They drove back to the station anxious to view the photographs Clark had faxed from Portland.
Chapter 33
In the short time I have lived in the city of Portland, I forgot the vast beauty of the land in Tillamook. Our drive talk consisted mainly of conversations about plants and flowers. Kari spoke about the lecture she recently attended, a symposium on the Muir redwood trees of northern California. The history of these rare trees fascinated me to great lengths, so much so that I asked her for the paper for further reading.
We pulled into the front drive. Kari held my hand with warmth of being home. The barn door was wide open, so I walked over to where Paul stood at the entrance. He held a large plank of wood. “A new project for Joanne,” he said, “yet as you can clearly see, it has become my project too.”
I picked up the other end of the wood to help him straighten the board allowing it to rest on the barn siding. “What’s the shelving for?”
“The shelves are for her ceramic pottery. Can you believe it? Teresa, from the Marketplace, and Joanne are creating pots and dish platters to sell. I have to admit they are beautifully crafted. Teresa works the actual clay pottery wheel, and then Joanne hand paints them prior to firing them in the kiln. A couple of days ago, I was over at the Market setting up a display booth for their pieces. I made a canopy for them in front of the store.” He was interrupted by, “Hi, Dad.”
Kari hugged him from behind. Her hands squeezed his waist as Derelict followed by her side. “Oh, how I missed you, Dad.” She smiled.
Paul finished nailing the board before he turned around and bent to kiss her cheek. “It’s always good to see my girl.” He affectionately touched her face. “But at this minute I have been ordered by your mom to continue working on this shelf until I have finished it completely. Even if the hours of work go past midnight. So, for now, why don’t you go inside the house and see Mom’s new piece she just finished painting? It’s a beautiful purple platter with sunflowers. Absolutely my favorite one she has made and I’d appreciate it if you would intervene for me and to talk her into keeping it for us.”
“Okay, Dad, no problem. I’ll see you guys later.” Kari rushed towards the house.
“Great looking dog,” Paul commented. “I’d like to finish this last shelf then we can run him out to the apple trees. He seems curious about the barn. Steven, look how focused he is sniffing Berry Bells’ milking can.”
“I’m glad Bo Bo left him in my care. He’s so loving and intuitive; the little guy even lifts his ears when he recognizes my songs. I’ll be playing Gypsy Seattle and he’ll put his paw on my knee, and once I’ve switched to slow jazz he rests on the floor.”
“Animals have an intelligence beyond our visions, and most important, an unconditional love toward humans,” Paul said. “You just keep treating him like that. I think that’ll be it for my chores today. Let’s grab a couple of beers and head out to the meadow with Derelict.” Paul organized his tools.
“I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, what with renting the house and writing music. But I can’t seem to shake off these bad memories. They keep surfacing into my daily consciousness. Sometimes I have disturbing thoughts, they reflect a time when I was violated, abused, and ashamed of myself. Maybe you could help me find a balance, so I can keep the past in the past;” I said.
Paul scrunched his facial muscles, unfamiliar with this kind of behavior. He then replied, “The depth of those acts sound horrifying. I was unaware that you carried so much pain, Steven. I’ve been meaning to speak to you regarding that. Because I’ve noticed several times when your eyes have become black, and that disturbs me.” Paul was embarrassed by this, stumbled with his words, and looked down at a fallen apple.
I nodded to him then continued, “I have never hurt anyone, nor do I have thoughts of doing so. Those kinds of acts were perpetrated onto me. My mind forms visions of a girl and a guy; however, there were three people who hurt me. Lately their faces have become increasingly prominent in my thoughts. I don’t know what to do. I’m unsure whether to pursue their meaning because I can’t recall everything. Or try to bury it forever. I wanted you to know that this has bothered me greatly, Paul. I don’t want you to worry about my relationship with Kari.”
