"Over here, man." Freddy, one of my favorite residents from St. Marks waved me over. "We saved you a seat and got you a present."
I rolled my eyes as he extended his hand, his thick finger wrapped around a bundle of one dollar bills. "You think the type of woman I plan on fucking in the bathroom tonight is going to be impressed with such small bills?"
"Oh Gawd." Darek, one of the surgeons I worked with gave me a look. "Please tell me you're kidding. Do you know how many germs there are in a bathroom?"
I snatched up the bills and grabbed a beer from the bucket of them in the center of the table. "I'll make sure to sanitize my cock before and after. Sound good?"
The table erupted in laughter, and the tension in my chest released. I was with friends for the night, and I was, without a doubt, getting laid by a woman who knew her way around a man.
"Where's Aiden?" I glanced back toward the bar to see Jackson flirting with the bartender. He always had to go after the most challenging lay in the room. It was almost a game to him.
"You know Elizabeth isn't going to let him come to a titty bar." Freddy reached over and gripped the back of my shoulder, squeezing tightly as he leaned closer and whispered. "He'll stop by on his way home. Just don't tell on him."
I shook my head. "I don't know why he settled down."
"Have you seen Elizabeth?"
"Yeah, she's beautiful, but still." I took a long drink of my beer. "Complete ball and chain. Not worth the effort."
"You don't think anyone is worth the effort." Darek glanced over his shoulder and smiled. "Now, get up front. We all made a pact on who you would pick tonight."
"You've already seen the girls?" I turned back to my friends and smiled.
"Nope, but you've got a type." Freddy moved around me to extend his hand to Jackson. My best friend was the only one of my friends not in the medical field. "Hey, Jackson. What you know, man?"
"I don't have a type." I took another sip of my beer and turned to see my mentor, Aiden Crawford walk through the door of the club.
"Sure you do." Darek smiled. "She's gotta be alive and has more plastic than a bottling company."
"Fuck you too." I flipped him off and walked toward Aiden.
He nodded toward my lifted hand. "That for me?"
I smiled. "You're not that lucky." I extended my hand toward him. "You bring Lizzy with you?"
He chuckled. "No, and I'm not staying. I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I'm here if you need me."
"Here? Like at the titty bar? It doesn’t really fit your style, old man."
He gripped my hand tightly as a smirk played at the corner of his mouth. "Make me proud at Boston Gen, okay? Do what you need to do and come back home."
I shook his hand and nodded. "I feel like I'm about blast the fuck off into space. Do I need to give a short speech or anything?"
"No, you cocky bastard." He released my hand and patted my chest as his eyes darkened a little. There was no one I respected more than Aiden. He was a god in the operating room and was brilliant with technique and precise with his skill. Everyone at St. Mark's wanted to be Aiden Crawford - even me.
And I would. One day.
"Anything else?" I gripped his forearm as he wrapped his fingers around the side of my neck as he had a hundred times. The man was like an older brother to me. I wanted his approval, and I had it.
"Yes. Don't fuck with my sister. She's been through a lot, and she's just the kind of woman that would excite a sick fuck like you." He squeezed the side of my neck, leaving me a little uncomfortable. "Support her. Teach and train her staff, but don't you dare touch her."
"Dude. Your sister is old like you, right? I'm into younger women. They're pliable. You guys are stuck in your ways, and if we're being honest," I leaned closer and smiled like a tomcat. "Boooooring."
He smiled and released me, patting me on the chest again. "I'm serious. She and Gwen are all I have left in the world for family. Don't do something you'll regret."
I held up a boy scout sign, hoping I was getting the damn thing right. "On scout’s honor."
"That doesn't work unless you were a scout, idiot." He moved to the side a little and waved at the guys at the table before turning back to me. "Be on time. Be precise. Show them what we've trained you to be at St. Marks. No fucking around with the nurses like you do here."
"Alright, Dad. I think I got it." I winked and crossed my arms over my chest. "Tell Lizzy I said hey."
