She turned another page. “This is unbelievable. That man has more talent than I realized.” She flipped to the next page, and her heart nearly stopped. “I made that cake in September. There’s no way Aden could have seen it.” She looked up at James and Dorothy. “You’re the only ones who could’ve told him about it.”
“Wasn’t me,” James said. “I don’t remember ever seeing that one.”
Dorothy brought her infant out from the flap of her cape. “I need to put this little guy down for his nap.”
“Dorothy, wait.” Mattie stood. “You know something.”
She looked to her husband as if asking to be rescued, but James just shrugged. Her face contorted into an apology. “That must be Gideon’s doing.”
Mattie’s heart skipped. “But a few cakes I made last year are included, up to a few months before the shop burned. How would he know what to tell Aden to draw?”
Dorothy juggled her sleeping baby on her shoulder. “He, uh … used to come by here sometimes.”
Mattie shot a glare at her. “I figured that out before I returned here, but I never saw him.”
James stroked his beard. “He didn’t want to upset you. He always stopped by while you were gone and asked how you were doing. If you left your book here, he’d take a peek at it. He’d do it casual-like, as if he was just curious, but we knew the truth.”
And so did Mattie—Gideon loved her more than she’d ever hoped for. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
James went to the stove and poured a cup of coffee. “You’d been here about a year when he made his first visit. It only took a glance at him to know he was as weak as a kitten. We never talked about it, but when I saw him so sick, I finally understood why he broke up with you.” He took a sip of the hot, black liquid. “You were seeing Sol by then. Mattie Cakes was growing by leaps and bounds. And I respected what he was trying to do.”
“We just want you to find the right man,” Dorothy said. “If that’s Sol, we’re happy for you. He’s a nice guy. We don’t care for him the way we do Gideon, but we’d be honored to have him as a brother-in-law … if …”
“If what?”
James set his cup down hard. “If you haven’t chosen him merely because he’s a great guy who is incapable of breaking your heart.”
With her heart pounding so hard she thought it might explode, Mattie looked through the book again. The fog that’d been so thick for more than a week began to lift. As hard as she’d tried to love someone else, her heart still belonged to Gideon.
But it was too late now.
“Knock, knock,” Sol called as he came in the front door.
And she knew what had to be done. “Excuse me.” Mattie went into the living room. “You’re back earlier than I expected.”
“I know. My watch stopped, and I wasn’t sure of the time, so I came on back. It wouldn’t do to make you angry on the one day we both know belongs under your rules.”
“My rules?” she whispered. Was that all that motivated him to be here for the family Christmas Eve meal and her birthday?
She wondered if he remembered their first date. Or the first cake she’d made him. He probably didn’t think such things mattered. And he’d be right. It didn’t make any difference, because she wasn’t in this relationship to be honored or loved. She just wanted companionship and convenience. Someone to spend a little time with when they finally looked up from the things they were passionate about—cake making and hunting. A man to tell others she was seeing while she kept her heart a safe distance from him. He didn’t even know how to search for it. And she didn’t blame him.
But Sol deserved to find someone who loved him the way she loved Gideon. Her Mamm was right—if she stayed for the wrong reasons, she’d hurt Sol, Gideon, and herself.
She picked up his coat off the couch and hung it on a peg. “Sol, could you sit with me for a few minutes?”
He removed his camouflage-colored toboggan. “Sure.” He sat on the couch. “This doesn’t sound good, so get to the point. Aim for the target and shoot.”
She tried to focus all her thoughts and emotions into one sentence that would make sense. “I’d rather have one day of giving love and being truly loved than a lifetime of convenient and comfortable.”
He raked his hands through his unwashed hair. “Gideon.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I knew when I came to the hospital and saw him holding your hand that it’d be easy for him to win you back.”
“And you cared enough to come to Pennsylvania to check on me.”
“That should count for something.”
“It does.”
“But not enough?” He searched her eyes, looking for answers.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, feeling as if she needed to say it a thousand more times.
He sighed. “I’ve learned a lot from being with you. Even figured out how to talk to girls.” He gave a slight chuckle. “Maybe now I can go to singings on my own and carry on a real conversation.”
She touched his hand. “If you do, I’m sure you’ll find the right girl for you.”
“It won’t be Katie King.” He shuddered, and they both laughed. “If it doesn’t work out with Gideon, you know where to find me.”
“Ya.” She smiled. “In a tree stand with a bow, gun, or muzzleloader.” She pressed her apron with her hand. “Can you forgive me?”
He stood. “Maybe next week.” His lopsided smile let her know he’d be fine without her. He grabbed his coat and went toward the door.
“You could stay and eat with us.”
“I’m not hungry. Tell your family Merry Christmas for me.” He gazed into her eyes. “And be happy, Mattie.”
“Denki.” She closed the door behind him, praying he’d find the right woman. Within minutes peace for him removed her concern, and her thoughts turned to Gideon.
The cold night air didn’t stir, and the stars shone brightly in the clear sky as Gideon walked from his rig toward the Stoltzfuses’ barn. The lyrics from “Silent Night” reverberated around him. It was the one night of the year that they sang some of the songs in English.