Paul looked up from the ground, diverted his eyes to focus on me. “Well, I certainly appreciate that, but your problems seem to be very serious, and I’m not the person to help you deal with this. If you want to air some stuff out, I’m here for you. Otherwise I strongly suggest you discuss these issues with Ryan Bufet, he has a degree in psychology, and offers free advice for college students. I’m certain he’d benefit you.”
I pondered that and without a word we both lit our cigarettes, we watched the dog and grasshoppers jump in the meadow. The grass thickened to the height of Derelict’s body. Only the top of his head was visible as he peeked above it and sniffed the air. I looked outward and thought a little more about my issues, then sat under an apple tree.
Paul joined me, and in a stern voice, said, “Please straighten out those thoughts of yours, because as long as you’re with my Kari, you had better get your life in order.”
Chapter 34
Bryan’s grandfather’s homestead was a perfect place to have a party. It was one hundred acres of ranchland that had a barn, stables, horse walking ring, and a huge two-story ranch house. The night air vibrated sound waves of Big Band music, playing from many stereo speakers on the patio lawn. Grandpa Bill strutted away from this circle of friends. He stood taller than ever, wearing a black 1930’s top hat, which fitted proudly on his head. He was dressed from head to toe in a dapper vintage suit adorned with an antique pocket watch that clipped to his waist pants.
“Glad you could make it,” Bill said to the four of us.
Paul gave him a tight hug, and then wished him a happy birthday.
Bill bowed before us and removed his hat. He swayed it across his waist, and then performed a soft shoe dance. He projected the grace and poise of actors we’d seen in an old movie. We applauded Bill as he danced on to his next guest.
The gathering was fun and I was impressed by the friendliness of Bryan’s family. Children danced on the lawn, played games together, formed a line creating a bridge with their arms, and, two by two, they wiggled through it. The host himself, Bryan’s father, guided us to our seats. Photographs were collaged on poster boards displayed at each table, along with wine and goblets. The aroma of a roasting pig turning in the rotisserie pit a few yards away had me yearning to taste the soft meat.
Joanne and Paul mingled with friends while Kari and I sipped our merlot wine. We laughed at Bill as he strode across the grounds carrying ten ‘old fart’ balloons, dancing by his friends and family.
Bill approached the podium and fastened the balloons to the base of a microphone, then released them to the air. “Attention, attention, my friends,” he sang out. “What a grand night this has been! Thanks to my son for giving me this fantastic evening. I am thrilled to be seventy-two years old. I’m so very proud to see all my grandchildren here, each one with their own unique personality. You all have given me great gifts of love. To my best buddy, Jim, who is a fantastic storyteller, especially when it came to the humongous fish he claimed to have hooked that got away. Thank you for decades of friendship. You’ve been there for the big catches, the small catches, even down to baiting my hook for me when my hands had stiffened and I was too stubborn to call it quits for the day. Now that’s a great friend in my book. Anyone who can do the mommy thing for you is all right. Just one more thing, after I cut this cake, there will be a special birthday dance. So, all you young ladies—those of you under fifty—line up and dance with me.”
Chapter 35
Rain, it’s always raining but it never seemed to wash anything away. My head is pounding with pain. I hate this baseball cap, I hate that I met Rick! I can’t handle these emotions, I can’t breathe, and I feel crushed like my body has been placed in a vice. I gotta get the hell out of here!
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Jay stepped out onto the path. His boots sank in the mud; the rainwater felt good pouring onto his body. Anxiously he touched the blue cloth that was wrapped tightly around his wrist. The two ends dangled there; it brought a tinge of excitement to his lower abdomen. A light shone just a few yards a head and he continued to walk south. The path seemed more difficult due to the mud that had now become thick sludge.
A couple of guys and a girl came out the back door of a saloon where the light shone on the patio. The girl leaned against the wall and made flirtatious moves on one of the guys. He slid her skirt up her thighs and lowered his pants midway down his ass. Thrusting his manliness inside her, he banged himself harder onto her body while she brought her sweet pelvis to him.
“Damn, this is great stuff,” Jay said, his cock erecting.