"Not a chance." He gave me one more stern look and turned to walk out, calling over his shoulder, "I'm here if you need anything. Just a call away."
I stood there for a minute, taking in his advice, his warning, and his offer. I wouldn't mess with his sisters, either one of them. He meant too much to me, and I'd been honest about not liking older women. They were too fucking bossy or insanely confident. I wasn't interested in either.
Sluts were the name of the game. Easy in and out. No commitment and no chance of getting my balls, my wallet and my heart pulled through a ringer.
"That go well?" Jackson moved up beside me, his eyes locked on the door where Aiden had left moments before.
"Yep. He said to stay away from his sister." I smiled over at him. "Some part of me wants her even more now."
He laughed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, turning us and walked us back toward the guys as the first girl made her way out on stage. "Have you seen this broad?"
"Nope." I pulled away from him and moved up to the stage, smiling up at the platinum blond as I pulled out a one dollar bill and waved it in the air. "And I don't need to see her. I'm going for the young, dumb, insecure ones."
"Cause they make you feel better about yourself?" He lifted his hand with a hundred dollar bill clasped between his fingers.
Asshole. Always trying to show someone up.
The girl snatched my bill and moved over to him and tugged his from his fingers slowly, seductively. She knelt down in front of Jackson and smiled, her tits spilling out of the tiny blue bikini-like top she had on. "Want a lap dance, baby?"
I snorted. "You just gotta be first, don't you?"
He glanced at me and winked. "You gotta up the ante sometimes, Parks. Shit or get off the pot, right? You're not going to land this older woman with little boy tricks."
"I don't wanna land her. I want a slut, like this girl." I nodded toward the girl as my mood darkened. Jackson had no room to talk about growing up. He was a playboy billionaire that still fucked a different girl each night, and most of them in his high dollar office with the world watching from the windows.
He turned back to the girl and pulled out another hundred. "Two hundred for a quick fuck for my friend here?"
"Absolutely." She snatched the money and jumped off the stage, grabbing my hand and tugging me back toward the darkest part of the club.
I gripped her hand tightly and jerked, pulling her back and wrapping an arm around her to steady her. "I don't need you taking the lead, princess."
"Then you take it," she whispered and ran her hand down my chest to cup my dick. Her dark red fingernails matched her lipstick and should have been a turn on, but it wasn't.
"I just did." I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, dominating the kiss as she melted against me. My eyes fluttered closed, and I imagined her to be someone worthy of my time and attention, the kind of woman I would give up my wanton bullshit for. I had no doubt that girl existed somewhere, but I was unwilling to go in search of her. She'd have to exist somewhere in the recess of my mind.
"Let's go to the back." She nipped at my lips, her blue eyes filled with lust.
"No. Let’s fuck here." I dropped down in a chair close to the edge of the stage and reached for my zipper. "Make it look like a lap dance, and I'll throw in an extra hundred. Make me come before you do, and I'll throw in five hundred."
She laughed and looked around as if I were kidding. "Really? Right here?"
"You're a slut. You're used to a crowd watching you get off." I pulled a c
ondom from my pocket and bit the edge of the packaging. "It's a big dick though. You're going to have to work hard to hide it firstly, and not soak it too quickly. You down?"
I pulled the rubber out and slipped my hand into my slacks to grab my cock. My erection had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with the thrill of an exhibition. My job was the only thing that left my blood really pumping as of late, so fucking in public seemed rather appetizing.
"Fine. You're on." She turned and rolled her hips, moving to stand in front of me as I pulled my dick out and slid the rubber down it. It was just dark enough, and there was far too much going on up on the stage for anyone to pay us much attention at all.
"You're going down, baby." I reached up and gripped her hips as she leaned forward and dug her fake nails into my thighs. She wrapped her hand around my cock and tugged her panties to the side with her free hand.
