime of his. He still enjoyed anticipating that day.
If he had a ring on him, he would propose. He escorted her down the aisle after the groom and bride kissed and made their exit. He felt her pull away from him when he attempted to pull her closer. The moment they stepped off the aisle she shirked out of his reach. And she did it with immense aversion. His heart stopped beating.
“I don’t want you to come back to the house with me. I feel so stupid. I got caught up in you and this lifestyle and…it’s not me.”
He foresaw this. He came prepared. “Sophia, please. Don’t do this again. How many people lose their great love and later receive another opportunity to do it right.”
“A lot of people. Facebook has reconnected tons of old flames. Then again, I’m sure you don’t have reliable Internet service here in the wastelands.”
“Stop. You’re talking out your ass now. I’m not talking about situations where twenty or more years have passed, and the two individuals married and had families with others. Or they have or had unhappy marriages. Some are divorced or widowed. That’s not us. It’s as if we were waiting on each other.”
“I wasn’t. And neither were you. I have a life and a career I love. Back in D.C. This was nothing more than a vacation turn nightmare. We’ve both been behaving like we’re back in college. We aren’t. I can’t go spending my days snorkeling and riding around in planes, boats, and on scooters. I don’t want my nights to revolve around drinking and dancing. And you hate living an ordinary, city life.”
“You’re a bitch, Sophia. It’s disgusting of you to frown upon my choices and my dreams. At least this time you aren’t freaking the fuck out and blaming me for cheating on you. Or for taking advantage of you by fucking you and leaving. You always knew my plans after graduation. I never lied about them. They just weren’t to your standards. Well big news flash, baby, I don’t need your approval. I don’t need your acceptance.” He hated himself for lashing out. But when she hurt, he hurt.
He expected her to fold. She didn’t. Then again, when had she ever. It sickened him that he retaliated so harshly, but damn if she didn’t deserve it. This time, she did exactly what she always accused him of. She gave him hope of a future together only to rip it away from him. Did she truly consider trying a long-distance relationship? Or did she speak on an orgasm high after they made love. And it was love. And of course, somehow, she would angle it as his fault for that too.
Damn him for sacrificing himself to satisfy her sexually. Said no man ever.
“Cat got your tongue. I guess this is it. Nice reconnecting with you.” He started marching away and turned back around. She wouldn’t look at him. “I never once thought if our paths one day crossed again that anything would happen with us. I never believed my feelings could equal what we once shared. They did. The very moment I saw you sitting on that stool. I fell in love with you again. And the time we’ve had together--.’ Lifting his hands, he splayed his fingers and shook them beside his head. He had never been so frustrated. He never felt so hopeless. Nothing he could say or suggest would change her mind.
They went around and around in circles ten years ago. She wouldn’t give. All or nothing. She didn’t want to meet him halfway. Only difference being this time he believed he reached her. He saw a future. A future with her.
She raised her face and gazed at him with tear-filled eyes. “I have someone back home. It’s not serious, but I don’t know where it might go. And it’s easier. It’s an uncomplicated relationship with him. I’m a coward. I want easy.”
Her face drooped. Visibly wilted before his eyes. She shrugged. She actually shrugged. Trevor stared at her in disbelief. His wounded heart sent stupid scenarios to his brain. He fluctuated between dropping to one knee and proposing to demonstrate his commitment or taking her fickle ass to the house to spank her until she stopped talking shit. And concluding her punishment with fucking her silly.
He did neither.
She drove him crazy in all the best ways. And in all the worst ways. He had lost his cool on occasion in the past and put her over his knee and whacked her ass. Odd thing being, though he heard some women were into it, sexually—it seemed more therapeutic for her. She would thrash and kick. And once she began crying, she released everything. She would bawl. She talked. More like whined. She craved cuddling. And yes. The after sex rocked both their worlds.
“I’m sorry,” she said, without any emotion. “It’s best we just part ways again. We aren’t right for each other.”
Liar. She was a coward. A scared little girl. He hated her father for what he did to her.
“You should be Sophia. You are a liar and a coward. You’ll say anything so you can take the easy way out. In your mind someone has to take the blame. It’s not me, so you’ll step up to the plate.” He pitied her. Not because of her sorry ass family or the scooter accident, but because how sad she must truly be. So rigid and fearful. Afraid to take any risk.
Her face hardened. Her body stiffened. Something shifted in her and she looked ready to battle. “If believing that helps you sleep better at night, go on and believe it. I have a real life and a real job. God forbid I ever want children. You think your way of life is conducive to raising a secure, happy kid. Would you have me give birth on the beach? Better yet, squat on the kitchen floor.”
Kids? One day, yes. He figured it would be something they would plan and prepare for if they decided to start a family. Just another one of her deflections. The whole concept of them being together involved spending time on Roatán and in the States.
“You grow up, Sophia. If we made the decision to start a family, it would be a joint decision across the board. In all aspects. As if I wouldn’t want the best of everything for you and a baby. You aren’t the rejected trailer park girl any longer.” He had enough. The very sight of her and the excuses tumbling out of her mouth enraged him. If she wanted a battle, she chose an appropriate opponent. “You never shared my vision. That’s fine. But you don’t have some divine privilege that allows you to displace your version of inferiorities onto me. I’m satisfied with how I’ve spent my years. Including financially. I can�
�t wait for you…yes, you to grow up. I guess I never understood what would fulfill you. And I never will.”
He stomped off, counting each of his steps in order to control his brain from concocting some additional hateful things to spew at her.
But he would not reach out to her. He couldn’t. As with everyday since he met her—the ball lay in her court.
Chapter 11
Monday/D.C.
Sophia
Sophia couldn’t think. She thought too much. Thankfully, her emotions she held at bay. Insulated in an odd state of numbness, she left the wedding, returned to the house and packed. She didn’t experience any anger. Any sorrow. She knew what she must do. Not as if she had any choice in the matter now. She pushed Trevor away. She not only pushed, she rammed him out of her life.
Monday morning she arranged for a cab to take her to the hospital. She, Pete, and Amanda were leaving on the same plane. Getting Amanda out of the sorry excuse for a hospital, off the island, and back to civilization with as little discomfort as possible were her priorities.
As with everything else during the trip, it didn’t go as smoothly as hoped. Without a jetway, Amanda had to be taken up the metal stairs to enter the plane. On an armless narrow seated wheelchair, her left leg secured horizontally, it took several men to take her up one jarring step at a time. Sophia had to look away.
The flight attendants arranged for Amanda to sit in the aisle seat directly behind first class. It allowed more space for her inflexible leg. Thank goodness for the less than three-hour flight time and the fact that Pete and Amanda lived in the Atlanta area. They made the necessary doctor appointment and were going there directly after landing. Sophia offered to stay in Atlanta and assist in any way she could, but they insisted she go home.