When they finished their sexual encounter, the three of them went back inside the bar. The door swung open again, and this time a young lady stepped out alone. She moved to the outer edge of the patio and leaned over the railing.
I would have preferred the first lady along with one of the men to fuck with me tonight. But as long as I get one piece of ass I’ll be happy, and she appears to be easy prey.
Jay bent down to pick up a rock. She hadn’t noticed him approach her until his foot hit the steps and the wood creaked loudly.
“Hey, sweetness, you’ve got yourself really drenched,” she said.
“Yeah, got myself a little drunk too, I suppose,” Jay improvised, while he held the rock in one hand behind his backside.
“Hey honey, you just take my trench coat and warm up your body,” she offered.
She pulled her arms from the coat sleeves. Jay moved with the utmost caution towards her pretending to assist her with the coat. Then took his hand from behind and hit her over the head with the rock, catching her as she fell onto his chest. Quickly he took out the gray tape, tore a piece from its roll and placed it over her mouth. He glanced from side to side as he hurried to check to see if any people were around; there was no one in sight. He then dragged her off the patio into the mud.
“Stand up, honey, you’ve had too much to drink,” Jay told her, trying to keep the situation playful. She was very confused, and unable to comprehend what just happened to her. They staggered together deeper into the woods. Surrounded by total blackness, Jay smiled up to the sky. “There, you’re doing well, honey.” He repeated this to her while looking for a private place for them to lie down.
He found a nice mossy patch of grass and dropped her body. She plopped into the wet moss as if she were doing a belly flop into a pool of water. Blood flowed from her wound on her head, trickling on her cheeks. She crinkled her face as her skin pulled taut, and recognized that there was tape over her mouth. Eyes now wide open, she was quite alert. Fearful, she kicked at his knee and tried to stand up.
Jay slugged her in the stomach then tied her lower legs together. A few more body jerks were all she had left. She closed her eyes and was unconscious again. He struggled to remove his own jacket. Finally, it was off and he rolled it into a ball and set it on a pile of leaves at the base of a tree trunk. With a tight grip, he took hold of her left arm and ever so slowly wrapped the rope encircling her wrist. Sexual excitement erupted in him as he did this task. Jay pulled the dangling end of the rope and tied it around the trunk of the tree. He grabbed her free arm then tied the final piece of rope to her other wrist.
What a beauty of a bitch entwined below me. Soon I will destroy her. Damn, I wanted both of them! The guy on the patio was pure delight, his hardness calling out to me. How I would have climaxed to his touch and then stabbed him.
Jay opened his knife, the blade’s steel shined in the darkness, cutting her pants at the seam, penetrating the skin just enough for blood droplets to seep through the fabric. Halfway through cutting the second pant leg, she awoke and kicked fiercely.
“You damn piece of shit!” Jay yelled. “Look what you’ve done. You’ve forced me to do this faster, now I am going to cut deeper. Is that what you like, do you want to bleed, do you want it rougher? Because I would love to hurt you more, and give that to you!”
She moaned, her eyes bulged, and tears streamed down her cheeks. When she attempted to move her arm, she discovered that she was unable to, and her fear transposed into the unimaginable fear.
He unzipped her pants, and removed the front piece where he had cut, which exposed her beautiful nakedness. Anxiously, Jay pulled down his own pants, and stood proudly in front of her, his erection pronounced. Bending with his head pressed against her stomach, he caressed her breasts. Lost in his own desires, he savored each movement.
The ropes strangled her arms and he took her. Banging her over and over again with utmost force, until he finally climaxed.
Jay inhaled a breath of air before he untied her wrists, then held her hand and tied a piece of thin string to his cock. The blue cloth still dangled from his wrist.
Gradually, he slid the cloth over the palm of his hand and placed it onto his eyes, blindfolding himself. That’s when he felt her blood ooze from the tiny cuts on her thigh, which sent him into euphoria.
Comfort, needing my comfort, something familiar, I am there.