I leaned back and held on tightly as she let out a long yelp as she slid down my thick shaft. "You're so big. I'm not sure I can-"
"Hush. Save your breath for pants and moans." I lifted my hips and filled her loose slit with the rest of my cock before patting the side of her ass once I hit home. "Get busy. You know the rules."
She lifted up and slammed back down, dancing and rolling her hips as she fucked herself good. I reached up and cupped my hands behind my head, watching her until I grew bored. I glanced over at the table to find my friends watching me with confused looks.
Freddy tilted his head to the side and gave me a look. He mouthed, 'Is she fucking you?'
I smiled and shrugged. I wasn't the kiss and tell type.
"Don't stop." I gripped a cheek of her thick ass and lifted my hips as she hovered above me, shaking a little and panting loudly.
"Just a minute. I'm so close. I don't want to lose."
"Sorry, but I have people waiting on me." I pulled her back down and rolled my hips as she exploded, convulsing and jerking above me.
I reached around to grab one of her tits and pumped my hips a few times, forcing myself to release just to take the edge off a little.
Life was about to change drastically, and even if I played it off well in front of everyone else, I was fucked up on the inside.
I'd been in New York my whole goddamn life. What in the world did Boston have to offer?
Chapter 2
Ansley
"Clamp," I barked out and extended my hand. The patient below me was doing well, but time was of the essence. It always was.
"Clamp." Doctor Bayes extended the clamp to me and nodded. "Doing great, Ansley. Almost there." He was an older gentleman and had been on my side since the day my residence ended. Even after passing him up for promotion to head of Neurology.
Soft jazz music played from the speakers above my head, and I let myself go to the calm place I always went to in the middle of surgery. It steadied my hand and allowed me to focus. There was no room for memories or guilt there. Only me and my instruments.
I wrapped up the surgery and glanced up to find Henry watching me with a smile on his face. It was barely noticeable thanks to his goggles and face mask, but I knew the look well. It was that of a proud father. Something I didn't have anywhere else in my life. I was grateful for it.
"Another one bites the dust." I smiled and turned, extending my hands to the nurse waiting behind me.
"I hate that phrase," he mumbled, and we all chuckled. He would close up the patient with sutures and staples, freeing me to relax for the rest of the afternoon.
"Great job. I've never seen such a swelling." The nurse smiled up at me and nodded. "You're very good at what you do, Ansley."
"Doctor Crawford," I reminded her. "And thank you. I've been doing it a while now."
"Yes, ma'am." She offered a warm smile, and I was slightly grateful that I hadn't offended her. I'd worked damn hard for my title, and I expected people to use it. She was new and doing a great job. It was good to know she wasn't sensitive in the slightest, but then again, she was a little older than me. Life had a way of toughening you up and making things less about you day by day.
I walked to the sink and scrubbed my hands as a shadow fell across the room. I glanced over my shoulder to find Nolan standing on the other side, his hands in his pockets. His dark brown eyes were filled with question, and by the hint of sadness on his face, I figured whatever he wanted, it wasn't good.
Hell, it hadn't been good in just over a year. Our divorce had been messy and beyond painful, but it was done, and the dust was starting to settle. At least for me, it was.
I patted my hands dry and walked out into the hallway where he waited. "Dr. Reigns."
"Ansley. I need a minute." He started to reach for me when I stopped in front of him but dropped his hands. There were so many things left unspoken between us.
"With me or without me?" I smiled, trying to lighten the mood just a little.
"With you." He nodded behind me. "To my office, please."
"Of course." I followed behind him, pulling out my phone and checking for messages. My brother, Aiden had been texting off and on about a new surgeon that was transferring from his team to mine. I was less than thrilled with the transfer, but it wasn't my call, and no one was listening to my concerns.
Jacob "Parks" Parker. The playboy of St. Marks. He brought more women to life than he saved on the operating table in a week from what I knew. Doctor Feelgood. I crinkled my nose in disgust and dropped my phone back into my pocket. How anyone would put up with a cocky, young slut of a doctor in their OR was beyond me. Especially someone as staunch as my older brother, Aiden.