The promise he’d made to Mattie Lane was only half the reason he came to the singings every Christmas Eve. The other half was his hope that she’d return to him.
But it was time to let go. She knew everything she needed to, and she’d chosen Sol. On the one hand, that was what he wanted for her. On the other, he longed to spend whatever time he had left on this planet by her side.
He’d considered not coming to this singing, but he needed a way of saying a final good-bye to the hopes and dreams of sharing a life with Mattie Lane.
He opened the small door inside the huge sliding door and walked into the barn. Much as they did in church, the females sat on benches on one side, males on the other. This time they were facing each other, and he took a seat on a bench toward the back.
Omar, who came to every singing as part of his responsibilities as bishop, brought him an Ausbund, an Amish book of songs written in German. He put one hand on Gideon’s shoulder and squeezed.
Everyone now knew about his battle with leukemia. After his secret was divulged to Mattie, he had no reason to keep living a lie. He confessed his sin to the congregation, and Omar, as the church’s authority figure, forgave him. Gideon had to show signs of repentance, and Omar’s edict said he must be the lead carpenter on a new mission home. Every two to three years, the Amish community collected money and worked together to build a place for a homeless non-Amish family. These mission homes were a way of helping the poor and building good relations with Englischers.
Gideon had intended to help build the house anyway, and Omar knew it. Making him the lead carpenter was an honor—one that would help put the name of Beiler Construction in the news. Omar knew that too.
Gideon closed his eyes, grateful to finally be forgiven for the lie he’d told. Never again would he be so foolish as to think he could control anyone or anything through false word
s. He’d speak truth always and pray for God’s strength over those who might struggle under the weight of the truth.
He joined in on the chorus.
“Silent night, holy night. All is calm …”
The girls stopped singing and stared at the back of the barn, whispering. Some of the guys stopped too, turning to see what had their attention. Gideon looked behind him.
Mattie Lane.
She smiled warmly, and he knew … she’d come back to him. He went toward her, and she opened her arms. He wrapped her in a tight embrace. Tears stung his eyes, and he couldn’t find his voice.
She backed away, caressing his face with her hands. “Mackenzie brought me in exchange for me promising that I’d tell you the full truth.”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I love you, Gideon Beiler.”
He pulled her close, not caring about the unspoken rules of proper behavior. Unable to find his voice, he pressed his lips against hers. He still had no idea how much time he had left—maybe a lifetime.
But whatever God gave them, it was enough.
3-LAYER STRAWBERRIES-AND-CREAM CAKE
2 cups sugar
1 small package strawberry gelatin
1 cup butter, softened
4 eggs
2¾ cups cake flour
2½ teaspoons baking powder
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ cup strawberries, puréed
Preheat oven to 350°. Grease and flour three 9-inch, round cake pans. In a large mixing bowl, beat sugar, gelatin, and butter until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time, beating after each. Mix the flour and baking powder together, and add to the sugar mixture in two parts, alternating with the milk and beating after each addition. Fold in vanilla and puréed strawberries. Divide equally into the three cake pans.
Bake for 25 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes in the pans, then remove from the pans and cool completely.
Filling:
1½ cups heavy whipping cream
2 tablespoons sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla
1½ cups fresh strawberries, sliced
Beat the whipping cream, sugar, and vanilla until stiff. Cover the bottom and middle cake layer each with ? of the whipped cream and ¾ cup sliced strawberries. Set aside remaining whipped cream.
Frosting:
½ cup butter, softened
8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
4 cups powdered sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla
1½ cup fresh strawberries, halved or quartered
Beat the butter, cream cheese, powdered sugar, and vanilla until creamy. Spread frosting around the sides of the cake. Make a pretty piping of frosting along the top edge of the cake. Gently spread remaining whipped cream on cake top. Decorate top with strawberries.
ORANGE COCONUT CAKE
1½ sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature
1¼ cups sugar
4 eggs, at room temperature; separate yolks and whites
2 cups cake flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
½ cup buttermilk or coconut milk
1 teaspoon coconut extract
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
Preheat oven to 350°. Grease and flour two 9-inch, round cake pans, or place parchment paper circles coated with flour in the bottom of the pans.
Beat butter until light and fluffy. Gradually add sugar, beating constantly until thoroughly mixed. Add yolks, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Sift flour with baking powder and salt. Add the dry ingredients to the butter mixture in two parts, alternating with buttermilk or coconut milk. Beat in the coconut extract and lemon zest.
In a separate mixing bowl, beat egg whites until medium-firm peaks form. Fold one third of the egg whites into the batter, then fold in the remaining whites.
Divide batter between the pans, and bake on the middle rack of the oven about 30 minutes. Cool in pans on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove from pans and finish cooling completely. Decorate with buttercream frosting.
Orange Buttercream Frosting
1 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature
16-ounce bag powdered sugar
4 teaspoons grated orange zest
orange food coloring
Whip butter and sugar together until perfectly smooth. Add grated zest one teaspoon at a time and blend well. Add orange food coloring one drop at a time until the desired shade is achieved.
