by Lisa Lutz
1 I paid for his ticket, since it was my blackmail.
2 See, I was learning something.
3 (1953.) Yes, that’s really what it is. Rauschenberg erased de Kooning’s drawing. The museum guard explained it to me. That’s the kind of art I can get behind.
1 If you’ve found something that works, why quit?
1 A website dedicated to uniting people with their painful past.
2 Could it be there were 610 fairydusts before her?
3 Just that one time, but it seemed worth mentioning. I wonder what Jake Hand is up to these days.
4 Including all twelve Dr. Ira sessions.
5 David was, in fact, referring to the 1960s’ original boy band. His disdain for this group is both legend and incredibly tiresome.
6 I went to her MySpace page hoping for some explanation for her name, Lavae. Apparently, her father named her after an ex-girlfriend, only the ex-girlfriend’s name was Ravae. Thanks, that clears things up.
7 I should admit that I learned the word while Henry was quizzing Rae for her PSATs six months ago.
1 The 1944 film, starring Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, and, most importantly, Joseph Cotten, in which a husband drives his wife mad by altering her environment.
2 Yes, there are bylaws.
1 You’ll soon learn why.
2 These aren’t instructions. Don’t, like, try this at home. That would really annoy me.
1 A legal term, basically saying that the defendant (Rae) deprived the plaintiff (me) of the use of my property. Punishable at the very least with compensatory measures.
1 David informed his clients of this fact, but to keep the news quiet from his family, David had the main receptionist tell callers that he was out.
1 For years I’d encouraged Petra to lose the wig collection—I think it sends a bad message to customers. I’ve quieted on this matter since discovering I can make some use of the collection.
2 Spellmans do, of course. After my first surveillance, at age twelve, I generally assumed it was possible I was being followed.
3 Of all the activities she could pursue on a whim, this had to be among the least perilous for everyone concerned.
4 Sorry, I’ve actually lost my long-term count. But it’s only the second one of the day, if that clears anything up for you.
1 Translation: randomly swapping them around.
1 See previous document, Curse of the Spellmans—now available in paperback!
1Not something I make a habit of.
2 Remember, the political consultant who tried to bribe me?
1 I would later learn that it was.
2 Yes, I was aware that I couldn’t make such a promise.
1 Actually, not true.
2 Apparently a Texan delicacy and not Rae’s original recipe, as she had claimed.
3 If it’s a holiday party, use only red and green.
1 I think you know why.
2 Also Jason Fuller!
3 Now located in Santa Monica, not Beverly Hills (sheesh, I’m going to start charging for ad space, Dan).
4 This usually involves a half-hour conversation in which he retells the story in his own words to prove that he’s read it. It’s quite amusing and an excellent refresher.
5 The mastermind behind Rae’s unfortunate recipes.
6 No, there’s no team. But I’m not entirely opposed to the idea.