He was head of Neurology at St. Marks in New York and was respected by everyone in our community, and for a good reason. He was brilliant, steady and a strong leader in the community. I only wanted to follow in his footsteps, and I was headed that way fast.
Nolan walked into his office and held the door open for me. I walked in and let out a soft yelp as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me flush against him.
The thick press of his cheek against mine coupled with the dark need in his beautiful eyes left my heart aching.
"We don't have to do this." He ran his thumb over my cheek as he cupped the side of my face. "If you want children, we'll adopt, Ansley."
"Nolan. Don't." I pulled his hand from my face and ignored the pounding of my heart. He was everything I wanted in my life, and yet... he wasn't enough. I wanted children of my own, and he'd fooled me for nine years into thinking he did too. Deceptive bastard. "You know why we're not together anymore."
"And it's silly." He tugged the blinds down on his door and reached for me again. "You made love to me last week. Do you really want to let this go? Nine years of being so good together."
"We've been apart for a year, and-"
"And it's been horrible. Sleeping together when we're both too lonely to stand another night alone?" He leaned down and wrapped a strong arm around me, pinning me to the place I used to love most. "Please stop this madness."
"What's gotten into you? You know that we're done." I pressed my hands to his chest but didn't pull back.
Everything I loved about him came roaring to life inside of me. I wanted to forgive him for slipping me birth control and manipulating our sex with my cycle, for getting a vasectomy without talking with me about it first, but I couldn't. He was a wonderful man in a million ways and a monster in one, but that one way broke my spirit. At thirty-five I was childless and divorced. The two things I wanted in life more than anything else had been snatched out of my grasp and the fallout resulted in a cold, hard, angry version of myself.
"Your name change finally came through." He brushed his nose by mine and closed his eyes. "It just brought reality crashing in." He took a shallow breath, and my heart broke for the millionth time. "I'll get a reversal, and we'll try if that's what you want. I don't want to do this without you. You know that."
I reached up and touched the side of his face, pulling him down into a warm, loving kiss. I wanted to melt against him
, but I knew I could never trust him again. Not ever. Nothing could undo what he'd done.
"I'll transfer hospitals if you want me to, Nolan." I moved back, gathering my strength for the moment. "I can go away. It will help. Having me here, right under your nose is not going to allow either of us to heal."
"I don't want to heal." Anger filled his face. "It was a selfish mistake. I deserve forgiveness. Everyone gets a second chance. Why don't I?"
It was the same conversation we'd had a million times over the last year of our separation.
"And how many times am I supposed to forgive you?" My own fury rushed to aid me in the familiar fight. "Am I just supposed to sweep under the rug all the times you fucked up my chances of getting pregnant? You lied to me over and over, Nolan. You didn't mess up once. You deceived me over and over for nine goddamn years." My voice was shrill, and I was close to tears - again. "You would never put up with that. Not even one time."
"I don't want children. I never have."
"I'm aware." I ground my teeth together as every muscle in my body locked into place. So much for resting for the rest of the afternoon. "That would have been great information to have before we got married."
"Don't start this again." He reached out and gripped my shoulders. "I love you with a passion you're not going to find anywhere else. Why is that not enough?"
"Because I want a family, Nolan. I lost my parents years ago. I want to relive that in my own life. That bond that I had with my mother. With my father." Tears blurred my gaze as the memory of losing the people I loved most raced through my mind. My brother's screams filled my head like they always did. My strong, intelligent, brave older brother - crumpled on the floor, screaming so loud I thought my ears would bleed. "I can't do this. I won't."
"Ansley." He moved to the door as I jerked out of his hold and turned to leave. "You're thirty-five years old. You're not going to find someone for another few years and then kids?" His tone was cold. Clinical. Mean. "Having a child at thirty-eight or older isn't safe. Not for you or the baby. What if he has a deformity and has to live with that for the rest of his life? All because of your selfishness?"
Mister Big Stuff_A Single Mom Friends to Lovers Novel Page 99