He removed the blindfold then placed it over her eyes, letting it lay there to shield her from him.
Jay stared at her face—this bitch who gave him some brief comfort from his tortured mind. He gripped the knife handle with the blade pointing downward, swift and precise, he stabbed her right eye through the cloth. Her body jerked in response when he stabbed her dead center in the heart.
Rain, more rain, my mind is renewed with pleasure as I watch the water flow that washes away her blood.
Jay held the blue material and stroked it as if he just found his lost friend. He picked up her pants and placed them on her body where they had once lain. He looked up to the stars and felt elated. Minutes passed before he gazed back down and observed the disfigured changes in her lifeless body. Without warning, his mood altered, he became distraught with sadness, not wanting to leave her. He laid his head on her chest, gave her a light hug then said goodbye.
At the base of the tree he recalled the long coat that was once hers. Jay shook it out before he slid his arms through the sleeves. Satisfied, almost numb, he forced himself to walk away.
Chapter 36
The flight from Sacramento, California back to Portland went smoothly. John and Bo Bo’s plane landed on schedule. The funeral ceremony for Jack was beautiful, just as his family was with their hospitality. Ryan Bufet had drunk a fair share of the whiskey and wept with such emotion that it rippled through the hearts of the other musicians who had once performed with Jack. So many people enjoyed the childhood stories shared by Jack’s daughter. Especially one told in depth of the free music lessons her father gave to neighborhood children. Further stating that Jack believed in the soul of music, that is what motivated others, and not money. The closed procession at the gravesite as everyone held hands and prayed together, ended the journey into heaven.
Bo Bo dropped off John at his house, and then pressed the accelerator to the floor and drove full speed to Steven’s house to get Derelict.
Tires screeched in the driveway, when his car came to a dead stop. Bo Bo flung open the driver’s door and ran to the backyard. The little dog ran to him barking a grand hello.
I heard the commotion of noise and went to see what the hell was going on. Derelict hadn’t acted in this manner before.
“Hey man, sorry to freak you out but I didn’t want to knock on the front door. Couldn’t wait, ya know, had to see my dog,” Bo Bo said.
“No problem, I certainly understand now why you care so much for this little guy. I really loved coming home after my day to be greeted by him.”
Once the two of them settled down from their playtime, I led the way into the patio room, picked up my guitar, and began to play a new song I had just finished composing.
“That has a real smooth sound to it,” Bo Bo said.
“I blended a bit of the old jazz with a touch of my own sweet melancholy style.” I played softly while Bo Bo shared his experience with Jack’s family in Sacramento. “Jack’s youngest granddaughter climbed up on my lap, she hugged my neck then started singing a song. Although I didn’t recognize it, her sweet voice of harmony filled me with affection. Made my heart skip a beat, ya know, lucky man that Jack was. Such a shame he’s gone.”
I held silent for several moments, without words or music. Bo Bo sat still with his eyes closed as his hand rested on Derelict.
* * * *
The next morning felt incredible as I made my way along the sidewalk to the Bygone Era Club. It was great being back on our practice schedule. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it until this very moment. I swung open the door and purposely let it strike the outer wall. I practically danced inside the club. I was beyond excited to play.
“Hey, who the hell do you think you are coming in here acting like that?” John jokingly yelled at me.
My obvious enthusiasm beamed forth. “I’m the guitarist!”
“And I’m the drummer!” Bo Bo joined in.
“Well, you two better get on stage and start practicing,” John said.
It was a fantastic feeling as we welcomed each other back prior to getting on stage.
Bo Bo beat his drum louder, the cello was being tuned, and I held my guitar smiling. John waited until I was comfortable in my seat, then he asked me to play my new composition.
“You know which one,” Bo Bo said. “That melancholy ditty of a song you played for me on your patio yesterday. I can’t get enough of that tune. It keeps repeating itself over and over in my head. That’s how I know it’s damn good. I went through a few notes with John late last night, and he’s anxious to hear it.”
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