RECIPES PROVIDED BY SHERRY GORE
Sherry Gore is the author of An Amish Bride’s Kitchen, the editor of Cooking and Such magazine and The Pinecraft Pauper, and a contributing writer for the national edition of The Budget. She is a member of a Beachy Amish Mennonite church and makes her home in Sarasota with her family.
Sherry enjoys corresponding with reader friends everywhere. She can be contacted at www.SherryGoreBooks.com or via e-mail at [email protected].
Acknowledgments
To Jeffry J. Bizon, MD, OB/GYN—Much like your patients, I rely on your expertise and on your tender, caring spirit. Whether you have been in the middle of a busy workday or enjoying downtime with your wonderful family or finishing another umpteen-mile run, you have always made time to answer my numerous questions, even before my first book was contracted. My gratitude to you and Kathy is deep.
To Rachel Esh, my energetic and good-humored Old Order Amish friend—I’m so grateful that you’re open to my many questions, that you’re willing to make time to return my calls, and that you own a dry goods store with a community phone! You keep showing up in my books because you are a fascinating and unique person. I hope you never change! Thank you for inviting me into your life.
To everyone at WaterBrook Multnomah, from marketing to sales to production to editorial—You are incredible!
To my expert in the Pennsylvania Dutch language, who wishes to remain anonymous—May an unexpected someone cross your path who gives as selflessly to you as you have to me.
To our dear, lifelong friend Catherine Logan
Your faith is strong and stalwart, yet you understand
the winds of change that sweep through the soul.
You’ve spent a lifetime going out of your way
to help those who need or seek a transition.
You’ve tirelessly planted seeds of hope and courage
in every person blessed to come into contact with you,
and since I was a teen, I’ve considered it a privilege to call you a friend.
As my youth fades a little more each day,
and I see the past with perfect clarity,
I honor your wisdom and counsel and strength even more today.
You own a piece of my heart.
Muffled voices drifted through the living room, but Sadie couldn’t make out the words. She sat in a ladder back, avoiding Daniel’s gaze by staring into a fireplace with its few fading embers. Family members, hers and Daniel’s, peered at her with eyes full of pity and shock.
When Daniel had made his intentions known, folks whispered behind her back that little Sadie Yoder had finally snagged someone’s attention and she better hold on for dear life. She knew that was true, but she hadn’t cared what people thought, not one whit. Daniel Miller had moved to Brim from Tussey Mountain a year earlier, and he’d fallen in love.
With her.
Her, of all people. The one best known for being a quiet stick of a girl who caught no man’s eye.
Every day that passed she’d thought her heart might explode from the joy of falling in love. When he’d asked her to marry him, well, she’d all but fainted from the excitement.
Daniel wasn’t just any man. He was above her in every way. He was handsome and had a deep voice, strong shoulders, and a way of winning people’s respect. At twenty-four, only five years older than she, he already had an established horse-trading business. She’d fully believed in him and felt honored he’d chosen her.
Now …
She lifted her eyes to meet his, and heartbreak stole her breath. If her legs could carry her, she’d get up and walk out.
“Forgive me.” Daniel’s lips barely moved, his whisper meant for no one but her. He looked as shocked and hurt by his behavior as she was.
She turned her attention back to the stone fireplace. It stood silent, the pile of gray-and-black ashes smoldering from a fire that once burned hot. A perfect depiction of her life.
A blur of crisp magenta folds swirled in front of her, and her cousin Aquilla knelt beside her chair. Aquilla’s perfect oval face radiated beauty. Her blond hair framed her head like a halo, and her green eyes were mesmerizing. And all of it was able to steal Daniel’s heart before Sadie caught a hint of what was happening.
“Please, Sadie.”
Please? What was Aquilla thinking? Did she hope Sadie could also be convinced of her lie? Or did she want Sadie to have the power to erase their betrayal? their indulgence? their sin?
Daniel had been a perfect gentleman with Sadie, but what she’d witnessed less than an hour ago proved he was not unfamiliar with a woman’s body. She could still see his hands embracing Aquilla, caressing her in a way that would haunt Sadie for years.
She had invited Aquilla two months ago to come from out of town to help prepare for the wedding. What a fool she’d been.
Aquilla clasped her delicate hands over Sadie’s stained ones. “It wasn’t as it looked. I promise. You misunderstood.”
That was a lie. One Aquilla had already repeated a few times, no doubt hoping it would save her from gossip and from looking like the betrayer she was. Sadie kept her gaze fixed on the fireplace, wishing she could escape like smoke up a chimney. Everyone would leave later, but how many would be unsure of what she’d actually seen? This would be her only chance to defend herself against Aquilla’s lies to Daniel’s family, but the words begged to stay hidden.
A mere hour earlier Sadie had been making last-minute alterations to her wedding dress. As daylight grew faint, she’d needed a new propane tank for the gas pole light in her bedroom. She hadn’t even known Daniel had arrived for a visit. As she’d crossed the backyard, she’d breathed in the fall air and enjoyed the red and yellow leaves of maple and birch trees.
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